Ten Tips to Better Communication (Marriage Tips)

There are quite a few things that completely derail a marriage.

Adultery.
Financial stress.
Medical stresses.

But one of the most potent poisons to any marriage is miscommunication.

Sadly it seems that very few people are actually good at communicating with their spouses. Quite a few of our friends have mentioned to my wife and I how much they struggle to communicate with their spouse.

Lydia and I definitely pride ourselves in being able to communicate with each other, but we haven't always been as good at it as we are now.

What follows is ten tips for better communication within your marriage.

10. Never assume your spouse understands what you meant.
This goes for both sexes. Don't assume you read that text right. If it sounds worse than what your wife normally says, then you probably didn't read it correctly.

If you assume that you understand what your spouse is saying and don't bother to clarify what was meant, you will often come to misunderstandings and it will slowly wear you down.

It's much easier to ask what was meant then go through the frustrations of misunderstanding.

9. Never go to bed angry with your spouse.
This is something that my wife and I have never done. We never go to bed angry with each other.

We may be lying in bed angry at each other for a bit... but we never fall asleep angry.

 If you let anger smolder, it will burn you and your spouse.

Anger is destructive to anything it touches and can easily destroy a marriage. If you are angry or upset about something that your spouse did then talk to them and try to figure out a solution so that it does not keep irritating you. Chances are that they didn't even realize that it was that frustrating. Also, forgive. Remember that you are on the same team and determine whether what is irritating you is worth giving up peace with your spouse over.

8. Never assume you know more than your spouse
This can be a tricky issue because obviously you will know more than your spouse in certain subjects. The balance comes by not lording your expertise over them, rather share the knowledge with them and likewise they will share their specialty with you.

That way both of you learn and become the wiser for it. If you go into marriage assuming that you're the smarter one, you will insult and damage the confidence of your spouse. Anyone with a superiority complex will end up lonely and broken.

7. Do not withhold sex or other intimate behaviors as punishment.
If you are frustrated with your spouse do not... let me repeat, do not withhold sex or other forms of showing affection from your spouse. You are not the parent and they are not the child. You are equals and punishing them because you are mad at them is not appropriate in a marriage.

Be an adult and talk out your differences and come to a conclusion that is agreeable to both people. Now if your spouse is tired from having a really long day and doesn't want to have sex... Then be kind and understanding and let them relax and rest. They had a rough day and need a break. Maybe even make dinner for them or do something to demonstrate that you care about their efforts. Communicating kindness is just as important as communicating a disagreement or misunderstanding.

6. Always assume the best of what your spouse is telling you.
Speaking from personal experience, I have many times assumed the worst and it has made everything very gloomy and dismal. Many times Lydia had no idea that what she said was misunderstood by me and I would just hold on to it, and let it bother me for hours. Finally when I couldn't hold it anymore I would ask her why she was mad at me or whatever I had assumed. Many times she would stare at me with a blank look because she never meant what I had come up with... In short, ask for clarification before you assume she's attacking you... which leads right into the next point.

5. Accept criticism, even if you don't like it.
Part of marriage is growing as a person.

The only way that you grow is if you are challenged to grow. Growth comes from discomfort and learning to overcome difficulties. The number one person who will be challenging you is most likely going to be your spouse. They aren't always going to sugar coat what they are saying to you and you need to be an adult about it, hear the truth that they are saying, and maybe do some introspection and see if you need to work on something.

A willingness to grow is a mature response to criticism.

4. Believe your spouse when they say they love you. 
"I love you bb" said Lydia,
"yay!  are you sure?" Said the insecure Dave.
"Yes I do bb..." said Lydia, what she didn't say was that it hurt every time he didn't believe her.
Why didn't he believe her? She told him that every day, but for some reason he just didn't seem to believe her. After a few months it was beginning to wear on her.

If your spouse tells you they love you, believe them. It's important for them to know that you trust them and believe what they say. If this basic communication isn't intact, chances are there are other issues in the relationship as well.

3. Never settle an argument when you are angry. 
No one ever settled a disagreement angry.

They may have yelled louder and got their point across better, but in the end they didn't win.

If your spouse isn't winning, then you aren't winning either.

Marriage is a team sport, and if you aren't unified as a team, then you will lose every time.

If you are not getting along about something to the point both of you are angry at each other, take a step back and just cool off before you try to come to an agreement about it.

2. Be willing to work with your spouse. 
Teams that win a lot put in hours upon hours of work to succeed when they get into a hard contest.

When it comes down to the wire, the team that is better prepared will come out on top. When it comes to marriage, both husbands and wives not only need to be working on growing themselves, they also need to put time in working together to become a stronger team. The more time you put in together the less miscommunications you'll have and the more you will enjoy each other.

1. Adopt the mindset that you hold the keys to your spouse's soul. 

Being married is an honor and a privilege.

It is also a huge responsibility.

Why is it a huge responsibility?
 Because you are entrusted with your spouse's heart and soul.
You are the keeper of your spouse and responsible for their well-being.
What do leaders look like? Gentle yet firm, kind but honest. They love their own and they protect their own. That is your responsibility in marriage, to defend that sacred bond, and do whatever it takes keep that bond.

Communication is key to understanding each other in a marriage. If you want to take care of your spouse (and in turn yourself) take the time to understand them better than they understand themselves. 

Three Reasons Why I Joined the Army

I have a tendency to write blogs in lists and this one will be no exception. In case you were unaware of what has been going on in my life for the past few months; I joined the army and went through Basic Combat Training, and I am now halfway through my AIT. Joining the Army is not a small decision... committing yourself to do something and to be loyal to it for longer than two years is hard, and a very difficult decision to make. For me, I spent about four months talking to different people and weighing my options before I walked into an Army recruiter's office. Then I took another month to commit to the Army. Now, many people have asked (specifically at Basic Training) why did I join the army and what was my motive for making that decision?  Well, here are my top three reasons for joining the military.

1. I joined the military to better myself, and create a better future for my family
Now I know that a lot of people will be able to relate to this. Many people have the end goal of trying to improve themselves and some look to the Army as the catalyst for this change. However, I have seen many who have said that they wanted to change, but then they don't push for success in the areas that they said they want change. In the end no one can force you to change, not even the army. You have to want it and you have to fight for it regardless of what you are surrounded by. I wanted to better myself because I felt like I wasn't worth anything. I felt that I was only holding my wife's future back because I was in school and not providing for her. I wanted that to change, I wanted to be able to proudly proclaim that I am providing for my wife, protecting her, and loving her to the best of my ability as her husband. When I joined that was my motive. I know now that I need more than just that to be a good husband and I will tackle that in a different blog. 

2. I joined the military to prove I am capable of succeeding at something
Like I mentioned earlier I felt that I wasn't good at anything. I felt I wasn't succeeding in any area of my life (which I know wasn't true) but I still felt that way and I wanted that to change. I have always struggled with confidence because I was never the loudest person in the room, and I felt that confidence had to do with your ability to command everyone's attention. While that is partially true there is a quiet side to confidence that makes your actions firm decisive and life-changing. I have gained a lot of self-confidence over the few months I've been here, and I have realized that I am in fact capable of succeeding in life. 
3. I joined the military to further the legacy of my grandparents who served in WWII
Both of my grandfathers served in WWII in the Army Air Corps (which then became the Air Force). One working in recon and intelligence, the other as a radio repair. I grew up hearing stories about WWII and the adventures they had. My parents didn't serve in the military but they always spoke highly of those who served, and supported the military so I never had a negative impression of the military. I have always longed to join the Army and serve my country.


 I never dreamed that that dream would ever really come true. Well... Here I am today, and I am in the Army trying my best to better myself, and max out every PT test. I want to be the best version of myself I can be. I want to leave a legacy for my children to be proud of. I am living one of my dreams, and I now know that it is possible to do so.

                                                                                           Until next time,
                                                                                                                 Duckie

How to Break The Friend Zone (The Story of Lydia and Dave)

I am writing this to the guys that feel like they'll never win the girl of their dreams, and I'm writing this to the guy who honestly loves the girl next door and is ignored and put into the "Friendzone".  This is not for the guy who only thinks about himself and only wants a girlfriend. This is for the guy who falls in love with a girl who he feels he has no chance with. I'm sharing this story because I don't want you to give up on your dreams.

When I was a freshman in college I went to college early because I wanted to tryout for the soccer team. I did not make the team and I am okay with that now. Anyway, before classes started some of the people who were there early went bowling together, and that was the first time I met Lydia. She was pretty, cute, and adorable. I wanted to talk to her, and I was hoping that we would be put in the same lane... We weren't but that's okay. On the way home we were in the same car and we got started talking about music and I said I wasn't a huge fan of Casting Crowns and apparently that wasn't the right thing to say (Strike 1).

When classes started my first class was Introduction to Psychology. I walked in a little nervous because this all seemed new. But I found a open seat and sat down without making a fool of myself. I looked to the left, and there was a girl who would share all the same classes with me on M/W/F for the rest of that semester. I turned to the right and there sat Lydia! We talked briefly and I was happy.

As the weeks went by I began to like Lydia, I wouldn't say love because that's a little bit of an exaggeration. However, the feelings weren't mutual at the time, and she began to show interest in a different guy. I didn't say anything, I just simply kept talking to her and being friends with her. By the end of Freshman year it was clear that she wasn't interested in me since she was semi-dating another guy.

Lydia and I in Europe

I felt kind of sad about it but not really because hey, there are many fish in the sea and maybe she's not the right one for me...  Well, she kept it up with this guy until late in summer break. When they broke up the first person he called was me, and told me that they had broken up. I was surprised, and I don't want to seem mean, but I was like.... maybe I have a chance now!





Two weeks after they broke up, I asked Lydia, "When we get back to school do you wanna go on a date?"  :3   I had high hopes... and they were quickly dashed on the rocks.
"No, I don't think I'll ever date you." Was Lydia's response.

Well then... I again tried to convince myself that there would be more fish in the sea, and I tried to find someone else. After showing interest in a few different girls and gave up. I couldn't seem to get Lydia out of my head, and I was only doing things I regretted and hurting people by not focusing on friendships.

During this time, I was still friends with Lydia, in fact I was the guy that she would talk to about her guy problems. She would tell me who she was interested in and who was frustrating her. Somehow I was never on her list.

Half way through the fall semester, Lydia got sick. She needed to go to Urgent Care and no one else seemed to be around so I told her I would drive her there. She reluctantly agreed, and off we went.  While we were sitting in the waiting room, I really wanted to lean over and hug her, but I thought she would punch me in the face. Many months down the road she would admit that she wanted the same thing that day. This event led to my first opportunity to hang out with her one on one. This led to many other opportunities to hang out as such.

On a particular Friday evening in November we were hanging out with a staff member and his family and two of us brought our guitars and were playing together for everyone else who was either listening or off in a different room. We were playing romantic songs and fun songs, but Lydia noticed that I wasn't looking at her during the romantic songs.
That night after we went home she cried all night because she thought she had lost her chance to be with the guy who she actually did like... but I didn't know this yet.

In the next day we went square dancing with a group of friends and I wasn't particularly interested in

From the Night of Dancing

dancing with Lydia that night because another girl was going that was a nice person and a good friend. Anyway, we danced, and the first time Lydia was passed to me, I could tell that she was blushing, but I had no idea why. I asked her, "Why are you blushing?" and she said,  "I'm not!" (and proceeded to not make eye contact with me.)

That night things changed. I was going to dance the last dance with another friend but Joanna Pisani poked me in the right direction when she told me to dance it with Lydia. I asked her why and she simply said, just do it. so I did it. That night we stopped at McDonalds on the way home, and danced in the parking lot. Things were beginning to look hopeful.

A couple weeks later we sat down and had a talk. I don't think anyone in the history of relationships has had a talk like this. We went to Starbucks and our talk started out... I know you like me, and you know I like you, so what are we going to do about this?

That was the beginning. Sometime I will tell the story of me asking her out, and the story of our engagement and our wedding day, but for now just know... That if you truly love a girl, and are patient, and courteous to her. You never know, there is a possibility that it will work out!

Wedding Day, in Mesa AZ

Until Next Time,

Best Friends Forever | 20 Years of Friendship

Many people have a best friend, many people have friends that last for five years, few people have friends that last for ten years, and even fewer people have a bestfriend that lasts for twenty years. My wife Lydia has been friends with her best friend Alyssa for over twenty years, and they are both still in their early twenties! In my background growing up this seems crazy. I can't imagine having a friend for that long... Don't get me wrong I would love to have a best friend like that but I simply have not known the same people for that long. I think that the ability to have a lifelong friend like that is incredible and I want to recognize this and commend them for not only maintaining that friendship but continuing to grow as friends throughout those years.

Alyssa

Lydia and Alyssa met at church when they were around four years old. They became friends and began spending time together as you would expect of four year olds-- playdates and family activities. They saw each other at church for a while but then the families went their separate ways. However, Lydia would still participate in events and youth activities with Alyssa's church so they would continue to hang out and continue to develop their relationship.

When Lydia was in 9th grade, she switched schools from public school to a Christian school. Alyssa had been at this school for quite a few years at this point but that didn't matter. They were still friends and still spent much of their time together. At this point in time, I was still living in New Jersey and had no idea whatsoever that Lydia even existed yet! I wouldn't come into the picture until Lydia's freshman year of college.

Throughout their high school years, they created many memories, inside jokes, and stories that to this day cause much laughter from the retelling of them. A

Lydia

friendship like this is a precious thing and I cannot emphasize enough how much of a blessing it is so observe their friendship. In order to maintain such a relationship you have to sacrifice and you have to make an effort to understand each other and grow together as friends.

This past Christmas break Alyssa and I made Lydia watch the Harry Potter movies. Both Alyssa and I are firm and avid Harry Potter fans and Lydia had never seen these movies. We watched through the first four and will finish the rest of them before summer break. But it was an opportunity to hang out and see each other.

From my perspective, it can be difficult to enter a group when the other people in the group have been friends for many years prior to you joining. I felt very out of place in the beginning simply because I was so new. Over the two years of marriage, we have had quite a few opportunities to hangout and get to know each other. I can honestly say, that at this point in time, Alyssa isn't just Lydia's best friend, but she is also a dear friend to me as well.  (and Alyssa, thank you for sharing your best friend. :P )

But I am beginning to ramble, and I don't want to so I'm going to wrap this up with. On New Year's Eve we went out and did a little photoshoot with Lydia and Alyssa. I have included some of the pictures from the shoot in this blog and I hope this story has been encouraging.

Friends | From 4yrs Old to the Future

Until Next time,
     

The Quest to Find Ourselves

There are many moments in our lives that we just have to sit down and wonder... "How did I get here, and who am I?"  this could be something that only I have had to deal with, but I have a strange feeling that I'm not alone here. I'm only 24 years old, and I sometimes feel like I'm having a midlife crisis already.
The thing is, I have read enough to know how to solve the problems of identity and purpose, but I still struggle with it and it is endlessly frustrating. However, as I struggle away, I want to maybe encourage anyone else out there who is struggling with the same thing. I have compiled a list of 10 things that help me and continue to push me towards becoming the person that I believe I am.

1. I was given gifts for a reason
We have all been given a particular set of natural gifts. For some of us we are more geared towards administrative work, some of us are good activators, some of us are good with very particular details, some of us are good at inspiring others, some of us are good listeners, and some of us are good at big vision, and future planning. We all have our specific gifts and it is important that we all find out what they are so that we can utilize them to the best of our abilities. Every single one of us has the gifts we have so that we can bless someone else. I firmly believe that and it is important that we allow this to aid us when we feel lost in a sea of confusion.


2. I can be confident in my strength, and strengthen my weaknesses 
We have strengths and we have weaknesses. Often times we let our weaknesses speak louder than our strengths because we're so scared of our weaknesses showing instead of relying our strengths to carry us through. This does not mean that we should not work on the areas in our lives that are weak, but rather... know where your strengths are so that you can be the most beneficial and fulfilled person you can be. I know, that I have certain strengths, but I let my fear of my weaknesses dictate how I act in certain circumstances and sometimes I even allow my fears to dictate how I view myself. I can tell you from personal experience that this is crippling to one's self improvement. If you want to improve remove fear from your vocabulary and from your mindset. This isn't easy, but it is possible to accomplish.

3. My emotions do not control my identity
In a day and age when much of society believes that our feelings dictate who we are and what we are we need to understand that this is just not true--it is a lie. Our feelings, though powerful, do not alter the true state of reality. If I feel one day that I am worthless and have no value because of something someone said, that is simply not true because our families and friends value us. Even if they do not value us, we are born with value in us. We were created for a purpose, and that purpose is special and individual to each of us.

4. My circumstances do not define me
Another common misconception is that our present circumstances define who we are and our worth. Again that is simply not true and we need to get rid of this falsehood. Our circumstances shows us the consequences for who we were,\ and the choices that we made in the past. That doesn't mean we are the same today. Many times our past can be a huge encouragement when we see how far we have come. Never allow your circumstance or situation define you or define your worth. If you are committed to growth, you will grow, and if you are committed to discipline, you will become more so, and your value will continue to rise.

5. My future is (somewhat) in my control, and I directly influence my progress. 
Yes, yes inevitably my future is in God's hands and I have no say about whether I take another breath or not. However, the little things in life are up to me. I can control the aspects of my life that are under my control. I can choose to spend my time growing my mind or wasting it. I can choose to hit the gym or I can choose a bag of cookies. I have the choice and I have the control to define the level of success I achieve in the future. I am in control of my future.

6. The choices I have made in my life have led me to where I am now. 
Understand that the choices we have made in the past are our decisions are we are responsible for where we are. No one else is responsible for our mindset, mentality, and drive. I look back at my first 24 years and I see many choices that I made that I really regret making and really wish I could change, but I can't go back in time and change them. I can simply vow to never make that decision again and never put myself in that position again.

7. My true friends will love me through my struggles, and flaws
You are the sum of your closest friends. If your friends are trustworthy, honest, and people of integrity so are you; but if your friends are liars, cheaters, and lazy... so are you. You will be hard put to find a situation where this does not hold true.
However, you must understand that there will be people around you who truly love you and desire the best for you. They will see you not for who you are but for the person you want to become, and they will see the potential in you and push you to achieve the greatness that has been placed in you.

8. I am allowed to make mistakes but have no excuse to repeat them. 
We all make mistakes and none of us are perfect, but we cannot allow that to excuse making the same mistakes repeatedly. We must continue to improve our decision making and learn from our mistakes. If we continue to make mistakes that we have previously made we do not deserve to experience success because we haven't become any wiser. Success will always follow our personal growth.

9. The things that I feed myself will be what I become. 
We are what we eat. If we fill our mind with junk, we will become junk. If we fill our minds with wisdom we will become wise. Whatever movies you watch, whatever music you listen to, whatever conversations you have, that is what you will become. If you desire to grow, you will invest in better music, movies, and conversations. Many times you will eliminate entertainment because your success does not have time for you to turn off your mind.

10. My identity is in the unchanging character of Christ. 
Lastly, my identity is found in Christ and his unchanging character. This is where our hope rests. It rests in Christ, his consistent person, and attributes. We have a compass to guide our lives because his character is unchanging and constant. We have the power to succeed even in the tough times, when we aren't sure about who we are, because we know that Christ will remain consistent.


We all have times of uncertainty and insecurity, and we have struggle at times. Don't let your struggles get the best of you. Continue to push forward and strive for the best in all things. You can achieve whatever level of success you want in life as long as you show consistency and growth.

The Future of Our World Through the Eyes of Music.

I have been thinking about this issue for sometime and it has started to really bother mean. I understand that in certain genres you want to employ very "brutal" or dark imagery to get your message across. I don't believe that all bands that use such really mean to be overly graphic or turn people off because of it, but that's inevitable that they do.

However, whatever you listen to and whatever you put into your head affects you. I haven't always done the best job of listening to music with a positive message. I understand that a lot of it does come down to the genre that I prefer and it is not always as positive; however that does not mean that every song and every band is negative like the vast majority.

In this particular example, I am taking two songs and contrasting the views in them. The songs that I will be looking at are, "They Will Know Another" by Thy Art is Murder and "Break the Cycle" by For Today. Both songs fall into a similar genre and address the future of our world. The difference is that one piece focuses on the problem while the other offers a solution.

Thy Art is Murder "They Will Know Another"
This song goes through and mourns the destruction of Aleppo. I do not have that confirmed from the band, but the music video does hint towards that. The band mourns the pain of losing children and how even if we try to spare them from one form of torment another will surely find them. The line that stands out to me the most is, "I'm not afraid to die, I'm afraid I'll survive and have to watch you suffer."  There are many difficulties in this world. It seems the news is filled daily with lives lost. This is where this song stops-- the problem without a solution. That is sad... Because it doesn't have to. If you let your outlook on life stop here, you will not have any hope or drive to push for a brighter future. It suggests that the answer is to give up and die which I would strongly reject. I refuse to go down without a fight and I will push with everything I have to make a positive impact on this world.

For Today "Break The Cycle" 
This song also talks about the decline of our society and world and also addresses how self-destruction and such tendencies have become commonplace. Instead of simply mourning the destruction of our culture is offers hope and a solution for our situation. They proclaim that the solution is in the blood of Christ and sharing the Gospel to a broken world is the answer. They spend the majority of the song on the hope that can be the future rather than simply mourning the future.

I believe that this is that will carry us into our future --- hope and hope in Jesus Christ.

Now, please understand this is only my two cents on the subject so I'm totally cool with starting a discussion on the topic.

I have posted the links to the music videos below, so feel free to check them out if you so wish.
Break the Cycle: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1z91zfPJAw
They Will Know: Another https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nY6SLEBM19M

If you do not enjoy or care for metal as a genre of music, then you probably won't enjoy listening-- I know for many it is not their cup of tea. However I do appreciate you taking the time to read this post and hearing my perspective! Thanks!

How To Make 2017 The Best Year of Your Life

As we enter into the Christmas season, it is inevitable that people starting thinking about 2017. Some people, are super excited and pumped about what they have planned for 2017, how they plan to grow as people, and how they plan to grow in their business. Others are going into this season worried, scared, and unsure if 2017 will make it or break it for them. I want to encourage you; you can make it through this coming year. You can not only survive it, but you can thrive in it! Don't give up before it's started, and don't be afraid of the unknown.
I know from past experiences that not every year is a great year, but I also know that I'm super young, and God-willing will have many more years and will make wonderful memories. My wife, Lydia, and I are very excited about our year in 2017, and we want you guys... everyone around us that we come in contact with, whether it is in person, or over social media... We want to see you succeed and we want you to thrive! Here are ten ways to help you thrive in 2017.
10.  Understand You are the Variable of Your Success
If you want to succeed in life, you must grasp this simple truth. Life is an equation and you are the variable that determines what you will achieve. I know that some people might say, God is a bigger variable in your life than you, and yes, of course God is key to you staying alive, he will not FORCE you to follow Him, or MAKE you serve Him. That's you making a conscious decision to get on your knees and seek Him and His desires for you. As far as life is concerned, God will not work your job for you or send your bills to the electric company for you... That's on you.   PS. It's also not on the government.
9.  Understand That You are Gifted Specially for Your Life
Now, many of us have struggled at some point in our lives with our self-image and what we are capable.  If 2016 has been a year of sadness, regret, and maybe even self-hate, let me come alongside you, let your true friends come alongside you, and let's turn that around! I know what self-hate is... it's self-focus. I can tell you if you focus on yourself, you will be miserable. But if you focus on those around you and work to serve and help them.... your heart will never be empty because that is part of the purpose for you being here.
Now, understand this, you are special, and maybe you don't like HOW you are special, but you are. God created you with a purpose, and he created you for greatness. Also, he never makes mistakes, he knows exactly why you are where you are and he can heal any brokenness that you have. You have gifts that no one else has and you are powerful! Don't underestimate that!
8.  Understand Who is responsible for Your Success... YOU
Now, in light of the last point, understand that it is up to you... YOU are responsible for your outcome. So many times we blame other people, things, places, animals, corporations, jobs, the government... you name it, we've blamed it. Well... Stop it. End of discussion, you are responsible for you. Remember that deer you hit on your way to work?  If you weren't shaving in the car, you probably would've seen it... Also speeding doesn't help. For real though, do you get my point? You are responsible for you and any success that you achieve is directly a reflection of whether you have an opportunity mindset or a victim mentality. Is your boss unfair... or are you glad you have a job? Are you set on being broke for the rest of your life.... or are you looking for opportunities to make an extra income? Mindset is key to your success and if you want to succeed you must have a go-get-it mindset.
7. Understand That Discipline is Key to Your Success
Discipline is often misunderstood as disciplining a child-- punishment. That is not what true discipline is, especially for adults. Discipline means pushing yourself to create good, healthy habits, whether it is how you respond to situations at work, or whether you're hitting that snooze button 209,383,711,094 times before you get up. If you want to succeed, and excel in life, you must learn to discipline yourself... Though it might not be fun to get up at 5am and go to the gym, push yourself to do it, because I promise you... The sunrise is so beautiful to see. Real discipline will bring so many blessings into your life. If you really want to be the best, you will push yourself, even when it's not pleasant or easy. I am talking to myself here too. I need to become more disciplined as well.
6. Understand the Value of Those Who Have Gone Before You
Whatever field of study you are in, whether it is medical or sales, there are those who have gone before and have been very successful in them. In the medical realm there are giants like Stanley Dudrick or in CrossFit, Rich Froning, Jr. They have excelled in their own right, and there is much to be learned from them. In Theology, Jonathan Edwards, Matt Chandler, G.A. Chesterton. Philosophy, Voltaire, Aquinas. I could go on and on, but my point here, is you can learn from those with more experience than you, even if you don't believe or agree with absolutely everything they believe. Learn to think critically for yourself, but value those who know more and are wiser than you.
5. If You Don't have Time, Make Time
We all lead busy lives for the most part, and millionaires are no exception, especially before they were millionaires. The Majority of self-made millionaires became that way because they pushed themselves harder than everyone else, and they pushed themselves to be the best. They also mapped out their days, they scheduled every hour, sometimes down to the minute, to be the most productive that they can be. We all have the same amount of time to dedicate to whatever we choose. You can make time by organizing yourself and your day in such a way that optimizes your strengths and minimizes your weaknesses.
4. Throw Away Your Excuses... They Only Hinder Your Success
"But, I just don't have time!", "But my job won't pay me enough!"  "But I'm not any good at sales!" "But I have a... thing... I have to go to."  Stop it, get some help. The help you need is a trash bag for all your excuses. If you want to succeed you will leave your excuses in the trash and take responsibility for everything that is under your control, and you will let God take care of what is out of your control... Also, don't use God as an excuse to be lazy or inactive. I promise you, God did not call you to Netflix and Potato Chips. I have spent many years making excuses of why I can't do something or why I'm not good at anything... It has become time for me to stop making excuses for my lack of productivity and it's also time for you to do the same. We will never reach our full potential if we stand behind a glass wall of excuses.
3. Never Stop Learning! 
To be successful you must never stop growing and developing your mind, you must never stop developing your body, and your spirit. Successful people read! They listen to learners and other successful people. They invest in their minds because they realize how important it is to continue to learn, and how easy it is to become stagnant.
If you need some ideas on where to start, listen to Caroline Leaf, Michael Hyatt, Jim Rohn, John Maxwell, there are many others out there, but that's just a start. As your mind grows so does your potential and your influence.
2. Invest in Yourself and Prioritize Your Personal Development
Similar to the last point, invest in yourself and prioritize it. Many times, I have used the excuse that I should die to myself daily, as a means of not trying to improve my person. As I said earlier, I'm done with excuses, so while dying daily does mean putting others before yourself, that does not mean, letting yourself go to waste either! If you wish to be successful you will put a price on your time, and you will spend time on things that matter, and on people who help make you a better person! Get a mentor! Get around people who help make you a better person so that then you can in turn be a person that adds value to the people around you!
You are special, and you are priceless! Your life will never be lived by anyone else and it is important that you don't waste your life doing trivial things! Invest in things that matter, and make a difference so that you are remembered as a World Changer!
1. Never Let Someone Stop You From Being the Best Version of Yourself You Can Be
I left this one for last, because it is often the hardest for us to overcome. The opinions of others, and those around us influence us more than any of us want to believe or admit, but it is very true. If you truly want to be successful, you will leave the haters in your dust, and you will cling to those who believe in you and empower you to reach your God-given potential. Many people are scared to excel because being the best is often lonely and friends are few and far between, but don't let that stop you. The few friends that you will find on the road to success with be so much more precious than those who are you friend, only because you fit in with their mold.
Become deaf to those who speak down at you and you devalue  you. Open your mind and heart to those who challenge you and speak life into you. Listen to those who see your vision and are willing to not only run with you to achieve that vision, but will continue to carry you towards that vision when your strength has given out. Those who see the awesome and amazing person you were created to be! Believe that God has a purpose for you, and believe in yourself, because you are worth so much more than what average people see... You have been called to be, not only successful, but EXTRAORDINARY!

Suicide Squad: The Real Heros, The Real Heart

Now that Suicide Squad has been out for sometime, and I won't really be spoiling anything for anyone by talking about it, I have decided to write a blog about it, because it was by far one of the best movies that I have seen this year. Now, I know a lot of people did not like the movie, because the characters were too shallow and there wasn't good character development. If that's what you think, I don't know what movie you watched, but it wasn't the one I saw. They might not have given every character the same development as others, but DeadShot, Dr. Harley Quinn, and Diablo were well developed. You can't give everyone a back story in two hours, otherwise the movie would have been nothing but back story. However, the point that I wanted to make in this blog is really more about the movie, and not what critics saw.   

Why was Suicide Squad sooo dang popular? Well, for starters it was well made, and it was well developed in many people's opinion. However, I think the biggest thing that we really loved about the movie was the fact that these characters were or had something that we could relate.

Deadshot's weakness was his daughter. He loved her and wanted the best for her, and give her the best life that he could. Diablo, in murdering his family after giving into greed and power, wished nothing more than to be reunited with his family and take back the mistake that he made when he lost control. Dr. Harley Quinn just wanted a normal life for her and her puddin'. She so desired a normal life for him (joker) that she went crazy to love him. Katana just wanted to be reunited with her husband that her sword had taken when in a enemy's hand. See, all these characters were not superheros who never made mistakes, they weren't super humans. At the most they were meta-humans. 

There was nothing remarkable about Harley Quinn or Deadshot, Diablo was a true meta human who had some nasty fire power. But ?Deadshot only had perfect aim, and that's something that can be developed. For the most part they were more relatable to us than Batman or someone like Superman. Because for some reason we're not all billionaires, or from a different planet. 

I think Suicide Squad was more of a hero movie than an anti-hero movie. I remember sitting in the theatre watching Deadshot interacting with his daughter, and thinking, I hope that I can be that kind of father. When Joker broke into a high security prison to free his love Harley, I thought to myself, do I love my wife enough to risk my life to protect her from those who want to harm her?

when Diablo went through his story, and explained his failure as a father and husband, I recalled the mistakes that I have made, and I thought, if someone like him (even though it is just a story) can turn around and vow to only protect others and give his life to keep that vow... even though I've made mistakes, will I let my mistakes go, and be willing to dive into my full potential like he did... in the end to sacrifice his life, to protect the world. 

Those are the things that I took away from the movie, I know that not everyone will think the same thing, or look at it the same way, or even approve of the movie... but honestly, I really don't care. I loved it, and it touch my heart and challenged me to be a better person. You can take it or leave it, this is simply my opinion... Well, until next time. I'm Duckie

                                       

                                                                                        

What is Success?

Well, I guess I already asked the question... What. IS. SUCCESS?
Many would define success as winning, whether it is in sports or in a contest of some sort. While they are not wrong, there is a much deeper and richer definition to success. I asked a few people to give me a short definition of success.

 "To achieve fulfillment in faith and self, and through that to inspire and challenge others."

"Success is being able to wake up each and everyday here in the USA. Living in the greatest country on earth, and knowing you with God's will control your destiny."

"Success is being able to glorify God while reaching a set goal."

"Find out what is important to you, setting goals to reach those things, and surrounding yourself with resources and people to get you there. Be determined, work hard, and arrive where you want to be."

One thing that you will notice with these definitions is that they vary... As does success in our lives. For some of us, success is getting  out of bed to face another day even though we suffer from severe depression, for some, it is reaching a new personal record in fitness or in sports. however, for all of us, success is closely tied to self-improvement.

We hardly call it success when we've eaten 50 chicken nuggets by ourselves, sitting on the couch binge watching netflix, or falling into a mud puddle... We simply don't view such things as a success. Why? because they do not improve our current state of being. now, if you enjoy falling in mud puddles, then be my guest and contradict me, but for the vast majority that is not a success. here are three things to help you think through what success is.

1. Success is Personal
Success is not necessarily something that can be measured by anyone but yourself. Only you know, if you gave everything you had. If you are on a diet, only you know if you stuck to it. Only you know, if your heart was in it.
Don't try to set a standard for your success by someone else's standard. Given, in business there are cooperate, and financial standards for success, but when you are working on yourself, use the Bible as your standard, and push yourself to be the best version of you that you can be. This includes, spiritual, mental, and physical discipline.

2. Success is Contagious
Success can be contagious. If you are successful you will attract two types of people, those who are already successful and those who are hungry to be successful. You will find as you grow in your journey of personal development and success building that Success is not something that can be taught, it must be caught. YOU CANNOT TEACH SOMEONE TO BE SUCCESSFUL. why? well... look at number one. It is a personal decision to become someone who strives for success.

On a side note, if you are someone who is working hard to be successful, do not be so self-centered as not exclude others from that success. Help others become successful as well.    

3. Success is Hard
There is nothing easy about success. You will be mocked for trying to excel. In our country, and culture being sub par is often the status quo. Anything different from the status quo will be difficult. that doesn't mean you should strive for it, it simply means, you must push that much harder to become successful. We have no place in this world for those who are happy to be nothing. Enough people have chosen that path already. Step up, and take your place among the legends of humanity. Those who bowed to none but God, and as a result changed the world. Jesus was successful, and it cost him EVERYTHING. ..



Oh, by the way... Christ is our example for how we are supposed to live.


   Think about it.


             Colossians 3:23-24

7 Habits to Cultivate into Your Life Before College

CONGRATS! YOU MADE IT! You finished high school and in the fall you start college!  Some people are super excited to be getting out of the house for the first time, while others fear being away from their parents. Feeling either way is just fine. It's a part of growing up.

Your college experience hinges heavily on you. The things that you choose to get involved in, the classes you take, the major you select, the people you choose to surround yourself with. All of these things hinge on you. Will you enjoy it? depends on you. 

                 but... 

                        no pressure. :P

Having recently graduated college and started Grad studies, I look back at my college experience and I honestly wish people had warned me of certain things. Of course my parents told me to manage my time wisely, but to a senior in high school what in the world does that even mean? I was told to be responsible and do the right things, but while I knew what that looked like in theory... what does that mean in real life? 

    Ugh.... so many questions.... what do I do?!?!  

Well... Here's a list of seven habits you should start incorporating into your lives before you go to college. 

1. Time Management

HA! got you. just kidding. Well, lets start with a question. What is time management and what does it look like? when you go to school you will have classes you must keep track of, and meetings to schedule with advisors, study sessions with friends. All of these things will need to be scheduled. I would advise that you start living on a schedule before you leave. Regardless of your class schedule you should create habits that you can keep throughout your college career. For example, 7:00am Wake up 7:30 breakfast, 8:00 reading (class) etc etc. start living in a structured way so that you will succeed and start building a healthy habit of being organized. It might not be fun to be living on a schedule but it is infinitely more frustrating missing assignments and meetings because you can't keep track of things in a professional manner.

2. Reading for enjoyment

Yup. You read that right. Learn to enjoy reading, because you will have to read stuff in college that is not only dull, but duller than that. No one ever read a math textbook for enjoyment... (some might have, but they are a special breed of person!) If you start getting in the habit of reading intellectually challenging books, you will find reading your textbooks much easier, and more tolerable if you start reading over the summer. Reading is a blessing for the rest of your life, and you should never stop learning.

3. Exercise

This one is important because it is very easy to become a potato wandering around campus. If you don't plan ahead (time management) you will struggle to find time for exercise, but if you are exercising you will think clearer, and have a much more enjoyable time. My freshman year of college I gained 50 pounds, and that wasn't enjoyable at all. 

4. Meaningful friendships

It has been said that you are the sum of your five closest friends. That is most definitely true. Surround yourself with people who want to grow, and want to change the world. befriend those who challenge conventional thinking, and desire to think critically about issues that the world is facing. Befriend the dreamers, and leaders. Don't waste your years of college with those who are happy with being average. You have a greater purpose in you, than average. 

5. Listening

This is one, that I did not take advantage of in my first few years of college. When you are on campus you have access (if it is a small school) to extremely knowledgable professors and teachers. Shut up. Listen to what they have to say, and treasure the moments you have sitting in their offices listening to their wisdom. you don't know half of what you think you know. Be teachable, and let others invest in you.

6. Sleeping

call me boring, but it is true. You need sleep. it is super critical that you don't spend your nights up until three in the morning randomly doing nothing. Literally nothing good happens after midnight on a college campus. be smart, and discipline yourself to sleep as you would if you had to go to work to next day at 7am. being a student is your job for the next few years, so treat it as such. Sleep is extremely important for your overall well being and mental functioning.

7. Living For Christ

Of all the things on this list this is by far the most important aspect of life after high school. Whether you go to a secular college or christian college, you will be surrounded by people who do not want to put Christ first in their lives. You will be in the minority. Do not cave to peer pressure, pursue Christ in all things. In the habits you form, place Christ at the forefront of your thoughts. Be disciplined with your time, So that Christ is always put first. That does not mean skip class to pray in your closet, but it does mean, getting up early enough to spend time with Christ and his Word, before you go to class. Do all things to the glory of God. He created you, and He desires the best for you! So give Him your best and do your best in appreciation for all He has done for you! 

Satan Doesn't need to tempt the American Church: We've destroyed ourselves without it

"Brothers and sisters, I could not address you as people who live by the Spirit but as people who are still worldly—mere infants in Christ. 2I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready. 3You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere humans? 4For when one says, “I follow Paul,” and another, “I follow Apollos,” are you not mere human beings?"  
( 1 Corinthians 3:1-4) 

I cringe when I read this. I cringed because I know how close to home this hits with many within the church. This could easily be addressed to any number of churches here in America.  As the church of Ephesus received from John's letter in Revelation; we have abandoned our first love. We no longer seek after Christ, and his Gospel alone, we desire more.  Is it wrong to want to know more of God? Not at all, but when it clouds your view of reality, it hurts. If you desire to know more of God than was written in the Bible, there's a problem. If you have to read books that take the Bible out of context to make a point, you need to stop yourself, and return to your first love. Now, do not think for a second that I am saying you should not spend every waking second aware of God, and what he desires for your life... That is not my point at all.

However, I have been to a few churches here and there, and I see problems coming when they forget the Gospel and become "Super-Spiritualized".  This is the Gospel, Man has fallen from favor with God because of our decision to sin. God desires us to return to Him so He made a way for us to come to him. He sent Jesus to earth as a God-Man (100% man and 100% God). Jesus lived a perfect life was crucified, buried and rose again on the third day. He then ascended into glory and sat down at the right hand of God. His death opened the door for us to be made one with God, if we believe in Jesus and the sacrifice that he made. If we surrender our lives to him, and acknowledge him as Lord and Savior, we will be saved and once we die, we will be reunited with God, and live in eternity with him forever. This is the Gospel. Nothing more, and nothing less. Or at least that's what the early church believed.
Today, we cannot believe a simple Gospel because many many years later, naturally we would know more about the Gospel than what Jesus said. Today you must choose who you will serve. Will if be Zwingli? or Luther? or will it be Calvin or Arminius? Surely, if you do not agree with me, you cannot be saved.

I know, that these men, were all Greats of the Faith, and I mean them no disrespect. However, I have left church angry because there was an argument, not about the Gospel, but about whether Calvin was right or Arminius was right. This has to stop. Calvin was not predestined to replace Christ's simple Gospel, and Arminius did not have the free-will to choose to replace the Gospel.

I know that it is good to study and learn more and more about Christ, but it's about building a relationship, not writing a textbook to add on to the Gospel. The Gospel is what saves you, not to doctrine of predestination.
If I met a man, who told me he was going to heaven because Jesus loves him and forgave him of his sins, and his life reflected that statement, I would believe that he would be in paradise one day. If a man told me that everyone who believes in Arminian Theology is going to hell one day, but that he was safe because he was a calvinist... I would wonder if I would see him in Eternity.

We have become to bitter against each other for no other reason, but secondary doctrines to the one Doctrine above all doctrines. The Doctrine of the Gospel. Jesus came to make a way for us to be reunited with God, and He desires us to come to him, we cannot earn our salvation, we can't even begin to pay for it, but we can accept it because of his love and grace towards us. Jesus saves us from our sins, when we recognize him as our loving savior and when we make a change to do our best to honor and glorify him in our lives. That is all. There is no magic doctrinal stance that lets you into a higher heaven or a better heaven. It is the simple Gospel that saves.

I mean this in love,

David "Duckie" Vest

The Downfall of the Church: Self-destruction

I'm sure that I am not alone when I say that I am tired of people picking on Christians and destroying the church through politics, and society's agendas. However, while these things do appear to be major issues, and worrisome to those of us within the church, I believe there is something more devastating within the church, than outside. 

There is an age old debate within the church and I'm fairly certain that if you go to any somewhat sound church you could get someone to talk about it. The debate/argument is on whether Calvinism or Arminianism is correct. My first question is... does it matter who's right? Obviously to some extent it does matter, but seriously... does it really matter in the long run? Do Calvinist even know ALL of John Calvin's doctrinal stance? Do Arminians believe in all of Jacob Arminius' beliefs? probably not, but that's not important. I do hold to a specific stance, and I do believe in certain doctrines, but I don't believe that John Calvin or Arminius would have wanted to see what has come to pass today. 

I have noticed that many Calvinist take it as their right, to prove that they are right, and Arminians are even remotely close. Some go as far to say that if you don't believe in Calvin then you aren't even saved. Besides, shunning people with differing beliefs each side finds enough time to make fun of those you believe differently within the church. No wonder people don't want to join the church if all they see is people bickering and making fun of each other for their beliefs. 

Many people outside of the church don't even know who John Calvin was, or what Arminius taught. Does Predestination, or free will really take priority over the Gospel? Many can argue that these points are essential in presenting the Gospel. But I don't really think so. Did the thief that died on the cross next to Christ have to be taught all the doctrines of predestination before he could be saved? Nope. 

The biggest thing hurting the church today, is the people inside it who are too busy arguing amongst themselves about these issues, and not going out into the world proclaiming the good news of Christ. 

I know that I have been found guilty of arguing about these doctrines, and for those who are not within the church, I apologize for my stupidity. Christ is more important than Calvin, Jesus' death on the cross is more important than Irresistible Grace. We have failed at our mission to reach the lost if we only stay inside our churches arguing. We have failed Christ if we can't see passed ourselves. If we don't share the Good news of Christ, the only thing that people will see is the bad news, that we've created within our walls. 

   Just my two cents...

The Songs That Made Me Who I Am

Everyone has songs that greatly influence them. Whether its an up beat dance song, or a slow love ballad there are songs that we love so much that we never want to stop listening to them. For me, the songs that touch my heart are songs that reflect something about myself, or my situation. Throughout my life there have been different songs at different points in my life that either held me together or tore me apart. I am a musician so music is extremely influential on me, thus causing great changes in me by what I listen to. This post is going to be really long so make sure that you have time before you get started! This is me letting all of you into my life, and seeing how music effects me, and how it brings me down or builds me up. Some of you are Christians, so I will not be shocked if some of the songs that I have in here really shock or offend you. That is not what this is about. This is about the real journey that I've taken through my life in the music that I have listened too. 

Music really started impacting me when I was fourteen. Sure, I listened to it before that, but it wasn't until then that I actually let it guide me, or really effect my person. Interestingly this is the time period when I started listening to hardcore, and metal. KEEP IN MIND: not all the songs in this will be metal, but there will be some, so don't freak out. Are you ready to dive in? Well... let's go!

                                            1.        "Say Goodbye" Skillet

When I was fourteen/fifteen I began to get depressed and feel down about life. Incidentally I also got my first girlfriend around this time. Sadly, that didn't last very long and we broke up. However, being that this was my first girlfriend, so I was devastated. This first song, I thought at the time it would help me deal with the feelings from this broken up relationship. 

                                         2.  "The Last Night"  Skillet

This song really had a huge impact on me for the negative. It was meant to be an encouraging song and I'm sure for some people it has been. However for me it helped me focus my attentions on the negatives in my life, and in my mind. I was battling serious depression for medical reasons, and because I was struggling in school and other areas of my life. When I started cutting this song was always there to remind me that I had hope somewhere in my soul. 

                  

                                     3. "Keep Holding On" Avril Lavigne 

This song was a bright spot for me through the rest of my high school years, and yes many people would say it's a girly song. Sorry, I still like it and I still listen to it. The message for this song is straight forward; keep holding on, don't give up. through this time of depression and hurt I really needed something to keep me going and this song got me through a lot before I turned to God. 

          

                                         4. "Falling Inside The Black" Skillet

This song describes me. Correction, this song does a really good job of describing who I was, and how dark my mind, and life had become. I was broken, hurting, and felt completely unloved. (This wasn't true, and hardly ever is true.) But I kept forcing it into my mind that I could never be anything good, and I could never do anything right. I let my mind become darkness and I continue to spill my own blood, through my scars and cutting as well as in my thoughts. I wanted to kill myself but was too afraid of what would happen if I died. I chose this video for two reasons: 1. Because Tokyo Ghoul is a really good challenging Anime, and 2. because it is a very sober and sadistic video and is accurate to the way I was feeling at the time. 

                                           5. "Open Wounds" Skillet

This song really demands an explanation because it would be misleading just to say that this song applies. Well, as previously mentioned I was very depressed, and I forced myself to believe that my parents hated me, and just wanted to make me miserable. This was probably one of the biggest and most damaging lies I ever told myself. Sadly, I wasn't the only one hurt by it. My parents who through this time, were working their hardest to protect me (from myself) and help me get better, were broken-hearted because of my mistreatment of them. The phrase "My Self-destruction is all your fault!" is exactly how I Was feeling, and how I lashed out towards them. I blamed them for my cutting and suicidal thoughts, I told them that they hated me and I simply refused to live in a decent and respect way. I kept cutting and kept digging my grave deeper and deeper. Jesus was still just a word to me. He wasn't a savior.

                                      6. "Stand in the Rain"  Superchic[k] 

Man, I played myself so well. There are two different messages that I found in this song. I know that this song was written for a girl, but I still applied the meaning to me. Satan wanted me to think that I was a victim and was being tormented if you will. In this song I found comfort and reassurance that I could indeed stand in the rain and succeed one day, but I thought I could with my own two feet. I never paid attention to the end of the chorus where they say, "And one day what's lost can be found."  I never thought it was me that was lost, and needed finding. 

        

                                      7. Relentless Intolerance 

This song in very important to me as and my musical development if you will. This was the first metal song that I ever heard. The first time I heard it I just fell in love because at the time it sounded angry and I was angry at the world, so I was like "Yeah! Angry music!" >:D    Years later, I look at this song and this band extremely differently. Demon hunter is a Christian Band and this song is about never compromising your faith no matter what the world thinks of the Gospel. You stick to the truth of the unchanging Gospel and you hold on to it and stand firm. 

The reason that I placed this song here is because it being the first metal song I ever heard. 

                                        8. "Unanswered" Suicide Silence

This song, is a musical masterpiece, and complete blasphemy. I'm ashamed to say that I used to "scream" this song, and mean every word of it. I didn't believe in God, in fact I was furious with Him for making me so sick, and hurt. I couldn't understand the fact that even letting me live was a gift, and way more than I deserved. I remember many times I would pray and ask God, "why are you doing this to me? Why do you hate me so much?" Every time I felt like he would never answer because he wasn't even there. This song, shows how pitiful and how dark my depraved mind had become at this point in my life. I share this because it's true, and what I went through. I am not by any means glorifying this song, or saying to support it, but I'm simply saying that this is where I was at one in my life, and thank God that he saved me, and changed me. 

                                           9. "Aimless" Bethany Dillon

Once I began to blatantly defy God in my heart and mind, my life,and existence began to lose purpose and value. I wasn't angry at God anymore, I wasn't anything anymore. I simply was a dead guy walking around. I was completely aimless. The first time I heard this song, I cried. It captured how helpless I felt, and how much I wanted to be found. I just couldn't bring myself to stop fighting against God. I would rather wander around in futility, rather than admit that I was wrong. 

                                      10. "Numb" Linkin Park

                 This song needs little explanation. So, That is my only explanation. 

                                     

This is where a change began to happen in my life. My thoughts began to extend to other people around me. I began to function again. I wasn't saved, and I would never admit to anyone at the time that God was working in my life. However, in retrospect it was God who helped me slowly return to life again. I began to be healed in the medical side of life, and my mental state became slowly more positive. The rest of the songs in this blog address things I was thinking about, and how I got over the obstacles that I had set up for myself. They are my struggles, as well as my way of getting through them. 

                                     1. "Leave Out All The Rest" Linkin Park

This song jolted me out of my selfish pathetic mind. I remember when I first heard it, I was startled by the message that it sent. "I dreamed I was missing, and you were so scared, 'cause no one would listen, 'cause no one else cared." I was scared. What if I died and no one cared? What if my life had been completely useless? I vowed after hearing this song, that I wouldn't let my life go to waste anymore. I needed to change, but I still wanted to be remembered for who I am, and that they would be impressed with me. I didn't want to share the glory with God. 

                                   2. "So Afraid" Bebo Norman

Since, I was still being selfish, but slowly becoming more aware of the other people around me, I began to worry, and be scared that I would be alone. I was so afraid finding myself alone. I was almost paranoid about it. I didn't want to lose any of the "friends" I had. I treated a lot of them terribly, because I was so scared and insecure. One of them was and is my brother. He watched as I fell into depression, and he watched as I found everyone around me. He was hurting for me, and he wanted to help me, but I just pushed him as far away as I could. To this day I hurt for how I treated him. I wish I had allowed him close to me, but I was too scared that if he or anyone else knew what I was really struggling with they would turn and run. I wanted help but I didn't know how to ask or accept it. 

                                        3. "The Price of Beauty" Suicide Silence

As I began to drift away from the depression, and the dark lifestyle, I began to hate my scars from my cutting. I hated them. I wanted them gone because they reminded me of my failures and my screw ups. This song is graphic and pretty unpleasant. The only reason it is here, is because I would listen to it and wish someone would cut all my scars away and replace my skin with clean skin and a fresh slate. I didn't want to be caught in this anymore but I felt like I couldn't move on unless my scars disappeared. Over time however, I grew to like my scars and be grateful for them. They show were I came from, and today I thank God for the constant reminder of where I came from. My parents asked me many times if I wanted to get a treatment done to hide them, so I wouldn't think about it. But I decided I wanted to see them as a reminder of God's grace to me. 

God looks at me today and see's something beautiful because of the price that he paid on the cross for my sins. As this song says, "The price of beauty was more than you thought." Even if the band didn't mean it like this, I took it to mean, that Jesus' blood paid for my beauty and for that I could never fathom how much it cost. 

                                     4. "He's My Son" Mark Schultz

At this point, I had been saved, and God had begun to show me his love and grace. I began to think about what had happened in the past years. When I heard this song, I listened to it a million times. I would sit in silence listening to this song. I knew that my parents had gone through this so many times what with different doctors, and different medicines. It gave me a different perspective of my illness and how it possibly effected them. They went through so much heartache and pain to heal me. In my life, there will never be a way that I could possibly repaid them for their sacrifices and love. Besides God, They are the only reason that I am still here today. 

                                         5. "Redemption" August Burns Red

Now, to go into my conversion experience a little bit. It was a dark and stormy night... no, I'm not lying it was. I was in the shower, and I was struggling with what was going on around me and in me. There was so much pressure built up in me that I decided that I would either kill myself or surrender my life to Christ, because I simply couldn't keep living life the way that I had been. I found myself on the floor of the shower praying and asking God to save me as the warm water ran over me. I didn't feel a sudden weight fall off my shoulders, but I did feel calm. I felt peace for the first time, in a very long time. I knew that I had been redeemed. 

                                         6. "Everything You Ever Wanted" Hawk Nelson

After I was saved, I still had issues, and I wasn't healthy yet. I was doing better than I had been, but I was still far from where I should be. There were many times when depression came back but I fought my way through it. This song kind of demonstrates how I felt, and what I was doing. I was trying to be perfect, honest, and everything I hadn't been in the previous years. I wanted to make it up to my family for being so difficult, but I knew no matter what I did I wouldn't be able to make up for it. 

       

                                      7. "Saviour" Black Veil Brides

This song goes back a few years, as time progressed, I began to develop some more worthwhile traits. Compassion, and empathy being some of the traits that really stuck with me. This song, though not a Christian song, did influence me, because I wanted to help people, who had gone through similar things that I had. I didn't want to be a savior because I knew that only Jesus could be an effective savior. However, I also continued to want a savior for my heart, I had given my soul to Christ but I still was holding on to my heart, it was very hard for me to release that.  

                                     8. "I Have Been There" Mark Schultz

This song played a big role of me surrendering my heart to Christ. I didn't want to give it up to someone who didn't understand what I had been through. I heard this song for the first years before it actually meant anything to me. I was in my second semester of college before I had truly understood that Christ would meant me where I was at. To this day this song still gives me some amount of comfort, with it's reminder that God hears everything, and sees everything, and when he was here on earth he experienced everything. He had been where I was. 

                                 9. "Creatures" Motionless in White (disturbing)

While I was in began listening to darker metal again, and some of the messages that they sent got to me. This song for example, "Creatures" kind of bothered me, because they question a lot of significant topics. (especially as a church ministries major!) I began to question why people actually believe in Christ, and the Gospel. I began to question almost everything in life, and the reasons for doing what we do. In this song, they make it very graphic, how darkness can take over someone's life, and I know that was me at some point in my life. The line "I'm drowning in a ocean of tears that I've cried." described my life, for three years of the darkest part of my life. But my life didn't end there. I realized that this songs message ends there. But my life's message didn't end there. Because Christ reached down and took me out of it. 

                                       10. "Not Afraid" Eminem

This song was kind of my rally to stand up and move on. I was finally willing to let my past go. I didn't need to live in the past, I didn't need to let myself go down that road. The past was done, and it was over. To this day, I haven't cut myself again, and I have the tools be strong and focus my attention to help others get out of the darkness of depression. 

This final section of songs are all songs that still greatly impacted me, but not exactly in the same way as all the previous ones. All of the previous songs have to do with depression, or with getting out of depression. Now that depression isn't a huge problem, Satan had to find other ways to harass me and bother me. These songs, either help me conquer the fears, or help stand firm when my mind tried to talk me out of being a Christian. However, I threw in one song that had a huge impact because of its connection to the girl that I am now married to. 

                                     1. "Undying" Chelsea Grin

This song happened through my path shortly after I got married to Lydia. Marriage was not and continues to not be what I expected it to be, but sometimes, things go wrong, and it's my fault for being stupid. This song describes a love affair that is far from healthy. I heard this song, and listened to the lyrics, and then promptly vowed that I would never treat Lydia like that. Sometimes, the best way for me to understand something is tell it to me in the most negative way possible and then I won't ever do it. That's the case with this song. This song describes someone who is addicted to another person (demon)'s attention. They'll do anything for them, and they don't really care what they're asked to do. There have been times in marriage where I don't talk. I'm a quiet person but that is one of my flaws. I need to talk more, and communicate to my wife what's going on in my head. whether it makes any sense at all this song helped me open up to her, and begin to share myself with her more. Because I don't want her to be starving for my attention, or in need of my leadership because I'm not leading her. My life is to give everything I have to her, and for her, just as Christ did for us. 

                                       2. "Break The Cycle" For Today

If ever there was a song that just inspired me to continue in ministry it was this song. This song is so powerful. It's about breaking the cycle of self-destruction in today's culture. The youth of today and hurting and those of us called to ministry need to stand up and help them. There are times when I wonder if it's really worth it to continue down this path. Every time I heard the message of this song, and I'm refreshed to continue. 

                                       3. "Clockwork" Chelsea Grin

Last semester, (fall 2014) I had some serious struggles again. I kept looking back at my past. It's something that does come back and haunt me, because of certain things that happened. There are many things I regret and many other things that I wish I could go back and change but I can't, and this song just helped me realize that in a very literally way. "It's just like clockwork, let me kiss my youth goodbye, all I wanted was to turn back time." We can't turn the clock back and do it again, we can only make the most of the rest of the time we've been given. I would suggest looking up the lyrics to this song as you watch  because they are very powerful. God has given us each a lifespan, and a chance to impact the world for eternity. Don't waste it.       

       

                                        4. "Nightmares" Chelsea Grin

Since last semester I've had many nights that I couldn't sleep because I was scared to death that I wouldn't wake up the next morning. Call me crazy but it's true. I have no reasonable cause for this, but it still happens. I have had many dreams like this, where darkness descends on me again and I return to the place I was years ago, and I always wake up terrified because I never want to go back there. I can feel my past continue to chase me, but I must continue forward, and not let it catch up. There is no benefit from living in the past. I can learn from the past, but I cannot live there. That's really what this song has taught me.      

                                      5. "Fearless" For Today

God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power. He don't need to fear any form of evil. In response to the previous song, the nightmares, don't need to hold us captive in fear, because our God is greater and more powerful than any force in the physical universe. "If we stand and fight, we are not alone." God will fight for his children, he will defend us, and we can have absolute certainty that he will. This song always encourages me, and ever since it's release I have found comfort in God's message through it. 

                                     6. "Shadows" David Crowder Band

This song really speaks for it's self. However, there is one story that I want to relay. I was riding in my mom's car in New Jersey a while back, and this song came on. I just felt a calmness come over me, and I knew that all the shadows that had haunted me, and scared me where nothing more than that, shadows. The light would come out and drive them away. God can use any number of things to get our attention, for me it happens to be music. 

                                       7. "Foundation" For Today

Now, for a more serious video. This song really made me think. What do I stand for, and how much am I willing to pay to stand for it? In other words, will I die for Christ if I have to? That question is becoming more and more important as ISIS becomes a more serious threat globally.  Christians in Egypt have already given their answers and paid the price with martyrdom. Am I ready to die for my faith? Yes, I believe I am. 

These are the songs that shaped me, and continue to help me through tough times, and also songs I simply enjoy listening too. Some of them have had a negative influence on me, but all of them influenced me in some way or other.