Three Theories of Truth and One Absolute Truth (But which one?)

We live in a world today where we have sadly abandoned sound thought and reason. As a country influenced by western philosophy we have given up on sound, logical reasoning. We seem to have traded it in for a much more ridiculous ideology that centers on our emotional comfort and needs. Throughout the history of philosophy, we have generally held to the belief in three different forms of truth and many people hold to the idea that there is only one form of truth out of the three that is actually accurate.

Our society has suffered from a departure from sound reason partially because many don't take the time to verify what they read on the internet or social media, and simply take it as truth. No wonder we have so many people in this world who struggle to think in a productive manner. Faulty thinking is an epidemic and needs to be dealt with. I will try to do my part and explain what I believe and how I got to my conclusions.

For obvious reasons this blog post will not cover everything in relationship to these three major theories of truth. This is meant as an introductory post to the ideas of truth and cause people to think a little deeper.

Pragmatic Theory of Truth
This theory of truth holds that something is true only if it is useful. If it works and is practical for your lifestyle then it is true. From the outset this seems like a good view and makes sense. However, after testing this theory it seems to fall apart because it is inevitable to come to a circumstance where you have to disregard a truth you had held and "believe" something that you formerly did not believe to be true because it is useful.

Correspondence Theory of Truth
This theory holds that truth is only true if it is consistent with reality. Truth is consistent to reality and nothing else. It is outside of our humanity and outside of our realm to decide what truth is, and what isn't true. often times, people who hold to this theory of truth believe in a God or gods who has defined what truth is, and how it impacts our world. Truth is beyond ourselves and outside of our worldview. It extends far beyond the scope of humanity.

Coherence Theory of Truth
This theory claims that something is true if it is consistent with other statements that are true. Truth is true as long as it is consistent with other truths in this world. This implies that everything that is true is consistent and cohesive. That sounds really good but in the end it falls apart because you have to start asking questions and the answers do not  hold up under scrutiny. At some point the question will arise, what is the original truth, and trumps all other truths? Something will have to be the original truth that does not need to be verified by any other source of truth.


Conclusion
Let's talk about it more. ;) Where do you land, and what do you believe, and more importantly... why?
until next time,

Merry Christmas!!
            Love,
               Duckie

What is Success?

Well, I guess I already asked the question... What. IS. SUCCESS?
Many would define success as winning, whether it is in sports or in a contest of some sort. While they are not wrong, there is a much deeper and richer definition to success. I asked a few people to give me a short definition of success.

 "To achieve fulfillment in faith and self, and through that to inspire and challenge others."

"Success is being able to wake up each and everyday here in the USA. Living in the greatest country on earth, and knowing you with God's will control your destiny."

"Success is being able to glorify God while reaching a set goal."

"Find out what is important to you, setting goals to reach those things, and surrounding yourself with resources and people to get you there. Be determined, work hard, and arrive where you want to be."

One thing that you will notice with these definitions is that they vary... As does success in our lives. For some of us, success is getting  out of bed to face another day even though we suffer from severe depression, for some, it is reaching a new personal record in fitness or in sports. however, for all of us, success is closely tied to self-improvement.

We hardly call it success when we've eaten 50 chicken nuggets by ourselves, sitting on the couch binge watching netflix, or falling into a mud puddle... We simply don't view such things as a success. Why? because they do not improve our current state of being. now, if you enjoy falling in mud puddles, then be my guest and contradict me, but for the vast majority that is not a success. here are three things to help you think through what success is.

1. Success is Personal
Success is not necessarily something that can be measured by anyone but yourself. Only you know, if you gave everything you had. If you are on a diet, only you know if you stuck to it. Only you know, if your heart was in it.
Don't try to set a standard for your success by someone else's standard. Given, in business there are cooperate, and financial standards for success, but when you are working on yourself, use the Bible as your standard, and push yourself to be the best version of you that you can be. This includes, spiritual, mental, and physical discipline.

2. Success is Contagious
Success can be contagious. If you are successful you will attract two types of people, those who are already successful and those who are hungry to be successful. You will find as you grow in your journey of personal development and success building that Success is not something that can be taught, it must be caught. YOU CANNOT TEACH SOMEONE TO BE SUCCESSFUL. why? well... look at number one. It is a personal decision to become someone who strives for success.

On a side note, if you are someone who is working hard to be successful, do not be so self-centered as not exclude others from that success. Help others become successful as well.    

3. Success is Hard
There is nothing easy about success. You will be mocked for trying to excel. In our country, and culture being sub par is often the status quo. Anything different from the status quo will be difficult. that doesn't mean you should strive for it, it simply means, you must push that much harder to become successful. We have no place in this world for those who are happy to be nothing. Enough people have chosen that path already. Step up, and take your place among the legends of humanity. Those who bowed to none but God, and as a result changed the world. Jesus was successful, and it cost him EVERYTHING. ..



Oh, by the way... Christ is our example for how we are supposed to live.


   Think about it.


             Colossians 3:23-24

Satan Doesn't need to tempt the American Church: We've destroyed ourselves without it

"Brothers and sisters, I could not address you as people who live by the Spirit but as people who are still worldly—mere infants in Christ. 2I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready. 3You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere humans? 4For when one says, “I follow Paul,” and another, “I follow Apollos,” are you not mere human beings?"  
( 1 Corinthians 3:1-4) 

I cringe when I read this. I cringed because I know how close to home this hits with many within the church. This could easily be addressed to any number of churches here in America.  As the church of Ephesus received from John's letter in Revelation; we have abandoned our first love. We no longer seek after Christ, and his Gospel alone, we desire more.  Is it wrong to want to know more of God? Not at all, but when it clouds your view of reality, it hurts. If you desire to know more of God than was written in the Bible, there's a problem. If you have to read books that take the Bible out of context to make a point, you need to stop yourself, and return to your first love. Now, do not think for a second that I am saying you should not spend every waking second aware of God, and what he desires for your life... That is not my point at all.

However, I have been to a few churches here and there, and I see problems coming when they forget the Gospel and become "Super-Spiritualized".  This is the Gospel, Man has fallen from favor with God because of our decision to sin. God desires us to return to Him so He made a way for us to come to him. He sent Jesus to earth as a God-Man (100% man and 100% God). Jesus lived a perfect life was crucified, buried and rose again on the third day. He then ascended into glory and sat down at the right hand of God. His death opened the door for us to be made one with God, if we believe in Jesus and the sacrifice that he made. If we surrender our lives to him, and acknowledge him as Lord and Savior, we will be saved and once we die, we will be reunited with God, and live in eternity with him forever. This is the Gospel. Nothing more, and nothing less. Or at least that's what the early church believed.
Today, we cannot believe a simple Gospel because many many years later, naturally we would know more about the Gospel than what Jesus said. Today you must choose who you will serve. Will if be Zwingli? or Luther? or will it be Calvin or Arminius? Surely, if you do not agree with me, you cannot be saved.

I know, that these men, were all Greats of the Faith, and I mean them no disrespect. However, I have left church angry because there was an argument, not about the Gospel, but about whether Calvin was right or Arminius was right. This has to stop. Calvin was not predestined to replace Christ's simple Gospel, and Arminius did not have the free-will to choose to replace the Gospel.

I know that it is good to study and learn more and more about Christ, but it's about building a relationship, not writing a textbook to add on to the Gospel. The Gospel is what saves you, not to doctrine of predestination.
If I met a man, who told me he was going to heaven because Jesus loves him and forgave him of his sins, and his life reflected that statement, I would believe that he would be in paradise one day. If a man told me that everyone who believes in Arminian Theology is going to hell one day, but that he was safe because he was a calvinist... I would wonder if I would see him in Eternity.

We have become to bitter against each other for no other reason, but secondary doctrines to the one Doctrine above all doctrines. The Doctrine of the Gospel. Jesus came to make a way for us to be reunited with God, and He desires us to come to him, we cannot earn our salvation, we can't even begin to pay for it, but we can accept it because of his love and grace towards us. Jesus saves us from our sins, when we recognize him as our loving savior and when we make a change to do our best to honor and glorify him in our lives. That is all. There is no magic doctrinal stance that lets you into a higher heaven or a better heaven. It is the simple Gospel that saves.

I mean this in love,

David "Duckie" Vest

The Downfall of the Church: Self-destruction

I'm sure that I am not alone when I say that I am tired of people picking on Christians and destroying the church through politics, and society's agendas. However, while these things do appear to be major issues, and worrisome to those of us within the church, I believe there is something more devastating within the church, than outside. 

There is an age old debate within the church and I'm fairly certain that if you go to any somewhat sound church you could get someone to talk about it. The debate/argument is on whether Calvinism or Arminianism is correct. My first question is... does it matter who's right? Obviously to some extent it does matter, but seriously... does it really matter in the long run? Do Calvinist even know ALL of John Calvin's doctrinal stance? Do Arminians believe in all of Jacob Arminius' beliefs? probably not, but that's not important. I do hold to a specific stance, and I do believe in certain doctrines, but I don't believe that John Calvin or Arminius would have wanted to see what has come to pass today. 

I have noticed that many Calvinist take it as their right, to prove that they are right, and Arminians are even remotely close. Some go as far to say that if you don't believe in Calvin then you aren't even saved. Besides, shunning people with differing beliefs each side finds enough time to make fun of those you believe differently within the church. No wonder people don't want to join the church if all they see is people bickering and making fun of each other for their beliefs. 

Many people outside of the church don't even know who John Calvin was, or what Arminius taught. Does Predestination, or free will really take priority over the Gospel? Many can argue that these points are essential in presenting the Gospel. But I don't really think so. Did the thief that died on the cross next to Christ have to be taught all the doctrines of predestination before he could be saved? Nope. 

The biggest thing hurting the church today, is the people inside it who are too busy arguing amongst themselves about these issues, and not going out into the world proclaiming the good news of Christ. 

I know that I have been found guilty of arguing about these doctrines, and for those who are not within the church, I apologize for my stupidity. Christ is more important than Calvin, Jesus' death on the cross is more important than Irresistible Grace. We have failed at our mission to reach the lost if we only stay inside our churches arguing. We have failed Christ if we can't see passed ourselves. If we don't share the Good news of Christ, the only thing that people will see is the bad news, that we've created within our walls. 

   Just my two cents...

The Songs That Made Me Who I Am

Everyone has songs that greatly influence them. Whether its an up beat dance song, or a slow love ballad there are songs that we love so much that we never want to stop listening to them. For me, the songs that touch my heart are songs that reflect something about myself, or my situation. Throughout my life there have been different songs at different points in my life that either held me together or tore me apart. I am a musician so music is extremely influential on me, thus causing great changes in me by what I listen to. This post is going to be really long so make sure that you have time before you get started! This is me letting all of you into my life, and seeing how music effects me, and how it brings me down or builds me up. Some of you are Christians, so I will not be shocked if some of the songs that I have in here really shock or offend you. That is not what this is about. This is about the real journey that I've taken through my life in the music that I have listened too. 

Music really started impacting me when I was fourteen. Sure, I listened to it before that, but it wasn't until then that I actually let it guide me, or really effect my person. Interestingly this is the time period when I started listening to hardcore, and metal. KEEP IN MIND: not all the songs in this will be metal, but there will be some, so don't freak out. Are you ready to dive in? Well... let's go!

                                            1.        "Say Goodbye" Skillet

When I was fourteen/fifteen I began to get depressed and feel down about life. Incidentally I also got my first girlfriend around this time. Sadly, that didn't last very long and we broke up. However, being that this was my first girlfriend, so I was devastated. This first song, I thought at the time it would help me deal with the feelings from this broken up relationship. 

                                         2.  "The Last Night"  Skillet

This song really had a huge impact on me for the negative. It was meant to be an encouraging song and I'm sure for some people it has been. However for me it helped me focus my attentions on the negatives in my life, and in my mind. I was battling serious depression for medical reasons, and because I was struggling in school and other areas of my life. When I started cutting this song was always there to remind me that I had hope somewhere in my soul. 

                  

                                     3. "Keep Holding On" Avril Lavigne 

This song was a bright spot for me through the rest of my high school years, and yes many people would say it's a girly song. Sorry, I still like it and I still listen to it. The message for this song is straight forward; keep holding on, don't give up. through this time of depression and hurt I really needed something to keep me going and this song got me through a lot before I turned to God. 

          

                                         4. "Falling Inside The Black" Skillet

This song describes me. Correction, this song does a really good job of describing who I was, and how dark my mind, and life had become. I was broken, hurting, and felt completely unloved. (This wasn't true, and hardly ever is true.) But I kept forcing it into my mind that I could never be anything good, and I could never do anything right. I let my mind become darkness and I continue to spill my own blood, through my scars and cutting as well as in my thoughts. I wanted to kill myself but was too afraid of what would happen if I died. I chose this video for two reasons: 1. Because Tokyo Ghoul is a really good challenging Anime, and 2. because it is a very sober and sadistic video and is accurate to the way I was feeling at the time. 

                                           5. "Open Wounds" Skillet

This song really demands an explanation because it would be misleading just to say that this song applies. Well, as previously mentioned I was very depressed, and I forced myself to believe that my parents hated me, and just wanted to make me miserable. This was probably one of the biggest and most damaging lies I ever told myself. Sadly, I wasn't the only one hurt by it. My parents who through this time, were working their hardest to protect me (from myself) and help me get better, were broken-hearted because of my mistreatment of them. The phrase "My Self-destruction is all your fault!" is exactly how I Was feeling, and how I lashed out towards them. I blamed them for my cutting and suicidal thoughts, I told them that they hated me and I simply refused to live in a decent and respect way. I kept cutting and kept digging my grave deeper and deeper. Jesus was still just a word to me. He wasn't a savior.

                                      6. "Stand in the Rain"  Superchic[k] 

Man, I played myself so well. There are two different messages that I found in this song. I know that this song was written for a girl, but I still applied the meaning to me. Satan wanted me to think that I was a victim and was being tormented if you will. In this song I found comfort and reassurance that I could indeed stand in the rain and succeed one day, but I thought I could with my own two feet. I never paid attention to the end of the chorus where they say, "And one day what's lost can be found."  I never thought it was me that was lost, and needed finding. 

        

                                      7. Relentless Intolerance 

This song in very important to me as and my musical development if you will. This was the first metal song that I ever heard. The first time I heard it I just fell in love because at the time it sounded angry and I was angry at the world, so I was like "Yeah! Angry music!" >:D    Years later, I look at this song and this band extremely differently. Demon hunter is a Christian Band and this song is about never compromising your faith no matter what the world thinks of the Gospel. You stick to the truth of the unchanging Gospel and you hold on to it and stand firm. 

The reason that I placed this song here is because it being the first metal song I ever heard. 

                                        8. "Unanswered" Suicide Silence

This song, is a musical masterpiece, and complete blasphemy. I'm ashamed to say that I used to "scream" this song, and mean every word of it. I didn't believe in God, in fact I was furious with Him for making me so sick, and hurt. I couldn't understand the fact that even letting me live was a gift, and way more than I deserved. I remember many times I would pray and ask God, "why are you doing this to me? Why do you hate me so much?" Every time I felt like he would never answer because he wasn't even there. This song, shows how pitiful and how dark my depraved mind had become at this point in my life. I share this because it's true, and what I went through. I am not by any means glorifying this song, or saying to support it, but I'm simply saying that this is where I was at one in my life, and thank God that he saved me, and changed me. 

                                           9. "Aimless" Bethany Dillon

Once I began to blatantly defy God in my heart and mind, my life,and existence began to lose purpose and value. I wasn't angry at God anymore, I wasn't anything anymore. I simply was a dead guy walking around. I was completely aimless. The first time I heard this song, I cried. It captured how helpless I felt, and how much I wanted to be found. I just couldn't bring myself to stop fighting against God. I would rather wander around in futility, rather than admit that I was wrong. 

                                      10. "Numb" Linkin Park

                 This song needs little explanation. So, That is my only explanation. 

                                     

This is where a change began to happen in my life. My thoughts began to extend to other people around me. I began to function again. I wasn't saved, and I would never admit to anyone at the time that God was working in my life. However, in retrospect it was God who helped me slowly return to life again. I began to be healed in the medical side of life, and my mental state became slowly more positive. The rest of the songs in this blog address things I was thinking about, and how I got over the obstacles that I had set up for myself. They are my struggles, as well as my way of getting through them. 

                                     1. "Leave Out All The Rest" Linkin Park

This song jolted me out of my selfish pathetic mind. I remember when I first heard it, I was startled by the message that it sent. "I dreamed I was missing, and you were so scared, 'cause no one would listen, 'cause no one else cared." I was scared. What if I died and no one cared? What if my life had been completely useless? I vowed after hearing this song, that I wouldn't let my life go to waste anymore. I needed to change, but I still wanted to be remembered for who I am, and that they would be impressed with me. I didn't want to share the glory with God. 

                                   2. "So Afraid" Bebo Norman

Since, I was still being selfish, but slowly becoming more aware of the other people around me, I began to worry, and be scared that I would be alone. I was so afraid finding myself alone. I was almost paranoid about it. I didn't want to lose any of the "friends" I had. I treated a lot of them terribly, because I was so scared and insecure. One of them was and is my brother. He watched as I fell into depression, and he watched as I found everyone around me. He was hurting for me, and he wanted to help me, but I just pushed him as far away as I could. To this day I hurt for how I treated him. I wish I had allowed him close to me, but I was too scared that if he or anyone else knew what I was really struggling with they would turn and run. I wanted help but I didn't know how to ask or accept it. 

                                        3. "The Price of Beauty" Suicide Silence

As I began to drift away from the depression, and the dark lifestyle, I began to hate my scars from my cutting. I hated them. I wanted them gone because they reminded me of my failures and my screw ups. This song is graphic and pretty unpleasant. The only reason it is here, is because I would listen to it and wish someone would cut all my scars away and replace my skin with clean skin and a fresh slate. I didn't want to be caught in this anymore but I felt like I couldn't move on unless my scars disappeared. Over time however, I grew to like my scars and be grateful for them. They show were I came from, and today I thank God for the constant reminder of where I came from. My parents asked me many times if I wanted to get a treatment done to hide them, so I wouldn't think about it. But I decided I wanted to see them as a reminder of God's grace to me. 

God looks at me today and see's something beautiful because of the price that he paid on the cross for my sins. As this song says, "The price of beauty was more than you thought." Even if the band didn't mean it like this, I took it to mean, that Jesus' blood paid for my beauty and for that I could never fathom how much it cost. 

                                     4. "He's My Son" Mark Schultz

At this point, I had been saved, and God had begun to show me his love and grace. I began to think about what had happened in the past years. When I heard this song, I listened to it a million times. I would sit in silence listening to this song. I knew that my parents had gone through this so many times what with different doctors, and different medicines. It gave me a different perspective of my illness and how it possibly effected them. They went through so much heartache and pain to heal me. In my life, there will never be a way that I could possibly repaid them for their sacrifices and love. Besides God, They are the only reason that I am still here today. 

                                         5. "Redemption" August Burns Red

Now, to go into my conversion experience a little bit. It was a dark and stormy night... no, I'm not lying it was. I was in the shower, and I was struggling with what was going on around me and in me. There was so much pressure built up in me that I decided that I would either kill myself or surrender my life to Christ, because I simply couldn't keep living life the way that I had been. I found myself on the floor of the shower praying and asking God to save me as the warm water ran over me. I didn't feel a sudden weight fall off my shoulders, but I did feel calm. I felt peace for the first time, in a very long time. I knew that I had been redeemed. 

                                         6. "Everything You Ever Wanted" Hawk Nelson

After I was saved, I still had issues, and I wasn't healthy yet. I was doing better than I had been, but I was still far from where I should be. There were many times when depression came back but I fought my way through it. This song kind of demonstrates how I felt, and what I was doing. I was trying to be perfect, honest, and everything I hadn't been in the previous years. I wanted to make it up to my family for being so difficult, but I knew no matter what I did I wouldn't be able to make up for it. 

       

                                      7. "Saviour" Black Veil Brides

This song goes back a few years, as time progressed, I began to develop some more worthwhile traits. Compassion, and empathy being some of the traits that really stuck with me. This song, though not a Christian song, did influence me, because I wanted to help people, who had gone through similar things that I had. I didn't want to be a savior because I knew that only Jesus could be an effective savior. However, I also continued to want a savior for my heart, I had given my soul to Christ but I still was holding on to my heart, it was very hard for me to release that.  

                                     8. "I Have Been There" Mark Schultz

This song played a big role of me surrendering my heart to Christ. I didn't want to give it up to someone who didn't understand what I had been through. I heard this song for the first years before it actually meant anything to me. I was in my second semester of college before I had truly understood that Christ would meant me where I was at. To this day this song still gives me some amount of comfort, with it's reminder that God hears everything, and sees everything, and when he was here on earth he experienced everything. He had been where I was. 

                                 9. "Creatures" Motionless in White (disturbing)

While I was in began listening to darker metal again, and some of the messages that they sent got to me. This song for example, "Creatures" kind of bothered me, because they question a lot of significant topics. (especially as a church ministries major!) I began to question why people actually believe in Christ, and the Gospel. I began to question almost everything in life, and the reasons for doing what we do. In this song, they make it very graphic, how darkness can take over someone's life, and I know that was me at some point in my life. The line "I'm drowning in a ocean of tears that I've cried." described my life, for three years of the darkest part of my life. But my life didn't end there. I realized that this songs message ends there. But my life's message didn't end there. Because Christ reached down and took me out of it. 

                                       10. "Not Afraid" Eminem

This song was kind of my rally to stand up and move on. I was finally willing to let my past go. I didn't need to live in the past, I didn't need to let myself go down that road. The past was done, and it was over. To this day, I haven't cut myself again, and I have the tools be strong and focus my attention to help others get out of the darkness of depression. 

This final section of songs are all songs that still greatly impacted me, but not exactly in the same way as all the previous ones. All of the previous songs have to do with depression, or with getting out of depression. Now that depression isn't a huge problem, Satan had to find other ways to harass me and bother me. These songs, either help me conquer the fears, or help stand firm when my mind tried to talk me out of being a Christian. However, I threw in one song that had a huge impact because of its connection to the girl that I am now married to. 

                                     1. "Undying" Chelsea Grin

This song happened through my path shortly after I got married to Lydia. Marriage was not and continues to not be what I expected it to be, but sometimes, things go wrong, and it's my fault for being stupid. This song describes a love affair that is far from healthy. I heard this song, and listened to the lyrics, and then promptly vowed that I would never treat Lydia like that. Sometimes, the best way for me to understand something is tell it to me in the most negative way possible and then I won't ever do it. That's the case with this song. This song describes someone who is addicted to another person (demon)'s attention. They'll do anything for them, and they don't really care what they're asked to do. There have been times in marriage where I don't talk. I'm a quiet person but that is one of my flaws. I need to talk more, and communicate to my wife what's going on in my head. whether it makes any sense at all this song helped me open up to her, and begin to share myself with her more. Because I don't want her to be starving for my attention, or in need of my leadership because I'm not leading her. My life is to give everything I have to her, and for her, just as Christ did for us. 

                                       2. "Break The Cycle" For Today

If ever there was a song that just inspired me to continue in ministry it was this song. This song is so powerful. It's about breaking the cycle of self-destruction in today's culture. The youth of today and hurting and those of us called to ministry need to stand up and help them. There are times when I wonder if it's really worth it to continue down this path. Every time I heard the message of this song, and I'm refreshed to continue. 

                                       3. "Clockwork" Chelsea Grin

Last semester, (fall 2014) I had some serious struggles again. I kept looking back at my past. It's something that does come back and haunt me, because of certain things that happened. There are many things I regret and many other things that I wish I could go back and change but I can't, and this song just helped me realize that in a very literally way. "It's just like clockwork, let me kiss my youth goodbye, all I wanted was to turn back time." We can't turn the clock back and do it again, we can only make the most of the rest of the time we've been given. I would suggest looking up the lyrics to this song as you watch  because they are very powerful. God has given us each a lifespan, and a chance to impact the world for eternity. Don't waste it.       

       

                                        4. "Nightmares" Chelsea Grin

Since last semester I've had many nights that I couldn't sleep because I was scared to death that I wouldn't wake up the next morning. Call me crazy but it's true. I have no reasonable cause for this, but it still happens. I have had many dreams like this, where darkness descends on me again and I return to the place I was years ago, and I always wake up terrified because I never want to go back there. I can feel my past continue to chase me, but I must continue forward, and not let it catch up. There is no benefit from living in the past. I can learn from the past, but I cannot live there. That's really what this song has taught me.      

                                      5. "Fearless" For Today

God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power. He don't need to fear any form of evil. In response to the previous song, the nightmares, don't need to hold us captive in fear, because our God is greater and more powerful than any force in the physical universe. "If we stand and fight, we are not alone." God will fight for his children, he will defend us, and we can have absolute certainty that he will. This song always encourages me, and ever since it's release I have found comfort in God's message through it. 

                                     6. "Shadows" David Crowder Band

This song really speaks for it's self. However, there is one story that I want to relay. I was riding in my mom's car in New Jersey a while back, and this song came on. I just felt a calmness come over me, and I knew that all the shadows that had haunted me, and scared me where nothing more than that, shadows. The light would come out and drive them away. God can use any number of things to get our attention, for me it happens to be music. 

                                       7. "Foundation" For Today

Now, for a more serious video. This song really made me think. What do I stand for, and how much am I willing to pay to stand for it? In other words, will I die for Christ if I have to? That question is becoming more and more important as ISIS becomes a more serious threat globally.  Christians in Egypt have already given their answers and paid the price with martyrdom. Am I ready to die for my faith? Yes, I believe I am. 

These are the songs that shaped me, and continue to help me through tough times, and also songs I simply enjoy listening too. Some of them have had a negative influence on me, but all of them influenced me in some way or other.

Open Letter to Myself

I am sitting in a room, where there is no time or space, just enough room for reflection. I hear the door open and I start with surprise as my old self walks in. He sits down in front of me in the chair across the table and looks at me with a long slow glance. He smirks and looks away shaking his head. I feel uncomfortable... Was this really me? 






He looks at me again out from underneath his hoody. His eye are dull, dead, and look slightly malicious. He shifts his weight in his chair and looks away again. I begin to realize with dismay that this WAS really me, this is what I was like years ago. He looks at me for a moment and in a sharp cutting voice says to me; "You know, I can still see you today."   I look startled, "What do you mean?"  He rolls is eyes and glares at me, "I see what you've done, and how you've change and I think it sucks." he almost snarls at me and I feel even more uncomfortable. "Remember how it use to be? When you were still a cool guy?" I look

at him, trying to remember what he could be remembering. He smirks darkly and rolls up his sleeve to reveal scars on his wrists. "Remember these? Do you remember how frustrated you were when you did this to yourself? do you remember those feelings of failure?" He smiles, "Those were the days... When you were still a man." He snaps a look at me, to see how I'm taking it. He smiles, as he realizes that his knife hit me in the heart. 

I look at the ground. "What do you want?"   He turns and looks me in the eyes, and in a dull and cold voice says, "I want you back the way you were."  I look at him, not sure what I'm looking at but realizing how much his words are hurting me. 

He stands up and begins pacing. "Let me paint a picture for you. Remember when you were a player? when you could get girls, and have fun?  HA! Now you're married and stuck with one girl for the rest of your life. You're an idiot, who would ever want that boring a life?  Why would you sign your life away like that?" He continues to pace, and I continue to wonder if he's right. 
"remember those nights? when you would stand in the shower and just let your arms bleed? Look at you now! You're in college for Church Ministries! You really think God wants to use some useless scarred up piece of crap? You're no good for that, you'll lead those kids to Hell before they believe in God." I feel ashamed and sink even further into my chair. I think to myself "how could I expect God to use someone used up like me?".  I guess he's right, I guess I really don't know what I'm doing with my life. 

He turns and with each word I feel like someone punched me in the stomach. "You think you're an artist, and a musician, but don't you remember how much your songs have hurt your family?  Remember?  'As I climb to the top, this I must decide, pain in life or blissful suicide, I know you don't want me I know you don't care, I know you just wish I would die here.'  Remember when you wrote that? Man, you really hurt your mom's feelings. Again I sink further into darkness. I really am a terrible useless person...

"And on top of that you're a Christian now." He smiles darkly and points a figure at me. "Now you have to live by his rules and standards, you have no freedom, and you're just as useless now as ever. All you have is a crutch. A stupid god-crutch. Even if there really is a god, you think he'd care about a worthless piece of crap like you? He doesn't have time for you!" 

I begin to cry, feeling that all my life has been a waste of time. I have accomplished anything, I have nothing to show for my life. All I do is play video games and talk about doing something more. I suck as a husband and a friend. I think to myself, "I guess that's why I have none." The sadness is becoming more and more real, maybe I should just give up now...





"No, you're not finished yet."   






We both start, me and myself I turn and look towards the door, the old me, follows my gaze and turns pale. My eyes fill with tears, and I find myself running towards the man standing in the door, he reaches out to me with nail scarred hands and the gentlest eyes throughout eternity. "My Child, you're safe, and you are loved."  He turns to my old self, and suddenly all gentleness is gone from his gaze. "You, what exactly are you doing here? Do you not see that this is my child that you are tormenting? What right do you think you have to do such a thing, be gone!"  I hold on to Jesus as he begins to shoo my old self away. I suddenly find myself speaking. "Wait!"  Jesus turns and looks at me, as does my old self. Jesus puts on arm around me, and already knowing what I'm going to say, he tells me "Go ahead." 

I stand in front of my savior with him supporting me as I raise my eyes and stare back at my old self. He suddenly looks less menacing and scary. I take a deep breathe and say; "You're right I can't play around with other girls anymore, or break their hearts for fun, but really... What fun is that? you say that I had freedom before Christ, I didn't even know what true freedom was until I came to Christ. You are trying to stay in bondage, why should I want that?  You're right I signed my life away, I chose to give it to Lydia, to love and cherish, and protect her. She is my bride and I will do for her whatever I can do. I will love her until I die and I will never look for anyone else because I have chosen her. Yeah, I still sin and I still fall but that doesn't mean that Christ has given up on me. Do you see him? He's here and he loves me." I begin to gain confidence as Jesus' power flows into me. "I remember every scar I remember putting them there and I remember who I was, but only as a past. I will never return to that darkness, because I have seen a light that is so much greater than any darkness. I remember but the bad songs I've written but I also know by heart the good ones too. The ones that made my mom smile, the ones that blessed her. Even if no one else ever hears them, they were worth writing. As for my major. God called me to do ministry, obviously he knows I'm broken, but I guess he has a purpose for me. He is building me into the person that I will become and not something I used to be. No, Christ is not my crutch he's way more than that. He is my life, and I chose him over you because he loves me, while you hate me, he wants the best for me, while you just want to see me fall.  Now, know that I will never listen to you again, I will not have an audience with you, and I will not entertain you. You are over, and done. So in the name of Jesus Christ, be gone from here and don't come back. I don't need you, and I don't want you. even if I lose all earthly things, all I have is Christ and He is enough for me. 

So saying, I turn my back on myself and turn to Christ. "Jesus, take me and help me become the man you would have me to be."  He smiles, "Come, my child, let me show you the future."