Ten Tips to Better Communication (Marriage Tips)

There are quite a few things that completely derail a marriage.

Adultery.
Financial stress.
Medical stresses.

But one of the most potent poisons to any marriage is miscommunication.

Sadly it seems that very few people are actually good at communicating with their spouses. Quite a few of our friends have mentioned to my wife and I how much they struggle to communicate with their spouse.

Lydia and I definitely pride ourselves in being able to communicate with each other, but we haven't always been as good at it as we are now.

What follows is ten tips for better communication within your marriage.

10. Never assume your spouse understands what you meant.
This goes for both sexes. Don't assume you read that text right. If it sounds worse than what your wife normally says, then you probably didn't read it correctly.

If you assume that you understand what your spouse is saying and don't bother to clarify what was meant, you will often come to misunderstandings and it will slowly wear you down.

It's much easier to ask what was meant then go through the frustrations of misunderstanding.

9. Never go to bed angry with your spouse.
This is something that my wife and I have never done. We never go to bed angry with each other.

We may be lying in bed angry at each other for a bit... but we never fall asleep angry.

 If you let anger smolder, it will burn you and your spouse.

Anger is destructive to anything it touches and can easily destroy a marriage. If you are angry or upset about something that your spouse did then talk to them and try to figure out a solution so that it does not keep irritating you. Chances are that they didn't even realize that it was that frustrating. Also, forgive. Remember that you are on the same team and determine whether what is irritating you is worth giving up peace with your spouse over.

8. Never assume you know more than your spouse
This can be a tricky issue because obviously you will know more than your spouse in certain subjects. The balance comes by not lording your expertise over them, rather share the knowledge with them and likewise they will share their specialty with you.

That way both of you learn and become the wiser for it. If you go into marriage assuming that you're the smarter one, you will insult and damage the confidence of your spouse. Anyone with a superiority complex will end up lonely and broken.

7. Do not withhold sex or other intimate behaviors as punishment.
If you are frustrated with your spouse do not... let me repeat, do not withhold sex or other forms of showing affection from your spouse. You are not the parent and they are not the child. You are equals and punishing them because you are mad at them is not appropriate in a marriage.

Be an adult and talk out your differences and come to a conclusion that is agreeable to both people. Now if your spouse is tired from having a really long day and doesn't want to have sex... Then be kind and understanding and let them relax and rest. They had a rough day and need a break. Maybe even make dinner for them or do something to demonstrate that you care about their efforts. Communicating kindness is just as important as communicating a disagreement or misunderstanding.

6. Always assume the best of what your spouse is telling you.
Speaking from personal experience, I have many times assumed the worst and it has made everything very gloomy and dismal. Many times Lydia had no idea that what she said was misunderstood by me and I would just hold on to it, and let it bother me for hours. Finally when I couldn't hold it anymore I would ask her why she was mad at me or whatever I had assumed. Many times she would stare at me with a blank look because she never meant what I had come up with... In short, ask for clarification before you assume she's attacking you... which leads right into the next point.

5. Accept criticism, even if you don't like it.
Part of marriage is growing as a person.

The only way that you grow is if you are challenged to grow. Growth comes from discomfort and learning to overcome difficulties. The number one person who will be challenging you is most likely going to be your spouse. They aren't always going to sugar coat what they are saying to you and you need to be an adult about it, hear the truth that they are saying, and maybe do some introspection and see if you need to work on something.

A willingness to grow is a mature response to criticism.

4. Believe your spouse when they say they love you. 
"I love you bb" said Lydia,
"yay!  are you sure?" Said the insecure Dave.
"Yes I do bb..." said Lydia, what she didn't say was that it hurt every time he didn't believe her.
Why didn't he believe her? She told him that every day, but for some reason he just didn't seem to believe her. After a few months it was beginning to wear on her.

If your spouse tells you they love you, believe them. It's important for them to know that you trust them and believe what they say. If this basic communication isn't intact, chances are there are other issues in the relationship as well.

3. Never settle an argument when you are angry. 
No one ever settled a disagreement angry.

They may have yelled louder and got their point across better, but in the end they didn't win.

If your spouse isn't winning, then you aren't winning either.

Marriage is a team sport, and if you aren't unified as a team, then you will lose every time.

If you are not getting along about something to the point both of you are angry at each other, take a step back and just cool off before you try to come to an agreement about it.

2. Be willing to work with your spouse. 
Teams that win a lot put in hours upon hours of work to succeed when they get into a hard contest.

When it comes down to the wire, the team that is better prepared will come out on top. When it comes to marriage, both husbands and wives not only need to be working on growing themselves, they also need to put time in working together to become a stronger team. The more time you put in together the less miscommunications you'll have and the more you will enjoy each other.

1. Adopt the mindset that you hold the keys to your spouse's soul. 

Being married is an honor and a privilege.

It is also a huge responsibility.

Why is it a huge responsibility?
 Because you are entrusted with your spouse's heart and soul.
You are the keeper of your spouse and responsible for their well-being.
What do leaders look like? Gentle yet firm, kind but honest. They love their own and they protect their own. That is your responsibility in marriage, to defend that sacred bond, and do whatever it takes keep that bond.

Communication is key to understanding each other in a marriage. If you want to take care of your spouse (and in turn yourself) take the time to understand them better than they understand themselves. 

How to Break The Friend Zone (The Story of Lydia and Dave)

I am writing this to the guys that feel like they'll never win the girl of their dreams, and I'm writing this to the guy who honestly loves the girl next door and is ignored and put into the "Friendzone".  This is not for the guy who only thinks about himself and only wants a girlfriend. This is for the guy who falls in love with a girl who he feels he has no chance with. I'm sharing this story because I don't want you to give up on your dreams.

When I was a freshman in college I went to college early because I wanted to tryout for the soccer team. I did not make the team and I am okay with that now. Anyway, before classes started some of the people who were there early went bowling together, and that was the first time I met Lydia. She was pretty, cute, and adorable. I wanted to talk to her, and I was hoping that we would be put in the same lane... We weren't but that's okay. On the way home we were in the same car and we got started talking about music and I said I wasn't a huge fan of Casting Crowns and apparently that wasn't the right thing to say (Strike 1).

When classes started my first class was Introduction to Psychology. I walked in a little nervous because this all seemed new. But I found a open seat and sat down without making a fool of myself. I looked to the left, and there was a girl who would share all the same classes with me on M/W/F for the rest of that semester. I turned to the right and there sat Lydia! We talked briefly and I was happy.

As the weeks went by I began to like Lydia, I wouldn't say love because that's a little bit of an exaggeration. However, the feelings weren't mutual at the time, and she began to show interest in a different guy. I didn't say anything, I just simply kept talking to her and being friends with her. By the end of Freshman year it was clear that she wasn't interested in me since she was semi-dating another guy.

Lydia and I in Europe

I felt kind of sad about it but not really because hey, there are many fish in the sea and maybe she's not the right one for me...  Well, she kept it up with this guy until late in summer break. When they broke up the first person he called was me, and told me that they had broken up. I was surprised, and I don't want to seem mean, but I was like.... maybe I have a chance now!





Two weeks after they broke up, I asked Lydia, "When we get back to school do you wanna go on a date?"  :3   I had high hopes... and they were quickly dashed on the rocks.
"No, I don't think I'll ever date you." Was Lydia's response.

Well then... I again tried to convince myself that there would be more fish in the sea, and I tried to find someone else. After showing interest in a few different girls and gave up. I couldn't seem to get Lydia out of my head, and I was only doing things I regretted and hurting people by not focusing on friendships.

During this time, I was still friends with Lydia, in fact I was the guy that she would talk to about her guy problems. She would tell me who she was interested in and who was frustrating her. Somehow I was never on her list.

Half way through the fall semester, Lydia got sick. She needed to go to Urgent Care and no one else seemed to be around so I told her I would drive her there. She reluctantly agreed, and off we went.  While we were sitting in the waiting room, I really wanted to lean over and hug her, but I thought she would punch me in the face. Many months down the road she would admit that she wanted the same thing that day. This event led to my first opportunity to hang out with her one on one. This led to many other opportunities to hang out as such.

On a particular Friday evening in November we were hanging out with a staff member and his family and two of us brought our guitars and were playing together for everyone else who was either listening or off in a different room. We were playing romantic songs and fun songs, but Lydia noticed that I wasn't looking at her during the romantic songs.
That night after we went home she cried all night because she thought she had lost her chance to be with the guy who she actually did like... but I didn't know this yet.

In the next day we went square dancing with a group of friends and I wasn't particularly interested in

From the Night of Dancing

dancing with Lydia that night because another girl was going that was a nice person and a good friend. Anyway, we danced, and the first time Lydia was passed to me, I could tell that she was blushing, but I had no idea why. I asked her, "Why are you blushing?" and she said,  "I'm not!" (and proceeded to not make eye contact with me.)

That night things changed. I was going to dance the last dance with another friend but Joanna Pisani poked me in the right direction when she told me to dance it with Lydia. I asked her why and she simply said, just do it. so I did it. That night we stopped at McDonalds on the way home, and danced in the parking lot. Things were beginning to look hopeful.

A couple weeks later we sat down and had a talk. I don't think anyone in the history of relationships has had a talk like this. We went to Starbucks and our talk started out... I know you like me, and you know I like you, so what are we going to do about this?

That was the beginning. Sometime I will tell the story of me asking her out, and the story of our engagement and our wedding day, but for now just know... That if you truly love a girl, and are patient, and courteous to her. You never know, there is a possibility that it will work out!

Wedding Day, in Mesa AZ

Until Next Time,

Best Friends Forever | 20 Years of Friendship

Many people have a best friend, many people have friends that last for five years, few people have friends that last for ten years, and even fewer people have a bestfriend that lasts for twenty years. My wife Lydia has been friends with her best friend Alyssa for over twenty years, and they are both still in their early twenties! In my background growing up this seems crazy. I can't imagine having a friend for that long... Don't get me wrong I would love to have a best friend like that but I simply have not known the same people for that long. I think that the ability to have a lifelong friend like that is incredible and I want to recognize this and commend them for not only maintaining that friendship but continuing to grow as friends throughout those years.

Alyssa

Lydia and Alyssa met at church when they were around four years old. They became friends and began spending time together as you would expect of four year olds-- playdates and family activities. They saw each other at church for a while but then the families went their separate ways. However, Lydia would still participate in events and youth activities with Alyssa's church so they would continue to hang out and continue to develop their relationship.

When Lydia was in 9th grade, she switched schools from public school to a Christian school. Alyssa had been at this school for quite a few years at this point but that didn't matter. They were still friends and still spent much of their time together. At this point in time, I was still living in New Jersey and had no idea whatsoever that Lydia even existed yet! I wouldn't come into the picture until Lydia's freshman year of college.

Throughout their high school years, they created many memories, inside jokes, and stories that to this day cause much laughter from the retelling of them. A

Lydia

friendship like this is a precious thing and I cannot emphasize enough how much of a blessing it is so observe their friendship. In order to maintain such a relationship you have to sacrifice and you have to make an effort to understand each other and grow together as friends.

This past Christmas break Alyssa and I made Lydia watch the Harry Potter movies. Both Alyssa and I are firm and avid Harry Potter fans and Lydia had never seen these movies. We watched through the first four and will finish the rest of them before summer break. But it was an opportunity to hang out and see each other.

From my perspective, it can be difficult to enter a group when the other people in the group have been friends for many years prior to you joining. I felt very out of place in the beginning simply because I was so new. Over the two years of marriage, we have had quite a few opportunities to hangout and get to know each other. I can honestly say, that at this point in time, Alyssa isn't just Lydia's best friend, but she is also a dear friend to me as well.  (and Alyssa, thank you for sharing your best friend. :P )

But I am beginning to ramble, and I don't want to so I'm going to wrap this up with. On New Year's Eve we went out and did a little photoshoot with Lydia and Alyssa. I have included some of the pictures from the shoot in this blog and I hope this story has been encouraging.

Friends | From 4yrs Old to the Future

Until Next time,
     

How To Make 2017 The Best Year of Your Life

As we enter into the Christmas season, it is inevitable that people starting thinking about 2017. Some people, are super excited and pumped about what they have planned for 2017, how they plan to grow as people, and how they plan to grow in their business. Others are going into this season worried, scared, and unsure if 2017 will make it or break it for them. I want to encourage you; you can make it through this coming year. You can not only survive it, but you can thrive in it! Don't give up before it's started, and don't be afraid of the unknown.
I know from past experiences that not every year is a great year, but I also know that I'm super young, and God-willing will have many more years and will make wonderful memories. My wife, Lydia, and I are very excited about our year in 2017, and we want you guys... everyone around us that we come in contact with, whether it is in person, or over social media... We want to see you succeed and we want you to thrive! Here are ten ways to help you thrive in 2017.
10.  Understand You are the Variable of Your Success
If you want to succeed in life, you must grasp this simple truth. Life is an equation and you are the variable that determines what you will achieve. I know that some people might say, God is a bigger variable in your life than you, and yes, of course God is key to you staying alive, he will not FORCE you to follow Him, or MAKE you serve Him. That's you making a conscious decision to get on your knees and seek Him and His desires for you. As far as life is concerned, God will not work your job for you or send your bills to the electric company for you... That's on you.   PS. It's also not on the government.
9.  Understand That You are Gifted Specially for Your Life
Now, many of us have struggled at some point in our lives with our self-image and what we are capable.  If 2016 has been a year of sadness, regret, and maybe even self-hate, let me come alongside you, let your true friends come alongside you, and let's turn that around! I know what self-hate is... it's self-focus. I can tell you if you focus on yourself, you will be miserable. But if you focus on those around you and work to serve and help them.... your heart will never be empty because that is part of the purpose for you being here.
Now, understand this, you are special, and maybe you don't like HOW you are special, but you are. God created you with a purpose, and he created you for greatness. Also, he never makes mistakes, he knows exactly why you are where you are and he can heal any brokenness that you have. You have gifts that no one else has and you are powerful! Don't underestimate that!
8.  Understand Who is responsible for Your Success... YOU
Now, in light of the last point, understand that it is up to you... YOU are responsible for your outcome. So many times we blame other people, things, places, animals, corporations, jobs, the government... you name it, we've blamed it. Well... Stop it. End of discussion, you are responsible for you. Remember that deer you hit on your way to work?  If you weren't shaving in the car, you probably would've seen it... Also speeding doesn't help. For real though, do you get my point? You are responsible for you and any success that you achieve is directly a reflection of whether you have an opportunity mindset or a victim mentality. Is your boss unfair... or are you glad you have a job? Are you set on being broke for the rest of your life.... or are you looking for opportunities to make an extra income? Mindset is key to your success and if you want to succeed you must have a go-get-it mindset.
7. Understand That Discipline is Key to Your Success
Discipline is often misunderstood as disciplining a child-- punishment. That is not what true discipline is, especially for adults. Discipline means pushing yourself to create good, healthy habits, whether it is how you respond to situations at work, or whether you're hitting that snooze button 209,383,711,094 times before you get up. If you want to succeed, and excel in life, you must learn to discipline yourself... Though it might not be fun to get up at 5am and go to the gym, push yourself to do it, because I promise you... The sunrise is so beautiful to see. Real discipline will bring so many blessings into your life. If you really want to be the best, you will push yourself, even when it's not pleasant or easy. I am talking to myself here too. I need to become more disciplined as well.
6. Understand the Value of Those Who Have Gone Before You
Whatever field of study you are in, whether it is medical or sales, there are those who have gone before and have been very successful in them. In the medical realm there are giants like Stanley Dudrick or in CrossFit, Rich Froning, Jr. They have excelled in their own right, and there is much to be learned from them. In Theology, Jonathan Edwards, Matt Chandler, G.A. Chesterton. Philosophy, Voltaire, Aquinas. I could go on and on, but my point here, is you can learn from those with more experience than you, even if you don't believe or agree with absolutely everything they believe. Learn to think critically for yourself, but value those who know more and are wiser than you.
5. If You Don't have Time, Make Time
We all lead busy lives for the most part, and millionaires are no exception, especially before they were millionaires. The Majority of self-made millionaires became that way because they pushed themselves harder than everyone else, and they pushed themselves to be the best. They also mapped out their days, they scheduled every hour, sometimes down to the minute, to be the most productive that they can be. We all have the same amount of time to dedicate to whatever we choose. You can make time by organizing yourself and your day in such a way that optimizes your strengths and minimizes your weaknesses.
4. Throw Away Your Excuses... They Only Hinder Your Success
"But, I just don't have time!", "But my job won't pay me enough!"  "But I'm not any good at sales!" "But I have a... thing... I have to go to."  Stop it, get some help. The help you need is a trash bag for all your excuses. If you want to succeed you will leave your excuses in the trash and take responsibility for everything that is under your control, and you will let God take care of what is out of your control... Also, don't use God as an excuse to be lazy or inactive. I promise you, God did not call you to Netflix and Potato Chips. I have spent many years making excuses of why I can't do something or why I'm not good at anything... It has become time for me to stop making excuses for my lack of productivity and it's also time for you to do the same. We will never reach our full potential if we stand behind a glass wall of excuses.
3. Never Stop Learning! 
To be successful you must never stop growing and developing your mind, you must never stop developing your body, and your spirit. Successful people read! They listen to learners and other successful people. They invest in their minds because they realize how important it is to continue to learn, and how easy it is to become stagnant.
If you need some ideas on where to start, listen to Caroline Leaf, Michael Hyatt, Jim Rohn, John Maxwell, there are many others out there, but that's just a start. As your mind grows so does your potential and your influence.
2. Invest in Yourself and Prioritize Your Personal Development
Similar to the last point, invest in yourself and prioritize it. Many times, I have used the excuse that I should die to myself daily, as a means of not trying to improve my person. As I said earlier, I'm done with excuses, so while dying daily does mean putting others before yourself, that does not mean, letting yourself go to waste either! If you wish to be successful you will put a price on your time, and you will spend time on things that matter, and on people who help make you a better person! Get a mentor! Get around people who help make you a better person so that then you can in turn be a person that adds value to the people around you!
You are special, and you are priceless! Your life will never be lived by anyone else and it is important that you don't waste your life doing trivial things! Invest in things that matter, and make a difference so that you are remembered as a World Changer!
1. Never Let Someone Stop You From Being the Best Version of Yourself You Can Be
I left this one for last, because it is often the hardest for us to overcome. The opinions of others, and those around us influence us more than any of us want to believe or admit, but it is very true. If you truly want to be successful, you will leave the haters in your dust, and you will cling to those who believe in you and empower you to reach your God-given potential. Many people are scared to excel because being the best is often lonely and friends are few and far between, but don't let that stop you. The few friends that you will find on the road to success with be so much more precious than those who are you friend, only because you fit in with their mold.
Become deaf to those who speak down at you and you devalue  you. Open your mind and heart to those who challenge you and speak life into you. Listen to those who see your vision and are willing to not only run with you to achieve that vision, but will continue to carry you towards that vision when your strength has given out. Those who see the awesome and amazing person you were created to be! Believe that God has a purpose for you, and believe in yourself, because you are worth so much more than what average people see... You have been called to be, not only successful, but EXTRAORDINARY!

Open Letter to Those Who Are in Despair Over Trump (in 5 points)

Dear person in despair,
I know that this week has been a rough week for a lot of Americans. Specifically democrats and young people who have been led to believe that the government controls everyone's life. I'm sorry for all the fear that you feel and the anxiousness that must be crouching at your door, and I want you to know a few things about me. I voted for Trump, I love my wife, and value her as an amazing person that is the best part of me. I have friends who are mexican, and I have friends who are black, I love them both. I voted for Trump, but I don't plan on letting anyone hurt you. I have friends who are homosexual, and I have friends who are straight. I know you might be afraid of the next four years, but don't be. Because, we (The True Americans) are here, and we will protect you. I have listed five encouragements for you, the people who are afraid of what is to come. I really do hope and pray this encourages you, and helps you calm your hearts.

1. For Every Hater, There is a Protector
Yes, There are always going to be some people out there who are mean, evil, and spiteful towards people who are different from them. But overall, I believe that there are protectors everywhere. People who will stand and protect the weaker members of society, and who will protect you when you feel scared. I may not be the biggest toughest, guy out there, but what I can do I will. I will protect you, and I will love on you. I have nothing against, and I don't desire to fight with you, rather learn from you, and I expect the same from you... Learn who I am, and what I believe, and likewise I will learn from you, and what you believe. Your freedom still matters too.
2. Donald Trump Cannot Control Anyone's Actions but His Own
Donald Trump is now the president and many people seem to believe that everyone who voted for Trump is the most evil and vile corrupt people ever to walk the planet. I'm gonna tell you right now, you are wrong on many levels. Trump is responsible for his own actions, and he is responsible to God for how he leads this country. So take heart in that God will demand an account of Trump's leadership from Trump himself.
While Donald might be president, that does not mean that those who voted for him will act like he has in the past. Many of us are loving caring people, who want to promote and protect women. Many of us have family members or friends who are homosexual, and we don't plan on turning on them. We will continue to own our actions and treat you will respect and love. So, even if you fear Trump, don't fear us. We are here to love and protect you.
3. The Success of America is in the People
Something that seems to have gone unnoticed these past few days, is that Trump got elected because of the People. not because of government pushing for certain people to get elected. That should give you hope. The people are still in power. Now, understand this, the government does not own the majority of businesses in America. America's success comes directly  from what the people and citizens of America do. So success is still out there! Regardless of what you believe about your racial background, or status in life... Success can be yours if you want it bad enough.
4.You Define Your Success, and Are Responsible For Your Actions
Similar to my last point, we define our success. If we work hard, and push through the obstacles  in our way, we will achieve success and greatness. This means that we must grow up, and grow stronger. We must never stop growing up, because until the day we die, we will not reach perfection. understand that you have a responsibility to your actions and your success. No one else is responsible, take ownership and continue to strive for the best you can. If I can help you succeed, I would love to. You are still protected, loved, and have opportunity for success.
5. Love Will Solve Problems, Hate Will Create Them. 
I know lately rioting and burning of American flags is the way to make people sympathetic to the plights of minority and young Americans, but I can tell you this.... It's not working. Do you want to know why its not working? Because you're not spreading hope, or approaching a solution in a loving way. Someone's brother, Sister, Mother, Father, Uncle, Cousin, Friend died for that flag and gave everything so that we could be here and live with our freedoms. SOMEONE STEPPED IN FRONT OF YOU AND DIED IN YOUR PLACE.  That is what that Flag represents, the freedoms that we have here, and the symbol of our country that Men, and Family have died for. That is why you will not be successful in winning true Americans to your cause, because you disrespect their families, and you hurt them by your insensitive behavior. Learn this, and learn it well, love will solve problems and bring peace to our nation, while hate will only fuel the fire of emotion, and hurt more people.

I want to love people... Don't you? I want to protect those weaker and defend them from enemies at home, while our soldiers overseas protect us from enemies abroad. I want us to return, and become a nation of love. please... don't despair, have hope and most importantly know that you are loved, and there are those who will protect you.

Sincerely and with  much love,

                          Duckie

Why Millennials Won't Come Back to Church (Part 2)

Last Week I wrote a blog addressing the issue the Church is having in retaining Millennials. I realize that my last blog was heavily focused on the Church and how it has misjudged and also ostracized Millennials. The issue is not a one sided issue however, and this week I want to address the Millennials. Millennials are not without fault here, because they do have a responsibility to the church that they attend. Again, similarly to what I said in the last blog, I am not trying to come across as harsh, rude, or arrogant. If I come across that way I apologize and take my words with a grain of salt.


The Millennials and Generation Z

The first question that we need to ask is who exactly are they? According to the general consensus millennials are those who were born between the 80s to the early 90s (1992) Generation Z is what follows that, so anyone born from '93 to 2010. It is a stereotype of these generations that they are more obnoxious than previous generations. We are often viewed as self-absorbed, Self-entitled, disrespectful, and extremely egotistical. Sadly, this does describe some of us quite well. But as any stereotype, it does not fit everyone in the group. There are many who are respectful hard-working and teachable, but overall, we as a generation are one of the most unteachable generations to walk this planet. The reason for this is, not our parents faults, it is not the cultures fault, it is a sin problem that is being more and more glorified by our culture today.

When the Gospel was still acceptable to be proclaimed at school, when the Bible and this country was still considered "Under God", sin in society was somewhat curtailed. However, when the Bible was taken out of schools, we saw a decline in our society. Sin became mainstream, and acceptable. The family unit began to dissolve, and as a consequence of that, parenting became less and less involved until parents often fear to offend their children, and would rather be friends when their children than parent them. This is NOT true of EVERY SINGLE family unit in America, but in a largely secularized world it is sadly more of the norm than we would like to admit. Since there is now a lack of parenting at large, the culture, and those celebrities and artists who support a more deviant or daredevil lifestyle have no one to check them or slow down their rampage. Thus, our culture has declined, and with it the family is slowly, but ever increasingly being destroyed.

Now, the way this affects us Millennials and Generation Z kids, is with a more chillax (90s word) style of parenting, comes a lack of respect and a lack of punishment for being disrespectful. Being unteachable is a trait that is praised now rather than a trait to be looked down upon. All parents wish their children were respectful, but many do not go to the trouble to see to that their children learn how to be respectful. This trend in the secularized United States, has even begun to spill over into conservative Christian circles. Not necessarily because parents aren't parenting but because so many parents find that no amount of correction or admonishment will drown out the destructive voices in music, movies, and popular culture. This has huge and devastating role in why Millennials don't settle down at one church very long, and why they tend to want to be entertained by church instead of taught... Because the culture has taught them, that you need to be entertained 24/7 and never listen to anyone older than yourself.

What do they know?

However, after that long tirade about the decline of Millennials and Gen Z-ers, I want to point out some good things, and good traits that they have. Many of them are still driven to succeed, even if they haven't the slightest idea how to be successful (since they don't want to be taught!) Many of them are passionate, even if it is misguided passion. Many desire to do the right thing, but are scared to death of what the people around would think of them if they actually tried to be different than the culture around them. Many of them are not stupid, many have enormous amounts of potential inside them, even if they don't believe that. When dealing with us, it is a guarantee that anyone older than us, will need patience, because we're just hard to deal with. (for the most part)


Every generation has seemed less impressive than the one before them, and that's not surprising. Every generation is further away from the Garden of Eden, and the culture will regress until Christ returns and cleanses creation through fire. However, that does not mean we should look down on the next generation, rather we should reach down to them and try to help them rise up to be better than we were. Even if they haven't reached that point yet. Never give up on someone, because rejection like that hurts and will cause damage.

All this to say.... Millennials have to learn... We have to learn...

Yes, I said it, WE Millennials and Gen Z-ers have to be willing to learn and be teachable. We are internet gurus according to older generations. Sometimes we assume because we can access the internet we have all the answers and older people don't have anything to offer... Well, I can tell you, we don't have all the answers and it would do us good to listen to those older than us.


Now, having said that... how does all this apply to the situation within the church? While the church has not been perfect in its reception of Millennials, Millennials haven't exactly done their part in working to resolve the conflict. I know that in my years of going through different churches and experiencing different "denominational differences" I had choices to make in regards to what I put up with and what I didn't because no place will be perfect because it is made up of sinners like me. There are four major reasons to consider switching churches, and equally big reasons that people leave churches that are not legitimate reasons to do so.


1. Doctrinal Beliefs differ. The first reason is your convictions and beliefs differ largely from the church that you are attending. If you are a Catholic, you won't agree with a Baptist on major doctrines so you won't go to the same church. That's very obvious, but still needs to be stated.


2. Doctrinal Beliefs differ. The second reason for leaving a church, you have a different stance within a denomination, maybe the church leans toward reformed theology and eschatology, while you lean dispensational. That would cause major conflict between you and that church. That would be a reason to leave, because it is a conscience issue and that changes how you interpret the Gospels as well as the Great Commission.


3. Doctrinal Beliefs differ. The third reason is because your secondary, and less important doctrines differ. Now in my eyes, I would not necessarily leave a church for this reason, because I know that on all the major doctrines we agree and can get along.


4. Major preferences differ. If you have grown up in a independent fundamental church that only uses hymns and spiritual songs, and say, you visit a church that has a full band, this would potentially make you uncomfortable enough that you do not join that church and so move on. That is also a perfectly understandable reason for leaving a church. (However, it would make zero sense why you would join a church you're not comfortable with in the first place.)


These are really the only reasons that you have for leaving a church that are legitimate. However, specifically with millennials, we leave churches for many other reasons that are not legitimate. This is because our culture has taught, and enforced in us the idea that we must be entertained by whatever we are doing. If a professor is not interesting... Why are you taking that class? If that church band isn't cool enough, then you need to leave that church. If the pastor isn't cool enough or teaching things that tickle your ears, you should leave the church, because you are bored.... WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT CHILD?? Yes, I am right in calling you a child because you have not grown enough to be an adult if that's how you view the church and God. If you believe God is here for you, and He is calling you to church to entertain you. You might as well spit in His face and tell Him you don't need His salvation because you're not entertained by it.


I will leave that point where it is, because I do not want to get carried away with a rebuke. I want to encourage you. Be different from your generation, be a thinker, move beyond what stimulates your feelings. Stimulate your mind! Learn to learn, and let someone teach you how to be teachable. Let others wake you from the slumber of social media. Get off the computer, get off the games, and question the things that you see, the things you hear, have a discussion with someone who has seen more of life... I promise you, when you open your heart and your mind to learn from the previous generation you will reap so many benefits from it, that you won't believe that you ever "lived" on snapchat. Mind you, I'm talking to myself here too. I need to become more teachable and I have much to learn, but please... please join me to discover everything that this world (physical and metaphysical) has to offer... and let us learn from the people who have gone before us. I beg you, and... hey, the church is a great place to start, because if the church is doing it's job then they will be the most forgiving of the mistakes that you have made... Don't grow bitter, grow stronger, grow your mind, and grow into the man or women that God has destined you to become.


With Love,

Duckie

Suicide Squad: The Real Heros, The Real Heart

Now that Suicide Squad has been out for sometime, and I won't really be spoiling anything for anyone by talking about it, I have decided to write a blog about it, because it was by far one of the best movies that I have seen this year. Now, I know a lot of people did not like the movie, because the characters were too shallow and there wasn't good character development. If that's what you think, I don't know what movie you watched, but it wasn't the one I saw. They might not have given every character the same development as others, but DeadShot, Dr. Harley Quinn, and Diablo were well developed. You can't give everyone a back story in two hours, otherwise the movie would have been nothing but back story. However, the point that I wanted to make in this blog is really more about the movie, and not what critics saw.   

Why was Suicide Squad sooo dang popular? Well, for starters it was well made, and it was well developed in many people's opinion. However, I think the biggest thing that we really loved about the movie was the fact that these characters were or had something that we could relate.

Deadshot's weakness was his daughter. He loved her and wanted the best for her, and give her the best life that he could. Diablo, in murdering his family after giving into greed and power, wished nothing more than to be reunited with his family and take back the mistake that he made when he lost control. Dr. Harley Quinn just wanted a normal life for her and her puddin'. She so desired a normal life for him (joker) that she went crazy to love him. Katana just wanted to be reunited with her husband that her sword had taken when in a enemy's hand. See, all these characters were not superheros who never made mistakes, they weren't super humans. At the most they were meta-humans. 

There was nothing remarkable about Harley Quinn or Deadshot, Diablo was a true meta human who had some nasty fire power. But ?Deadshot only had perfect aim, and that's something that can be developed. For the most part they were more relatable to us than Batman or someone like Superman. Because for some reason we're not all billionaires, or from a different planet. 

I think Suicide Squad was more of a hero movie than an anti-hero movie. I remember sitting in the theatre watching Deadshot interacting with his daughter, and thinking, I hope that I can be that kind of father. When Joker broke into a high security prison to free his love Harley, I thought to myself, do I love my wife enough to risk my life to protect her from those who want to harm her?

when Diablo went through his story, and explained his failure as a father and husband, I recalled the mistakes that I have made, and I thought, if someone like him (even though it is just a story) can turn around and vow to only protect others and give his life to keep that vow... even though I've made mistakes, will I let my mistakes go, and be willing to dive into my full potential like he did... in the end to sacrifice his life, to protect the world. 

Those are the things that I took away from the movie, I know that not everyone will think the same thing, or look at it the same way, or even approve of the movie... but honestly, I really don't care. I loved it, and it touch my heart and challenged me to be a better person. You can take it or leave it, this is simply my opinion... Well, until next time. I'm Duckie

                                       

                                                                                        

7 Encouraging Thoughts for the Conservative Church

First of all, I have nothing against the Independent Fundamental Churches, I have nothing against Southern Baptist Churches, and I have nothing against Non-Denominational churches. As long as you preach the true Gospel, and disciple those in the congregation with truth and love, I am willing to support and encourage you. However, I do believe there are some areas that these churches could definitely work on. I do not claim to be an authority on the church or how to lead a church. I am only a seminary student who has observed a few things. I am willing to be rebuked and take my words back if I have offended or compromised the Gospel.  Here is a list of seven things I believe conservative Churches need to be encouraged in.


1. Encourage Congregations to Actively Pursue Community
From personal experience I have found it very hard to have active relationships within a church. Given, I do not expect families to bend over backwards to hangout with other families, but it would be nice to see. There are many churches who primarily focus on community and do a whole number of activities and they build strong friendships, and have wonderful times together. However, I have found in these settings certain theological depth can be lost, and growth is stunted when the social is overemphasized. However, this does not excuse more doctrinally sound churches from their lack of apparent community. I believe from the Acts 4:23 church we see a very strong emphasis on community and doctrine. There is definitely a balance, but encourage congregations to be more active in pursuing these wonderful blessings known as friendships with fellow believers.

2. Encourage Congregations to Strive For Excellence in All Things
I know that this can be a very touchy subject in many circles, and yes, I admit it is a touchy subject to me as well. If you YouTube "Terrible Singing" you are bound to come across an offertory gone horribly wrong. Why? Because we sometimes let people stand up and sing or do something that they have been actually been gifted in. Example, I would prefer to never stand up and sing an offertory because I know there are people who can sing much better than I, at the current church I attend. I do not wish to compromise the music by not achieving excellence. Those who have been gifted with teaching let them teach, (As long as they have sound doctrine, and have been decently trained in the faith!) Those who are artists let them paint, and display their works of God's beauty in a specific place or avenue. Those who can listen and empathize, let them do so, and encourage those who need someone to talk to. As Paul would say, each part of the body has a place, but there is no reason for a hand to try to be an ear.

3. Encourage Congregations to Memorize Scripture
I cannot stress enough the importance of memorizing Scripture and being completely saturated with knowledge of the Bible. The beginning of knowledge is the fear of the Lord, and it God is your basis, knowing more of the Bible will only increase your growth. Many conservative churches do very well with memorizing Scripture so I heartily applaud you for that!

4. Encourage Critical Thinking And Healthy Questioning
This can be a scary one, because sometimes we might not know the answers. That doesn't mean you don't question things anyway. Everyone has been a teenager (or will be one!) Teens question things! It is super important that we do not smother their search for answers and truth, but rather encourage them in their pursuit of what is truth. Even as adults we have questions, and we desire answers. What is the true meaning of God's will? How does Christ's deity and humanity work together? What is the role of spiritual gifts? All these are good questions, and need to be asked, thought through, and resolved. Encourage congregations to be intellectually strong.

5. Encourage Disciplined Lifestyle
There is so much apathy in 1st world countries (specifically talking about America). Disciplined people are far and few between. I have to admit, I am not as disciplined as I want to be, but I will continue working at it, until I reach perfection. This discipline does not end at one compartment of life, but rather transcends all areas of life. If you call yourself disciplined and are only disciplined in one area, you are a hypocrite. Strive to be disciplined in every area, and not only will you grow as a person, but your life will inspire others to do the same as well.

6. Encourage Empathy, Compassion, and Service to Others
Many Americans whether in the church or outside the church are self-absorbed. Many forget compassion, empathy and service, simply because it is not convenient to practice such attributes. Let me remind you: Christ Jesus did not have to save you from anything. It was not convenient for Him to give up his crown and glory to suffer and die for you. He is our example, step up, and serve those around you. Even if... heaven forbid... you miss the first ten minutes of that football game.

7. Encourage Discussions on Controversial Topics  
Lets face it, in today's world there are many controversial things going on. Whether it is an Orange politician raging at someone for something, or someone sexually identifying as a toaster. There are many controversial topics out there, and for the most part the church has been silent. Whether it is out of fear, or out of embarrassment that we must talk about sexuality, and other topics in the public square... Let's face it, if you don't talk to your children about it, someone else will, and the results could very well be devastating. Don't shy away from the "scary" topics, discuss them, and teach others to think through them with a christian worldview and positivity for God's design.


Again, I do not claim to know more than the next person, and I do not wish to offend anyone.. However, I feel that these areas need work, and to those out there who are striving already for these I applaud your efforts and I pray to God that He gives you the strength to push through and achieve greatness for the Kingdom of God.

What is Success?

Well, I guess I already asked the question... What. IS. SUCCESS?
Many would define success as winning, whether it is in sports or in a contest of some sort. While they are not wrong, there is a much deeper and richer definition to success. I asked a few people to give me a short definition of success.

 "To achieve fulfillment in faith and self, and through that to inspire and challenge others."

"Success is being able to wake up each and everyday here in the USA. Living in the greatest country on earth, and knowing you with God's will control your destiny."

"Success is being able to glorify God while reaching a set goal."

"Find out what is important to you, setting goals to reach those things, and surrounding yourself with resources and people to get you there. Be determined, work hard, and arrive where you want to be."

One thing that you will notice with these definitions is that they vary... As does success in our lives. For some of us, success is getting  out of bed to face another day even though we suffer from severe depression, for some, it is reaching a new personal record in fitness or in sports. however, for all of us, success is closely tied to self-improvement.

We hardly call it success when we've eaten 50 chicken nuggets by ourselves, sitting on the couch binge watching netflix, or falling into a mud puddle... We simply don't view such things as a success. Why? because they do not improve our current state of being. now, if you enjoy falling in mud puddles, then be my guest and contradict me, but for the vast majority that is not a success. here are three things to help you think through what success is.

1. Success is Personal
Success is not necessarily something that can be measured by anyone but yourself. Only you know, if you gave everything you had. If you are on a diet, only you know if you stuck to it. Only you know, if your heart was in it.
Don't try to set a standard for your success by someone else's standard. Given, in business there are cooperate, and financial standards for success, but when you are working on yourself, use the Bible as your standard, and push yourself to be the best version of you that you can be. This includes, spiritual, mental, and physical discipline.

2. Success is Contagious
Success can be contagious. If you are successful you will attract two types of people, those who are already successful and those who are hungry to be successful. You will find as you grow in your journey of personal development and success building that Success is not something that can be taught, it must be caught. YOU CANNOT TEACH SOMEONE TO BE SUCCESSFUL. why? well... look at number one. It is a personal decision to become someone who strives for success.

On a side note, if you are someone who is working hard to be successful, do not be so self-centered as not exclude others from that success. Help others become successful as well.    

3. Success is Hard
There is nothing easy about success. You will be mocked for trying to excel. In our country, and culture being sub par is often the status quo. Anything different from the status quo will be difficult. that doesn't mean you should strive for it, it simply means, you must push that much harder to become successful. We have no place in this world for those who are happy to be nothing. Enough people have chosen that path already. Step up, and take your place among the legends of humanity. Those who bowed to none but God, and as a result changed the world. Jesus was successful, and it cost him EVERYTHING. ..



Oh, by the way... Christ is our example for how we are supposed to live.


   Think about it.


             Colossians 3:23-24

7 Habits to Cultivate into Your Life Before College

CONGRATS! YOU MADE IT! You finished high school and in the fall you start college!  Some people are super excited to be getting out of the house for the first time, while others fear being away from their parents. Feeling either way is just fine. It's a part of growing up.

Your college experience hinges heavily on you. The things that you choose to get involved in, the classes you take, the major you select, the people you choose to surround yourself with. All of these things hinge on you. Will you enjoy it? depends on you. 

                 but... 

                        no pressure. :P

Having recently graduated college and started Grad studies, I look back at my college experience and I honestly wish people had warned me of certain things. Of course my parents told me to manage my time wisely, but to a senior in high school what in the world does that even mean? I was told to be responsible and do the right things, but while I knew what that looked like in theory... what does that mean in real life? 

    Ugh.... so many questions.... what do I do?!?!  

Well... Here's a list of seven habits you should start incorporating into your lives before you go to college. 

1. Time Management

HA! got you. just kidding. Well, lets start with a question. What is time management and what does it look like? when you go to school you will have classes you must keep track of, and meetings to schedule with advisors, study sessions with friends. All of these things will need to be scheduled. I would advise that you start living on a schedule before you leave. Regardless of your class schedule you should create habits that you can keep throughout your college career. For example, 7:00am Wake up 7:30 breakfast, 8:00 reading (class) etc etc. start living in a structured way so that you will succeed and start building a healthy habit of being organized. It might not be fun to be living on a schedule but it is infinitely more frustrating missing assignments and meetings because you can't keep track of things in a professional manner.

2. Reading for enjoyment

Yup. You read that right. Learn to enjoy reading, because you will have to read stuff in college that is not only dull, but duller than that. No one ever read a math textbook for enjoyment... (some might have, but they are a special breed of person!) If you start getting in the habit of reading intellectually challenging books, you will find reading your textbooks much easier, and more tolerable if you start reading over the summer. Reading is a blessing for the rest of your life, and you should never stop learning.

3. Exercise

This one is important because it is very easy to become a potato wandering around campus. If you don't plan ahead (time management) you will struggle to find time for exercise, but if you are exercising you will think clearer, and have a much more enjoyable time. My freshman year of college I gained 50 pounds, and that wasn't enjoyable at all. 

4. Meaningful friendships

It has been said that you are the sum of your five closest friends. That is most definitely true. Surround yourself with people who want to grow, and want to change the world. befriend those who challenge conventional thinking, and desire to think critically about issues that the world is facing. Befriend the dreamers, and leaders. Don't waste your years of college with those who are happy with being average. You have a greater purpose in you, than average. 

5. Listening

This is one, that I did not take advantage of in my first few years of college. When you are on campus you have access (if it is a small school) to extremely knowledgable professors and teachers. Shut up. Listen to what they have to say, and treasure the moments you have sitting in their offices listening to their wisdom. you don't know half of what you think you know. Be teachable, and let others invest in you.

6. Sleeping

call me boring, but it is true. You need sleep. it is super critical that you don't spend your nights up until three in the morning randomly doing nothing. Literally nothing good happens after midnight on a college campus. be smart, and discipline yourself to sleep as you would if you had to go to work to next day at 7am. being a student is your job for the next few years, so treat it as such. Sleep is extremely important for your overall well being and mental functioning.

7. Living For Christ

Of all the things on this list this is by far the most important aspect of life after high school. Whether you go to a secular college or christian college, you will be surrounded by people who do not want to put Christ first in their lives. You will be in the minority. Do not cave to peer pressure, pursue Christ in all things. In the habits you form, place Christ at the forefront of your thoughts. Be disciplined with your time, So that Christ is always put first. That does not mean skip class to pray in your closet, but it does mean, getting up early enough to spend time with Christ and his Word, before you go to class. Do all things to the glory of God. He created you, and He desires the best for you! So give Him your best and do your best in appreciation for all He has done for you! 

The Death of Courtship, or Christ in Dating?

Introduction
             A While ago one of my friends on Facebook posted something about wanted to have a courtship instead of a dating relationship. There was a blog that was written as to why, and don't get me wrong, there were good reasons for what was said, but I think they were a little bit misguided. I wanted to give my opinion of what courtship is and what I believe dating is, and a solution to the problem.

Courtship
            Many people especially in conservative circles always want to point out that dating isn't the way to go and that they courtship rather go the route of the courtship. They say, it is more centered on Christ and there are a lot more boundaries and rules set up to help the couple succeed. However, none of that really has to do with a courtship. Traditionally what a courtship is, is a young man, goes to his parents are informs them, " I am financially independent and I'm ready to find a wife... Here's a girl that I would be interested in courting." His parents, (along with him) go to the girls parents are discuss the possibility of a courtship. Then the young man and young women get to know each other in the family setting, never on their own, always under the supervision of parents. If the courtship is a success then the couple will get married. If it does not succeed them the couple goes their own separate ways.

           I will be blunt and to the point. I believe that courtships are dead, or at least a dying breed. Not because people don't want to do courtship, but because there is rarely the amount of time for parents to supervise their grown children in a relationship setting like this. I also, don't think that it is really the best way to go about a relationship prior to marriage. I know that it takes time to be yourself in front of someone else's parents... It's not easy to be everything that you would be behind closed doors with just that special someone. If they only get to see you, in these more public settings, yes there will not be a lot of opportunity to fall into physical temptation, but you won't get to see the real person that you really need to see in order to make a decision for marriage. That is what I think, and you can take it or leave it.  (noticed that boundaries are not even mentioned as part of a courtship.)

Dating
          At this point in time, everyone knows what dating is, and how it works. There is constructive dating and then there's the dating game... or destructive dating if you will. Dating is very casual in nature, a boy asks out a girl and they go on dates. They go watch movies, or mini golfing, or any number of things.
          Obviously there are any number of things that more conservative christians can point out as  major problems with this, and for the most part I would agree with them. There is not a lot of dating couples that look for accountability for their physical boundaries, and there is not necessarily a lot of focus on spiritual development or growth. That does not mean that there are exceptions to this rules, it just means it's much easier to fall into sin.

          At this point I want to offer a solution to those who don't want to do a courtship, but want to have a safe, well accounted-for relationship prior to marriage.  I want to suggest what I call Covenantal Dating.

         Covenantal Dating is different from courtship, and it is different from todays use of dating. In covenantal dating you write out what you want your boundaries to be (physically, emotionally, and spiritually). You have someone in authority over you, such as a parent, or pastor keep you accountable throughout your relationship for those boundaries.  This will keep falling into temptation further away. Also, as a Christian, these boundaries should make it much easier to focus your energies on  a Christ centered relationship. Personally, I believe that this is the best option for Christians that are living in the world today. In the world today, few people have time to invest in a traditional courtship, and many people do not really like the idea of "traditional" dating.


Conclusion
         Christians need to understand that dating should not be treated as a game, and that it is really to prepare you for marriage, just as a courtship is. However, I believe that it is very important that you spend time with that special person one on one before you get married because you won't see the same side of people when they are in a group.  I know that it is very hard to keep your physical boundaries unless you write them out. I know this from experience. If you decide to use the covenantal dating system it is worth the fight to avoid temptation, and it will make your relationship down the road much smoother. Always, no matter what you decide to do, keep Christ at the center of your relationship with your significant other. At no point, should they get between you and God. Christ is first, they are second, you are third. That is how God created, marriages to be.

The Songs That Made Me Who I Am

Everyone has songs that greatly influence them. Whether its an up beat dance song, or a slow love ballad there are songs that we love so much that we never want to stop listening to them. For me, the songs that touch my heart are songs that reflect something about myself, or my situation. Throughout my life there have been different songs at different points in my life that either held me together or tore me apart. I am a musician so music is extremely influential on me, thus causing great changes in me by what I listen to. This post is going to be really long so make sure that you have time before you get started! This is me letting all of you into my life, and seeing how music effects me, and how it brings me down or builds me up. Some of you are Christians, so I will not be shocked if some of the songs that I have in here really shock or offend you. That is not what this is about. This is about the real journey that I've taken through my life in the music that I have listened too. 

Music really started impacting me when I was fourteen. Sure, I listened to it before that, but it wasn't until then that I actually let it guide me, or really effect my person. Interestingly this is the time period when I started listening to hardcore, and metal. KEEP IN MIND: not all the songs in this will be metal, but there will be some, so don't freak out. Are you ready to dive in? Well... let's go!

                                            1.        "Say Goodbye" Skillet

When I was fourteen/fifteen I began to get depressed and feel down about life. Incidentally I also got my first girlfriend around this time. Sadly, that didn't last very long and we broke up. However, being that this was my first girlfriend, so I was devastated. This first song, I thought at the time it would help me deal with the feelings from this broken up relationship. 

                                         2.  "The Last Night"  Skillet

This song really had a huge impact on me for the negative. It was meant to be an encouraging song and I'm sure for some people it has been. However for me it helped me focus my attentions on the negatives in my life, and in my mind. I was battling serious depression for medical reasons, and because I was struggling in school and other areas of my life. When I started cutting this song was always there to remind me that I had hope somewhere in my soul. 

                  

                                     3. "Keep Holding On" Avril Lavigne 

This song was a bright spot for me through the rest of my high school years, and yes many people would say it's a girly song. Sorry, I still like it and I still listen to it. The message for this song is straight forward; keep holding on, don't give up. through this time of depression and hurt I really needed something to keep me going and this song got me through a lot before I turned to God. 

          

                                         4. "Falling Inside The Black" Skillet

This song describes me. Correction, this song does a really good job of describing who I was, and how dark my mind, and life had become. I was broken, hurting, and felt completely unloved. (This wasn't true, and hardly ever is true.) But I kept forcing it into my mind that I could never be anything good, and I could never do anything right. I let my mind become darkness and I continue to spill my own blood, through my scars and cutting as well as in my thoughts. I wanted to kill myself but was too afraid of what would happen if I died. I chose this video for two reasons: 1. Because Tokyo Ghoul is a really good challenging Anime, and 2. because it is a very sober and sadistic video and is accurate to the way I was feeling at the time. 

                                           5. "Open Wounds" Skillet

This song really demands an explanation because it would be misleading just to say that this song applies. Well, as previously mentioned I was very depressed, and I forced myself to believe that my parents hated me, and just wanted to make me miserable. This was probably one of the biggest and most damaging lies I ever told myself. Sadly, I wasn't the only one hurt by it. My parents who through this time, were working their hardest to protect me (from myself) and help me get better, were broken-hearted because of my mistreatment of them. The phrase "My Self-destruction is all your fault!" is exactly how I Was feeling, and how I lashed out towards them. I blamed them for my cutting and suicidal thoughts, I told them that they hated me and I simply refused to live in a decent and respect way. I kept cutting and kept digging my grave deeper and deeper. Jesus was still just a word to me. He wasn't a savior.

                                      6. "Stand in the Rain"  Superchic[k] 

Man, I played myself so well. There are two different messages that I found in this song. I know that this song was written for a girl, but I still applied the meaning to me. Satan wanted me to think that I was a victim and was being tormented if you will. In this song I found comfort and reassurance that I could indeed stand in the rain and succeed one day, but I thought I could with my own two feet. I never paid attention to the end of the chorus where they say, "And one day what's lost can be found."  I never thought it was me that was lost, and needed finding. 

        

                                      7. Relentless Intolerance 

This song in very important to me as and my musical development if you will. This was the first metal song that I ever heard. The first time I heard it I just fell in love because at the time it sounded angry and I was angry at the world, so I was like "Yeah! Angry music!" >:D    Years later, I look at this song and this band extremely differently. Demon hunter is a Christian Band and this song is about never compromising your faith no matter what the world thinks of the Gospel. You stick to the truth of the unchanging Gospel and you hold on to it and stand firm. 

The reason that I placed this song here is because it being the first metal song I ever heard. 

                                        8. "Unanswered" Suicide Silence

This song, is a musical masterpiece, and complete blasphemy. I'm ashamed to say that I used to "scream" this song, and mean every word of it. I didn't believe in God, in fact I was furious with Him for making me so sick, and hurt. I couldn't understand the fact that even letting me live was a gift, and way more than I deserved. I remember many times I would pray and ask God, "why are you doing this to me? Why do you hate me so much?" Every time I felt like he would never answer because he wasn't even there. This song, shows how pitiful and how dark my depraved mind had become at this point in my life. I share this because it's true, and what I went through. I am not by any means glorifying this song, or saying to support it, but I'm simply saying that this is where I was at one in my life, and thank God that he saved me, and changed me. 

                                           9. "Aimless" Bethany Dillon

Once I began to blatantly defy God in my heart and mind, my life,and existence began to lose purpose and value. I wasn't angry at God anymore, I wasn't anything anymore. I simply was a dead guy walking around. I was completely aimless. The first time I heard this song, I cried. It captured how helpless I felt, and how much I wanted to be found. I just couldn't bring myself to stop fighting against God. I would rather wander around in futility, rather than admit that I was wrong. 

                                      10. "Numb" Linkin Park

                 This song needs little explanation. So, That is my only explanation. 

                                     

This is where a change began to happen in my life. My thoughts began to extend to other people around me. I began to function again. I wasn't saved, and I would never admit to anyone at the time that God was working in my life. However, in retrospect it was God who helped me slowly return to life again. I began to be healed in the medical side of life, and my mental state became slowly more positive. The rest of the songs in this blog address things I was thinking about, and how I got over the obstacles that I had set up for myself. They are my struggles, as well as my way of getting through them. 

                                     1. "Leave Out All The Rest" Linkin Park

This song jolted me out of my selfish pathetic mind. I remember when I first heard it, I was startled by the message that it sent. "I dreamed I was missing, and you were so scared, 'cause no one would listen, 'cause no one else cared." I was scared. What if I died and no one cared? What if my life had been completely useless? I vowed after hearing this song, that I wouldn't let my life go to waste anymore. I needed to change, but I still wanted to be remembered for who I am, and that they would be impressed with me. I didn't want to share the glory with God. 

                                   2. "So Afraid" Bebo Norman

Since, I was still being selfish, but slowly becoming more aware of the other people around me, I began to worry, and be scared that I would be alone. I was so afraid finding myself alone. I was almost paranoid about it. I didn't want to lose any of the "friends" I had. I treated a lot of them terribly, because I was so scared and insecure. One of them was and is my brother. He watched as I fell into depression, and he watched as I found everyone around me. He was hurting for me, and he wanted to help me, but I just pushed him as far away as I could. To this day I hurt for how I treated him. I wish I had allowed him close to me, but I was too scared that if he or anyone else knew what I was really struggling with they would turn and run. I wanted help but I didn't know how to ask or accept it. 

                                        3. "The Price of Beauty" Suicide Silence

As I began to drift away from the depression, and the dark lifestyle, I began to hate my scars from my cutting. I hated them. I wanted them gone because they reminded me of my failures and my screw ups. This song is graphic and pretty unpleasant. The only reason it is here, is because I would listen to it and wish someone would cut all my scars away and replace my skin with clean skin and a fresh slate. I didn't want to be caught in this anymore but I felt like I couldn't move on unless my scars disappeared. Over time however, I grew to like my scars and be grateful for them. They show were I came from, and today I thank God for the constant reminder of where I came from. My parents asked me many times if I wanted to get a treatment done to hide them, so I wouldn't think about it. But I decided I wanted to see them as a reminder of God's grace to me. 

God looks at me today and see's something beautiful because of the price that he paid on the cross for my sins. As this song says, "The price of beauty was more than you thought." Even if the band didn't mean it like this, I took it to mean, that Jesus' blood paid for my beauty and for that I could never fathom how much it cost. 

                                     4. "He's My Son" Mark Schultz

At this point, I had been saved, and God had begun to show me his love and grace. I began to think about what had happened in the past years. When I heard this song, I listened to it a million times. I would sit in silence listening to this song. I knew that my parents had gone through this so many times what with different doctors, and different medicines. It gave me a different perspective of my illness and how it possibly effected them. They went through so much heartache and pain to heal me. In my life, there will never be a way that I could possibly repaid them for their sacrifices and love. Besides God, They are the only reason that I am still here today. 

                                         5. "Redemption" August Burns Red

Now, to go into my conversion experience a little bit. It was a dark and stormy night... no, I'm not lying it was. I was in the shower, and I was struggling with what was going on around me and in me. There was so much pressure built up in me that I decided that I would either kill myself or surrender my life to Christ, because I simply couldn't keep living life the way that I had been. I found myself on the floor of the shower praying and asking God to save me as the warm water ran over me. I didn't feel a sudden weight fall off my shoulders, but I did feel calm. I felt peace for the first time, in a very long time. I knew that I had been redeemed. 

                                         6. "Everything You Ever Wanted" Hawk Nelson

After I was saved, I still had issues, and I wasn't healthy yet. I was doing better than I had been, but I was still far from where I should be. There were many times when depression came back but I fought my way through it. This song kind of demonstrates how I felt, and what I was doing. I was trying to be perfect, honest, and everything I hadn't been in the previous years. I wanted to make it up to my family for being so difficult, but I knew no matter what I did I wouldn't be able to make up for it. 

       

                                      7. "Saviour" Black Veil Brides

This song goes back a few years, as time progressed, I began to develop some more worthwhile traits. Compassion, and empathy being some of the traits that really stuck with me. This song, though not a Christian song, did influence me, because I wanted to help people, who had gone through similar things that I had. I didn't want to be a savior because I knew that only Jesus could be an effective savior. However, I also continued to want a savior for my heart, I had given my soul to Christ but I still was holding on to my heart, it was very hard for me to release that.  

                                     8. "I Have Been There" Mark Schultz

This song played a big role of me surrendering my heart to Christ. I didn't want to give it up to someone who didn't understand what I had been through. I heard this song for the first years before it actually meant anything to me. I was in my second semester of college before I had truly understood that Christ would meant me where I was at. To this day this song still gives me some amount of comfort, with it's reminder that God hears everything, and sees everything, and when he was here on earth he experienced everything. He had been where I was. 

                                 9. "Creatures" Motionless in White (disturbing)

While I was in began listening to darker metal again, and some of the messages that they sent got to me. This song for example, "Creatures" kind of bothered me, because they question a lot of significant topics. (especially as a church ministries major!) I began to question why people actually believe in Christ, and the Gospel. I began to question almost everything in life, and the reasons for doing what we do. In this song, they make it very graphic, how darkness can take over someone's life, and I know that was me at some point in my life. The line "I'm drowning in a ocean of tears that I've cried." described my life, for three years of the darkest part of my life. But my life didn't end there. I realized that this songs message ends there. But my life's message didn't end there. Because Christ reached down and took me out of it. 

                                       10. "Not Afraid" Eminem

This song was kind of my rally to stand up and move on. I was finally willing to let my past go. I didn't need to live in the past, I didn't need to let myself go down that road. The past was done, and it was over. To this day, I haven't cut myself again, and I have the tools be strong and focus my attention to help others get out of the darkness of depression. 

This final section of songs are all songs that still greatly impacted me, but not exactly in the same way as all the previous ones. All of the previous songs have to do with depression, or with getting out of depression. Now that depression isn't a huge problem, Satan had to find other ways to harass me and bother me. These songs, either help me conquer the fears, or help stand firm when my mind tried to talk me out of being a Christian. However, I threw in one song that had a huge impact because of its connection to the girl that I am now married to. 

                                     1. "Undying" Chelsea Grin

This song happened through my path shortly after I got married to Lydia. Marriage was not and continues to not be what I expected it to be, but sometimes, things go wrong, and it's my fault for being stupid. This song describes a love affair that is far from healthy. I heard this song, and listened to the lyrics, and then promptly vowed that I would never treat Lydia like that. Sometimes, the best way for me to understand something is tell it to me in the most negative way possible and then I won't ever do it. That's the case with this song. This song describes someone who is addicted to another person (demon)'s attention. They'll do anything for them, and they don't really care what they're asked to do. There have been times in marriage where I don't talk. I'm a quiet person but that is one of my flaws. I need to talk more, and communicate to my wife what's going on in my head. whether it makes any sense at all this song helped me open up to her, and begin to share myself with her more. Because I don't want her to be starving for my attention, or in need of my leadership because I'm not leading her. My life is to give everything I have to her, and for her, just as Christ did for us. 

                                       2. "Break The Cycle" For Today

If ever there was a song that just inspired me to continue in ministry it was this song. This song is so powerful. It's about breaking the cycle of self-destruction in today's culture. The youth of today and hurting and those of us called to ministry need to stand up and help them. There are times when I wonder if it's really worth it to continue down this path. Every time I heard the message of this song, and I'm refreshed to continue. 

                                       3. "Clockwork" Chelsea Grin

Last semester, (fall 2014) I had some serious struggles again. I kept looking back at my past. It's something that does come back and haunt me, because of certain things that happened. There are many things I regret and many other things that I wish I could go back and change but I can't, and this song just helped me realize that in a very literally way. "It's just like clockwork, let me kiss my youth goodbye, all I wanted was to turn back time." We can't turn the clock back and do it again, we can only make the most of the rest of the time we've been given. I would suggest looking up the lyrics to this song as you watch  because they are very powerful. God has given us each a lifespan, and a chance to impact the world for eternity. Don't waste it.       

       

                                        4. "Nightmares" Chelsea Grin

Since last semester I've had many nights that I couldn't sleep because I was scared to death that I wouldn't wake up the next morning. Call me crazy but it's true. I have no reasonable cause for this, but it still happens. I have had many dreams like this, where darkness descends on me again and I return to the place I was years ago, and I always wake up terrified because I never want to go back there. I can feel my past continue to chase me, but I must continue forward, and not let it catch up. There is no benefit from living in the past. I can learn from the past, but I cannot live there. That's really what this song has taught me.      

                                      5. "Fearless" For Today

God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power. He don't need to fear any form of evil. In response to the previous song, the nightmares, don't need to hold us captive in fear, because our God is greater and more powerful than any force in the physical universe. "If we stand and fight, we are not alone." God will fight for his children, he will defend us, and we can have absolute certainty that he will. This song always encourages me, and ever since it's release I have found comfort in God's message through it. 

                                     6. "Shadows" David Crowder Band

This song really speaks for it's self. However, there is one story that I want to relay. I was riding in my mom's car in New Jersey a while back, and this song came on. I just felt a calmness come over me, and I knew that all the shadows that had haunted me, and scared me where nothing more than that, shadows. The light would come out and drive them away. God can use any number of things to get our attention, for me it happens to be music. 

                                       7. "Foundation" For Today

Now, for a more serious video. This song really made me think. What do I stand for, and how much am I willing to pay to stand for it? In other words, will I die for Christ if I have to? That question is becoming more and more important as ISIS becomes a more serious threat globally.  Christians in Egypt have already given their answers and paid the price with martyrdom. Am I ready to die for my faith? Yes, I believe I am. 

These are the songs that shaped me, and continue to help me through tough times, and also songs I simply enjoy listening too. Some of them have had a negative influence on me, but all of them influenced me in some way or other.