Evangelicals For Life: The Highlights

I have heard of the March for Life for many years now. However, I had never gone to Washington D.C. so participate or witness it. To be quite honest I was blown away. For the past few years there has been a evangelical conference that takes place called Evangelicals for Life. This is really what we went to DC to experience. I would say that the purpose of Evangelicals for Life  is to educate and encourage the people who are willing to listen, and desire to grow in their understanding of the Pro-Life Movement.

Needless to say, there were some highlights for the weekend that really stood out. I was very impressed by the speakers who made appearances. With a lineup such as, Matt Chandler, Russell Moore, Jeffrey Daly, Todd Wagner, and Eugene Cho you could expect greatness and powerful messages all around. They definitely did not disappoint. In fact they rose to the occasion and delivered so much, that it wouldn't be possible to capture it all in one blog so I will have to stick with the highlights. 

Highlight - 1: Dr. Russell Moore - The Blessing for the Children

Russell Moore - Human Dignity and The Gospel
The Framework for a Lasting Mission

One of the first to speak at this event was Russell Moore. Russell Moore is the President of the Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention, he has authored many books and has written for many different publications. When Russell Moore took the stage I wasn't sure what to expect because I have never heard him speak. However his reputation went before him and he brought a powerful message about the value that Jesus placed and continues to place on children. Dr. Moore explained how Jesus' was frustrated with his disciples when they turned the children away. He emphasized, that in the jewish culture, children were viewed as a nuisance when adults were talking, and similarly we as a country, treat the unborn as a nuisance. However, they are not. They are special, and valued as individuals created by God. Our children deserve to be invested in, and taught. They deserve attention and love. Children are a blessing from God and we must treat them as such. 

Highlight - 2: Pastor Matt Chandler - The Church as Community

One of the speaker I was anxious to see in person was Pastor Matt Chandler from the Village Church in Highland TX. Throughout the many series of sermons that I have listened to and learned from him.

Matt Chandler:
Pro-Life Issues and the Millennial:
Swimming Against the Culture

I naturally had high expectations from him. I was not disappointed. He spoke about the community, and how the church needs to understand that change starts with building relationships. Chandler emphasized the importance of getting out into our neighborhoods and actually looking for opportunities to build friendships and serve others.  One of the most profound things Matt said was, "God is crazy about some good things... not just against bad things."  There are so many people who focus on the things that God hates, the sins that alienate us from Him. We really do need to spend more time focusing on the good attributes that we need to cultivate in our lives.
Matt declared,  "We must as Evangelicals be a community of life that believes and declares... That God is the Author and Sustainer of all life from the womb to the tomb." We must choose as humans where to spend our energies and many make the mistake to spend all their time on focusing on the things that we shouldn't do, and are bad at, rather than focusing on what we've been instructed TO do, and what we have been gifted to do.
We must also seek the welfare of the city.

Why Millennials Will Not Return to the Church

Introduction

This is more of a clarifying statement than an introduction. I am not trying to tear down any specific church, I am not trying to offend any church leaders or pastors. If I do end up offending someone, I apologize in advance, and I hope you learn to take things with a grain of salt. Otherwise, please listen, and evaluate what I am saying at your own discretion. 

The Problem: Why Can't We Retain Young People (Millennials)?

It has been a not-so-secret problem among more conservative churches that they struggle retaining younger people. They also struggle retaining second generation Christians who have grown up in the Church. I don't think this is surprising, and it's almost to be expected in my opinion. But, I understand that this is a problem. Millennials don't stick around that much after they graduate. In my particular current situation, we have a high school attached to the church, and we struggle to retain students after they graduate. Again, this is an overarching issue among more conservative churches in general. I'm not singling out any one church, or any one denomination either. 

The Doctrine of Preference

Part of the problem is definitely the denominational preferences that are chosen and followed by the more conservative churches. The problem is because Millennials don't relate to it, that does not mean that the preferences are wrong, or that millennials are wrong, it means that Millennials and churches need to have a mutual understanding of where the other parties thinking is.

The Entertainment

A small part of the problem is definitely due to the fact that our culture pushes for us to always be entertained. Christianity, and the church is NOT a means of entertainment. It was never meant to be, and it never should be viewed as such. Millennials need to fight the urge that pushes to be entertained and trade it in for the desire to become wise and more knowledgeable. We are in desperate need for godly, intelligent leaders. 

What is the Gospel?

Let's take a step back and just review what the Gospel is and how it works. How it saves, and how we are sanctified. First of all, the Gospel can be summed up in four statements. 1. God is holy and requires those who stand in his presence to be holy. 2. Man is sinful, and has no means to change his path to hell. 3. Jesus' death and resurrection has ensured that those who believe in Jesus will be saved and pardoned by God because of their faith in Jesus Christ. 4. We as man must accept Christ's sacrifice, and his lordship in our lives. (We're not getting into a Calvinist/Arminian debate about my wording). That is the most basic way to view the Gospel from my understanding. From our perspective, every man, woman, and child has an opportunity to be saved, and needs to be evangelized or told of the good news that they can be saved. It is important that we keep this in mind when we interact with people. (Whether they are saved or not) 

Its Message Has Not Changed

There have been many people who have brought the Gospel to different people. They have brought the Gospel to Jews, Gentiles, Rich, Poor, Old, and Young. Everyone that was ever saved, was somehow told the Gospel, and believed it. The Gospel has not changed, and it will not change, it is always reliant on Christ. 

Its Relevance Has Not Changed

Just because we live in a physical world does not mean, that we are not spiritual beings. Our culture would like to deny our spiritual state, and only focus on our physical desires. However, whatever our culture wants has no bearing on what God has ordained or decided. WE ARE Spiritual beings, and WE ARE in danger of damnation. I don't care what you think, how you think it, or if you identify as a pineapple. If you are human, you are in serious, very real, danger of trying to face down a HOLY God's wrath on your own, unless you run to Jesus Christ. 

Its Method of Communication HAS Changed

This is where I think I may step on some toes. So over the centuries of Christianity, the methods of communication have changed, and desperately, the church needs to stay in touch with how we as humans are CURRENTLY communicating with each other. It's important. There are those in the church who believe that talking to people face to face is the most effective method of communication, maybe they are right, but if no one is communicating that way anymore... exactly how effective will that be? Not very effectively because you'll never talk to anyone. Understand the current trends, and understand how they effectively communication.  Millennials are pros at communicating, but not in the same way that older generations have been. They share their lives, and their beliefs, in very different ways than any other generation, and that needs to be understood and recognized. 

Why Do They Feel Unwelcome?

One of the problems that Churches face with Millennials is because many young people feel very unwelcome, and very judged by those who have been in the church for many years. Why is this the case? And exactly how do you plan on reaching future generations if the older generations do nothing but cast judgment  on the new generations? How can you disciple young people into maturity if they only feel judged, rather than feeling loved? There is a misunderstanding that will take place.  So I will clarify what I mean. There is a difference between rebuking people, and correcting people in love. You will never bring anyone to Christ through disdain, scorn, or rejection. You need to love the young people, and you need learn how to love them, so that they understand that you are loving them. If you're method of showing love is not being understood or not being received, find a new way to display love. You are not to sacrifice doctrine, or the message of the Gospel to show love, but you will show love through a real understanding of what the Gospel means. 

The Church has become the judge

I am the first to admit that I am young, and I do not have the wisdom of older people. But please, inform me how you expect me to become wise if you do nothing but judge me for who I am, or what I stand for? Exactly how am I to mature if you won't even REMOTELY listen to where I have come from or what I believe right now? Please, Give us a chance before you crucify us young people. A lot of times, we're just misinformed, not with malicious intent. 

The Church views them as a joke

As a young person myself, I have the wonderful experience of being taken lightly, and taken as a joke because  few people believe that I actually want to achieve something in my life. I do not say this because I'm salty at you or mad at you, I'm trying to explain how many millennials feel that have good intentions or dreams, and older generations take them as a joke. If you want Millennials to feel welcome around you, support their dreams, and gently steer their dreams towards a Christ-glorifying end. PLEASE.

Conclusion: Listen More Criticize Less

If you want to succeed in your mission to reach the next generation, you need to listen to them. You have no obligation to obey them, but if you listen to them, I can almost guarantee that you will get to have a chance to share your story, and your love for Christ with them... But that only comes if you listen to them, and they feel valued by you. Stay away from judging, stay away from anything that could possibly be God's responsibility. Discernment is not judgement, but there is a fine line between then, and it is important that you find it for yourself. Let compassion be your guide, and let love be in your heart whenever you interact with another human being. They were also created in God's image and if you are a Christian and they are not... You are no better than them. If anything you should understand that more than they should. Listen First, Love Second, and Correct third. Always in that order.

With Love and concern, 

              <3

                    Duckie

PS:  I will be writing a second post in relationship to this. Look for it next week. "Why Millennials Don't Stay in Church"

7 Encouraging Thoughts for the Conservative Church

First of all, I have nothing against the Independent Fundamental Churches, I have nothing against Southern Baptist Churches, and I have nothing against Non-Denominational churches. As long as you preach the true Gospel, and disciple those in the congregation with truth and love, I am willing to support and encourage you. However, I do believe there are some areas that these churches could definitely work on. I do not claim to be an authority on the church or how to lead a church. I am only a seminary student who has observed a few things. I am willing to be rebuked and take my words back if I have offended or compromised the Gospel.  Here is a list of seven things I believe conservative Churches need to be encouraged in.


1. Encourage Congregations to Actively Pursue Community
From personal experience I have found it very hard to have active relationships within a church. Given, I do not expect families to bend over backwards to hangout with other families, but it would be nice to see. There are many churches who primarily focus on community and do a whole number of activities and they build strong friendships, and have wonderful times together. However, I have found in these settings certain theological depth can be lost, and growth is stunted when the social is overemphasized. However, this does not excuse more doctrinally sound churches from their lack of apparent community. I believe from the Acts 4:23 church we see a very strong emphasis on community and doctrine. There is definitely a balance, but encourage congregations to be more active in pursuing these wonderful blessings known as friendships with fellow believers.

2. Encourage Congregations to Strive For Excellence in All Things
I know that this can be a very touchy subject in many circles, and yes, I admit it is a touchy subject to me as well. If you YouTube "Terrible Singing" you are bound to come across an offertory gone horribly wrong. Why? Because we sometimes let people stand up and sing or do something that they have been actually been gifted in. Example, I would prefer to never stand up and sing an offertory because I know there are people who can sing much better than I, at the current church I attend. I do not wish to compromise the music by not achieving excellence. Those who have been gifted with teaching let them teach, (As long as they have sound doctrine, and have been decently trained in the faith!) Those who are artists let them paint, and display their works of God's beauty in a specific place or avenue. Those who can listen and empathize, let them do so, and encourage those who need someone to talk to. As Paul would say, each part of the body has a place, but there is no reason for a hand to try to be an ear.

3. Encourage Congregations to Memorize Scripture
I cannot stress enough the importance of memorizing Scripture and being completely saturated with knowledge of the Bible. The beginning of knowledge is the fear of the Lord, and it God is your basis, knowing more of the Bible will only increase your growth. Many conservative churches do very well with memorizing Scripture so I heartily applaud you for that!

4. Encourage Critical Thinking And Healthy Questioning
This can be a scary one, because sometimes we might not know the answers. That doesn't mean you don't question things anyway. Everyone has been a teenager (or will be one!) Teens question things! It is super important that we do not smother their search for answers and truth, but rather encourage them in their pursuit of what is truth. Even as adults we have questions, and we desire answers. What is the true meaning of God's will? How does Christ's deity and humanity work together? What is the role of spiritual gifts? All these are good questions, and need to be asked, thought through, and resolved. Encourage congregations to be intellectually strong.

5. Encourage Disciplined Lifestyle
There is so much apathy in 1st world countries (specifically talking about America). Disciplined people are far and few between. I have to admit, I am not as disciplined as I want to be, but I will continue working at it, until I reach perfection. This discipline does not end at one compartment of life, but rather transcends all areas of life. If you call yourself disciplined and are only disciplined in one area, you are a hypocrite. Strive to be disciplined in every area, and not only will you grow as a person, but your life will inspire others to do the same as well.

6. Encourage Empathy, Compassion, and Service to Others
Many Americans whether in the church or outside the church are self-absorbed. Many forget compassion, empathy and service, simply because it is not convenient to practice such attributes. Let me remind you: Christ Jesus did not have to save you from anything. It was not convenient for Him to give up his crown and glory to suffer and die for you. He is our example, step up, and serve those around you. Even if... heaven forbid... you miss the first ten minutes of that football game.

7. Encourage Discussions on Controversial Topics  
Lets face it, in today's world there are many controversial things going on. Whether it is an Orange politician raging at someone for something, or someone sexually identifying as a toaster. There are many controversial topics out there, and for the most part the church has been silent. Whether it is out of fear, or out of embarrassment that we must talk about sexuality, and other topics in the public square... Let's face it, if you don't talk to your children about it, someone else will, and the results could very well be devastating. Don't shy away from the "scary" topics, discuss them, and teach others to think through them with a christian worldview and positivity for God's design.


Again, I do not claim to know more than the next person, and I do not wish to offend anyone.. However, I feel that these areas need work, and to those out there who are striving already for these I applaud your efforts and I pray to God that He gives you the strength to push through and achieve greatness for the Kingdom of God.

7 Habits to Cultivate into Your Life Before College

CONGRATS! YOU MADE IT! You finished high school and in the fall you start college!  Some people are super excited to be getting out of the house for the first time, while others fear being away from their parents. Feeling either way is just fine. It's a part of growing up.

Your college experience hinges heavily on you. The things that you choose to get involved in, the classes you take, the major you select, the people you choose to surround yourself with. All of these things hinge on you. Will you enjoy it? depends on you. 

                 but... 

                        no pressure. :P

Having recently graduated college and started Grad studies, I look back at my college experience and I honestly wish people had warned me of certain things. Of course my parents told me to manage my time wisely, but to a senior in high school what in the world does that even mean? I was told to be responsible and do the right things, but while I knew what that looked like in theory... what does that mean in real life? 

    Ugh.... so many questions.... what do I do?!?!  

Well... Here's a list of seven habits you should start incorporating into your lives before you go to college. 

1. Time Management

HA! got you. just kidding. Well, lets start with a question. What is time management and what does it look like? when you go to school you will have classes you must keep track of, and meetings to schedule with advisors, study sessions with friends. All of these things will need to be scheduled. I would advise that you start living on a schedule before you leave. Regardless of your class schedule you should create habits that you can keep throughout your college career. For example, 7:00am Wake up 7:30 breakfast, 8:00 reading (class) etc etc. start living in a structured way so that you will succeed and start building a healthy habit of being organized. It might not be fun to be living on a schedule but it is infinitely more frustrating missing assignments and meetings because you can't keep track of things in a professional manner.

2. Reading for enjoyment

Yup. You read that right. Learn to enjoy reading, because you will have to read stuff in college that is not only dull, but duller than that. No one ever read a math textbook for enjoyment... (some might have, but they are a special breed of person!) If you start getting in the habit of reading intellectually challenging books, you will find reading your textbooks much easier, and more tolerable if you start reading over the summer. Reading is a blessing for the rest of your life, and you should never stop learning.

3. Exercise

This one is important because it is very easy to become a potato wandering around campus. If you don't plan ahead (time management) you will struggle to find time for exercise, but if you are exercising you will think clearer, and have a much more enjoyable time. My freshman year of college I gained 50 pounds, and that wasn't enjoyable at all. 

4. Meaningful friendships

It has been said that you are the sum of your five closest friends. That is most definitely true. Surround yourself with people who want to grow, and want to change the world. befriend those who challenge conventional thinking, and desire to think critically about issues that the world is facing. Befriend the dreamers, and leaders. Don't waste your years of college with those who are happy with being average. You have a greater purpose in you, than average. 

5. Listening

This is one, that I did not take advantage of in my first few years of college. When you are on campus you have access (if it is a small school) to extremely knowledgable professors and teachers. Shut up. Listen to what they have to say, and treasure the moments you have sitting in their offices listening to their wisdom. you don't know half of what you think you know. Be teachable, and let others invest in you.

6. Sleeping

call me boring, but it is true. You need sleep. it is super critical that you don't spend your nights up until three in the morning randomly doing nothing. Literally nothing good happens after midnight on a college campus. be smart, and discipline yourself to sleep as you would if you had to go to work to next day at 7am. being a student is your job for the next few years, so treat it as such. Sleep is extremely important for your overall well being and mental functioning.

7. Living For Christ

Of all the things on this list this is by far the most important aspect of life after high school. Whether you go to a secular college or christian college, you will be surrounded by people who do not want to put Christ first in their lives. You will be in the minority. Do not cave to peer pressure, pursue Christ in all things. In the habits you form, place Christ at the forefront of your thoughts. Be disciplined with your time, So that Christ is always put first. That does not mean skip class to pray in your closet, but it does mean, getting up early enough to spend time with Christ and his Word, before you go to class. Do all things to the glory of God. He created you, and He desires the best for you! So give Him your best and do your best in appreciation for all He has done for you! 

Satan Doesn't need to tempt the American Church: We've destroyed ourselves without it

"Brothers and sisters, I could not address you as people who live by the Spirit but as people who are still worldly—mere infants in Christ. 2I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready. 3You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere humans? 4For when one says, “I follow Paul,” and another, “I follow Apollos,” are you not mere human beings?"  
( 1 Corinthians 3:1-4) 

I cringe when I read this. I cringed because I know how close to home this hits with many within the church. This could easily be addressed to any number of churches here in America.  As the church of Ephesus received from John's letter in Revelation; we have abandoned our first love. We no longer seek after Christ, and his Gospel alone, we desire more.  Is it wrong to want to know more of God? Not at all, but when it clouds your view of reality, it hurts. If you desire to know more of God than was written in the Bible, there's a problem. If you have to read books that take the Bible out of context to make a point, you need to stop yourself, and return to your first love. Now, do not think for a second that I am saying you should not spend every waking second aware of God, and what he desires for your life... That is not my point at all.

However, I have been to a few churches here and there, and I see problems coming when they forget the Gospel and become "Super-Spiritualized".  This is the Gospel, Man has fallen from favor with God because of our decision to sin. God desires us to return to Him so He made a way for us to come to him. He sent Jesus to earth as a God-Man (100% man and 100% God). Jesus lived a perfect life was crucified, buried and rose again on the third day. He then ascended into glory and sat down at the right hand of God. His death opened the door for us to be made one with God, if we believe in Jesus and the sacrifice that he made. If we surrender our lives to him, and acknowledge him as Lord and Savior, we will be saved and once we die, we will be reunited with God, and live in eternity with him forever. This is the Gospel. Nothing more, and nothing less. Or at least that's what the early church believed.
Today, we cannot believe a simple Gospel because many many years later, naturally we would know more about the Gospel than what Jesus said. Today you must choose who you will serve. Will if be Zwingli? or Luther? or will it be Calvin or Arminius? Surely, if you do not agree with me, you cannot be saved.

I know, that these men, were all Greats of the Faith, and I mean them no disrespect. However, I have left church angry because there was an argument, not about the Gospel, but about whether Calvin was right or Arminius was right. This has to stop. Calvin was not predestined to replace Christ's simple Gospel, and Arminius did not have the free-will to choose to replace the Gospel.

I know that it is good to study and learn more and more about Christ, but it's about building a relationship, not writing a textbook to add on to the Gospel. The Gospel is what saves you, not to doctrine of predestination.
If I met a man, who told me he was going to heaven because Jesus loves him and forgave him of his sins, and his life reflected that statement, I would believe that he would be in paradise one day. If a man told me that everyone who believes in Arminian Theology is going to hell one day, but that he was safe because he was a calvinist... I would wonder if I would see him in Eternity.

We have become to bitter against each other for no other reason, but secondary doctrines to the one Doctrine above all doctrines. The Doctrine of the Gospel. Jesus came to make a way for us to be reunited with God, and He desires us to come to him, we cannot earn our salvation, we can't even begin to pay for it, but we can accept it because of his love and grace towards us. Jesus saves us from our sins, when we recognize him as our loving savior and when we make a change to do our best to honor and glorify him in our lives. That is all. There is no magic doctrinal stance that lets you into a higher heaven or a better heaven. It is the simple Gospel that saves.

I mean this in love,

David "Duckie" Vest

The Downfall of the Church: Self-destruction

I'm sure that I am not alone when I say that I am tired of people picking on Christians and destroying the church through politics, and society's agendas. However, while these things do appear to be major issues, and worrisome to those of us within the church, I believe there is something more devastating within the church, than outside. 

There is an age old debate within the church and I'm fairly certain that if you go to any somewhat sound church you could get someone to talk about it. The debate/argument is on whether Calvinism or Arminianism is correct. My first question is... does it matter who's right? Obviously to some extent it does matter, but seriously... does it really matter in the long run? Do Calvinist even know ALL of John Calvin's doctrinal stance? Do Arminians believe in all of Jacob Arminius' beliefs? probably not, but that's not important. I do hold to a specific stance, and I do believe in certain doctrines, but I don't believe that John Calvin or Arminius would have wanted to see what has come to pass today. 

I have noticed that many Calvinist take it as their right, to prove that they are right, and Arminians are even remotely close. Some go as far to say that if you don't believe in Calvin then you aren't even saved. Besides, shunning people with differing beliefs each side finds enough time to make fun of those you believe differently within the church. No wonder people don't want to join the church if all they see is people bickering and making fun of each other for their beliefs. 

Many people outside of the church don't even know who John Calvin was, or what Arminius taught. Does Predestination, or free will really take priority over the Gospel? Many can argue that these points are essential in presenting the Gospel. But I don't really think so. Did the thief that died on the cross next to Christ have to be taught all the doctrines of predestination before he could be saved? Nope. 

The biggest thing hurting the church today, is the people inside it who are too busy arguing amongst themselves about these issues, and not going out into the world proclaiming the good news of Christ. 

I know that I have been found guilty of arguing about these doctrines, and for those who are not within the church, I apologize for my stupidity. Christ is more important than Calvin, Jesus' death on the cross is more important than Irresistible Grace. We have failed at our mission to reach the lost if we only stay inside our churches arguing. We have failed Christ if we can't see passed ourselves. If we don't share the Good news of Christ, the only thing that people will see is the bad news, that we've created within our walls. 

   Just my two cents...

To the Broken Hearts

The other day I was walking through my school cafeteria and I saw one of my friends sitting alone at a table doing homework. Her friends had left to go there separate ways and so I sat down just to see how she was doing. She said she was fine and everything was good. We talked for a while and then went our separate ways. I went back to work washing dishes, but I couldn't get her off my mind. She was single now, and it wasn't by her choice. However, I know she's a strong girl and will be fine, but it still bothered me, what with Valentine's Day coming up and all. Because of this chance encounter I decided to write this blog in hopes to encourage those who may find themselves alone this Valentine's day. 

                                                     A Letter To You

Valentine's day is right around the corner and some of us find ourselves alone this year. I am very blessed that I am married to a wonderful wife. However, it wasn't always that way. I remember many Valentine's days gone by that were rather miserable. I was alone and wishing that I wasn't. I wasn't satisfied where I was and I just wanted someone to show that they loved me. I know the feeling. I know the feeling of being broken up with weeks before this holiday and it hard, and it sucks,

but don't feel that it is going to last that way forever. I promise you, you won't be alone for long. God has a plan for you. It's very cliche to say such things, but it's true. I know it's true because I stood where you stand, feeling a little lost and maybe a little unloved, but I now stand with a wonderful wife, and she is more than I could've imagined. God has blessed me, and I am sure that he will bless you in that way too. you are still young and have plenty of life to live. Don't be afraid, don't be sad, God will give you more than you've asked. He will give you the perfect man that will love and cherish you for who you are. He will lead you and help you grow in faith. I know this is a long step of faith sometimes, but don't give up God still has you in his hand, and will care for you and your broken heart. 

Some people are hurt more than others through break ups, but everyone gets hurt. Also, some people do remain single and are happy with it. Maybe that's not the boat that you are in, and that's totally fine. If you are single and hurting, please don't try to run from your pain, or try to hide it. Deal with it in a healthy way and fall into the arms of Grace and Comfort that will always be there for you. You don't need that rebound guy, all you need is Christ. His love and kindness will last you a lifetime.

 

Open Letter to Myself

I am sitting in a room, where there is no time or space, just enough room for reflection. I hear the door open and I start with surprise as my old self walks in. He sits down in front of me in the chair across the table and looks at me with a long slow glance. He smirks and looks away shaking his head. I feel uncomfortable... Was this really me? 






He looks at me again out from underneath his hoody. His eye are dull, dead, and look slightly malicious. He shifts his weight in his chair and looks away again. I begin to realize with dismay that this WAS really me, this is what I was like years ago. He looks at me for a moment and in a sharp cutting voice says to me; "You know, I can still see you today."   I look startled, "What do you mean?"  He rolls is eyes and glares at me, "I see what you've done, and how you've change and I think it sucks." he almost snarls at me and I feel even more uncomfortable. "Remember how it use to be? When you were still a cool guy?" I look

at him, trying to remember what he could be remembering. He smirks darkly and rolls up his sleeve to reveal scars on his wrists. "Remember these? Do you remember how frustrated you were when you did this to yourself? do you remember those feelings of failure?" He smiles, "Those were the days... When you were still a man." He snaps a look at me, to see how I'm taking it. He smiles, as he realizes that his knife hit me in the heart. 

I look at the ground. "What do you want?"   He turns and looks me in the eyes, and in a dull and cold voice says, "I want you back the way you were."  I look at him, not sure what I'm looking at but realizing how much his words are hurting me. 

He stands up and begins pacing. "Let me paint a picture for you. Remember when you were a player? when you could get girls, and have fun?  HA! Now you're married and stuck with one girl for the rest of your life. You're an idiot, who would ever want that boring a life?  Why would you sign your life away like that?" He continues to pace, and I continue to wonder if he's right. 
"remember those nights? when you would stand in the shower and just let your arms bleed? Look at you now! You're in college for Church Ministries! You really think God wants to use some useless scarred up piece of crap? You're no good for that, you'll lead those kids to Hell before they believe in God." I feel ashamed and sink even further into my chair. I think to myself "how could I expect God to use someone used up like me?".  I guess he's right, I guess I really don't know what I'm doing with my life. 

He turns and with each word I feel like someone punched me in the stomach. "You think you're an artist, and a musician, but don't you remember how much your songs have hurt your family?  Remember?  'As I climb to the top, this I must decide, pain in life or blissful suicide, I know you don't want me I know you don't care, I know you just wish I would die here.'  Remember when you wrote that? Man, you really hurt your mom's feelings. Again I sink further into darkness. I really am a terrible useless person...

"And on top of that you're a Christian now." He smiles darkly and points a figure at me. "Now you have to live by his rules and standards, you have no freedom, and you're just as useless now as ever. All you have is a crutch. A stupid god-crutch. Even if there really is a god, you think he'd care about a worthless piece of crap like you? He doesn't have time for you!" 

I begin to cry, feeling that all my life has been a waste of time. I have accomplished anything, I have nothing to show for my life. All I do is play video games and talk about doing something more. I suck as a husband and a friend. I think to myself, "I guess that's why I have none." The sadness is becoming more and more real, maybe I should just give up now...





"No, you're not finished yet."   






We both start, me and myself I turn and look towards the door, the old me, follows my gaze and turns pale. My eyes fill with tears, and I find myself running towards the man standing in the door, he reaches out to me with nail scarred hands and the gentlest eyes throughout eternity. "My Child, you're safe, and you are loved."  He turns to my old self, and suddenly all gentleness is gone from his gaze. "You, what exactly are you doing here? Do you not see that this is my child that you are tormenting? What right do you think you have to do such a thing, be gone!"  I hold on to Jesus as he begins to shoo my old self away. I suddenly find myself speaking. "Wait!"  Jesus turns and looks at me, as does my old self. Jesus puts on arm around me, and already knowing what I'm going to say, he tells me "Go ahead." 

I stand in front of my savior with him supporting me as I raise my eyes and stare back at my old self. He suddenly looks less menacing and scary. I take a deep breathe and say; "You're right I can't play around with other girls anymore, or break their hearts for fun, but really... What fun is that? you say that I had freedom before Christ, I didn't even know what true freedom was until I came to Christ. You are trying to stay in bondage, why should I want that?  You're right I signed my life away, I chose to give it to Lydia, to love and cherish, and protect her. She is my bride and I will do for her whatever I can do. I will love her until I die and I will never look for anyone else because I have chosen her. Yeah, I still sin and I still fall but that doesn't mean that Christ has given up on me. Do you see him? He's here and he loves me." I begin to gain confidence as Jesus' power flows into me. "I remember every scar I remember putting them there and I remember who I was, but only as a past. I will never return to that darkness, because I have seen a light that is so much greater than any darkness. I remember but the bad songs I've written but I also know by heart the good ones too. The ones that made my mom smile, the ones that blessed her. Even if no one else ever hears them, they were worth writing. As for my major. God called me to do ministry, obviously he knows I'm broken, but I guess he has a purpose for me. He is building me into the person that I will become and not something I used to be. No, Christ is not my crutch he's way more than that. He is my life, and I chose him over you because he loves me, while you hate me, he wants the best for me, while you just want to see me fall.  Now, know that I will never listen to you again, I will not have an audience with you, and I will not entertain you. You are over, and done. So in the name of Jesus Christ, be gone from here and don't come back. I don't need you, and I don't want you. even if I lose all earthly things, all I have is Christ and He is enough for me. 

So saying, I turn my back on myself and turn to Christ. "Jesus, take me and help me become the man you would have me to be."  He smiles, "Come, my child, let me show you the future."