Best Friends Forever | 20 Years of Friendship

Many people have a best friend, many people have friends that last for five years, few people have friends that last for ten years, and even fewer people have a bestfriend that lasts for twenty years. My wife Lydia has been friends with her best friend Alyssa for over twenty years, and they are both still in their early twenties! In my background growing up this seems crazy. I can't imagine having a friend for that long... Don't get me wrong I would love to have a best friend like that but I simply have not known the same people for that long. I think that the ability to have a lifelong friend like that is incredible and I want to recognize this and commend them for not only maintaining that friendship but continuing to grow as friends throughout those years.

Alyssa

Lydia and Alyssa met at church when they were around four years old. They became friends and began spending time together as you would expect of four year olds-- playdates and family activities. They saw each other at church for a while but then the families went their separate ways. However, Lydia would still participate in events and youth activities with Alyssa's church so they would continue to hang out and continue to develop their relationship.

When Lydia was in 9th grade, she switched schools from public school to a Christian school. Alyssa had been at this school for quite a few years at this point but that didn't matter. They were still friends and still spent much of their time together. At this point in time, I was still living in New Jersey and had no idea whatsoever that Lydia even existed yet! I wouldn't come into the picture until Lydia's freshman year of college.

Throughout their high school years, they created many memories, inside jokes, and stories that to this day cause much laughter from the retelling of them. A

Lydia

friendship like this is a precious thing and I cannot emphasize enough how much of a blessing it is so observe their friendship. In order to maintain such a relationship you have to sacrifice and you have to make an effort to understand each other and grow together as friends.

This past Christmas break Alyssa and I made Lydia watch the Harry Potter movies. Both Alyssa and I are firm and avid Harry Potter fans and Lydia had never seen these movies. We watched through the first four and will finish the rest of them before summer break. But it was an opportunity to hang out and see each other.

From my perspective, it can be difficult to enter a group when the other people in the group have been friends for many years prior to you joining. I felt very out of place in the beginning simply because I was so new. Over the two years of marriage, we have had quite a few opportunities to hangout and get to know each other. I can honestly say, that at this point in time, Alyssa isn't just Lydia's best friend, but she is also a dear friend to me as well.  (and Alyssa, thank you for sharing your best friend. :P )

But I am beginning to ramble, and I don't want to so I'm going to wrap this up with. On New Year's Eve we went out and did a little photoshoot with Lydia and Alyssa. I have included some of the pictures from the shoot in this blog and I hope this story has been encouraging.

Friends | From 4yrs Old to the Future

Until Next time,
     

The Power of Taking Responsibility

I have been reading a book by Brian Tracy, called "No Excuses" I have posted a link here so that if

you so desire to read this amazing book yourself, you can. I'm still in the early stages of this book, but I am finding some good lessons and nuggets of truth that I have found to be challenging to myself and helpful in shaping my perspective as I go forward in my journey of becoming a strong leader.

In chapter three, Tracy talks about self-discipline and responsibility. Now don't get me wrong, I know what responsibility and I know what self-discipline is, however, we so often take these words or attributes for granted and don't fully think through the ramifications of what these things are. That is why I am reading more books from people who have spent significant time thinking through these things and thinking through the outcomes of practicing such disciplines.

The kicker for me was on page 57 where Tracy talks about the antidote for negativity. I believe that our world is plagued with negativity. The news always focuses on the negative, social media always focuses on the negative, and the majority of people, only comment or think about the negative that is in their lives and don't give enough thought to the positives that are surrounding them. This also has to do with the mindset that we have in our lives.

Are we weak-minded people who play the victim in every situation or are we leaders who take responsibility and control our actions and the situations around us?

Tracy suggests that the way that we can overcome negativity is simply by taking responsibility for the situations surrounding us.

"There is a direct relationship between the acceptance of responsibility and the amount of personal control you feel you have over your life. This means that the more you accept responsibility, the greater sense of control you experience."

 He goes on to say that weak minded people simply blame other people around them for their own mistakes, their own misfortunes, and their own problems. They blame everything from tools to other people to inanimate objects. Tracy likens it to insanity... which I find to be an interesting comparison.

He goes on to say that "It is not possible to accept responsibility and remain angry at the same time. It is not possible to accept responsibility and experience negative emotions. It is not possible to accept responsibility without becoming calm, clear, positive, and focused once more."

This paragraph threw me for a loop. I have never really considered that taking responsibility of your actions and situations could actually have positive emotional ramifications. I can't recall a time that I took responsibility that I also experienced any negative emotions. That is definitely a gold nugget that I have taken from this book so far and I look forward to continuing my read and learning more and sharing my findings with all of you.

However, I would highly suggest that you read this book for yourselves!

Again, I have posted a link below
to Brian Tracy's website where you can buy this awesome book for yourselves.


http://www.briantracy.com/catalog/no-excusesthe-power-of-selfdiscipline

The Quest to Find Ourselves

There are many moments in our lives that we just have to sit down and wonder... "How did I get here, and who am I?"  this could be something that only I have had to deal with, but I have a strange feeling that I'm not alone here. I'm only 24 years old, and I sometimes feel like I'm having a midlife crisis already.
The thing is, I have read enough to know how to solve the problems of identity and purpose, but I still struggle with it and it is endlessly frustrating. However, as I struggle away, I want to maybe encourage anyone else out there who is struggling with the same thing. I have compiled a list of 10 things that help me and continue to push me towards becoming the person that I believe I am.

1. I was given gifts for a reason
We have all been given a particular set of natural gifts. For some of us we are more geared towards administrative work, some of us are good activators, some of us are good with very particular details, some of us are good at inspiring others, some of us are good listeners, and some of us are good at big vision, and future planning. We all have our specific gifts and it is important that we all find out what they are so that we can utilize them to the best of our abilities. Every single one of us has the gifts we have so that we can bless someone else. I firmly believe that and it is important that we allow this to aid us when we feel lost in a sea of confusion.


2. I can be confident in my strength, and strengthen my weaknesses 
We have strengths and we have weaknesses. Often times we let our weaknesses speak louder than our strengths because we're so scared of our weaknesses showing instead of relying our strengths to carry us through. This does not mean that we should not work on the areas in our lives that are weak, but rather... know where your strengths are so that you can be the most beneficial and fulfilled person you can be. I know, that I have certain strengths, but I let my fear of my weaknesses dictate how I act in certain circumstances and sometimes I even allow my fears to dictate how I view myself. I can tell you from personal experience that this is crippling to one's self improvement. If you want to improve remove fear from your vocabulary and from your mindset. This isn't easy, but it is possible to accomplish.

3. My emotions do not control my identity
In a day and age when much of society believes that our feelings dictate who we are and what we are we need to understand that this is just not true--it is a lie. Our feelings, though powerful, do not alter the true state of reality. If I feel one day that I am worthless and have no value because of something someone said, that is simply not true because our families and friends value us. Even if they do not value us, we are born with value in us. We were created for a purpose, and that purpose is special and individual to each of us.

4. My circumstances do not define me
Another common misconception is that our present circumstances define who we are and our worth. Again that is simply not true and we need to get rid of this falsehood. Our circumstances shows us the consequences for who we were,\ and the choices that we made in the past. That doesn't mean we are the same today. Many times our past can be a huge encouragement when we see how far we have come. Never allow your circumstance or situation define you or define your worth. If you are committed to growth, you will grow, and if you are committed to discipline, you will become more so, and your value will continue to rise.

5. My future is (somewhat) in my control, and I directly influence my progress. 
Yes, yes inevitably my future is in God's hands and I have no say about whether I take another breath or not. However, the little things in life are up to me. I can control the aspects of my life that are under my control. I can choose to spend my time growing my mind or wasting it. I can choose to hit the gym or I can choose a bag of cookies. I have the choice and I have the control to define the level of success I achieve in the future. I am in control of my future.

6. The choices I have made in my life have led me to where I am now. 
Understand that the choices we have made in the past are our decisions are we are responsible for where we are. No one else is responsible for our mindset, mentality, and drive. I look back at my first 24 years and I see many choices that I made that I really regret making and really wish I could change, but I can't go back in time and change them. I can simply vow to never make that decision again and never put myself in that position again.

7. My true friends will love me through my struggles, and flaws
You are the sum of your closest friends. If your friends are trustworthy, honest, and people of integrity so are you; but if your friends are liars, cheaters, and lazy... so are you. You will be hard put to find a situation where this does not hold true.
However, you must understand that there will be people around you who truly love you and desire the best for you. They will see you not for who you are but for the person you want to become, and they will see the potential in you and push you to achieve the greatness that has been placed in you.

8. I am allowed to make mistakes but have no excuse to repeat them. 
We all make mistakes and none of us are perfect, but we cannot allow that to excuse making the same mistakes repeatedly. We must continue to improve our decision making and learn from our mistakes. If we continue to make mistakes that we have previously made we do not deserve to experience success because we haven't become any wiser. Success will always follow our personal growth.

9. The things that I feed myself will be what I become. 
We are what we eat. If we fill our mind with junk, we will become junk. If we fill our minds with wisdom we will become wise. Whatever movies you watch, whatever music you listen to, whatever conversations you have, that is what you will become. If you desire to grow, you will invest in better music, movies, and conversations. Many times you will eliminate entertainment because your success does not have time for you to turn off your mind.

10. My identity is in the unchanging character of Christ. 
Lastly, my identity is found in Christ and his unchanging character. This is where our hope rests. It rests in Christ, his consistent person, and attributes. We have a compass to guide our lives because his character is unchanging and constant. We have the power to succeed even in the tough times, when we aren't sure about who we are, because we know that Christ will remain consistent.


We all have times of uncertainty and insecurity, and we have struggle at times. Don't let your struggles get the best of you. Continue to push forward and strive for the best in all things. You can achieve whatever level of success you want in life as long as you show consistency and growth.

The Future of Our World Through the Eyes of Music.

I have been thinking about this issue for sometime and it has started to really bother mean. I understand that in certain genres you want to employ very "brutal" or dark imagery to get your message across. I don't believe that all bands that use such really mean to be overly graphic or turn people off because of it, but that's inevitable that they do.

However, whatever you listen to and whatever you put into your head affects you. I haven't always done the best job of listening to music with a positive message. I understand that a lot of it does come down to the genre that I prefer and it is not always as positive; however that does not mean that every song and every band is negative like the vast majority.

In this particular example, I am taking two songs and contrasting the views in them. The songs that I will be looking at are, "They Will Know Another" by Thy Art is Murder and "Break the Cycle" by For Today. Both songs fall into a similar genre and address the future of our world. The difference is that one piece focuses on the problem while the other offers a solution.

Thy Art is Murder "They Will Know Another"
This song goes through and mourns the destruction of Aleppo. I do not have that confirmed from the band, but the music video does hint towards that. The band mourns the pain of losing children and how even if we try to spare them from one form of torment another will surely find them. The line that stands out to me the most is, "I'm not afraid to die, I'm afraid I'll survive and have to watch you suffer."  There are many difficulties in this world. It seems the news is filled daily with lives lost. This is where this song stops-- the problem without a solution. That is sad... Because it doesn't have to. If you let your outlook on life stop here, you will not have any hope or drive to push for a brighter future. It suggests that the answer is to give up and die which I would strongly reject. I refuse to go down without a fight and I will push with everything I have to make a positive impact on this world.

For Today "Break The Cycle" 
This song also talks about the decline of our society and world and also addresses how self-destruction and such tendencies have become commonplace. Instead of simply mourning the destruction of our culture is offers hope and a solution for our situation. They proclaim that the solution is in the blood of Christ and sharing the Gospel to a broken world is the answer. They spend the majority of the song on the hope that can be the future rather than simply mourning the future.

I believe that this is that will carry us into our future --- hope and hope in Jesus Christ.

Now, please understand this is only my two cents on the subject so I'm totally cool with starting a discussion on the topic.

I have posted the links to the music videos below, so feel free to check them out if you so wish.
Break the Cycle: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1z91zfPJAw
They Will Know: Another https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nY6SLEBM19M

If you do not enjoy or care for metal as a genre of music, then you probably won't enjoy listening-- I know for many it is not their cup of tea. However I do appreciate you taking the time to read this post and hearing my perspective! Thanks!

How To Make 2017 The Best Year of Your Life

As we enter into the Christmas season, it is inevitable that people starting thinking about 2017. Some people, are super excited and pumped about what they have planned for 2017, how they plan to grow as people, and how they plan to grow in their business. Others are going into this season worried, scared, and unsure if 2017 will make it or break it for them. I want to encourage you; you can make it through this coming year. You can not only survive it, but you can thrive in it! Don't give up before it's started, and don't be afraid of the unknown.
I know from past experiences that not every year is a great year, but I also know that I'm super young, and God-willing will have many more years and will make wonderful memories. My wife, Lydia, and I are very excited about our year in 2017, and we want you guys... everyone around us that we come in contact with, whether it is in person, or over social media... We want to see you succeed and we want you to thrive! Here are ten ways to help you thrive in 2017.
10.  Understand You are the Variable of Your Success
If you want to succeed in life, you must grasp this simple truth. Life is an equation and you are the variable that determines what you will achieve. I know that some people might say, God is a bigger variable in your life than you, and yes, of course God is key to you staying alive, he will not FORCE you to follow Him, or MAKE you serve Him. That's you making a conscious decision to get on your knees and seek Him and His desires for you. As far as life is concerned, God will not work your job for you or send your bills to the electric company for you... That's on you.   PS. It's also not on the government.
9.  Understand That You are Gifted Specially for Your Life
Now, many of us have struggled at some point in our lives with our self-image and what we are capable.  If 2016 has been a year of sadness, regret, and maybe even self-hate, let me come alongside you, let your true friends come alongside you, and let's turn that around! I know what self-hate is... it's self-focus. I can tell you if you focus on yourself, you will be miserable. But if you focus on those around you and work to serve and help them.... your heart will never be empty because that is part of the purpose for you being here.
Now, understand this, you are special, and maybe you don't like HOW you are special, but you are. God created you with a purpose, and he created you for greatness. Also, he never makes mistakes, he knows exactly why you are where you are and he can heal any brokenness that you have. You have gifts that no one else has and you are powerful! Don't underestimate that!
8.  Understand Who is responsible for Your Success... YOU
Now, in light of the last point, understand that it is up to you... YOU are responsible for your outcome. So many times we blame other people, things, places, animals, corporations, jobs, the government... you name it, we've blamed it. Well... Stop it. End of discussion, you are responsible for you. Remember that deer you hit on your way to work?  If you weren't shaving in the car, you probably would've seen it... Also speeding doesn't help. For real though, do you get my point? You are responsible for you and any success that you achieve is directly a reflection of whether you have an opportunity mindset or a victim mentality. Is your boss unfair... or are you glad you have a job? Are you set on being broke for the rest of your life.... or are you looking for opportunities to make an extra income? Mindset is key to your success and if you want to succeed you must have a go-get-it mindset.
7. Understand That Discipline is Key to Your Success
Discipline is often misunderstood as disciplining a child-- punishment. That is not what true discipline is, especially for adults. Discipline means pushing yourself to create good, healthy habits, whether it is how you respond to situations at work, or whether you're hitting that snooze button 209,383,711,094 times before you get up. If you want to succeed, and excel in life, you must learn to discipline yourself... Though it might not be fun to get up at 5am and go to the gym, push yourself to do it, because I promise you... The sunrise is so beautiful to see. Real discipline will bring so many blessings into your life. If you really want to be the best, you will push yourself, even when it's not pleasant or easy. I am talking to myself here too. I need to become more disciplined as well.
6. Understand the Value of Those Who Have Gone Before You
Whatever field of study you are in, whether it is medical or sales, there are those who have gone before and have been very successful in them. In the medical realm there are giants like Stanley Dudrick or in CrossFit, Rich Froning, Jr. They have excelled in their own right, and there is much to be learned from them. In Theology, Jonathan Edwards, Matt Chandler, G.A. Chesterton. Philosophy, Voltaire, Aquinas. I could go on and on, but my point here, is you can learn from those with more experience than you, even if you don't believe or agree with absolutely everything they believe. Learn to think critically for yourself, but value those who know more and are wiser than you.
5. If You Don't have Time, Make Time
We all lead busy lives for the most part, and millionaires are no exception, especially before they were millionaires. The Majority of self-made millionaires became that way because they pushed themselves harder than everyone else, and they pushed themselves to be the best. They also mapped out their days, they scheduled every hour, sometimes down to the minute, to be the most productive that they can be. We all have the same amount of time to dedicate to whatever we choose. You can make time by organizing yourself and your day in such a way that optimizes your strengths and minimizes your weaknesses.
4. Throw Away Your Excuses... They Only Hinder Your Success
"But, I just don't have time!", "But my job won't pay me enough!"  "But I'm not any good at sales!" "But I have a... thing... I have to go to."  Stop it, get some help. The help you need is a trash bag for all your excuses. If you want to succeed you will leave your excuses in the trash and take responsibility for everything that is under your control, and you will let God take care of what is out of your control... Also, don't use God as an excuse to be lazy or inactive. I promise you, God did not call you to Netflix and Potato Chips. I have spent many years making excuses of why I can't do something or why I'm not good at anything... It has become time for me to stop making excuses for my lack of productivity and it's also time for you to do the same. We will never reach our full potential if we stand behind a glass wall of excuses.
3. Never Stop Learning! 
To be successful you must never stop growing and developing your mind, you must never stop developing your body, and your spirit. Successful people read! They listen to learners and other successful people. They invest in their minds because they realize how important it is to continue to learn, and how easy it is to become stagnant.
If you need some ideas on where to start, listen to Caroline Leaf, Michael Hyatt, Jim Rohn, John Maxwell, there are many others out there, but that's just a start. As your mind grows so does your potential and your influence.
2. Invest in Yourself and Prioritize Your Personal Development
Similar to the last point, invest in yourself and prioritize it. Many times, I have used the excuse that I should die to myself daily, as a means of not trying to improve my person. As I said earlier, I'm done with excuses, so while dying daily does mean putting others before yourself, that does not mean, letting yourself go to waste either! If you wish to be successful you will put a price on your time, and you will spend time on things that matter, and on people who help make you a better person! Get a mentor! Get around people who help make you a better person so that then you can in turn be a person that adds value to the people around you!
You are special, and you are priceless! Your life will never be lived by anyone else and it is important that you don't waste your life doing trivial things! Invest in things that matter, and make a difference so that you are remembered as a World Changer!
1. Never Let Someone Stop You From Being the Best Version of Yourself You Can Be
I left this one for last, because it is often the hardest for us to overcome. The opinions of others, and those around us influence us more than any of us want to believe or admit, but it is very true. If you truly want to be successful, you will leave the haters in your dust, and you will cling to those who believe in you and empower you to reach your God-given potential. Many people are scared to excel because being the best is often lonely and friends are few and far between, but don't let that stop you. The few friends that you will find on the road to success with be so much more precious than those who are you friend, only because you fit in with their mold.
Become deaf to those who speak down at you and you devalue  you. Open your mind and heart to those who challenge you and speak life into you. Listen to those who see your vision and are willing to not only run with you to achieve that vision, but will continue to carry you towards that vision when your strength has given out. Those who see the awesome and amazing person you were created to be! Believe that God has a purpose for you, and believe in yourself, because you are worth so much more than what average people see... You have been called to be, not only successful, but EXTRAORDINARY!

Open Letter to Those Who Are in Despair Over Trump (in 5 points)

Dear person in despair,
I know that this week has been a rough week for a lot of Americans. Specifically democrats and young people who have been led to believe that the government controls everyone's life. I'm sorry for all the fear that you feel and the anxiousness that must be crouching at your door, and I want you to know a few things about me. I voted for Trump, I love my wife, and value her as an amazing person that is the best part of me. I have friends who are mexican, and I have friends who are black, I love them both. I voted for Trump, but I don't plan on letting anyone hurt you. I have friends who are homosexual, and I have friends who are straight. I know you might be afraid of the next four years, but don't be. Because, we (The True Americans) are here, and we will protect you. I have listed five encouragements for you, the people who are afraid of what is to come. I really do hope and pray this encourages you, and helps you calm your hearts.

1. For Every Hater, There is a Protector
Yes, There are always going to be some people out there who are mean, evil, and spiteful towards people who are different from them. But overall, I believe that there are protectors everywhere. People who will stand and protect the weaker members of society, and who will protect you when you feel scared. I may not be the biggest toughest, guy out there, but what I can do I will. I will protect you, and I will love on you. I have nothing against, and I don't desire to fight with you, rather learn from you, and I expect the same from you... Learn who I am, and what I believe, and likewise I will learn from you, and what you believe. Your freedom still matters too.
2. Donald Trump Cannot Control Anyone's Actions but His Own
Donald Trump is now the president and many people seem to believe that everyone who voted for Trump is the most evil and vile corrupt people ever to walk the planet. I'm gonna tell you right now, you are wrong on many levels. Trump is responsible for his own actions, and he is responsible to God for how he leads this country. So take heart in that God will demand an account of Trump's leadership from Trump himself.
While Donald might be president, that does not mean that those who voted for him will act like he has in the past. Many of us are loving caring people, who want to promote and protect women. Many of us have family members or friends who are homosexual, and we don't plan on turning on them. We will continue to own our actions and treat you will respect and love. So, even if you fear Trump, don't fear us. We are here to love and protect you.
3. The Success of America is in the People
Something that seems to have gone unnoticed these past few days, is that Trump got elected because of the People. not because of government pushing for certain people to get elected. That should give you hope. The people are still in power. Now, understand this, the government does not own the majority of businesses in America. America's success comes directly  from what the people and citizens of America do. So success is still out there! Regardless of what you believe about your racial background, or status in life... Success can be yours if you want it bad enough.
4.You Define Your Success, and Are Responsible For Your Actions
Similar to my last point, we define our success. If we work hard, and push through the obstacles  in our way, we will achieve success and greatness. This means that we must grow up, and grow stronger. We must never stop growing up, because until the day we die, we will not reach perfection. understand that you have a responsibility to your actions and your success. No one else is responsible, take ownership and continue to strive for the best you can. If I can help you succeed, I would love to. You are still protected, loved, and have opportunity for success.
5. Love Will Solve Problems, Hate Will Create Them. 
I know lately rioting and burning of American flags is the way to make people sympathetic to the plights of minority and young Americans, but I can tell you this.... It's not working. Do you want to know why its not working? Because you're not spreading hope, or approaching a solution in a loving way. Someone's brother, Sister, Mother, Father, Uncle, Cousin, Friend died for that flag and gave everything so that we could be here and live with our freedoms. SOMEONE STEPPED IN FRONT OF YOU AND DIED IN YOUR PLACE.  That is what that Flag represents, the freedoms that we have here, and the symbol of our country that Men, and Family have died for. That is why you will not be successful in winning true Americans to your cause, because you disrespect their families, and you hurt them by your insensitive behavior. Learn this, and learn it well, love will solve problems and bring peace to our nation, while hate will only fuel the fire of emotion, and hurt more people.

I want to love people... Don't you? I want to protect those weaker and defend them from enemies at home, while our soldiers overseas protect us from enemies abroad. I want us to return, and become a nation of love. please... don't despair, have hope and most importantly know that you are loved, and there are those who will protect you.

Sincerely and with  much love,

                          Duckie

Episode 1: An Introduction into My Listening (Music)

If you follow me at all on Facebook I mentioned about a week ago that I was considering starting a series of blogs going over songs that I enjoy, and explaining in depth why I enjoy them, and why I believe they are so beautifully executed. This will range all over the map as far as genre is concerned so don't be afraid or weirded out by something in hip hop all the way to something in Christian Contemporary Music.
In my post on facebook I informed everyone that I am a musician. I play multiple instruments and enjoy many of them I might add. This makes listening to songs very interesting and exciting for me because I can usually break a song down in my head and listen to it, as though it was individual tracks. This allows me to pick apart songs, and put them back together to really enjoy the genius of whoever wrote/orchestrated the song.
I have decided that I will start this series and will at least be releases a new blog every week on this series until I run out of music.. That could be awhile.
I hope you guys enjoy this series, and if you have certain songs you think I should check out and analyze I would love to do that. (However, make sure they are appropriate.)

Until next time,
          Duckie

The Definitions of Worldview vs Mindset (Part 2)

In the last blog post, I talked about what Worldview is. I also explained why it is very important to have a consistent worldview across all areas of life. If your worldview cannot accommodate everything, then you can either rethink your entire existence, or you can assimilate new things into your current worldview, and modify those things that are necessary to change.

The second portion of this series is going to be focusing on Mindset. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines Mindset as; A particular way of thinking; a person's attitude or set of opinions on something. Now going from this definition of what a mindset is, we can probably envision what that might look like. A lot people probably associate mindset with motivational pictures, and posts, and pump you up memes.  While this is a good physical representation of a positive mindset, there is a whole lot more that goes into creating a mindset than just looking at positive things.

There are really two types of mindsets that you can accept/achieve. The first is a negative mindset, and the second is a positive mindset... Crazy right? Now, for me a positive mindset is a creative mindset, and always asks how can I? Everyone's mindset with be slightly different than anyone else's mindset, but you can still tell if it is a positive or negative mindset. A positive mindset will continue to grow, and develop, whereas a negative one will remain small, and the same. A positive mindset will strive to learn, and understanding continually more about the world around you, while a negative one will be closed to anything new, and stay ignorant of reality. some people think if abstract ideas, and jumbled thoughts that are smooth and easily understood by themselves, while others have very organized thoughts, and can simply and quickly solve problems, both are fine, and neither one or the other are wrong. My point in say that is everyone's mindset is going to vary, and just because your mindset doesn't match someone else's doesn't mean yours is inferior, or that theirs is.

The Definitions of Worldview vs. Mindset (Part 1)

When mindset is brought up in conversation, hardly anyone would think to substitute  worldview for mindset. However, if asked to explain the difference between the two, some people might struggle to define the difference. This blog is not to teach something to those who already know the difference, Rather, it is to inform those who are not aware yet. There is nothing wrong with not knowing, the excitement is in the learning away.

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary minds-set is; "A particular way of thinking: a person's attitude or set of opinions about something." Now, this is a good definition for mindset, but without  any application/example it is really hard to fully understand the power of mindset. Mindset shapes your framework for HOW you do life. How you think, how you interact with people, how you accomplish things, and whether or not you accomplish things. 

The Merriam-Webster's definition for worldview is, "The way someone thinks about the world." however, this simple definition is not very helpful. Christian Apologetics and Research Ministry gives a much more comprehensive definition of Worldview: "A worldview is a set of beliefs and assumptions that a person uses when interpreting the world around him. A worldview deals with issues like, what are we? Were we created, or did we evolve? What is our purpose in life? Does God exist?" etc. etc. This definition gives us a much better look at what worldview actually is. World, helps you interpret your world around you. It gives you guidance, and supplies you with a construct for morality, and truth. For example, if you have a pragmatic worldview, you will assume truth to be whatever it most helpful to your current situation and truth can change. If you believe in a Coherent worldview, then truth is not relative to you, rather truth is beyond you, and you are bound by it. You do not define your own truth, rather truth defines, how you react and respond to different things. Coherence also means that truth is logical, and not based on a whim. 

Now that we have some working definitions of what mindset is, and what worldview is...? For starters every single one of us, has both. We have a worldview and we have a mindset. However, your worldview will help to shape the mindset that you have. Since I have defined them in this order, it would make sense that I address Worldview before Mindset.

Worldview influences everything you see in the world, and how you see the world. It informs your beliefs, but often times in very interconnected with your beliefs. For example, if you want an effective,  and dynamic worldview it needs to be logically consistent. If you have contradicting beliefs, you will eventually run into problems because you will realize, the root of your thinking does not make sense. If your worldview cannot make for your internal beliefs, there is no way it will make sense of the world you live in. In short, your worldview must be logically consistent.

Secondly, your worldview will define, your stance on many different issues, and how you respond to different stimuli. For example, a very basic belief that informs your worldview is whether or not God exists and how he is involved in our human world. If you are an atheist it will drastically change how you answer all philosophical, and ontological questions. Comparatively if you have a traditional biblical worldview it will also change how you view the world, and all that is in it, as well as how you define your purpose for life.

The biggest problem with many people in our culture today, is a denial of absolute truth. Many people hold to a more pragmatic view of truth because it is convenient... Not because it is consistent or logically stable. pragmatic truth, is the idea that truth is truth as long as it is practical and the most effective view at the current moment. The ominous issue with this theory of truth is because you are stating an absolute while denying an absolute truth, which is just as logically sound as stating that one plus one is now two-hundred and fifty. The point is this philosophy should be rejected simply on the basis that it is not logically consistent.

From the beginning of your intellectual life, you will have to decide what your worldview is going to be and once you have established your worldview then you can began to delve into more about your individual person, your likes, dislikes, and what morality you hold to. However, the challenge is to stay consistent, and not contradictory.

In the second part of this series I will discuss the import of Mindset, and how that shapes your personality, as well as how you stay motivated.

What is Success?

Well, I guess I already asked the question... What. IS. SUCCESS?
Many would define success as winning, whether it is in sports or in a contest of some sort. While they are not wrong, there is a much deeper and richer definition to success. I asked a few people to give me a short definition of success.

 "To achieve fulfillment in faith and self, and through that to inspire and challenge others."

"Success is being able to wake up each and everyday here in the USA. Living in the greatest country on earth, and knowing you with God's will control your destiny."

"Success is being able to glorify God while reaching a set goal."

"Find out what is important to you, setting goals to reach those things, and surrounding yourself with resources and people to get you there. Be determined, work hard, and arrive where you want to be."

One thing that you will notice with these definitions is that they vary... As does success in our lives. For some of us, success is getting  out of bed to face another day even though we suffer from severe depression, for some, it is reaching a new personal record in fitness or in sports. however, for all of us, success is closely tied to self-improvement.

We hardly call it success when we've eaten 50 chicken nuggets by ourselves, sitting on the couch binge watching netflix, or falling into a mud puddle... We simply don't view such things as a success. Why? because they do not improve our current state of being. now, if you enjoy falling in mud puddles, then be my guest and contradict me, but for the vast majority that is not a success. here are three things to help you think through what success is.

1. Success is Personal
Success is not necessarily something that can be measured by anyone but yourself. Only you know, if you gave everything you had. If you are on a diet, only you know if you stuck to it. Only you know, if your heart was in it.
Don't try to set a standard for your success by someone else's standard. Given, in business there are cooperate, and financial standards for success, but when you are working on yourself, use the Bible as your standard, and push yourself to be the best version of you that you can be. This includes, spiritual, mental, and physical discipline.

2. Success is Contagious
Success can be contagious. If you are successful you will attract two types of people, those who are already successful and those who are hungry to be successful. You will find as you grow in your journey of personal development and success building that Success is not something that can be taught, it must be caught. YOU CANNOT TEACH SOMEONE TO BE SUCCESSFUL. why? well... look at number one. It is a personal decision to become someone who strives for success.

On a side note, if you are someone who is working hard to be successful, do not be so self-centered as not exclude others from that success. Help others become successful as well.    

3. Success is Hard
There is nothing easy about success. You will be mocked for trying to excel. In our country, and culture being sub par is often the status quo. Anything different from the status quo will be difficult. that doesn't mean you should strive for it, it simply means, you must push that much harder to become successful. We have no place in this world for those who are happy to be nothing. Enough people have chosen that path already. Step up, and take your place among the legends of humanity. Those who bowed to none but God, and as a result changed the world. Jesus was successful, and it cost him EVERYTHING. ..



Oh, by the way... Christ is our example for how we are supposed to live.


   Think about it.


             Colossians 3:23-24

Satan Doesn't need to tempt the American Church: We've destroyed ourselves without it

"Brothers and sisters, I could not address you as people who live by the Spirit but as people who are still worldly—mere infants in Christ. 2I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready. 3You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere humans? 4For when one says, “I follow Paul,” and another, “I follow Apollos,” are you not mere human beings?"  
( 1 Corinthians 3:1-4) 

I cringe when I read this. I cringed because I know how close to home this hits with many within the church. This could easily be addressed to any number of churches here in America.  As the church of Ephesus received from John's letter in Revelation; we have abandoned our first love. We no longer seek after Christ, and his Gospel alone, we desire more.  Is it wrong to want to know more of God? Not at all, but when it clouds your view of reality, it hurts. If you desire to know more of God than was written in the Bible, there's a problem. If you have to read books that take the Bible out of context to make a point, you need to stop yourself, and return to your first love. Now, do not think for a second that I am saying you should not spend every waking second aware of God, and what he desires for your life... That is not my point at all.

However, I have been to a few churches here and there, and I see problems coming when they forget the Gospel and become "Super-Spiritualized".  This is the Gospel, Man has fallen from favor with God because of our decision to sin. God desires us to return to Him so He made a way for us to come to him. He sent Jesus to earth as a God-Man (100% man and 100% God). Jesus lived a perfect life was crucified, buried and rose again on the third day. He then ascended into glory and sat down at the right hand of God. His death opened the door for us to be made one with God, if we believe in Jesus and the sacrifice that he made. If we surrender our lives to him, and acknowledge him as Lord and Savior, we will be saved and once we die, we will be reunited with God, and live in eternity with him forever. This is the Gospel. Nothing more, and nothing less. Or at least that's what the early church believed.
Today, we cannot believe a simple Gospel because many many years later, naturally we would know more about the Gospel than what Jesus said. Today you must choose who you will serve. Will if be Zwingli? or Luther? or will it be Calvin or Arminius? Surely, if you do not agree with me, you cannot be saved.

I know, that these men, were all Greats of the Faith, and I mean them no disrespect. However, I have left church angry because there was an argument, not about the Gospel, but about whether Calvin was right or Arminius was right. This has to stop. Calvin was not predestined to replace Christ's simple Gospel, and Arminius did not have the free-will to choose to replace the Gospel.

I know that it is good to study and learn more and more about Christ, but it's about building a relationship, not writing a textbook to add on to the Gospel. The Gospel is what saves you, not to doctrine of predestination.
If I met a man, who told me he was going to heaven because Jesus loves him and forgave him of his sins, and his life reflected that statement, I would believe that he would be in paradise one day. If a man told me that everyone who believes in Arminian Theology is going to hell one day, but that he was safe because he was a calvinist... I would wonder if I would see him in Eternity.

We have become to bitter against each other for no other reason, but secondary doctrines to the one Doctrine above all doctrines. The Doctrine of the Gospel. Jesus came to make a way for us to be reunited with God, and He desires us to come to him, we cannot earn our salvation, we can't even begin to pay for it, but we can accept it because of his love and grace towards us. Jesus saves us from our sins, when we recognize him as our loving savior and when we make a change to do our best to honor and glorify him in our lives. That is all. There is no magic doctrinal stance that lets you into a higher heaven or a better heaven. It is the simple Gospel that saves.

I mean this in love,

David "Duckie" Vest

The Death of Courtship, or Christ in Dating?

Introduction
             A While ago one of my friends on Facebook posted something about wanted to have a courtship instead of a dating relationship. There was a blog that was written as to why, and don't get me wrong, there were good reasons for what was said, but I think they were a little bit misguided. I wanted to give my opinion of what courtship is and what I believe dating is, and a solution to the problem.

Courtship
            Many people especially in conservative circles always want to point out that dating isn't the way to go and that they courtship rather go the route of the courtship. They say, it is more centered on Christ and there are a lot more boundaries and rules set up to help the couple succeed. However, none of that really has to do with a courtship. Traditionally what a courtship is, is a young man, goes to his parents are informs them, " I am financially independent and I'm ready to find a wife... Here's a girl that I would be interested in courting." His parents, (along with him) go to the girls parents are discuss the possibility of a courtship. Then the young man and young women get to know each other in the family setting, never on their own, always under the supervision of parents. If the courtship is a success then the couple will get married. If it does not succeed them the couple goes their own separate ways.

           I will be blunt and to the point. I believe that courtships are dead, or at least a dying breed. Not because people don't want to do courtship, but because there is rarely the amount of time for parents to supervise their grown children in a relationship setting like this. I also, don't think that it is really the best way to go about a relationship prior to marriage. I know that it takes time to be yourself in front of someone else's parents... It's not easy to be everything that you would be behind closed doors with just that special someone. If they only get to see you, in these more public settings, yes there will not be a lot of opportunity to fall into physical temptation, but you won't get to see the real person that you really need to see in order to make a decision for marriage. That is what I think, and you can take it or leave it.  (noticed that boundaries are not even mentioned as part of a courtship.)

Dating
          At this point in time, everyone knows what dating is, and how it works. There is constructive dating and then there's the dating game... or destructive dating if you will. Dating is very casual in nature, a boy asks out a girl and they go on dates. They go watch movies, or mini golfing, or any number of things.
          Obviously there are any number of things that more conservative christians can point out as  major problems with this, and for the most part I would agree with them. There is not a lot of dating couples that look for accountability for their physical boundaries, and there is not necessarily a lot of focus on spiritual development or growth. That does not mean that there are exceptions to this rules, it just means it's much easier to fall into sin.

          At this point I want to offer a solution to those who don't want to do a courtship, but want to have a safe, well accounted-for relationship prior to marriage.  I want to suggest what I call Covenantal Dating.

         Covenantal Dating is different from courtship, and it is different from todays use of dating. In covenantal dating you write out what you want your boundaries to be (physically, emotionally, and spiritually). You have someone in authority over you, such as a parent, or pastor keep you accountable throughout your relationship for those boundaries.  This will keep falling into temptation further away. Also, as a Christian, these boundaries should make it much easier to focus your energies on  a Christ centered relationship. Personally, I believe that this is the best option for Christians that are living in the world today. In the world today, few people have time to invest in a traditional courtship, and many people do not really like the idea of "traditional" dating.


Conclusion
         Christians need to understand that dating should not be treated as a game, and that it is really to prepare you for marriage, just as a courtship is. However, I believe that it is very important that you spend time with that special person one on one before you get married because you won't see the same side of people when they are in a group.  I know that it is very hard to keep your physical boundaries unless you write them out. I know this from experience. If you decide to use the covenantal dating system it is worth the fight to avoid temptation, and it will make your relationship down the road much smoother. Always, no matter what you decide to do, keep Christ at the center of your relationship with your significant other. At no point, should they get between you and God. Christ is first, they are second, you are third. That is how God created, marriages to be.

Do You Want to Leave a Legacy?

Well?  Do you?
                            Do you want to leave a legacy?
                                                                 Do you want to be remembered when you're gone?


Personally I'm terrified of leaving behind a world that I never impacted. What if I never helped anyone, or impacted anyone? What if there was someone somewhere that did look up to me, and I never helped them. Often my motivation is selfish, I want to be recognized  for my works or my personality. There is a song that I always hear in my head when I begin to ask myself about the legacy I'm leaving. "I dreamed I was missing, and you were so

scared, but no one would listen, cause no one else cared." the song goes on to say, "When my time comes forget the wrongs that I've done, help me leave behind some reasons to be missed." Well, when I'm gone will I be remembered for the good things I've done or will I be remembered for the mean, crude, and hurtful things that I've said? It haunts me for a few reasons. I don't want people to remember me for being rude, or hurtful, but there is a far greater reason. 




When I stand before God at the Great Throne of Judgment, will he say "well done my good and faithful servant" or will he shake his head and say, "You were given so much,and you wasted it."  I always picture a huge tv screen where God will quickly watch through your life and see if there is anything worthy honoring. I already know there will be many times and

many incidents that I will regret and feel ashamed of anyone, especially God looking at it and me. I know that Christ has forgiven me for my sins, but it will still hurt, and be       humiliating. I don't want to lead a life that lets God done, or saddens him. My life should inspire others to look towards Christ, and see Him. 




So, do you want to be remembered when you're gone? If so, keep reading. There are three tips for leaving a legacy. 



1 Live Every Moment Like You Won't Get Another One
No, I'm not talking about Yolo. I'm not saying go out partying all the time and living it up. If you really believed you'd be standing before God the next day, I think we would all be a little more sober. You will get opportunities to impact the world, and the lives of others. What if you had one more encounter with your parents, or a loved one? Wouldn't you want that time to be meaningful? Live every moment like you won't get another moment to cherish. 
2. Treat Everyone Like Eternity Is Tomorrow
This point really matters to those who are in Christ. We were all given the chance to live our lives the way we want. But as Christians our first goal in life should be to share the hope of Christ with those who are lost and have strayed from home. We all belong to God since he is our creator and will have to give an account of how we lived our lives. Sadly, many of his creations have chosen to walk away from the love of their creator and live life for themselves. Brothers and Sisters, please don't let the people you know, die without having impacted them for Christ. 
3. Live for Something Bigger than Yourself
This applies to everyone. Anyone who lives for selfish motives wastes the life given to them. Our human nature has fallen and is completely depraved and there is no good in us, without God's grace. Since I am a Christian, I want and strive to live my life for Christ, and his kingdom. There are many times that I fail, and many times that I live for myself, and I always feel ashamed when I realize my sin. I don't want to live for myself, I want to live for something bigger, and I think there's a part of us, that always wants to live for more than ourselves. 



God, please help me to live for you, help me to impact the world in a positive way for you. Let your lost children see you and come to know you. Let them find the joy that those of us who have accepted you enjoy. Please don't let me waste my life on selfishness, but rather, let me impact others for you, so that when I leave this place, people remember me as the man who lived his life like Christ. Hide me, and let you be seen clearly. 
                                                                           

3 Big Ways to Help Your Fiance Plan a Wedding

One of my friends recently came to me asking if I had any advice to give on wedding planning. After thinking about it for a few days I've come to the decision to write a blog about it. Some people will probably just sniff at this blog, but I'm sure that brides and brides to be will appreciated it if their man spends a little time to read this.

1. Support her decisions and encourage her.

Our Wedding Turned Out Pretty Well :)

This is her biggest dream in life. She has dreamed of becoming a bride for at least 21 years of her life. This day is for her, 
and to celebrate your union for her.
The wedding night is for you. 
When she's picking out the cake or the color of ties you'll wear, just go along with it. You'll be satisfied in the end result, so just let her enjoy herself. 

There will be times when she gets depressed by all the things she has to get done, just relax and smile. Be someone she can  de-stress and relax with. Whenever she gets stressed encourage her and tell her how good she's doing. I promise it'll help you. 




2. Be there to consult with, but don't give your opinion unless asked.

My wife kind of glared at me when I wrote this one, but it's very true. Like I said previously, don't give your opinion unless it's asked of you. If she asks your opinion, you are a lucky guy! She just let you into her dream of a wedding so don't take it lightly. 

3. Be supportive of her family. 

Let me share a short story. There were somethings that happened with my wedding and the events around it that caused both of our families a bit of stress. In one of my unthinking moments I made a comment about how frustrating I found my mother in-law. again, unthinkingly I made this comment to my groomsmen who then took it to a new level of loudly screeching whenever she was mentioned. Needless to say, I regret what I said, but also greatly misjudged her in a moment of frustration. On another note, guys, your mother in-law will most likely to a huge amount of work to put this wedding together. Don't take it lightly, thank her for her trouble, and effort. 
Your  bride, being a girl, will be way more attached to her family than you, as a guy are. Don't take this lightly either. Respect that she'll miss them when she starts a new life with you. Respect her struggles; She'll still wonder if she's ready to be married to you. xD



In the end, just stay calm and respect her and her family. That is really the best thing that you can do. If she gives you something to be in charge of take care of it early and have it ready and organized. She will appreciate your effort to make everything easy. When you're planning a wedding, don't forget to stay in love. A lot of time you can lose track of spending meaningful time together. Make sure that you take breaks from planning and just do something fun. Keep it light, and if you hit problems, smile and work through them together. 

I'm a gamer so I couldn't resist. 

PS. I'm going to start trying to have a new blog out every Wednesday and Saturday. If you want me to write, or address a certain topic, leave a comment of message me somewhere. :)   

7 Things All Single Guys Need to Learn Before They Get Married

Before you jump to any hasty conclusions, I know that not every guy out there wants to get married, and not every guy out there is ignorant of these qualities. However, I do know, after being married for only a few weeks, there are definitely some characteristics or attributes that I wish I had worked harder on before getting married to Lydia. These are characteristics, that will not only help you in relationships, but will help you in every area of your life. They may be restatements of what you already know, but they are important and I personally feel they are essential to keeping my marriage with Lydia a success. 

7. Listening

This is one thing that we guys are not extremely good at. We may think that we are good listeners, but most likely we're thinking about something else. Something like... "what for dinner? I'm starving."  I can't stress this enough. You have to be able to listen to your wife, because she needs that. She needs your attention, and to know that you really hear every word she says. It makes her feel appreciated. Some girls are also poor listeners so it goes for girls as well; listen to your husband when he speaks. 

6. Commitment

Now, when I say commitment I'm not really not about the obvious. You should know better than to cheat on your wife. The saddest way to destroy a marriage is by cheating on your wife, or her cheating on you with another man physically. However, commitment does not just stop at adultery. As Jesus said, if a man looks at a women lustfully he has committed adultery already in his heart (Matt 5:28). As a husband you and I must have eyes for only our wives. We cannot let our eyes stray to who ever happens down the street. It has been said by many daughters that seeing their father check out other women hurt them as well. You never know how many people you can hurt by not staying faithful and committed to your spouse.  

5. Selflessness (aka. Sacrifice)

This is a big one. This is also something that I struggle with daily. Every single day, there will be something that happens during the course of the day where Lydia will ask me to do something that I don't want to do, simply because I'm busy looking at youtube. pathetic, and selfish of me, and I don't want to be like that, but it is still a struggle. Ephesians chapter 5 is the guide to how husbands should treat their wives.  Paul says, that we are too love our wives, "as Christ loves the church, and gave himself for her"    so he could present her as a spotless and unblemished bride before his Father and ours. This means, we give of ourselves to help her become the women in Christ that God has planned for her to be. In this process, we as well, will become the men of God that He has created us to be. One thing that helps me, when I feel selfish and want to do my thing, and not be sacrificial towards her. I remind myself to pray for her and my sanctification. If her spiritual condition is concern for you, then it will become much easier for you to sacrifice and be selfless towards her. 

4. Compassion

This is probably one of the only things I feel I have a some what decent handle of. I know that compassion is one of my spiritual gifts, and I'm thankful to God for giving it to me, because it really helps in our relationship, if I can be compassionate towards her. She is human and so am I, we make mistakes and we do stupid stuff, but compassion makes these mistakes easier to deal with, and forgiveness comes easier. 

3. Communication
I cannot stress how important communication is in a relationship. Especially since most guys are terrible at communicating how they feel and what they really think about something. Girls and guys communicate differently, but that doesn't mean it's not important. If you can't communicate your relationship will most likely fall apart. Girls thrive on communication, by communication I don't mean gossip, I mean genuinely communicating your feelings and dreams to her. 

2. Discipline 
I am not an organized person at all. Is that a bad thing? I think it's not a good thing. I need to learn to be more disciplined in how I spend my time, and how I spend our money. I've learned that in the past three weeks of marriage, and I can only assume it'll become more important over the course of our marriage. I'm currently in my last semester of school and that is something else I need to be disciplined in. Discipline isn't a easy thing to learn, but it is something that is necessary. to be a leader one needs to be in order and have a disciplined lifestyle. 

1. Leadership
As a husband you must learn to lead. However, by lead I do not mean, as a dictator. Your wife needs godly leadership that takes leadership seriously, but does so with a smile. Given, before you are married you can't really have the same leadership responsibilities that you have once you are married, but you can still look for ways to be a leader, and a godly one at that. 


Given, there are guys who have these qualities mastered before they get married, but I personally didn't have them anywhere near what they should be, and that's why I'm writing this. I hope that this encourages and inspires those of you who are getting married, or are looking to be married at some point. 

7 Things Every Christian Guy Should Know Before He Has Sex

Now I know what you're thinking, "How could you use the words 'christian'and 'sex' in the same title?" Well, because sex is important to Christianity. I believe that in the church today there is a lack of sex education going on, and I believe that the church really needs to step up and address the real life issues that happen within marriage for Newly-weds in the church. 

I've been married for about three weeks now, and obviously, my wife and I have had sex. It's part of marriage as God designed and, not gonna lie, it is enjoyable. However, going into marriage I had a lot of misconceptions about what sex would be like, and also how I would deepen my relationship with my wife, through sex, and how it would effect other areas of our relationship. This blog, hopefully will help young men who are going into marriage, prepare for marriage and understand what exactly you are getting into.

7. You will not become one overnight.  
When I was growing up and through my college experience I kept hearing the phrase "you will become one with your wife" and I always thought that was referring to sex, and how you would suddenly understand everything about her, and you would know her deepest secrets. Well, let me tell you, we didn't become one, and we're still different people and I still don't understand everything about my wife, but I do know her better now. in retrospect I see, how misplaced these ideas are, and how foolish it is to think that you will get to that point immediately overnight. 
6. You don't have sex constantly.
You don't and really, that's a good thing. You can't physically have sex all the time, and I'm pretty sure you realize that. Plus, she cannot have sex all the time either. No one could physically take that. Yet, before marriage you think, well, "we're gonna be having sex every 5 minutes on the honeymoon and it's gonna be great!" Nope. 
5. You don't want it constantly.
On top of the fact that you don't have sex all the time, you also don't want to have sex all the time. If you simply married someone because you thought it was the only way you'd get to sleep with them, than you should never have started the dating process. When you are married, if you've had a good relationship prior to marriage. You will have other things that you enjoy doing together, and you will continue to do them. I personally, don't want to have sex all the time, and my wife is fine with that. I would rather talk to her, and actively do something with her, rather than lay in bed all day having sex. If you truly love your wife, you probably won't be having sex all day. 
4. It's not about her pleasing you. 
I know that a lot of guys love their fiances and want to make them happy. However, in our culture, we have this idea that when it comes to sex, its about the girl pleasing the guy, and in marriage the wife should submit to the husband and simply let him have his way with her all the time. This also includes making her do things for you, that aren't really appropriate. You will find, if you really love your wife, like Ephesians tells you too. Sex, as well as other areas of your life will become more about you pleasing her, and making her happy. This is not just doing the dishes for her, and trying to express yourself more. This also includes in the bedroom. As her husband, it is important that you put her needs above your own. Sex isn't about you, it's about glorifying God with your body by giving it to your spouse.  
3. It's not like the movies make it seem.
Like I mentioned, our culture gives us plenty of images, videos, and movies to tell us what sex is supposed to look like or be like. I can tell you right now. If you want sex to be like a movie, then you're gonna be disappointed. It's nothing like a movie, for example, it's fun. It's smiles, and giggles. Not some steamy sex scene... and seriously, thank God it's not. Because it's so much more enjoyable when you're not trying to impress her, or show off. If you act like yourself, (the person she married you for) you will have a great time, and sex will be fun. 
2. Sex helps improve other areas of your marriage.
Believe it or not, sex does help with other areas of your marriage. For example, in my situation, it has helped me become more vocal and share what I'm thinking with my wife. It helps me understand her more, and give us a way to just be completely transparent with each other. To be frank, when you've seen someone standing in front of you completely naked, you have seen everything about them. Their beauty, their blemishes, and their whole body. You see who they really are, and if you can share that with them physically, it really helps in sharing that emotionally, and mentally.  
1. Experiencing Sex is not the pinnacle of your existence.
I hate to disappoint you, but the pinnacle of marriage is not having sex. I know a lot of guys who really want to have sex, because sex is the pinnacle of their imagination. That's really sad. The pinnacle of your existence as a husband is when a young person, or someone looks at you and says, "I want to be like you when I get married, because I saw Christ in how you treat your wife." 

Guys, even in sex, you're goal is not to finish last. It's still has Paul said, to finish the race, and get the prize, the crown of eternal life. Sex is an intimate act between and husband and a wife to take part in for the glory of God

Husbands, on a final note, love your wives as Christ loves the church and gave himself for her. (Ephesians 5) protect her, care for her, and cherish her. If you must, die for her. But before you sign out and die for her. Make sure you live every moment of your life and your existence to glorify God by the way that you love her.