Why Millennials Will Not Return to the Church

Introduction

This is more of a clarifying statement than an introduction. I am not trying to tear down any specific church, I am not trying to offend any church leaders or pastors. If I do end up offending someone, I apologize in advance, and I hope you learn to take things with a grain of salt. Otherwise, please listen, and evaluate what I am saying at your own discretion. 

The Problem: Why Can't We Retain Young People (Millennials)?

It has been a not-so-secret problem among more conservative churches that they struggle retaining younger people. They also struggle retaining second generation Christians who have grown up in the Church. I don't think this is surprising, and it's almost to be expected in my opinion. But, I understand that this is a problem. Millennials don't stick around that much after they graduate. In my particular current situation, we have a high school attached to the church, and we struggle to retain students after they graduate. Again, this is an overarching issue among more conservative churches in general. I'm not singling out any one church, or any one denomination either. 

The Doctrine of Preference

Part of the problem is definitely the denominational preferences that are chosen and followed by the more conservative churches. The problem is because Millennials don't relate to it, that does not mean that the preferences are wrong, or that millennials are wrong, it means that Millennials and churches need to have a mutual understanding of where the other parties thinking is.

The Entertainment

A small part of the problem is definitely due to the fact that our culture pushes for us to always be entertained. Christianity, and the church is NOT a means of entertainment. It was never meant to be, and it never should be viewed as such. Millennials need to fight the urge that pushes to be entertained and trade it in for the desire to become wise and more knowledgeable. We are in desperate need for godly, intelligent leaders. 

What is the Gospel?

Let's take a step back and just review what the Gospel is and how it works. How it saves, and how we are sanctified. First of all, the Gospel can be summed up in four statements. 1. God is holy and requires those who stand in his presence to be holy. 2. Man is sinful, and has no means to change his path to hell. 3. Jesus' death and resurrection has ensured that those who believe in Jesus will be saved and pardoned by God because of their faith in Jesus Christ. 4. We as man must accept Christ's sacrifice, and his lordship in our lives. (We're not getting into a Calvinist/Arminian debate about my wording). That is the most basic way to view the Gospel from my understanding. From our perspective, every man, woman, and child has an opportunity to be saved, and needs to be evangelized or told of the good news that they can be saved. It is important that we keep this in mind when we interact with people. (Whether they are saved or not) 

Its Message Has Not Changed

There have been many people who have brought the Gospel to different people. They have brought the Gospel to Jews, Gentiles, Rich, Poor, Old, and Young. Everyone that was ever saved, was somehow told the Gospel, and believed it. The Gospel has not changed, and it will not change, it is always reliant on Christ. 

Its Relevance Has Not Changed

Just because we live in a physical world does not mean, that we are not spiritual beings. Our culture would like to deny our spiritual state, and only focus on our physical desires. However, whatever our culture wants has no bearing on what God has ordained or decided. WE ARE Spiritual beings, and WE ARE in danger of damnation. I don't care what you think, how you think it, or if you identify as a pineapple. If you are human, you are in serious, very real, danger of trying to face down a HOLY God's wrath on your own, unless you run to Jesus Christ. 

Its Method of Communication HAS Changed

This is where I think I may step on some toes. So over the centuries of Christianity, the methods of communication have changed, and desperately, the church needs to stay in touch with how we as humans are CURRENTLY communicating with each other. It's important. There are those in the church who believe that talking to people face to face is the most effective method of communication, maybe they are right, but if no one is communicating that way anymore... exactly how effective will that be? Not very effectively because you'll never talk to anyone. Understand the current trends, and understand how they effectively communication.  Millennials are pros at communicating, but not in the same way that older generations have been. They share their lives, and their beliefs, in very different ways than any other generation, and that needs to be understood and recognized. 

Why Do They Feel Unwelcome?

One of the problems that Churches face with Millennials is because many young people feel very unwelcome, and very judged by those who have been in the church for many years. Why is this the case? And exactly how do you plan on reaching future generations if the older generations do nothing but cast judgment  on the new generations? How can you disciple young people into maturity if they only feel judged, rather than feeling loved? There is a misunderstanding that will take place.  So I will clarify what I mean. There is a difference between rebuking people, and correcting people in love. You will never bring anyone to Christ through disdain, scorn, or rejection. You need to love the young people, and you need learn how to love them, so that they understand that you are loving them. If you're method of showing love is not being understood or not being received, find a new way to display love. You are not to sacrifice doctrine, or the message of the Gospel to show love, but you will show love through a real understanding of what the Gospel means. 

The Church has become the judge

I am the first to admit that I am young, and I do not have the wisdom of older people. But please, inform me how you expect me to become wise if you do nothing but judge me for who I am, or what I stand for? Exactly how am I to mature if you won't even REMOTELY listen to where I have come from or what I believe right now? Please, Give us a chance before you crucify us young people. A lot of times, we're just misinformed, not with malicious intent. 

The Church views them as a joke

As a young person myself, I have the wonderful experience of being taken lightly, and taken as a joke because  few people believe that I actually want to achieve something in my life. I do not say this because I'm salty at you or mad at you, I'm trying to explain how many millennials feel that have good intentions or dreams, and older generations take them as a joke. If you want Millennials to feel welcome around you, support their dreams, and gently steer their dreams towards a Christ-glorifying end. PLEASE.

Conclusion: Listen More Criticize Less

If you want to succeed in your mission to reach the next generation, you need to listen to them. You have no obligation to obey them, but if you listen to them, I can almost guarantee that you will get to have a chance to share your story, and your love for Christ with them... But that only comes if you listen to them, and they feel valued by you. Stay away from judging, stay away from anything that could possibly be God's responsibility. Discernment is not judgement, but there is a fine line between then, and it is important that you find it for yourself. Let compassion be your guide, and let love be in your heart whenever you interact with another human being. They were also created in God's image and if you are a Christian and they are not... You are no better than them. If anything you should understand that more than they should. Listen First, Love Second, and Correct third. Always in that order.

With Love and concern, 

              <3

                    Duckie

PS:  I will be writing a second post in relationship to this. Look for it next week. "Why Millennials Don't Stay in Church"

The Definitions of Worldview vs Mindset (Part 2)

In the last blog post, I talked about what Worldview is. I also explained why it is very important to have a consistent worldview across all areas of life. If your worldview cannot accommodate everything, then you can either rethink your entire existence, or you can assimilate new things into your current worldview, and modify those things that are necessary to change.

The second portion of this series is going to be focusing on Mindset. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines Mindset as; A particular way of thinking; a person's attitude or set of opinions on something. Now going from this definition of what a mindset is, we can probably envision what that might look like. A lot people probably associate mindset with motivational pictures, and posts, and pump you up memes.  While this is a good physical representation of a positive mindset, there is a whole lot more that goes into creating a mindset than just looking at positive things.

There are really two types of mindsets that you can accept/achieve. The first is a negative mindset, and the second is a positive mindset... Crazy right? Now, for me a positive mindset is a creative mindset, and always asks how can I? Everyone's mindset with be slightly different than anyone else's mindset, but you can still tell if it is a positive or negative mindset. A positive mindset will continue to grow, and develop, whereas a negative one will remain small, and the same. A positive mindset will strive to learn, and understanding continually more about the world around you, while a negative one will be closed to anything new, and stay ignorant of reality. some people think if abstract ideas, and jumbled thoughts that are smooth and easily understood by themselves, while others have very organized thoughts, and can simply and quickly solve problems, both are fine, and neither one or the other are wrong. My point in say that is everyone's mindset is going to vary, and just because your mindset doesn't match someone else's doesn't mean yours is inferior, or that theirs is.

The Definitions of Worldview vs. Mindset (Part 1)

When mindset is brought up in conversation, hardly anyone would think to substitute  worldview for mindset. However, if asked to explain the difference between the two, some people might struggle to define the difference. This blog is not to teach something to those who already know the difference, Rather, it is to inform those who are not aware yet. There is nothing wrong with not knowing, the excitement is in the learning away.

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary minds-set is; "A particular way of thinking: a person's attitude or set of opinions about something." Now, this is a good definition for mindset, but without  any application/example it is really hard to fully understand the power of mindset. Mindset shapes your framework for HOW you do life. How you think, how you interact with people, how you accomplish things, and whether or not you accomplish things. 

The Merriam-Webster's definition for worldview is, "The way someone thinks about the world." however, this simple definition is not very helpful. Christian Apologetics and Research Ministry gives a much more comprehensive definition of Worldview: "A worldview is a set of beliefs and assumptions that a person uses when interpreting the world around him. A worldview deals with issues like, what are we? Were we created, or did we evolve? What is our purpose in life? Does God exist?" etc. etc. This definition gives us a much better look at what worldview actually is. World, helps you interpret your world around you. It gives you guidance, and supplies you with a construct for morality, and truth. For example, if you have a pragmatic worldview, you will assume truth to be whatever it most helpful to your current situation and truth can change. If you believe in a Coherent worldview, then truth is not relative to you, rather truth is beyond you, and you are bound by it. You do not define your own truth, rather truth defines, how you react and respond to different things. Coherence also means that truth is logical, and not based on a whim. 

Now that we have some working definitions of what mindset is, and what worldview is...? For starters every single one of us, has both. We have a worldview and we have a mindset. However, your worldview will help to shape the mindset that you have. Since I have defined them in this order, it would make sense that I address Worldview before Mindset.

Worldview influences everything you see in the world, and how you see the world. It informs your beliefs, but often times in very interconnected with your beliefs. For example, if you want an effective,  and dynamic worldview it needs to be logically consistent. If you have contradicting beliefs, you will eventually run into problems because you will realize, the root of your thinking does not make sense. If your worldview cannot make for your internal beliefs, there is no way it will make sense of the world you live in. In short, your worldview must be logically consistent.

Secondly, your worldview will define, your stance on many different issues, and how you respond to different stimuli. For example, a very basic belief that informs your worldview is whether or not God exists and how he is involved in our human world. If you are an atheist it will drastically change how you answer all philosophical, and ontological questions. Comparatively if you have a traditional biblical worldview it will also change how you view the world, and all that is in it, as well as how you define your purpose for life.

The biggest problem with many people in our culture today, is a denial of absolute truth. Many people hold to a more pragmatic view of truth because it is convenient... Not because it is consistent or logically stable. pragmatic truth, is the idea that truth is truth as long as it is practical and the most effective view at the current moment. The ominous issue with this theory of truth is because you are stating an absolute while denying an absolute truth, which is just as logically sound as stating that one plus one is now two-hundred and fifty. The point is this philosophy should be rejected simply on the basis that it is not logically consistent.

From the beginning of your intellectual life, you will have to decide what your worldview is going to be and once you have established your worldview then you can began to delve into more about your individual person, your likes, dislikes, and what morality you hold to. However, the challenge is to stay consistent, and not contradictory.

In the second part of this series I will discuss the import of Mindset, and how that shapes your personality, as well as how you stay motivated.

7 Encouraging Thoughts for the Conservative Church

First of all, I have nothing against the Independent Fundamental Churches, I have nothing against Southern Baptist Churches, and I have nothing against Non-Denominational churches. As long as you preach the true Gospel, and disciple those in the congregation with truth and love, I am willing to support and encourage you. However, I do believe there are some areas that these churches could definitely work on. I do not claim to be an authority on the church or how to lead a church. I am only a seminary student who has observed a few things. I am willing to be rebuked and take my words back if I have offended or compromised the Gospel.  Here is a list of seven things I believe conservative Churches need to be encouraged in.


1. Encourage Congregations to Actively Pursue Community
From personal experience I have found it very hard to have active relationships within a church. Given, I do not expect families to bend over backwards to hangout with other families, but it would be nice to see. There are many churches who primarily focus on community and do a whole number of activities and they build strong friendships, and have wonderful times together. However, I have found in these settings certain theological depth can be lost, and growth is stunted when the social is overemphasized. However, this does not excuse more doctrinally sound churches from their lack of apparent community. I believe from the Acts 4:23 church we see a very strong emphasis on community and doctrine. There is definitely a balance, but encourage congregations to be more active in pursuing these wonderful blessings known as friendships with fellow believers.

2. Encourage Congregations to Strive For Excellence in All Things
I know that this can be a very touchy subject in many circles, and yes, I admit it is a touchy subject to me as well. If you YouTube "Terrible Singing" you are bound to come across an offertory gone horribly wrong. Why? Because we sometimes let people stand up and sing or do something that they have been actually been gifted in. Example, I would prefer to never stand up and sing an offertory because I know there are people who can sing much better than I, at the current church I attend. I do not wish to compromise the music by not achieving excellence. Those who have been gifted with teaching let them teach, (As long as they have sound doctrine, and have been decently trained in the faith!) Those who are artists let them paint, and display their works of God's beauty in a specific place or avenue. Those who can listen and empathize, let them do so, and encourage those who need someone to talk to. As Paul would say, each part of the body has a place, but there is no reason for a hand to try to be an ear.

3. Encourage Congregations to Memorize Scripture
I cannot stress enough the importance of memorizing Scripture and being completely saturated with knowledge of the Bible. The beginning of knowledge is the fear of the Lord, and it God is your basis, knowing more of the Bible will only increase your growth. Many conservative churches do very well with memorizing Scripture so I heartily applaud you for that!

4. Encourage Critical Thinking And Healthy Questioning
This can be a scary one, because sometimes we might not know the answers. That doesn't mean you don't question things anyway. Everyone has been a teenager (or will be one!) Teens question things! It is super important that we do not smother their search for answers and truth, but rather encourage them in their pursuit of what is truth. Even as adults we have questions, and we desire answers. What is the true meaning of God's will? How does Christ's deity and humanity work together? What is the role of spiritual gifts? All these are good questions, and need to be asked, thought through, and resolved. Encourage congregations to be intellectually strong.

5. Encourage Disciplined Lifestyle
There is so much apathy in 1st world countries (specifically talking about America). Disciplined people are far and few between. I have to admit, I am not as disciplined as I want to be, but I will continue working at it, until I reach perfection. This discipline does not end at one compartment of life, but rather transcends all areas of life. If you call yourself disciplined and are only disciplined in one area, you are a hypocrite. Strive to be disciplined in every area, and not only will you grow as a person, but your life will inspire others to do the same as well.

6. Encourage Empathy, Compassion, and Service to Others
Many Americans whether in the church or outside the church are self-absorbed. Many forget compassion, empathy and service, simply because it is not convenient to practice such attributes. Let me remind you: Christ Jesus did not have to save you from anything. It was not convenient for Him to give up his crown and glory to suffer and die for you. He is our example, step up, and serve those around you. Even if... heaven forbid... you miss the first ten minutes of that football game.

7. Encourage Discussions on Controversial Topics  
Lets face it, in today's world there are many controversial things going on. Whether it is an Orange politician raging at someone for something, or someone sexually identifying as a toaster. There are many controversial topics out there, and for the most part the church has been silent. Whether it is out of fear, or out of embarrassment that we must talk about sexuality, and other topics in the public square... Let's face it, if you don't talk to your children about it, someone else will, and the results could very well be devastating. Don't shy away from the "scary" topics, discuss them, and teach others to think through them with a christian worldview and positivity for God's design.


Again, I do not claim to know more than the next person, and I do not wish to offend anyone.. However, I feel that these areas need work, and to those out there who are striving already for these I applaud your efforts and I pray to God that He gives you the strength to push through and achieve greatness for the Kingdom of God.

Satan Doesn't need to tempt the American Church: We've destroyed ourselves without it

"Brothers and sisters, I could not address you as people who live by the Spirit but as people who are still worldly—mere infants in Christ. 2I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready. 3You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere humans? 4For when one says, “I follow Paul,” and another, “I follow Apollos,” are you not mere human beings?"  
( 1 Corinthians 3:1-4) 

I cringe when I read this. I cringed because I know how close to home this hits with many within the church. This could easily be addressed to any number of churches here in America.  As the church of Ephesus received from John's letter in Revelation; we have abandoned our first love. We no longer seek after Christ, and his Gospel alone, we desire more.  Is it wrong to want to know more of God? Not at all, but when it clouds your view of reality, it hurts. If you desire to know more of God than was written in the Bible, there's a problem. If you have to read books that take the Bible out of context to make a point, you need to stop yourself, and return to your first love. Now, do not think for a second that I am saying you should not spend every waking second aware of God, and what he desires for your life... That is not my point at all.

However, I have been to a few churches here and there, and I see problems coming when they forget the Gospel and become "Super-Spiritualized".  This is the Gospel, Man has fallen from favor with God because of our decision to sin. God desires us to return to Him so He made a way for us to come to him. He sent Jesus to earth as a God-Man (100% man and 100% God). Jesus lived a perfect life was crucified, buried and rose again on the third day. He then ascended into glory and sat down at the right hand of God. His death opened the door for us to be made one with God, if we believe in Jesus and the sacrifice that he made. If we surrender our lives to him, and acknowledge him as Lord and Savior, we will be saved and once we die, we will be reunited with God, and live in eternity with him forever. This is the Gospel. Nothing more, and nothing less. Or at least that's what the early church believed.
Today, we cannot believe a simple Gospel because many many years later, naturally we would know more about the Gospel than what Jesus said. Today you must choose who you will serve. Will if be Zwingli? or Luther? or will it be Calvin or Arminius? Surely, if you do not agree with me, you cannot be saved.

I know, that these men, were all Greats of the Faith, and I mean them no disrespect. However, I have left church angry because there was an argument, not about the Gospel, but about whether Calvin was right or Arminius was right. This has to stop. Calvin was not predestined to replace Christ's simple Gospel, and Arminius did not have the free-will to choose to replace the Gospel.

I know that it is good to study and learn more and more about Christ, but it's about building a relationship, not writing a textbook to add on to the Gospel. The Gospel is what saves you, not to doctrine of predestination.
If I met a man, who told me he was going to heaven because Jesus loves him and forgave him of his sins, and his life reflected that statement, I would believe that he would be in paradise one day. If a man told me that everyone who believes in Arminian Theology is going to hell one day, but that he was safe because he was a calvinist... I would wonder if I would see him in Eternity.

We have become to bitter against each other for no other reason, but secondary doctrines to the one Doctrine above all doctrines. The Doctrine of the Gospel. Jesus came to make a way for us to be reunited with God, and He desires us to come to him, we cannot earn our salvation, we can't even begin to pay for it, but we can accept it because of his love and grace towards us. Jesus saves us from our sins, when we recognize him as our loving savior and when we make a change to do our best to honor and glorify him in our lives. That is all. There is no magic doctrinal stance that lets you into a higher heaven or a better heaven. It is the simple Gospel that saves.

I mean this in love,

David "Duckie" Vest

The Death of Courtship, or Christ in Dating?

Introduction
             A While ago one of my friends on Facebook posted something about wanted to have a courtship instead of a dating relationship. There was a blog that was written as to why, and don't get me wrong, there were good reasons for what was said, but I think they were a little bit misguided. I wanted to give my opinion of what courtship is and what I believe dating is, and a solution to the problem.

Courtship
            Many people especially in conservative circles always want to point out that dating isn't the way to go and that they courtship rather go the route of the courtship. They say, it is more centered on Christ and there are a lot more boundaries and rules set up to help the couple succeed. However, none of that really has to do with a courtship. Traditionally what a courtship is, is a young man, goes to his parents are informs them, " I am financially independent and I'm ready to find a wife... Here's a girl that I would be interested in courting." His parents, (along with him) go to the girls parents are discuss the possibility of a courtship. Then the young man and young women get to know each other in the family setting, never on their own, always under the supervision of parents. If the courtship is a success then the couple will get married. If it does not succeed them the couple goes their own separate ways.

           I will be blunt and to the point. I believe that courtships are dead, or at least a dying breed. Not because people don't want to do courtship, but because there is rarely the amount of time for parents to supervise their grown children in a relationship setting like this. I also, don't think that it is really the best way to go about a relationship prior to marriage. I know that it takes time to be yourself in front of someone else's parents... It's not easy to be everything that you would be behind closed doors with just that special someone. If they only get to see you, in these more public settings, yes there will not be a lot of opportunity to fall into physical temptation, but you won't get to see the real person that you really need to see in order to make a decision for marriage. That is what I think, and you can take it or leave it.  (noticed that boundaries are not even mentioned as part of a courtship.)

Dating
          At this point in time, everyone knows what dating is, and how it works. There is constructive dating and then there's the dating game... or destructive dating if you will. Dating is very casual in nature, a boy asks out a girl and they go on dates. They go watch movies, or mini golfing, or any number of things.
          Obviously there are any number of things that more conservative christians can point out as  major problems with this, and for the most part I would agree with them. There is not a lot of dating couples that look for accountability for their physical boundaries, and there is not necessarily a lot of focus on spiritual development or growth. That does not mean that there are exceptions to this rules, it just means it's much easier to fall into sin.

          At this point I want to offer a solution to those who don't want to do a courtship, but want to have a safe, well accounted-for relationship prior to marriage.  I want to suggest what I call Covenantal Dating.

         Covenantal Dating is different from courtship, and it is different from todays use of dating. In covenantal dating you write out what you want your boundaries to be (physically, emotionally, and spiritually). You have someone in authority over you, such as a parent, or pastor keep you accountable throughout your relationship for those boundaries.  This will keep falling into temptation further away. Also, as a Christian, these boundaries should make it much easier to focus your energies on  a Christ centered relationship. Personally, I believe that this is the best option for Christians that are living in the world today. In the world today, few people have time to invest in a traditional courtship, and many people do not really like the idea of "traditional" dating.


Conclusion
         Christians need to understand that dating should not be treated as a game, and that it is really to prepare you for marriage, just as a courtship is. However, I believe that it is very important that you spend time with that special person one on one before you get married because you won't see the same side of people when they are in a group.  I know that it is very hard to keep your physical boundaries unless you write them out. I know this from experience. If you decide to use the covenantal dating system it is worth the fight to avoid temptation, and it will make your relationship down the road much smoother. Always, no matter what you decide to do, keep Christ at the center of your relationship with your significant other. At no point, should they get between you and God. Christ is first, they are second, you are third. That is how God created, marriages to be.

To the Broken Hearts

The other day I was walking through my school cafeteria and I saw one of my friends sitting alone at a table doing homework. Her friends had left to go there separate ways and so I sat down just to see how she was doing. She said she was fine and everything was good. We talked for a while and then went our separate ways. I went back to work washing dishes, but I couldn't get her off my mind. She was single now, and it wasn't by her choice. However, I know she's a strong girl and will be fine, but it still bothered me, what with Valentine's Day coming up and all. Because of this chance encounter I decided to write this blog in hopes to encourage those who may find themselves alone this Valentine's day. 

                                                     A Letter To You

Valentine's day is right around the corner and some of us find ourselves alone this year. I am very blessed that I am married to a wonderful wife. However, it wasn't always that way. I remember many Valentine's days gone by that were rather miserable. I was alone and wishing that I wasn't. I wasn't satisfied where I was and I just wanted someone to show that they loved me. I know the feeling. I know the feeling of being broken up with weeks before this holiday and it hard, and it sucks,

but don't feel that it is going to last that way forever. I promise you, you won't be alone for long. God has a plan for you. It's very cliche to say such things, but it's true. I know it's true because I stood where you stand, feeling a little lost and maybe a little unloved, but I now stand with a wonderful wife, and she is more than I could've imagined. God has blessed me, and I am sure that he will bless you in that way too. you are still young and have plenty of life to live. Don't be afraid, don't be sad, God will give you more than you've asked. He will give you the perfect man that will love and cherish you for who you are. He will lead you and help you grow in faith. I know this is a long step of faith sometimes, but don't give up God still has you in his hand, and will care for you and your broken heart. 

Some people are hurt more than others through break ups, but everyone gets hurt. Also, some people do remain single and are happy with it. Maybe that's not the boat that you are in, and that's totally fine. If you are single and hurting, please don't try to run from your pain, or try to hide it. Deal with it in a healthy way and fall into the arms of Grace and Comfort that will always be there for you. You don't need that rebound guy, all you need is Christ. His love and kindness will last you a lifetime.

 

Open Letter to Myself

I am sitting in a room, where there is no time or space, just enough room for reflection. I hear the door open and I start with surprise as my old self walks in. He sits down in front of me in the chair across the table and looks at me with a long slow glance. He smirks and looks away shaking his head. I feel uncomfortable... Was this really me? 






He looks at me again out from underneath his hoody. His eye are dull, dead, and look slightly malicious. He shifts his weight in his chair and looks away again. I begin to realize with dismay that this WAS really me, this is what I was like years ago. He looks at me for a moment and in a sharp cutting voice says to me; "You know, I can still see you today."   I look startled, "What do you mean?"  He rolls is eyes and glares at me, "I see what you've done, and how you've change and I think it sucks." he almost snarls at me and I feel even more uncomfortable. "Remember how it use to be? When you were still a cool guy?" I look

at him, trying to remember what he could be remembering. He smirks darkly and rolls up his sleeve to reveal scars on his wrists. "Remember these? Do you remember how frustrated you were when you did this to yourself? do you remember those feelings of failure?" He smiles, "Those were the days... When you were still a man." He snaps a look at me, to see how I'm taking it. He smiles, as he realizes that his knife hit me in the heart. 

I look at the ground. "What do you want?"   He turns and looks me in the eyes, and in a dull and cold voice says, "I want you back the way you were."  I look at him, not sure what I'm looking at but realizing how much his words are hurting me. 

He stands up and begins pacing. "Let me paint a picture for you. Remember when you were a player? when you could get girls, and have fun?  HA! Now you're married and stuck with one girl for the rest of your life. You're an idiot, who would ever want that boring a life?  Why would you sign your life away like that?" He continues to pace, and I continue to wonder if he's right. 
"remember those nights? when you would stand in the shower and just let your arms bleed? Look at you now! You're in college for Church Ministries! You really think God wants to use some useless scarred up piece of crap? You're no good for that, you'll lead those kids to Hell before they believe in God." I feel ashamed and sink even further into my chair. I think to myself "how could I expect God to use someone used up like me?".  I guess he's right, I guess I really don't know what I'm doing with my life. 

He turns and with each word I feel like someone punched me in the stomach. "You think you're an artist, and a musician, but don't you remember how much your songs have hurt your family?  Remember?  'As I climb to the top, this I must decide, pain in life or blissful suicide, I know you don't want me I know you don't care, I know you just wish I would die here.'  Remember when you wrote that? Man, you really hurt your mom's feelings. Again I sink further into darkness. I really am a terrible useless person...

"And on top of that you're a Christian now." He smiles darkly and points a figure at me. "Now you have to live by his rules and standards, you have no freedom, and you're just as useless now as ever. All you have is a crutch. A stupid god-crutch. Even if there really is a god, you think he'd care about a worthless piece of crap like you? He doesn't have time for you!" 

I begin to cry, feeling that all my life has been a waste of time. I have accomplished anything, I have nothing to show for my life. All I do is play video games and talk about doing something more. I suck as a husband and a friend. I think to myself, "I guess that's why I have none." The sadness is becoming more and more real, maybe I should just give up now...





"No, you're not finished yet."   






We both start, me and myself I turn and look towards the door, the old me, follows my gaze and turns pale. My eyes fill with tears, and I find myself running towards the man standing in the door, he reaches out to me with nail scarred hands and the gentlest eyes throughout eternity. "My Child, you're safe, and you are loved."  He turns to my old self, and suddenly all gentleness is gone from his gaze. "You, what exactly are you doing here? Do you not see that this is my child that you are tormenting? What right do you think you have to do such a thing, be gone!"  I hold on to Jesus as he begins to shoo my old self away. I suddenly find myself speaking. "Wait!"  Jesus turns and looks at me, as does my old self. Jesus puts on arm around me, and already knowing what I'm going to say, he tells me "Go ahead." 

I stand in front of my savior with him supporting me as I raise my eyes and stare back at my old self. He suddenly looks less menacing and scary. I take a deep breathe and say; "You're right I can't play around with other girls anymore, or break their hearts for fun, but really... What fun is that? you say that I had freedom before Christ, I didn't even know what true freedom was until I came to Christ. You are trying to stay in bondage, why should I want that?  You're right I signed my life away, I chose to give it to Lydia, to love and cherish, and protect her. She is my bride and I will do for her whatever I can do. I will love her until I die and I will never look for anyone else because I have chosen her. Yeah, I still sin and I still fall but that doesn't mean that Christ has given up on me. Do you see him? He's here and he loves me." I begin to gain confidence as Jesus' power flows into me. "I remember every scar I remember putting them there and I remember who I was, but only as a past. I will never return to that darkness, because I have seen a light that is so much greater than any darkness. I remember but the bad songs I've written but I also know by heart the good ones too. The ones that made my mom smile, the ones that blessed her. Even if no one else ever hears them, they were worth writing. As for my major. God called me to do ministry, obviously he knows I'm broken, but I guess he has a purpose for me. He is building me into the person that I will become and not something I used to be. No, Christ is not my crutch he's way more than that. He is my life, and I chose him over you because he loves me, while you hate me, he wants the best for me, while you just want to see me fall.  Now, know that I will never listen to you again, I will not have an audience with you, and I will not entertain you. You are over, and done. So in the name of Jesus Christ, be gone from here and don't come back. I don't need you, and I don't want you. even if I lose all earthly things, all I have is Christ and He is enough for me. 

So saying, I turn my back on myself and turn to Christ. "Jesus, take me and help me become the man you would have me to be."  He smiles, "Come, my child, let me show you the future."  

3 Big Ways to Help Your Fiance Plan a Wedding

One of my friends recently came to me asking if I had any advice to give on wedding planning. After thinking about it for a few days I've come to the decision to write a blog about it. Some people will probably just sniff at this blog, but I'm sure that brides and brides to be will appreciated it if their man spends a little time to read this.

1. Support her decisions and encourage her.

Our Wedding Turned Out Pretty Well :)

This is her biggest dream in life. She has dreamed of becoming a bride for at least 21 years of her life. This day is for her, 
and to celebrate your union for her.
The wedding night is for you. 
When she's picking out the cake or the color of ties you'll wear, just go along with it. You'll be satisfied in the end result, so just let her enjoy herself. 

There will be times when she gets depressed by all the things she has to get done, just relax and smile. Be someone she can  de-stress and relax with. Whenever she gets stressed encourage her and tell her how good she's doing. I promise it'll help you. 




2. Be there to consult with, but don't give your opinion unless asked.

My wife kind of glared at me when I wrote this one, but it's very true. Like I said previously, don't give your opinion unless it's asked of you. If she asks your opinion, you are a lucky guy! She just let you into her dream of a wedding so don't take it lightly. 

3. Be supportive of her family. 

Let me share a short story. There were somethings that happened with my wedding and the events around it that caused both of our families a bit of stress. In one of my unthinking moments I made a comment about how frustrating I found my mother in-law. again, unthinkingly I made this comment to my groomsmen who then took it to a new level of loudly screeching whenever she was mentioned. Needless to say, I regret what I said, but also greatly misjudged her in a moment of frustration. On another note, guys, your mother in-law will most likely to a huge amount of work to put this wedding together. Don't take it lightly, thank her for her trouble, and effort. 
Your  bride, being a girl, will be way more attached to her family than you, as a guy are. Don't take this lightly either. Respect that she'll miss them when she starts a new life with you. Respect her struggles; She'll still wonder if she's ready to be married to you. xD



In the end, just stay calm and respect her and her family. That is really the best thing that you can do. If she gives you something to be in charge of take care of it early and have it ready and organized. She will appreciate your effort to make everything easy. When you're planning a wedding, don't forget to stay in love. A lot of time you can lose track of spending meaningful time together. Make sure that you take breaks from planning and just do something fun. Keep it light, and if you hit problems, smile and work through them together. 

I'm a gamer so I couldn't resist. 

PS. I'm going to start trying to have a new blog out every Wednesday and Saturday. If you want me to write, or address a certain topic, leave a comment of message me somewhere. :)   

7 Things Every Christian Guy Should Know Before He Has Sex

Now I know what you're thinking, "How could you use the words 'christian'and 'sex' in the same title?" Well, because sex is important to Christianity. I believe that in the church today there is a lack of sex education going on, and I believe that the church really needs to step up and address the real life issues that happen within marriage for Newly-weds in the church. 

I've been married for about three weeks now, and obviously, my wife and I have had sex. It's part of marriage as God designed and, not gonna lie, it is enjoyable. However, going into marriage I had a lot of misconceptions about what sex would be like, and also how I would deepen my relationship with my wife, through sex, and how it would effect other areas of our relationship. This blog, hopefully will help young men who are going into marriage, prepare for marriage and understand what exactly you are getting into.

7. You will not become one overnight.  
When I was growing up and through my college experience I kept hearing the phrase "you will become one with your wife" and I always thought that was referring to sex, and how you would suddenly understand everything about her, and you would know her deepest secrets. Well, let me tell you, we didn't become one, and we're still different people and I still don't understand everything about my wife, but I do know her better now. in retrospect I see, how misplaced these ideas are, and how foolish it is to think that you will get to that point immediately overnight. 
6. You don't have sex constantly.
You don't and really, that's a good thing. You can't physically have sex all the time, and I'm pretty sure you realize that. Plus, she cannot have sex all the time either. No one could physically take that. Yet, before marriage you think, well, "we're gonna be having sex every 5 minutes on the honeymoon and it's gonna be great!" Nope. 
5. You don't want it constantly.
On top of the fact that you don't have sex all the time, you also don't want to have sex all the time. If you simply married someone because you thought it was the only way you'd get to sleep with them, than you should never have started the dating process. When you are married, if you've had a good relationship prior to marriage. You will have other things that you enjoy doing together, and you will continue to do them. I personally, don't want to have sex all the time, and my wife is fine with that. I would rather talk to her, and actively do something with her, rather than lay in bed all day having sex. If you truly love your wife, you probably won't be having sex all day. 
4. It's not about her pleasing you. 
I know that a lot of guys love their fiances and want to make them happy. However, in our culture, we have this idea that when it comes to sex, its about the girl pleasing the guy, and in marriage the wife should submit to the husband and simply let him have his way with her all the time. This also includes making her do things for you, that aren't really appropriate. You will find, if you really love your wife, like Ephesians tells you too. Sex, as well as other areas of your life will become more about you pleasing her, and making her happy. This is not just doing the dishes for her, and trying to express yourself more. This also includes in the bedroom. As her husband, it is important that you put her needs above your own. Sex isn't about you, it's about glorifying God with your body by giving it to your spouse.  
3. It's not like the movies make it seem.
Like I mentioned, our culture gives us plenty of images, videos, and movies to tell us what sex is supposed to look like or be like. I can tell you right now. If you want sex to be like a movie, then you're gonna be disappointed. It's nothing like a movie, for example, it's fun. It's smiles, and giggles. Not some steamy sex scene... and seriously, thank God it's not. Because it's so much more enjoyable when you're not trying to impress her, or show off. If you act like yourself, (the person she married you for) you will have a great time, and sex will be fun. 
2. Sex helps improve other areas of your marriage.
Believe it or not, sex does help with other areas of your marriage. For example, in my situation, it has helped me become more vocal and share what I'm thinking with my wife. It helps me understand her more, and give us a way to just be completely transparent with each other. To be frank, when you've seen someone standing in front of you completely naked, you have seen everything about them. Their beauty, their blemishes, and their whole body. You see who they really are, and if you can share that with them physically, it really helps in sharing that emotionally, and mentally.  
1. Experiencing Sex is not the pinnacle of your existence.
I hate to disappoint you, but the pinnacle of marriage is not having sex. I know a lot of guys who really want to have sex, because sex is the pinnacle of their imagination. That's really sad. The pinnacle of your existence as a husband is when a young person, or someone looks at you and says, "I want to be like you when I get married, because I saw Christ in how you treat your wife." 

Guys, even in sex, you're goal is not to finish last. It's still has Paul said, to finish the race, and get the prize, the crown of eternal life. Sex is an intimate act between and husband and a wife to take part in for the glory of God

Husbands, on a final note, love your wives as Christ loves the church and gave himself for her. (Ephesians 5) protect her, care for her, and cherish her. If you must, die for her. But before you sign out and die for her. Make sure you live every moment of your life and your existence to glorify God by the way that you love her. 

Compassion isn't Easy, Hatred isn't Hard

So we're coming to the end of 2014, and there are some things that stand out. First of all, I'm getting married this year and I 'm excited!
Second, Michael Brown was shot and killed, Eric Garner was choked to death, and Two Police officers were gunned down in cold blood as "justice". There have been much heated debates and raging arguments over these events. There has been even more senseless stupidity and hatred than normal, but that's not why I'm writing this. I'm writing this because, even though I didn't know any of them personally, I hurt. I'm broken, and I hurt for them all.

Michael Brown made some bad choices in life, but I'm sure that there were times when he did make the right decisions, I'm sure there were moments when he was kind, and nice to people. Eric Garner, didn't need to die, and there was no reason for that whole situation to begin with. The two cops who got killed for revenge of Brown and Garner, definitely were a huge loss to their communities. I'm not saying that Brown and Garner weren't huge losses either, but their situation was a little bit different. They died after some struggle. However, I'm not here to argue about who was innocent and who wasn't that's not my intention, and I don't have a degree in law so I'll let that be. My reason for writing, is this. All of us who have been watching the news, and posting about it on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram have opinions and everyone has a right to their opinions. However, I don't care whether you are black, white, purple, or green. You are a human, and you have  a choice of whether you decide to hate or show compassion.

If you choose to hate the officers who killed Brown or Garner. You'll waste your energy in hate when you could've been forgiving. If you choose to hate Brown and Garner and champion the cry, "They got what they deserved!"  You also, are wasting your energies. See, hating people never got us anywhere. Hate never fixed anything. Hate is evil and hating each other is a sin. Regardless of the religion you adhere to, or if you are an atheist. You most likely believe that Hate is a negative emotion or energy. Why would you ever choose to surround yourself with negative energy? Is it really worth it?
Don't get me wrong. I understand that hatred looks like the easy way out, and like it will reap the most rewards, but it's a lie. It's not true, you'll go to the grave hating and poisoning yourself. That would be a shame wouldn't it?

The opposite response from hating everyone involved would be compassion. Now, let me caution you, compassion isn't easy, and it's very hard to forgive. But I can tell you it is far more rewarding. I look around at the world today, and hate as engulfed it. Satan has done quite well in blinding and confusing the world into believing that sin and hatred will make a better world. My plea is that you would decide to forgive and move on.

Don't get me wrong, I've had my share of wrong attitudes and wrong responses to everything from Ferguson to NYC and every time I want to curse those involved, I fight it, and I try to stop hating and forgive. I have no reason to lie, I've cried over these lost lives and the lives ruined through these events. I don't know them but I hurt for them, and hurting can turn towards bitterness if you don't admit that you are hurting, but please, please don't go on that road. Admit that you are hurting, and need healing, and work towards compassion and forgiving.

It's almost Christmas, give yourself a gift, and let yourself heal from this year. I know, that I personally couldn't possibly heal from all the hardships and pain I've had in life without the help of my Savior and Lord Jesus Christ. He has given me the faith and grace to help me through the hard times, and I know he is willing and there to help you. No matter what "race" or ethnicity you are. He will and wants to bring comfort to you.

Remember Compassion isn't easy, but it bring healing. Hatred isn't hard, but all it does is poison your soul. refocus on Christ this Christmas and find hope. There's no need to carry around the burdens of sadness on your own.