The Long Dark Hallway (Soldier's Thoughts)

I'm standing alone in a long dark hallway.

 The silence is so loud that it almost drowns out my thoughts.

 So many things have happened to me that I don't completely understand. I feel paralyzed by fear, and unable to move forward.




But I don't have a choice, I must walk down this hallway... alone

As l walk, I feel as though I'm a specimen in a museum, as though I'm on display for all the world to see. Not like a popular exhibit that children flock to see and exclaim in awe over, but rather a sideshow oddity that children cower away from, and adult look down at disapprovingly. I feel the scrutiny from every single angle... even from myself. I tried to block out all these painful thoughts directed towards me. 



But I can't... I'm still walking... limping down this hallway... alone. 



I walk passed a section that is painted brightly with the red, white, and blue of the country that I love, and have sworn to defend... Words can't describe how proud I am that I have the honor to defend those I love... But there's something here too. Something not right; something dark and haunting... 






I begin to feel tears welling up in my eyes because everything that I've pushed for, everything that I spent my blood, my sweat, and my will... begins to feel empty... fickle.... betrayal...

I'm startled out of my thoughts by a sign being pounded against the wall of the hallway. It says, "Man up!  Don't be a bitch!" "There's no place for emotion in soldiers!" "you call yourself a soldier?" I tried to swallow my panic that I'm letting someone down... 


But I begin shaking, under this weight, as I continue down this hallway.... alone.




I begin to look to the walls for relief, a place to rest, maybe sleep for a few minutes to escape from all the stress that it building up in my chest... I feel like such a weakling. I'm a soldier, I shouldn't have to ask for help, I should be able to carry this weight... this isn't heavy. I feel like I'm letting down my country, my family, my wife, and my friends... but who can I turn to? 






I'm stuck in this hallway all by myself... There's no help in sight, or a door to get out. Always on display, never able to rest... 

As I continue to walk, I see the silhouette of something hanging from the ceiling... something cold, and dark... something sinister, just like me... 

something shunned and rejected by all... 

could it be salvation? Could it be rest? but there's no rest for the wicked and I'm as bad as they get... 



As I walk down this hallway... alone.