How to Break The Friend Zone (The Story of Lydia and Dave)

I am writing this to the guys that feel like they'll never win the girl of their dreams, and I'm writing this to the guy who honestly loves the girl next door and is ignored and put into the "Friendzone".  This is not for the guy who only thinks about himself and only wants a girlfriend. This is for the guy who falls in love with a girl who he feels he has no chance with. I'm sharing this story because I don't want you to give up on your dreams.

When I was a freshman in college I went to college early because I wanted to tryout for the soccer team. I did not make the team and I am okay with that now. Anyway, before classes started some of the people who were there early went bowling together, and that was the first time I met Lydia. She was pretty, cute, and adorable. I wanted to talk to her, and I was hoping that we would be put in the same lane... We weren't but that's okay. On the way home we were in the same car and we got started talking about music and I said I wasn't a huge fan of Casting Crowns and apparently that wasn't the right thing to say (Strike 1).

When classes started my first class was Introduction to Psychology. I walked in a little nervous because this all seemed new. But I found a open seat and sat down without making a fool of myself. I looked to the left, and there was a girl who would share all the same classes with me on M/W/F for the rest of that semester. I turned to the right and there sat Lydia! We talked briefly and I was happy.

As the weeks went by I began to like Lydia, I wouldn't say love because that's a little bit of an exaggeration. However, the feelings weren't mutual at the time, and she began to show interest in a different guy. I didn't say anything, I just simply kept talking to her and being friends with her. By the end of Freshman year it was clear that she wasn't interested in me since she was semi-dating another guy.

Lydia and I in Europe

I felt kind of sad about it but not really because hey, there are many fish in the sea and maybe she's not the right one for me...  Well, she kept it up with this guy until late in summer break. When they broke up the first person he called was me, and told me that they had broken up. I was surprised, and I don't want to seem mean, but I was like.... maybe I have a chance now!





Two weeks after they broke up, I asked Lydia, "When we get back to school do you wanna go on a date?"  :3   I had high hopes... and they were quickly dashed on the rocks.
"No, I don't think I'll ever date you." Was Lydia's response.

Well then... I again tried to convince myself that there would be more fish in the sea, and I tried to find someone else. After showing interest in a few different girls and gave up. I couldn't seem to get Lydia out of my head, and I was only doing things I regretted and hurting people by not focusing on friendships.

During this time, I was still friends with Lydia, in fact I was the guy that she would talk to about her guy problems. She would tell me who she was interested in and who was frustrating her. Somehow I was never on her list.

Half way through the fall semester, Lydia got sick. She needed to go to Urgent Care and no one else seemed to be around so I told her I would drive her there. She reluctantly agreed, and off we went.  While we were sitting in the waiting room, I really wanted to lean over and hug her, but I thought she would punch me in the face. Many months down the road she would admit that she wanted the same thing that day. This event led to my first opportunity to hang out with her one on one. This led to many other opportunities to hang out as such.

On a particular Friday evening in November we were hanging out with a staff member and his family and two of us brought our guitars and were playing together for everyone else who was either listening or off in a different room. We were playing romantic songs and fun songs, but Lydia noticed that I wasn't looking at her during the romantic songs.
That night after we went home she cried all night because she thought she had lost her chance to be with the guy who she actually did like... but I didn't know this yet.

In the next day we went square dancing with a group of friends and I wasn't particularly interested in

From the Night of Dancing

dancing with Lydia that night because another girl was going that was a nice person and a good friend. Anyway, we danced, and the first time Lydia was passed to me, I could tell that she was blushing, but I had no idea why. I asked her, "Why are you blushing?" and she said,  "I'm not!" (and proceeded to not make eye contact with me.)

That night things changed. I was going to dance the last dance with another friend but Joanna Pisani poked me in the right direction when she told me to dance it with Lydia. I asked her why and she simply said, just do it. so I did it. That night we stopped at McDonalds on the way home, and danced in the parking lot. Things were beginning to look hopeful.

A couple weeks later we sat down and had a talk. I don't think anyone in the history of relationships has had a talk like this. We went to Starbucks and our talk started out... I know you like me, and you know I like you, so what are we going to do about this?

That was the beginning. Sometime I will tell the story of me asking her out, and the story of our engagement and our wedding day, but for now just know... That if you truly love a girl, and are patient, and courteous to her. You never know, there is a possibility that it will work out!

Wedding Day, in Mesa AZ

Until Next Time,

Best Friends Forever | 20 Years of Friendship

Many people have a best friend, many people have friends that last for five years, few people have friends that last for ten years, and even fewer people have a bestfriend that lasts for twenty years. My wife Lydia has been friends with her best friend Alyssa for over twenty years, and they are both still in their early twenties! In my background growing up this seems crazy. I can't imagine having a friend for that long... Don't get me wrong I would love to have a best friend like that but I simply have not known the same people for that long. I think that the ability to have a lifelong friend like that is incredible and I want to recognize this and commend them for not only maintaining that friendship but continuing to grow as friends throughout those years.

Alyssa

Lydia and Alyssa met at church when they were around four years old. They became friends and began spending time together as you would expect of four year olds-- playdates and family activities. They saw each other at church for a while but then the families went their separate ways. However, Lydia would still participate in events and youth activities with Alyssa's church so they would continue to hang out and continue to develop their relationship.

When Lydia was in 9th grade, she switched schools from public school to a Christian school. Alyssa had been at this school for quite a few years at this point but that didn't matter. They were still friends and still spent much of their time together. At this point in time, I was still living in New Jersey and had no idea whatsoever that Lydia even existed yet! I wouldn't come into the picture until Lydia's freshman year of college.

Throughout their high school years, they created many memories, inside jokes, and stories that to this day cause much laughter from the retelling of them. A

Lydia

friendship like this is a precious thing and I cannot emphasize enough how much of a blessing it is so observe their friendship. In order to maintain such a relationship you have to sacrifice and you have to make an effort to understand each other and grow together as friends.

This past Christmas break Alyssa and I made Lydia watch the Harry Potter movies. Both Alyssa and I are firm and avid Harry Potter fans and Lydia had never seen these movies. We watched through the first four and will finish the rest of them before summer break. But it was an opportunity to hang out and see each other.

From my perspective, it can be difficult to enter a group when the other people in the group have been friends for many years prior to you joining. I felt very out of place in the beginning simply because I was so new. Over the two years of marriage, we have had quite a few opportunities to hangout and get to know each other. I can honestly say, that at this point in time, Alyssa isn't just Lydia's best friend, but she is also a dear friend to me as well.  (and Alyssa, thank you for sharing your best friend. :P )

But I am beginning to ramble, and I don't want to so I'm going to wrap this up with. On New Year's Eve we went out and did a little photoshoot with Lydia and Alyssa. I have included some of the pictures from the shoot in this blog and I hope this story has been encouraging.

Friends | From 4yrs Old to the Future

Until Next time,
     

Suicide Squad: The Real Heros, The Real Heart

Now that Suicide Squad has been out for sometime, and I won't really be spoiling anything for anyone by talking about it, I have decided to write a blog about it, because it was by far one of the best movies that I have seen this year. Now, I know a lot of people did not like the movie, because the characters were too shallow and there wasn't good character development. If that's what you think, I don't know what movie you watched, but it wasn't the one I saw. They might not have given every character the same development as others, but DeadShot, Dr. Harley Quinn, and Diablo were well developed. You can't give everyone a back story in two hours, otherwise the movie would have been nothing but back story. However, the point that I wanted to make in this blog is really more about the movie, and not what critics saw.   

Why was Suicide Squad sooo dang popular? Well, for starters it was well made, and it was well developed in many people's opinion. However, I think the biggest thing that we really loved about the movie was the fact that these characters were or had something that we could relate.

Deadshot's weakness was his daughter. He loved her and wanted the best for her, and give her the best life that he could. Diablo, in murdering his family after giving into greed and power, wished nothing more than to be reunited with his family and take back the mistake that he made when he lost control. Dr. Harley Quinn just wanted a normal life for her and her puddin'. She so desired a normal life for him (joker) that she went crazy to love him. Katana just wanted to be reunited with her husband that her sword had taken when in a enemy's hand. See, all these characters were not superheros who never made mistakes, they weren't super humans. At the most they were meta-humans. 

There was nothing remarkable about Harley Quinn or Deadshot, Diablo was a true meta human who had some nasty fire power. But ?Deadshot only had perfect aim, and that's something that can be developed. For the most part they were more relatable to us than Batman or someone like Superman. Because for some reason we're not all billionaires, or from a different planet. 

I think Suicide Squad was more of a hero movie than an anti-hero movie. I remember sitting in the theatre watching Deadshot interacting with his daughter, and thinking, I hope that I can be that kind of father. When Joker broke into a high security prison to free his love Harley, I thought to myself, do I love my wife enough to risk my life to protect her from those who want to harm her?

when Diablo went through his story, and explained his failure as a father and husband, I recalled the mistakes that I have made, and I thought, if someone like him (even though it is just a story) can turn around and vow to only protect others and give his life to keep that vow... even though I've made mistakes, will I let my mistakes go, and be willing to dive into my full potential like he did... in the end to sacrifice his life, to protect the world. 

Those are the things that I took away from the movie, I know that not everyone will think the same thing, or look at it the same way, or even approve of the movie... but honestly, I really don't care. I loved it, and it touch my heart and challenged me to be a better person. You can take it or leave it, this is simply my opinion... Well, until next time. I'm Duckie

                                       

                                                                                        

What is Success?

Well, I guess I already asked the question... What. IS. SUCCESS?
Many would define success as winning, whether it is in sports or in a contest of some sort. While they are not wrong, there is a much deeper and richer definition to success. I asked a few people to give me a short definition of success.

 "To achieve fulfillment in faith and self, and through that to inspire and challenge others."

"Success is being able to wake up each and everyday here in the USA. Living in the greatest country on earth, and knowing you with God's will control your destiny."

"Success is being able to glorify God while reaching a set goal."

"Find out what is important to you, setting goals to reach those things, and surrounding yourself with resources and people to get you there. Be determined, work hard, and arrive where you want to be."

One thing that you will notice with these definitions is that they vary... As does success in our lives. For some of us, success is getting  out of bed to face another day even though we suffer from severe depression, for some, it is reaching a new personal record in fitness or in sports. however, for all of us, success is closely tied to self-improvement.

We hardly call it success when we've eaten 50 chicken nuggets by ourselves, sitting on the couch binge watching netflix, or falling into a mud puddle... We simply don't view such things as a success. Why? because they do not improve our current state of being. now, if you enjoy falling in mud puddles, then be my guest and contradict me, but for the vast majority that is not a success. here are three things to help you think through what success is.

1. Success is Personal
Success is not necessarily something that can be measured by anyone but yourself. Only you know, if you gave everything you had. If you are on a diet, only you know if you stuck to it. Only you know, if your heart was in it.
Don't try to set a standard for your success by someone else's standard. Given, in business there are cooperate, and financial standards for success, but when you are working on yourself, use the Bible as your standard, and push yourself to be the best version of you that you can be. This includes, spiritual, mental, and physical discipline.

2. Success is Contagious
Success can be contagious. If you are successful you will attract two types of people, those who are already successful and those who are hungry to be successful. You will find as you grow in your journey of personal development and success building that Success is not something that can be taught, it must be caught. YOU CANNOT TEACH SOMEONE TO BE SUCCESSFUL. why? well... look at number one. It is a personal decision to become someone who strives for success.

On a side note, if you are someone who is working hard to be successful, do not be so self-centered as not exclude others from that success. Help others become successful as well.    

3. Success is Hard
There is nothing easy about success. You will be mocked for trying to excel. In our country, and culture being sub par is often the status quo. Anything different from the status quo will be difficult. that doesn't mean you should strive for it, it simply means, you must push that much harder to become successful. We have no place in this world for those who are happy to be nothing. Enough people have chosen that path already. Step up, and take your place among the legends of humanity. Those who bowed to none but God, and as a result changed the world. Jesus was successful, and it cost him EVERYTHING. ..



Oh, by the way... Christ is our example for how we are supposed to live.


   Think about it.


             Colossians 3:23-24

Satan Doesn't need to tempt the American Church: We've destroyed ourselves without it

"Brothers and sisters, I could not address you as people who live by the Spirit but as people who are still worldly—mere infants in Christ. 2I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready. 3You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere humans? 4For when one says, “I follow Paul,” and another, “I follow Apollos,” are you not mere human beings?"  
( 1 Corinthians 3:1-4) 

I cringe when I read this. I cringed because I know how close to home this hits with many within the church. This could easily be addressed to any number of churches here in America.  As the church of Ephesus received from John's letter in Revelation; we have abandoned our first love. We no longer seek after Christ, and his Gospel alone, we desire more.  Is it wrong to want to know more of God? Not at all, but when it clouds your view of reality, it hurts. If you desire to know more of God than was written in the Bible, there's a problem. If you have to read books that take the Bible out of context to make a point, you need to stop yourself, and return to your first love. Now, do not think for a second that I am saying you should not spend every waking second aware of God, and what he desires for your life... That is not my point at all.

However, I have been to a few churches here and there, and I see problems coming when they forget the Gospel and become "Super-Spiritualized".  This is the Gospel, Man has fallen from favor with God because of our decision to sin. God desires us to return to Him so He made a way for us to come to him. He sent Jesus to earth as a God-Man (100% man and 100% God). Jesus lived a perfect life was crucified, buried and rose again on the third day. He then ascended into glory and sat down at the right hand of God. His death opened the door for us to be made one with God, if we believe in Jesus and the sacrifice that he made. If we surrender our lives to him, and acknowledge him as Lord and Savior, we will be saved and once we die, we will be reunited with God, and live in eternity with him forever. This is the Gospel. Nothing more, and nothing less. Or at least that's what the early church believed.
Today, we cannot believe a simple Gospel because many many years later, naturally we would know more about the Gospel than what Jesus said. Today you must choose who you will serve. Will if be Zwingli? or Luther? or will it be Calvin or Arminius? Surely, if you do not agree with me, you cannot be saved.

I know, that these men, were all Greats of the Faith, and I mean them no disrespect. However, I have left church angry because there was an argument, not about the Gospel, but about whether Calvin was right or Arminius was right. This has to stop. Calvin was not predestined to replace Christ's simple Gospel, and Arminius did not have the free-will to choose to replace the Gospel.

I know that it is good to study and learn more and more about Christ, but it's about building a relationship, not writing a textbook to add on to the Gospel. The Gospel is what saves you, not to doctrine of predestination.
If I met a man, who told me he was going to heaven because Jesus loves him and forgave him of his sins, and his life reflected that statement, I would believe that he would be in paradise one day. If a man told me that everyone who believes in Arminian Theology is going to hell one day, but that he was safe because he was a calvinist... I would wonder if I would see him in Eternity.

We have become to bitter against each other for no other reason, but secondary doctrines to the one Doctrine above all doctrines. The Doctrine of the Gospel. Jesus came to make a way for us to be reunited with God, and He desires us to come to him, we cannot earn our salvation, we can't even begin to pay for it, but we can accept it because of his love and grace towards us. Jesus saves us from our sins, when we recognize him as our loving savior and when we make a change to do our best to honor and glorify him in our lives. That is all. There is no magic doctrinal stance that lets you into a higher heaven or a better heaven. It is the simple Gospel that saves.

I mean this in love,

David "Duckie" Vest

Do You Want to Leave a Legacy?

Well?  Do you?
                            Do you want to leave a legacy?
                                                                 Do you want to be remembered when you're gone?


Personally I'm terrified of leaving behind a world that I never impacted. What if I never helped anyone, or impacted anyone? What if there was someone somewhere that did look up to me, and I never helped them. Often my motivation is selfish, I want to be recognized  for my works or my personality. There is a song that I always hear in my head when I begin to ask myself about the legacy I'm leaving. "I dreamed I was missing, and you were so

scared, but no one would listen, cause no one else cared." the song goes on to say, "When my time comes forget the wrongs that I've done, help me leave behind some reasons to be missed." Well, when I'm gone will I be remembered for the good things I've done or will I be remembered for the mean, crude, and hurtful things that I've said? It haunts me for a few reasons. I don't want people to remember me for being rude, or hurtful, but there is a far greater reason. 




When I stand before God at the Great Throne of Judgment, will he say "well done my good and faithful servant" or will he shake his head and say, "You were given so much,and you wasted it."  I always picture a huge tv screen where God will quickly watch through your life and see if there is anything worthy honoring. I already know there will be many times and

many incidents that I will regret and feel ashamed of anyone, especially God looking at it and me. I know that Christ has forgiven me for my sins, but it will still hurt, and be       humiliating. I don't want to lead a life that lets God done, or saddens him. My life should inspire others to look towards Christ, and see Him. 




So, do you want to be remembered when you're gone? If so, keep reading. There are three tips for leaving a legacy. 



1 Live Every Moment Like You Won't Get Another One
No, I'm not talking about Yolo. I'm not saying go out partying all the time and living it up. If you really believed you'd be standing before God the next day, I think we would all be a little more sober. You will get opportunities to impact the world, and the lives of others. What if you had one more encounter with your parents, or a loved one? Wouldn't you want that time to be meaningful? Live every moment like you won't get another moment to cherish. 
2. Treat Everyone Like Eternity Is Tomorrow
This point really matters to those who are in Christ. We were all given the chance to live our lives the way we want. But as Christians our first goal in life should be to share the hope of Christ with those who are lost and have strayed from home. We all belong to God since he is our creator and will have to give an account of how we lived our lives. Sadly, many of his creations have chosen to walk away from the love of their creator and live life for themselves. Brothers and Sisters, please don't let the people you know, die without having impacted them for Christ. 
3. Live for Something Bigger than Yourself
This applies to everyone. Anyone who lives for selfish motives wastes the life given to them. Our human nature has fallen and is completely depraved and there is no good in us, without God's grace. Since I am a Christian, I want and strive to live my life for Christ, and his kingdom. There are many times that I fail, and many times that I live for myself, and I always feel ashamed when I realize my sin. I don't want to live for myself, I want to live for something bigger, and I think there's a part of us, that always wants to live for more than ourselves. 



God, please help me to live for you, help me to impact the world in a positive way for you. Let your lost children see you and come to know you. Let them find the joy that those of us who have accepted you enjoy. Please don't let me waste my life on selfishness, but rather, let me impact others for you, so that when I leave this place, people remember me as the man who lived his life like Christ. Hide me, and let you be seen clearly.