The Long Dark Hallway (Soldier's Thoughts)

I'm standing alone in a long dark hallway.

 The silence is so loud that it almost drowns out my thoughts.

 So many things have happened to me that I don't completely understand. I feel paralyzed by fear, and unable to move forward.




But I don't have a choice, I must walk down this hallway... alone

As l walk, I feel as though I'm a specimen in a museum, as though I'm on display for all the world to see. Not like a popular exhibit that children flock to see and exclaim in awe over, but rather a sideshow oddity that children cower away from, and adult look down at disapprovingly. I feel the scrutiny from every single angle... even from myself. I tried to block out all these painful thoughts directed towards me. 



But I can't... I'm still walking... limping down this hallway... alone. 



I walk passed a section that is painted brightly with the red, white, and blue of the country that I love, and have sworn to defend... Words can't describe how proud I am that I have the honor to defend those I love... But there's something here too. Something not right; something dark and haunting... 






I begin to feel tears welling up in my eyes because everything that I've pushed for, everything that I spent my blood, my sweat, and my will... begins to feel empty... fickle.... betrayal...

I'm startled out of my thoughts by a sign being pounded against the wall of the hallway. It says, "Man up!  Don't be a bitch!" "There's no place for emotion in soldiers!" "you call yourself a soldier?" I tried to swallow my panic that I'm letting someone down... 


But I begin shaking, under this weight, as I continue down this hallway.... alone.




I begin to look to the walls for relief, a place to rest, maybe sleep for a few minutes to escape from all the stress that it building up in my chest... I feel like such a weakling. I'm a soldier, I shouldn't have to ask for help, I should be able to carry this weight... this isn't heavy. I feel like I'm letting down my country, my family, my wife, and my friends... but who can I turn to? 






I'm stuck in this hallway all by myself... There's no help in sight, or a door to get out. Always on display, never able to rest... 

As I continue to walk, I see the silhouette of something hanging from the ceiling... something cold, and dark... something sinister, just like me... 

something shunned and rejected by all... 

could it be salvation? Could it be rest? but there's no rest for the wicked and I'm as bad as they get... 



As I walk down this hallway... alone.  

Best Friends Forever | 20 Years of Friendship

Many people have a best friend, many people have friends that last for five years, few people have friends that last for ten years, and even fewer people have a bestfriend that lasts for twenty years. My wife Lydia has been friends with her best friend Alyssa for over twenty years, and they are both still in their early twenties! In my background growing up this seems crazy. I can't imagine having a friend for that long... Don't get me wrong I would love to have a best friend like that but I simply have not known the same people for that long. I think that the ability to have a lifelong friend like that is incredible and I want to recognize this and commend them for not only maintaining that friendship but continuing to grow as friends throughout those years.

Alyssa

Lydia and Alyssa met at church when they were around four years old. They became friends and began spending time together as you would expect of four year olds-- playdates and family activities. They saw each other at church for a while but then the families went their separate ways. However, Lydia would still participate in events and youth activities with Alyssa's church so they would continue to hang out and continue to develop their relationship.

When Lydia was in 9th grade, she switched schools from public school to a Christian school. Alyssa had been at this school for quite a few years at this point but that didn't matter. They were still friends and still spent much of their time together. At this point in time, I was still living in New Jersey and had no idea whatsoever that Lydia even existed yet! I wouldn't come into the picture until Lydia's freshman year of college.

Throughout their high school years, they created many memories, inside jokes, and stories that to this day cause much laughter from the retelling of them. A

Lydia

friendship like this is a precious thing and I cannot emphasize enough how much of a blessing it is so observe their friendship. In order to maintain such a relationship you have to sacrifice and you have to make an effort to understand each other and grow together as friends.

This past Christmas break Alyssa and I made Lydia watch the Harry Potter movies. Both Alyssa and I are firm and avid Harry Potter fans and Lydia had never seen these movies. We watched through the first four and will finish the rest of them before summer break. But it was an opportunity to hang out and see each other.

From my perspective, it can be difficult to enter a group when the other people in the group have been friends for many years prior to you joining. I felt very out of place in the beginning simply because I was so new. Over the two years of marriage, we have had quite a few opportunities to hangout and get to know each other. I can honestly say, that at this point in time, Alyssa isn't just Lydia's best friend, but she is also a dear friend to me as well.  (and Alyssa, thank you for sharing your best friend. :P )

But I am beginning to ramble, and I don't want to so I'm going to wrap this up with. On New Year's Eve we went out and did a little photoshoot with Lydia and Alyssa. I have included some of the pictures from the shoot in this blog and I hope this story has been encouraging.

Friends | From 4yrs Old to the Future

Until Next time,
     

The Future of Our World Through the Eyes of Music.

I have been thinking about this issue for sometime and it has started to really bother mean. I understand that in certain genres you want to employ very "brutal" or dark imagery to get your message across. I don't believe that all bands that use such really mean to be overly graphic or turn people off because of it, but that's inevitable that they do.

However, whatever you listen to and whatever you put into your head affects you. I haven't always done the best job of listening to music with a positive message. I understand that a lot of it does come down to the genre that I prefer and it is not always as positive; however that does not mean that every song and every band is negative like the vast majority.

In this particular example, I am taking two songs and contrasting the views in them. The songs that I will be looking at are, "They Will Know Another" by Thy Art is Murder and "Break the Cycle" by For Today. Both songs fall into a similar genre and address the future of our world. The difference is that one piece focuses on the problem while the other offers a solution.

Thy Art is Murder "They Will Know Another"
This song goes through and mourns the destruction of Aleppo. I do not have that confirmed from the band, but the music video does hint towards that. The band mourns the pain of losing children and how even if we try to spare them from one form of torment another will surely find them. The line that stands out to me the most is, "I'm not afraid to die, I'm afraid I'll survive and have to watch you suffer."  There are many difficulties in this world. It seems the news is filled daily with lives lost. This is where this song stops-- the problem without a solution. That is sad... Because it doesn't have to. If you let your outlook on life stop here, you will not have any hope or drive to push for a brighter future. It suggests that the answer is to give up and die which I would strongly reject. I refuse to go down without a fight and I will push with everything I have to make a positive impact on this world.

For Today "Break The Cycle" 
This song also talks about the decline of our society and world and also addresses how self-destruction and such tendencies have become commonplace. Instead of simply mourning the destruction of our culture is offers hope and a solution for our situation. They proclaim that the solution is in the blood of Christ and sharing the Gospel to a broken world is the answer. They spend the majority of the song on the hope that can be the future rather than simply mourning the future.

I believe that this is that will carry us into our future --- hope and hope in Jesus Christ.

Now, please understand this is only my two cents on the subject so I'm totally cool with starting a discussion on the topic.

I have posted the links to the music videos below, so feel free to check them out if you so wish.
Break the Cycle: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1z91zfPJAw
They Will Know: Another https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nY6SLEBM19M

If you do not enjoy or care for metal as a genre of music, then you probably won't enjoy listening-- I know for many it is not their cup of tea. However I do appreciate you taking the time to read this post and hearing my perspective! Thanks!

Open Letter to Those Who Are in Despair Over Trump (in 5 points)

Dear person in despair,
I know that this week has been a rough week for a lot of Americans. Specifically democrats and young people who have been led to believe that the government controls everyone's life. I'm sorry for all the fear that you feel and the anxiousness that must be crouching at your door, and I want you to know a few things about me. I voted for Trump, I love my wife, and value her as an amazing person that is the best part of me. I have friends who are mexican, and I have friends who are black, I love them both. I voted for Trump, but I don't plan on letting anyone hurt you. I have friends who are homosexual, and I have friends who are straight. I know you might be afraid of the next four years, but don't be. Because, we (The True Americans) are here, and we will protect you. I have listed five encouragements for you, the people who are afraid of what is to come. I really do hope and pray this encourages you, and helps you calm your hearts.

1. For Every Hater, There is a Protector
Yes, There are always going to be some people out there who are mean, evil, and spiteful towards people who are different from them. But overall, I believe that there are protectors everywhere. People who will stand and protect the weaker members of society, and who will protect you when you feel scared. I may not be the biggest toughest, guy out there, but what I can do I will. I will protect you, and I will love on you. I have nothing against, and I don't desire to fight with you, rather learn from you, and I expect the same from you... Learn who I am, and what I believe, and likewise I will learn from you, and what you believe. Your freedom still matters too.
2. Donald Trump Cannot Control Anyone's Actions but His Own
Donald Trump is now the president and many people seem to believe that everyone who voted for Trump is the most evil and vile corrupt people ever to walk the planet. I'm gonna tell you right now, you are wrong on many levels. Trump is responsible for his own actions, and he is responsible to God for how he leads this country. So take heart in that God will demand an account of Trump's leadership from Trump himself.
While Donald might be president, that does not mean that those who voted for him will act like he has in the past. Many of us are loving caring people, who want to promote and protect women. Many of us have family members or friends who are homosexual, and we don't plan on turning on them. We will continue to own our actions and treat you will respect and love. So, even if you fear Trump, don't fear us. We are here to love and protect you.
3. The Success of America is in the People
Something that seems to have gone unnoticed these past few days, is that Trump got elected because of the People. not because of government pushing for certain people to get elected. That should give you hope. The people are still in power. Now, understand this, the government does not own the majority of businesses in America. America's success comes directly  from what the people and citizens of America do. So success is still out there! Regardless of what you believe about your racial background, or status in life... Success can be yours if you want it bad enough.
4.You Define Your Success, and Are Responsible For Your Actions
Similar to my last point, we define our success. If we work hard, and push through the obstacles  in our way, we will achieve success and greatness. This means that we must grow up, and grow stronger. We must never stop growing up, because until the day we die, we will not reach perfection. understand that you have a responsibility to your actions and your success. No one else is responsible, take ownership and continue to strive for the best you can. If I can help you succeed, I would love to. You are still protected, loved, and have opportunity for success.
5. Love Will Solve Problems, Hate Will Create Them. 
I know lately rioting and burning of American flags is the way to make people sympathetic to the plights of minority and young Americans, but I can tell you this.... It's not working. Do you want to know why its not working? Because you're not spreading hope, or approaching a solution in a loving way. Someone's brother, Sister, Mother, Father, Uncle, Cousin, Friend died for that flag and gave everything so that we could be here and live with our freedoms. SOMEONE STEPPED IN FRONT OF YOU AND DIED IN YOUR PLACE.  That is what that Flag represents, the freedoms that we have here, and the symbol of our country that Men, and Family have died for. That is why you will not be successful in winning true Americans to your cause, because you disrespect their families, and you hurt them by your insensitive behavior. Learn this, and learn it well, love will solve problems and bring peace to our nation, while hate will only fuel the fire of emotion, and hurt more people.

I want to love people... Don't you? I want to protect those weaker and defend them from enemies at home, while our soldiers overseas protect us from enemies abroad. I want us to return, and become a nation of love. please... don't despair, have hope and most importantly know that you are loved, and there are those who will protect you.

Sincerely and with  much love,

                          Duckie

Suicide Squad: The Real Heros, The Real Heart

Now that Suicide Squad has been out for sometime, and I won't really be spoiling anything for anyone by talking about it, I have decided to write a blog about it, because it was by far one of the best movies that I have seen this year. Now, I know a lot of people did not like the movie, because the characters were too shallow and there wasn't good character development. If that's what you think, I don't know what movie you watched, but it wasn't the one I saw. They might not have given every character the same development as others, but DeadShot, Dr. Harley Quinn, and Diablo were well developed. You can't give everyone a back story in two hours, otherwise the movie would have been nothing but back story. However, the point that I wanted to make in this blog is really more about the movie, and not what critics saw.   

Why was Suicide Squad sooo dang popular? Well, for starters it was well made, and it was well developed in many people's opinion. However, I think the biggest thing that we really loved about the movie was the fact that these characters were or had something that we could relate.

Deadshot's weakness was his daughter. He loved her and wanted the best for her, and give her the best life that he could. Diablo, in murdering his family after giving into greed and power, wished nothing more than to be reunited with his family and take back the mistake that he made when he lost control. Dr. Harley Quinn just wanted a normal life for her and her puddin'. She so desired a normal life for him (joker) that she went crazy to love him. Katana just wanted to be reunited with her husband that her sword had taken when in a enemy's hand. See, all these characters were not superheros who never made mistakes, they weren't super humans. At the most they were meta-humans. 

There was nothing remarkable about Harley Quinn or Deadshot, Diablo was a true meta human who had some nasty fire power. But ?Deadshot only had perfect aim, and that's something that can be developed. For the most part they were more relatable to us than Batman or someone like Superman. Because for some reason we're not all billionaires, or from a different planet. 

I think Suicide Squad was more of a hero movie than an anti-hero movie. I remember sitting in the theatre watching Deadshot interacting with his daughter, and thinking, I hope that I can be that kind of father. When Joker broke into a high security prison to free his love Harley, I thought to myself, do I love my wife enough to risk my life to protect her from those who want to harm her?

when Diablo went through his story, and explained his failure as a father and husband, I recalled the mistakes that I have made, and I thought, if someone like him (even though it is just a story) can turn around and vow to only protect others and give his life to keep that vow... even though I've made mistakes, will I let my mistakes go, and be willing to dive into my full potential like he did... in the end to sacrifice his life, to protect the world. 

Those are the things that I took away from the movie, I know that not everyone will think the same thing, or look at it the same way, or even approve of the movie... but honestly, I really don't care. I loved it, and it touch my heart and challenged me to be a better person. You can take it or leave it, this is simply my opinion... Well, until next time. I'm Duckie

                                       

                                                                                        

7 Encouraging Thoughts for the Conservative Church

First of all, I have nothing against the Independent Fundamental Churches, I have nothing against Southern Baptist Churches, and I have nothing against Non-Denominational churches. As long as you preach the true Gospel, and disciple those in the congregation with truth and love, I am willing to support and encourage you. However, I do believe there are some areas that these churches could definitely work on. I do not claim to be an authority on the church or how to lead a church. I am only a seminary student who has observed a few things. I am willing to be rebuked and take my words back if I have offended or compromised the Gospel.  Here is a list of seven things I believe conservative Churches need to be encouraged in.


1. Encourage Congregations to Actively Pursue Community
From personal experience I have found it very hard to have active relationships within a church. Given, I do not expect families to bend over backwards to hangout with other families, but it would be nice to see. There are many churches who primarily focus on community and do a whole number of activities and they build strong friendships, and have wonderful times together. However, I have found in these settings certain theological depth can be lost, and growth is stunted when the social is overemphasized. However, this does not excuse more doctrinally sound churches from their lack of apparent community. I believe from the Acts 4:23 church we see a very strong emphasis on community and doctrine. There is definitely a balance, but encourage congregations to be more active in pursuing these wonderful blessings known as friendships with fellow believers.

2. Encourage Congregations to Strive For Excellence in All Things
I know that this can be a very touchy subject in many circles, and yes, I admit it is a touchy subject to me as well. If you YouTube "Terrible Singing" you are bound to come across an offertory gone horribly wrong. Why? Because we sometimes let people stand up and sing or do something that they have been actually been gifted in. Example, I would prefer to never stand up and sing an offertory because I know there are people who can sing much better than I, at the current church I attend. I do not wish to compromise the music by not achieving excellence. Those who have been gifted with teaching let them teach, (As long as they have sound doctrine, and have been decently trained in the faith!) Those who are artists let them paint, and display their works of God's beauty in a specific place or avenue. Those who can listen and empathize, let them do so, and encourage those who need someone to talk to. As Paul would say, each part of the body has a place, but there is no reason for a hand to try to be an ear.

3. Encourage Congregations to Memorize Scripture
I cannot stress enough the importance of memorizing Scripture and being completely saturated with knowledge of the Bible. The beginning of knowledge is the fear of the Lord, and it God is your basis, knowing more of the Bible will only increase your growth. Many conservative churches do very well with memorizing Scripture so I heartily applaud you for that!

4. Encourage Critical Thinking And Healthy Questioning
This can be a scary one, because sometimes we might not know the answers. That doesn't mean you don't question things anyway. Everyone has been a teenager (or will be one!) Teens question things! It is super important that we do not smother their search for answers and truth, but rather encourage them in their pursuit of what is truth. Even as adults we have questions, and we desire answers. What is the true meaning of God's will? How does Christ's deity and humanity work together? What is the role of spiritual gifts? All these are good questions, and need to be asked, thought through, and resolved. Encourage congregations to be intellectually strong.

5. Encourage Disciplined Lifestyle
There is so much apathy in 1st world countries (specifically talking about America). Disciplined people are far and few between. I have to admit, I am not as disciplined as I want to be, but I will continue working at it, until I reach perfection. This discipline does not end at one compartment of life, but rather transcends all areas of life. If you call yourself disciplined and are only disciplined in one area, you are a hypocrite. Strive to be disciplined in every area, and not only will you grow as a person, but your life will inspire others to do the same as well.

6. Encourage Empathy, Compassion, and Service to Others
Many Americans whether in the church or outside the church are self-absorbed. Many forget compassion, empathy and service, simply because it is not convenient to practice such attributes. Let me remind you: Christ Jesus did not have to save you from anything. It was not convenient for Him to give up his crown and glory to suffer and die for you. He is our example, step up, and serve those around you. Even if... heaven forbid... you miss the first ten minutes of that football game.

7. Encourage Discussions on Controversial Topics  
Lets face it, in today's world there are many controversial things going on. Whether it is an Orange politician raging at someone for something, or someone sexually identifying as a toaster. There are many controversial topics out there, and for the most part the church has been silent. Whether it is out of fear, or out of embarrassment that we must talk about sexuality, and other topics in the public square... Let's face it, if you don't talk to your children about it, someone else will, and the results could very well be devastating. Don't shy away from the "scary" topics, discuss them, and teach others to think through them with a christian worldview and positivity for God's design.


Again, I do not claim to know more than the next person, and I do not wish to offend anyone.. However, I feel that these areas need work, and to those out there who are striving already for these I applaud your efforts and I pray to God that He gives you the strength to push through and achieve greatness for the Kingdom of God.

What is Success?

Well, I guess I already asked the question... What. IS. SUCCESS?
Many would define success as winning, whether it is in sports or in a contest of some sort. While they are not wrong, there is a much deeper and richer definition to success. I asked a few people to give me a short definition of success.

 "To achieve fulfillment in faith and self, and through that to inspire and challenge others."

"Success is being able to wake up each and everyday here in the USA. Living in the greatest country on earth, and knowing you with God's will control your destiny."

"Success is being able to glorify God while reaching a set goal."

"Find out what is important to you, setting goals to reach those things, and surrounding yourself with resources and people to get you there. Be determined, work hard, and arrive where you want to be."

One thing that you will notice with these definitions is that they vary... As does success in our lives. For some of us, success is getting  out of bed to face another day even though we suffer from severe depression, for some, it is reaching a new personal record in fitness or in sports. however, for all of us, success is closely tied to self-improvement.

We hardly call it success when we've eaten 50 chicken nuggets by ourselves, sitting on the couch binge watching netflix, or falling into a mud puddle... We simply don't view such things as a success. Why? because they do not improve our current state of being. now, if you enjoy falling in mud puddles, then be my guest and contradict me, but for the vast majority that is not a success. here are three things to help you think through what success is.

1. Success is Personal
Success is not necessarily something that can be measured by anyone but yourself. Only you know, if you gave everything you had. If you are on a diet, only you know if you stuck to it. Only you know, if your heart was in it.
Don't try to set a standard for your success by someone else's standard. Given, in business there are cooperate, and financial standards for success, but when you are working on yourself, use the Bible as your standard, and push yourself to be the best version of you that you can be. This includes, spiritual, mental, and physical discipline.

2. Success is Contagious
Success can be contagious. If you are successful you will attract two types of people, those who are already successful and those who are hungry to be successful. You will find as you grow in your journey of personal development and success building that Success is not something that can be taught, it must be caught. YOU CANNOT TEACH SOMEONE TO BE SUCCESSFUL. why? well... look at number one. It is a personal decision to become someone who strives for success.

On a side note, if you are someone who is working hard to be successful, do not be so self-centered as not exclude others from that success. Help others become successful as well.    

3. Success is Hard
There is nothing easy about success. You will be mocked for trying to excel. In our country, and culture being sub par is often the status quo. Anything different from the status quo will be difficult. that doesn't mean you should strive for it, it simply means, you must push that much harder to become successful. We have no place in this world for those who are happy to be nothing. Enough people have chosen that path already. Step up, and take your place among the legends of humanity. Those who bowed to none but God, and as a result changed the world. Jesus was successful, and it cost him EVERYTHING. ..



Oh, by the way... Christ is our example for how we are supposed to live.


   Think about it.


             Colossians 3:23-24

A Sad Christmas Tree

There are many things about the Christmas season that are exceptionally wonderful. Happy people, decorating, singing christmas carols, and generally celebrating Christmas. However, tonight I find myself unable to sleep, because there is something haunting me in my mind.
There standing alone in my parents house, I see in my mind's eye, a sad Christmas tree.  It stands tall just like it has for many years. It is decorated with all the same decorations that it has always been decorated with, but for some reason it is sad.

This will be the Christmas that I will celebrate with my beautiful wife, and I am very excited for that, but I can't help but feel an emptiness in my heart. I will miss my parents and brother, and the family traditions that aren't even traditions but just Christmas habits. So many Christmas memories pass through my head that it is really hard for me to find joy in this Christmas season.

They were so good!  All the christmases that we had growing up, and as you get older the pile of presents gets smaller, but being with your family gets bigger. As you get older you realize that the toys and goodies aren't the real presents. The real present is getting to spend time with family and loved ones.

I do not mean to sound ungrateful for what I have this year, or disappointed that we won't be spending Christmas with my family, because I'm not. I'm very grateful for everything that God has done for us in 2015 and I'm extremely thankful that Lydia's family lives close to us, and we're able to celebrate Christmas with her family. I just wish.... that my parents and brother could experience Christmas with us.

I have never been one to be sensitive and feely but I really regret so many Christmases before. I can't recall them half as well as I would like to and I can't ever go back and experience them again.
However, every new year will bring with it, new memories and new happiness. That's really what's important.

I can't live in the past and I can't change the things that have happened. I hope that I am not being too depressing, and dramatic, and I hope that many this will reach someone where they are at, feeling a little blue this christmas. Maybe you have your own sad Christmas tree from a past Christmas, maybe yours is in a sadder state than mine. I miss Christmas like it used to be, and I miss most, the people who I've spent every Christmas with up until now.

Now since that if off of my chest, lets go out and make new Christmas memories!  lets celebrate the family that we have, and the joy that Christmas brings with it!

:D

   Duckie

Satan Doesn't need to tempt the American Church: We've destroyed ourselves without it

"Brothers and sisters, I could not address you as people who live by the Spirit but as people who are still worldly—mere infants in Christ. 2I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready. 3You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere humans? 4For when one says, “I follow Paul,” and another, “I follow Apollos,” are you not mere human beings?"  
( 1 Corinthians 3:1-4) 

I cringe when I read this. I cringed because I know how close to home this hits with many within the church. This could easily be addressed to any number of churches here in America.  As the church of Ephesus received from John's letter in Revelation; we have abandoned our first love. We no longer seek after Christ, and his Gospel alone, we desire more.  Is it wrong to want to know more of God? Not at all, but when it clouds your view of reality, it hurts. If you desire to know more of God than was written in the Bible, there's a problem. If you have to read books that take the Bible out of context to make a point, you need to stop yourself, and return to your first love. Now, do not think for a second that I am saying you should not spend every waking second aware of God, and what he desires for your life... That is not my point at all.

However, I have been to a few churches here and there, and I see problems coming when they forget the Gospel and become "Super-Spiritualized".  This is the Gospel, Man has fallen from favor with God because of our decision to sin. God desires us to return to Him so He made a way for us to come to him. He sent Jesus to earth as a God-Man (100% man and 100% God). Jesus lived a perfect life was crucified, buried and rose again on the third day. He then ascended into glory and sat down at the right hand of God. His death opened the door for us to be made one with God, if we believe in Jesus and the sacrifice that he made. If we surrender our lives to him, and acknowledge him as Lord and Savior, we will be saved and once we die, we will be reunited with God, and live in eternity with him forever. This is the Gospel. Nothing more, and nothing less. Or at least that's what the early church believed.
Today, we cannot believe a simple Gospel because many many years later, naturally we would know more about the Gospel than what Jesus said. Today you must choose who you will serve. Will if be Zwingli? or Luther? or will it be Calvin or Arminius? Surely, if you do not agree with me, you cannot be saved.

I know, that these men, were all Greats of the Faith, and I mean them no disrespect. However, I have left church angry because there was an argument, not about the Gospel, but about whether Calvin was right or Arminius was right. This has to stop. Calvin was not predestined to replace Christ's simple Gospel, and Arminius did not have the free-will to choose to replace the Gospel.

I know that it is good to study and learn more and more about Christ, but it's about building a relationship, not writing a textbook to add on to the Gospel. The Gospel is what saves you, not to doctrine of predestination.
If I met a man, who told me he was going to heaven because Jesus loves him and forgave him of his sins, and his life reflected that statement, I would believe that he would be in paradise one day. If a man told me that everyone who believes in Arminian Theology is going to hell one day, but that he was safe because he was a calvinist... I would wonder if I would see him in Eternity.

We have become to bitter against each other for no other reason, but secondary doctrines to the one Doctrine above all doctrines. The Doctrine of the Gospel. Jesus came to make a way for us to be reunited with God, and He desires us to come to him, we cannot earn our salvation, we can't even begin to pay for it, but we can accept it because of his love and grace towards us. Jesus saves us from our sins, when we recognize him as our loving savior and when we make a change to do our best to honor and glorify him in our lives. That is all. There is no magic doctrinal stance that lets you into a higher heaven or a better heaven. It is the simple Gospel that saves.

I mean this in love,

David "Duckie" Vest

The Songs That Made Me Who I Am

Everyone has songs that greatly influence them. Whether its an up beat dance song, or a slow love ballad there are songs that we love so much that we never want to stop listening to them. For me, the songs that touch my heart are songs that reflect something about myself, or my situation. Throughout my life there have been different songs at different points in my life that either held me together or tore me apart. I am a musician so music is extremely influential on me, thus causing great changes in me by what I listen to. This post is going to be really long so make sure that you have time before you get started! This is me letting all of you into my life, and seeing how music effects me, and how it brings me down or builds me up. Some of you are Christians, so I will not be shocked if some of the songs that I have in here really shock or offend you. That is not what this is about. This is about the real journey that I've taken through my life in the music that I have listened too. 

Music really started impacting me when I was fourteen. Sure, I listened to it before that, but it wasn't until then that I actually let it guide me, or really effect my person. Interestingly this is the time period when I started listening to hardcore, and metal. KEEP IN MIND: not all the songs in this will be metal, but there will be some, so don't freak out. Are you ready to dive in? Well... let's go!

                                            1.        "Say Goodbye" Skillet

When I was fourteen/fifteen I began to get depressed and feel down about life. Incidentally I also got my first girlfriend around this time. Sadly, that didn't last very long and we broke up. However, being that this was my first girlfriend, so I was devastated. This first song, I thought at the time it would help me deal with the feelings from this broken up relationship. 

                                         2.  "The Last Night"  Skillet

This song really had a huge impact on me for the negative. It was meant to be an encouraging song and I'm sure for some people it has been. However for me it helped me focus my attentions on the negatives in my life, and in my mind. I was battling serious depression for medical reasons, and because I was struggling in school and other areas of my life. When I started cutting this song was always there to remind me that I had hope somewhere in my soul. 

                  

                                     3. "Keep Holding On" Avril Lavigne 

This song was a bright spot for me through the rest of my high school years, and yes many people would say it's a girly song. Sorry, I still like it and I still listen to it. The message for this song is straight forward; keep holding on, don't give up. through this time of depression and hurt I really needed something to keep me going and this song got me through a lot before I turned to God. 

          

                                         4. "Falling Inside The Black" Skillet

This song describes me. Correction, this song does a really good job of describing who I was, and how dark my mind, and life had become. I was broken, hurting, and felt completely unloved. (This wasn't true, and hardly ever is true.) But I kept forcing it into my mind that I could never be anything good, and I could never do anything right. I let my mind become darkness and I continue to spill my own blood, through my scars and cutting as well as in my thoughts. I wanted to kill myself but was too afraid of what would happen if I died. I chose this video for two reasons: 1. Because Tokyo Ghoul is a really good challenging Anime, and 2. because it is a very sober and sadistic video and is accurate to the way I was feeling at the time. 

                                           5. "Open Wounds" Skillet

This song really demands an explanation because it would be misleading just to say that this song applies. Well, as previously mentioned I was very depressed, and I forced myself to believe that my parents hated me, and just wanted to make me miserable. This was probably one of the biggest and most damaging lies I ever told myself. Sadly, I wasn't the only one hurt by it. My parents who through this time, were working their hardest to protect me (from myself) and help me get better, were broken-hearted because of my mistreatment of them. The phrase "My Self-destruction is all your fault!" is exactly how I Was feeling, and how I lashed out towards them. I blamed them for my cutting and suicidal thoughts, I told them that they hated me and I simply refused to live in a decent and respect way. I kept cutting and kept digging my grave deeper and deeper. Jesus was still just a word to me. He wasn't a savior.

                                      6. "Stand in the Rain"  Superchic[k] 

Man, I played myself so well. There are two different messages that I found in this song. I know that this song was written for a girl, but I still applied the meaning to me. Satan wanted me to think that I was a victim and was being tormented if you will. In this song I found comfort and reassurance that I could indeed stand in the rain and succeed one day, but I thought I could with my own two feet. I never paid attention to the end of the chorus where they say, "And one day what's lost can be found."  I never thought it was me that was lost, and needed finding. 

        

                                      7. Relentless Intolerance 

This song in very important to me as and my musical development if you will. This was the first metal song that I ever heard. The first time I heard it I just fell in love because at the time it sounded angry and I was angry at the world, so I was like "Yeah! Angry music!" >:D    Years later, I look at this song and this band extremely differently. Demon hunter is a Christian Band and this song is about never compromising your faith no matter what the world thinks of the Gospel. You stick to the truth of the unchanging Gospel and you hold on to it and stand firm. 

The reason that I placed this song here is because it being the first metal song I ever heard. 

                                        8. "Unanswered" Suicide Silence

This song, is a musical masterpiece, and complete blasphemy. I'm ashamed to say that I used to "scream" this song, and mean every word of it. I didn't believe in God, in fact I was furious with Him for making me so sick, and hurt. I couldn't understand the fact that even letting me live was a gift, and way more than I deserved. I remember many times I would pray and ask God, "why are you doing this to me? Why do you hate me so much?" Every time I felt like he would never answer because he wasn't even there. This song, shows how pitiful and how dark my depraved mind had become at this point in my life. I share this because it's true, and what I went through. I am not by any means glorifying this song, or saying to support it, but I'm simply saying that this is where I was at one in my life, and thank God that he saved me, and changed me. 

                                           9. "Aimless" Bethany Dillon

Once I began to blatantly defy God in my heart and mind, my life,and existence began to lose purpose and value. I wasn't angry at God anymore, I wasn't anything anymore. I simply was a dead guy walking around. I was completely aimless. The first time I heard this song, I cried. It captured how helpless I felt, and how much I wanted to be found. I just couldn't bring myself to stop fighting against God. I would rather wander around in futility, rather than admit that I was wrong. 

                                      10. "Numb" Linkin Park

                 This song needs little explanation. So, That is my only explanation. 

                                     

This is where a change began to happen in my life. My thoughts began to extend to other people around me. I began to function again. I wasn't saved, and I would never admit to anyone at the time that God was working in my life. However, in retrospect it was God who helped me slowly return to life again. I began to be healed in the medical side of life, and my mental state became slowly more positive. The rest of the songs in this blog address things I was thinking about, and how I got over the obstacles that I had set up for myself. They are my struggles, as well as my way of getting through them. 

                                     1. "Leave Out All The Rest" Linkin Park

This song jolted me out of my selfish pathetic mind. I remember when I first heard it, I was startled by the message that it sent. "I dreamed I was missing, and you were so scared, 'cause no one would listen, 'cause no one else cared." I was scared. What if I died and no one cared? What if my life had been completely useless? I vowed after hearing this song, that I wouldn't let my life go to waste anymore. I needed to change, but I still wanted to be remembered for who I am, and that they would be impressed with me. I didn't want to share the glory with God. 

                                   2. "So Afraid" Bebo Norman

Since, I was still being selfish, but slowly becoming more aware of the other people around me, I began to worry, and be scared that I would be alone. I was so afraid finding myself alone. I was almost paranoid about it. I didn't want to lose any of the "friends" I had. I treated a lot of them terribly, because I was so scared and insecure. One of them was and is my brother. He watched as I fell into depression, and he watched as I found everyone around me. He was hurting for me, and he wanted to help me, but I just pushed him as far away as I could. To this day I hurt for how I treated him. I wish I had allowed him close to me, but I was too scared that if he or anyone else knew what I was really struggling with they would turn and run. I wanted help but I didn't know how to ask or accept it. 

                                        3. "The Price of Beauty" Suicide Silence

As I began to drift away from the depression, and the dark lifestyle, I began to hate my scars from my cutting. I hated them. I wanted them gone because they reminded me of my failures and my screw ups. This song is graphic and pretty unpleasant. The only reason it is here, is because I would listen to it and wish someone would cut all my scars away and replace my skin with clean skin and a fresh slate. I didn't want to be caught in this anymore but I felt like I couldn't move on unless my scars disappeared. Over time however, I grew to like my scars and be grateful for them. They show were I came from, and today I thank God for the constant reminder of where I came from. My parents asked me many times if I wanted to get a treatment done to hide them, so I wouldn't think about it. But I decided I wanted to see them as a reminder of God's grace to me. 

God looks at me today and see's something beautiful because of the price that he paid on the cross for my sins. As this song says, "The price of beauty was more than you thought." Even if the band didn't mean it like this, I took it to mean, that Jesus' blood paid for my beauty and for that I could never fathom how much it cost. 

                                     4. "He's My Son" Mark Schultz

At this point, I had been saved, and God had begun to show me his love and grace. I began to think about what had happened in the past years. When I heard this song, I listened to it a million times. I would sit in silence listening to this song. I knew that my parents had gone through this so many times what with different doctors, and different medicines. It gave me a different perspective of my illness and how it possibly effected them. They went through so much heartache and pain to heal me. In my life, there will never be a way that I could possibly repaid them for their sacrifices and love. Besides God, They are the only reason that I am still here today. 

                                         5. "Redemption" August Burns Red

Now, to go into my conversion experience a little bit. It was a dark and stormy night... no, I'm not lying it was. I was in the shower, and I was struggling with what was going on around me and in me. There was so much pressure built up in me that I decided that I would either kill myself or surrender my life to Christ, because I simply couldn't keep living life the way that I had been. I found myself on the floor of the shower praying and asking God to save me as the warm water ran over me. I didn't feel a sudden weight fall off my shoulders, but I did feel calm. I felt peace for the first time, in a very long time. I knew that I had been redeemed. 

                                         6. "Everything You Ever Wanted" Hawk Nelson

After I was saved, I still had issues, and I wasn't healthy yet. I was doing better than I had been, but I was still far from where I should be. There were many times when depression came back but I fought my way through it. This song kind of demonstrates how I felt, and what I was doing. I was trying to be perfect, honest, and everything I hadn't been in the previous years. I wanted to make it up to my family for being so difficult, but I knew no matter what I did I wouldn't be able to make up for it. 

       

                                      7. "Saviour" Black Veil Brides

This song goes back a few years, as time progressed, I began to develop some more worthwhile traits. Compassion, and empathy being some of the traits that really stuck with me. This song, though not a Christian song, did influence me, because I wanted to help people, who had gone through similar things that I had. I didn't want to be a savior because I knew that only Jesus could be an effective savior. However, I also continued to want a savior for my heart, I had given my soul to Christ but I still was holding on to my heart, it was very hard for me to release that.  

                                     8. "I Have Been There" Mark Schultz

This song played a big role of me surrendering my heart to Christ. I didn't want to give it up to someone who didn't understand what I had been through. I heard this song for the first years before it actually meant anything to me. I was in my second semester of college before I had truly understood that Christ would meant me where I was at. To this day this song still gives me some amount of comfort, with it's reminder that God hears everything, and sees everything, and when he was here on earth he experienced everything. He had been where I was. 

                                 9. "Creatures" Motionless in White (disturbing)

While I was in began listening to darker metal again, and some of the messages that they sent got to me. This song for example, "Creatures" kind of bothered me, because they question a lot of significant topics. (especially as a church ministries major!) I began to question why people actually believe in Christ, and the Gospel. I began to question almost everything in life, and the reasons for doing what we do. In this song, they make it very graphic, how darkness can take over someone's life, and I know that was me at some point in my life. The line "I'm drowning in a ocean of tears that I've cried." described my life, for three years of the darkest part of my life. But my life didn't end there. I realized that this songs message ends there. But my life's message didn't end there. Because Christ reached down and took me out of it. 

                                       10. "Not Afraid" Eminem

This song was kind of my rally to stand up and move on. I was finally willing to let my past go. I didn't need to live in the past, I didn't need to let myself go down that road. The past was done, and it was over. To this day, I haven't cut myself again, and I have the tools be strong and focus my attention to help others get out of the darkness of depression. 

This final section of songs are all songs that still greatly impacted me, but not exactly in the same way as all the previous ones. All of the previous songs have to do with depression, or with getting out of depression. Now that depression isn't a huge problem, Satan had to find other ways to harass me and bother me. These songs, either help me conquer the fears, or help stand firm when my mind tried to talk me out of being a Christian. However, I threw in one song that had a huge impact because of its connection to the girl that I am now married to. 

                                     1. "Undying" Chelsea Grin

This song happened through my path shortly after I got married to Lydia. Marriage was not and continues to not be what I expected it to be, but sometimes, things go wrong, and it's my fault for being stupid. This song describes a love affair that is far from healthy. I heard this song, and listened to the lyrics, and then promptly vowed that I would never treat Lydia like that. Sometimes, the best way for me to understand something is tell it to me in the most negative way possible and then I won't ever do it. That's the case with this song. This song describes someone who is addicted to another person (demon)'s attention. They'll do anything for them, and they don't really care what they're asked to do. There have been times in marriage where I don't talk. I'm a quiet person but that is one of my flaws. I need to talk more, and communicate to my wife what's going on in my head. whether it makes any sense at all this song helped me open up to her, and begin to share myself with her more. Because I don't want her to be starving for my attention, or in need of my leadership because I'm not leading her. My life is to give everything I have to her, and for her, just as Christ did for us. 

                                       2. "Break The Cycle" For Today

If ever there was a song that just inspired me to continue in ministry it was this song. This song is so powerful. It's about breaking the cycle of self-destruction in today's culture. The youth of today and hurting and those of us called to ministry need to stand up and help them. There are times when I wonder if it's really worth it to continue down this path. Every time I heard the message of this song, and I'm refreshed to continue. 

                                       3. "Clockwork" Chelsea Grin

Last semester, (fall 2014) I had some serious struggles again. I kept looking back at my past. It's something that does come back and haunt me, because of certain things that happened. There are many things I regret and many other things that I wish I could go back and change but I can't, and this song just helped me realize that in a very literally way. "It's just like clockwork, let me kiss my youth goodbye, all I wanted was to turn back time." We can't turn the clock back and do it again, we can only make the most of the rest of the time we've been given. I would suggest looking up the lyrics to this song as you watch  because they are very powerful. God has given us each a lifespan, and a chance to impact the world for eternity. Don't waste it.       

       

                                        4. "Nightmares" Chelsea Grin

Since last semester I've had many nights that I couldn't sleep because I was scared to death that I wouldn't wake up the next morning. Call me crazy but it's true. I have no reasonable cause for this, but it still happens. I have had many dreams like this, where darkness descends on me again and I return to the place I was years ago, and I always wake up terrified because I never want to go back there. I can feel my past continue to chase me, but I must continue forward, and not let it catch up. There is no benefit from living in the past. I can learn from the past, but I cannot live there. That's really what this song has taught me.      

                                      5. "Fearless" For Today

God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power. He don't need to fear any form of evil. In response to the previous song, the nightmares, don't need to hold us captive in fear, because our God is greater and more powerful than any force in the physical universe. "If we stand and fight, we are not alone." God will fight for his children, he will defend us, and we can have absolute certainty that he will. This song always encourages me, and ever since it's release I have found comfort in God's message through it. 

                                     6. "Shadows" David Crowder Band

This song really speaks for it's self. However, there is one story that I want to relay. I was riding in my mom's car in New Jersey a while back, and this song came on. I just felt a calmness come over me, and I knew that all the shadows that had haunted me, and scared me where nothing more than that, shadows. The light would come out and drive them away. God can use any number of things to get our attention, for me it happens to be music. 

                                       7. "Foundation" For Today

Now, for a more serious video. This song really made me think. What do I stand for, and how much am I willing to pay to stand for it? In other words, will I die for Christ if I have to? That question is becoming more and more important as ISIS becomes a more serious threat globally.  Christians in Egypt have already given their answers and paid the price with martyrdom. Am I ready to die for my faith? Yes, I believe I am. 

These are the songs that shaped me, and continue to help me through tough times, and also songs I simply enjoy listening too. Some of them have had a negative influence on me, but all of them influenced me in some way or other.

To the Broken Hearts

The other day I was walking through my school cafeteria and I saw one of my friends sitting alone at a table doing homework. Her friends had left to go there separate ways and so I sat down just to see how she was doing. She said she was fine and everything was good. We talked for a while and then went our separate ways. I went back to work washing dishes, but I couldn't get her off my mind. She was single now, and it wasn't by her choice. However, I know she's a strong girl and will be fine, but it still bothered me, what with Valentine's Day coming up and all. Because of this chance encounter I decided to write this blog in hopes to encourage those who may find themselves alone this Valentine's day. 

                                                     A Letter To You

Valentine's day is right around the corner and some of us find ourselves alone this year. I am very blessed that I am married to a wonderful wife. However, it wasn't always that way. I remember many Valentine's days gone by that were rather miserable. I was alone and wishing that I wasn't. I wasn't satisfied where I was and I just wanted someone to show that they loved me. I know the feeling. I know the feeling of being broken up with weeks before this holiday and it hard, and it sucks,

but don't feel that it is going to last that way forever. I promise you, you won't be alone for long. God has a plan for you. It's very cliche to say such things, but it's true. I know it's true because I stood where you stand, feeling a little lost and maybe a little unloved, but I now stand with a wonderful wife, and she is more than I could've imagined. God has blessed me, and I am sure that he will bless you in that way too. you are still young and have plenty of life to live. Don't be afraid, don't be sad, God will give you more than you've asked. He will give you the perfect man that will love and cherish you for who you are. He will lead you and help you grow in faith. I know this is a long step of faith sometimes, but don't give up God still has you in his hand, and will care for you and your broken heart. 

Some people are hurt more than others through break ups, but everyone gets hurt. Also, some people do remain single and are happy with it. Maybe that's not the boat that you are in, and that's totally fine. If you are single and hurting, please don't try to run from your pain, or try to hide it. Deal with it in a healthy way and fall into the arms of Grace and Comfort that will always be there for you. You don't need that rebound guy, all you need is Christ. His love and kindness will last you a lifetime.