Ten Tips to Better Communication (Marriage Tips)

There are quite a few things that completely derail a marriage.

Adultery.
Financial stress.
Medical stresses.

But one of the most potent poisons to any marriage is miscommunication.

Sadly it seems that very few people are actually good at communicating with their spouses. Quite a few of our friends have mentioned to my wife and I how much they struggle to communicate with their spouse.

Lydia and I definitely pride ourselves in being able to communicate with each other, but we haven't always been as good at it as we are now.

What follows is ten tips for better communication within your marriage.

10. Never assume your spouse understands what you meant.
This goes for both sexes. Don't assume you read that text right. If it sounds worse than what your wife normally says, then you probably didn't read it correctly.

If you assume that you understand what your spouse is saying and don't bother to clarify what was meant, you will often come to misunderstandings and it will slowly wear you down.

It's much easier to ask what was meant then go through the frustrations of misunderstanding.

9. Never go to bed angry with your spouse.
This is something that my wife and I have never done. We never go to bed angry with each other.

We may be lying in bed angry at each other for a bit... but we never fall asleep angry.

 If you let anger smolder, it will burn you and your spouse.

Anger is destructive to anything it touches and can easily destroy a marriage. If you are angry or upset about something that your spouse did then talk to them and try to figure out a solution so that it does not keep irritating you. Chances are that they didn't even realize that it was that frustrating. Also, forgive. Remember that you are on the same team and determine whether what is irritating you is worth giving up peace with your spouse over.

8. Never assume you know more than your spouse
This can be a tricky issue because obviously you will know more than your spouse in certain subjects. The balance comes by not lording your expertise over them, rather share the knowledge with them and likewise they will share their specialty with you.

That way both of you learn and become the wiser for it. If you go into marriage assuming that you're the smarter one, you will insult and damage the confidence of your spouse. Anyone with a superiority complex will end up lonely and broken.

7. Do not withhold sex or other intimate behaviors as punishment.
If you are frustrated with your spouse do not... let me repeat, do not withhold sex or other forms of showing affection from your spouse. You are not the parent and they are not the child. You are equals and punishing them because you are mad at them is not appropriate in a marriage.

Be an adult and talk out your differences and come to a conclusion that is agreeable to both people. Now if your spouse is tired from having a really long day and doesn't want to have sex... Then be kind and understanding and let them relax and rest. They had a rough day and need a break. Maybe even make dinner for them or do something to demonstrate that you care about their efforts. Communicating kindness is just as important as communicating a disagreement or misunderstanding.

6. Always assume the best of what your spouse is telling you.
Speaking from personal experience, I have many times assumed the worst and it has made everything very gloomy and dismal. Many times Lydia had no idea that what she said was misunderstood by me and I would just hold on to it, and let it bother me for hours. Finally when I couldn't hold it anymore I would ask her why she was mad at me or whatever I had assumed. Many times she would stare at me with a blank look because she never meant what I had come up with... In short, ask for clarification before you assume she's attacking you... which leads right into the next point.

5. Accept criticism, even if you don't like it.
Part of marriage is growing as a person.

The only way that you grow is if you are challenged to grow. Growth comes from discomfort and learning to overcome difficulties. The number one person who will be challenging you is most likely going to be your spouse. They aren't always going to sugar coat what they are saying to you and you need to be an adult about it, hear the truth that they are saying, and maybe do some introspection and see if you need to work on something.

A willingness to grow is a mature response to criticism.

4. Believe your spouse when they say they love you. 
"I love you bb" said Lydia,
"yay!  are you sure?" Said the insecure Dave.
"Yes I do bb..." said Lydia, what she didn't say was that it hurt every time he didn't believe her.
Why didn't he believe her? She told him that every day, but for some reason he just didn't seem to believe her. After a few months it was beginning to wear on her.

If your spouse tells you they love you, believe them. It's important for them to know that you trust them and believe what they say. If this basic communication isn't intact, chances are there are other issues in the relationship as well.

3. Never settle an argument when you are angry. 
No one ever settled a disagreement angry.

They may have yelled louder and got their point across better, but in the end they didn't win.

If your spouse isn't winning, then you aren't winning either.

Marriage is a team sport, and if you aren't unified as a team, then you will lose every time.

If you are not getting along about something to the point both of you are angry at each other, take a step back and just cool off before you try to come to an agreement about it.

2. Be willing to work with your spouse. 
Teams that win a lot put in hours upon hours of work to succeed when they get into a hard contest.

When it comes down to the wire, the team that is better prepared will come out on top. When it comes to marriage, both husbands and wives not only need to be working on growing themselves, they also need to put time in working together to become a stronger team. The more time you put in together the less miscommunications you'll have and the more you will enjoy each other.

1. Adopt the mindset that you hold the keys to your spouse's soul. 

Being married is an honor and a privilege.

It is also a huge responsibility.

Why is it a huge responsibility?
 Because you are entrusted with your spouse's heart and soul.
You are the keeper of your spouse and responsible for their well-being.
What do leaders look like? Gentle yet firm, kind but honest. They love their own and they protect their own. That is your responsibility in marriage, to defend that sacred bond, and do whatever it takes keep that bond.

Communication is key to understanding each other in a marriage. If you want to take care of your spouse (and in turn yourself) take the time to understand them better than they understand themselves. 

Why Millennials Won't Come Back to Church (Part 2)

Last Week I wrote a blog addressing the issue the Church is having in retaining Millennials. I realize that my last blog was heavily focused on the Church and how it has misjudged and also ostracized Millennials. The issue is not a one sided issue however, and this week I want to address the Millennials. Millennials are not without fault here, because they do have a responsibility to the church that they attend. Again, similarly to what I said in the last blog, I am not trying to come across as harsh, rude, or arrogant. If I come across that way I apologize and take my words with a grain of salt.


The Millennials and Generation Z

The first question that we need to ask is who exactly are they? According to the general consensus millennials are those who were born between the 80s to the early 90s (1992) Generation Z is what follows that, so anyone born from '93 to 2010. It is a stereotype of these generations that they are more obnoxious than previous generations. We are often viewed as self-absorbed, Self-entitled, disrespectful, and extremely egotistical. Sadly, this does describe some of us quite well. But as any stereotype, it does not fit everyone in the group. There are many who are respectful hard-working and teachable, but overall, we as a generation are one of the most unteachable generations to walk this planet. The reason for this is, not our parents faults, it is not the cultures fault, it is a sin problem that is being more and more glorified by our culture today.

When the Gospel was still acceptable to be proclaimed at school, when the Bible and this country was still considered "Under God", sin in society was somewhat curtailed. However, when the Bible was taken out of schools, we saw a decline in our society. Sin became mainstream, and acceptable. The family unit began to dissolve, and as a consequence of that, parenting became less and less involved until parents often fear to offend their children, and would rather be friends when their children than parent them. This is NOT true of EVERY SINGLE family unit in America, but in a largely secularized world it is sadly more of the norm than we would like to admit. Since there is now a lack of parenting at large, the culture, and those celebrities and artists who support a more deviant or daredevil lifestyle have no one to check them or slow down their rampage. Thus, our culture has declined, and with it the family is slowly, but ever increasingly being destroyed.

Now, the way this affects us Millennials and Generation Z kids, is with a more chillax (90s word) style of parenting, comes a lack of respect and a lack of punishment for being disrespectful. Being unteachable is a trait that is praised now rather than a trait to be looked down upon. All parents wish their children were respectful, but many do not go to the trouble to see to that their children learn how to be respectful. This trend in the secularized United States, has even begun to spill over into conservative Christian circles. Not necessarily because parents aren't parenting but because so many parents find that no amount of correction or admonishment will drown out the destructive voices in music, movies, and popular culture. This has huge and devastating role in why Millennials don't settle down at one church very long, and why they tend to want to be entertained by church instead of taught... Because the culture has taught them, that you need to be entertained 24/7 and never listen to anyone older than yourself.

What do they know?

However, after that long tirade about the decline of Millennials and Gen Z-ers, I want to point out some good things, and good traits that they have. Many of them are still driven to succeed, even if they haven't the slightest idea how to be successful (since they don't want to be taught!) Many of them are passionate, even if it is misguided passion. Many desire to do the right thing, but are scared to death of what the people around would think of them if they actually tried to be different than the culture around them. Many of them are not stupid, many have enormous amounts of potential inside them, even if they don't believe that. When dealing with us, it is a guarantee that anyone older than us, will need patience, because we're just hard to deal with. (for the most part)


Every generation has seemed less impressive than the one before them, and that's not surprising. Every generation is further away from the Garden of Eden, and the culture will regress until Christ returns and cleanses creation through fire. However, that does not mean we should look down on the next generation, rather we should reach down to them and try to help them rise up to be better than we were. Even if they haven't reached that point yet. Never give up on someone, because rejection like that hurts and will cause damage.

All this to say.... Millennials have to learn... We have to learn...

Yes, I said it, WE Millennials and Gen Z-ers have to be willing to learn and be teachable. We are internet gurus according to older generations. Sometimes we assume because we can access the internet we have all the answers and older people don't have anything to offer... Well, I can tell you, we don't have all the answers and it would do us good to listen to those older than us.


Now, having said that... how does all this apply to the situation within the church? While the church has not been perfect in its reception of Millennials, Millennials haven't exactly done their part in working to resolve the conflict. I know that in my years of going through different churches and experiencing different "denominational differences" I had choices to make in regards to what I put up with and what I didn't because no place will be perfect because it is made up of sinners like me. There are four major reasons to consider switching churches, and equally big reasons that people leave churches that are not legitimate reasons to do so.


1. Doctrinal Beliefs differ. The first reason is your convictions and beliefs differ largely from the church that you are attending. If you are a Catholic, you won't agree with a Baptist on major doctrines so you won't go to the same church. That's very obvious, but still needs to be stated.


2. Doctrinal Beliefs differ. The second reason for leaving a church, you have a different stance within a denomination, maybe the church leans toward reformed theology and eschatology, while you lean dispensational. That would cause major conflict between you and that church. That would be a reason to leave, because it is a conscience issue and that changes how you interpret the Gospels as well as the Great Commission.


3. Doctrinal Beliefs differ. The third reason is because your secondary, and less important doctrines differ. Now in my eyes, I would not necessarily leave a church for this reason, because I know that on all the major doctrines we agree and can get along.


4. Major preferences differ. If you have grown up in a independent fundamental church that only uses hymns and spiritual songs, and say, you visit a church that has a full band, this would potentially make you uncomfortable enough that you do not join that church and so move on. That is also a perfectly understandable reason for leaving a church. (However, it would make zero sense why you would join a church you're not comfortable with in the first place.)


These are really the only reasons that you have for leaving a church that are legitimate. However, specifically with millennials, we leave churches for many other reasons that are not legitimate. This is because our culture has taught, and enforced in us the idea that we must be entertained by whatever we are doing. If a professor is not interesting... Why are you taking that class? If that church band isn't cool enough, then you need to leave that church. If the pastor isn't cool enough or teaching things that tickle your ears, you should leave the church, because you are bored.... WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT CHILD?? Yes, I am right in calling you a child because you have not grown enough to be an adult if that's how you view the church and God. If you believe God is here for you, and He is calling you to church to entertain you. You might as well spit in His face and tell Him you don't need His salvation because you're not entertained by it.


I will leave that point where it is, because I do not want to get carried away with a rebuke. I want to encourage you. Be different from your generation, be a thinker, move beyond what stimulates your feelings. Stimulate your mind! Learn to learn, and let someone teach you how to be teachable. Let others wake you from the slumber of social media. Get off the computer, get off the games, and question the things that you see, the things you hear, have a discussion with someone who has seen more of life... I promise you, when you open your heart and your mind to learn from the previous generation you will reap so many benefits from it, that you won't believe that you ever "lived" on snapchat. Mind you, I'm talking to myself here too. I need to become more teachable and I have much to learn, but please... please join me to discover everything that this world (physical and metaphysical) has to offer... and let us learn from the people who have gone before us. I beg you, and... hey, the church is a great place to start, because if the church is doing it's job then they will be the most forgiving of the mistakes that you have made... Don't grow bitter, grow stronger, grow your mind, and grow into the man or women that God has destined you to become.


With Love,

Duckie

Suicide Squad: The Real Heros, The Real Heart

Now that Suicide Squad has been out for sometime, and I won't really be spoiling anything for anyone by talking about it, I have decided to write a blog about it, because it was by far one of the best movies that I have seen this year. Now, I know a lot of people did not like the movie, because the characters were too shallow and there wasn't good character development. If that's what you think, I don't know what movie you watched, but it wasn't the one I saw. They might not have given every character the same development as others, but DeadShot, Dr. Harley Quinn, and Diablo were well developed. You can't give everyone a back story in two hours, otherwise the movie would have been nothing but back story. However, the point that I wanted to make in this blog is really more about the movie, and not what critics saw.   

Why was Suicide Squad sooo dang popular? Well, for starters it was well made, and it was well developed in many people's opinion. However, I think the biggest thing that we really loved about the movie was the fact that these characters were or had something that we could relate.

Deadshot's weakness was his daughter. He loved her and wanted the best for her, and give her the best life that he could. Diablo, in murdering his family after giving into greed and power, wished nothing more than to be reunited with his family and take back the mistake that he made when he lost control. Dr. Harley Quinn just wanted a normal life for her and her puddin'. She so desired a normal life for him (joker) that she went crazy to love him. Katana just wanted to be reunited with her husband that her sword had taken when in a enemy's hand. See, all these characters were not superheros who never made mistakes, they weren't super humans. At the most they were meta-humans. 

There was nothing remarkable about Harley Quinn or Deadshot, Diablo was a true meta human who had some nasty fire power. But ?Deadshot only had perfect aim, and that's something that can be developed. For the most part they were more relatable to us than Batman or someone like Superman. Because for some reason we're not all billionaires, or from a different planet. 

I think Suicide Squad was more of a hero movie than an anti-hero movie. I remember sitting in the theatre watching Deadshot interacting with his daughter, and thinking, I hope that I can be that kind of father. When Joker broke into a high security prison to free his love Harley, I thought to myself, do I love my wife enough to risk my life to protect her from those who want to harm her?

when Diablo went through his story, and explained his failure as a father and husband, I recalled the mistakes that I have made, and I thought, if someone like him (even though it is just a story) can turn around and vow to only protect others and give his life to keep that vow... even though I've made mistakes, will I let my mistakes go, and be willing to dive into my full potential like he did... in the end to sacrifice his life, to protect the world. 

Those are the things that I took away from the movie, I know that not everyone will think the same thing, or look at it the same way, or even approve of the movie... but honestly, I really don't care. I loved it, and it touch my heart and challenged me to be a better person. You can take it or leave it, this is simply my opinion... Well, until next time. I'm Duckie

                                       

                                                                                        

The Death of Courtship, or Christ in Dating?

Introduction
             A While ago one of my friends on Facebook posted something about wanted to have a courtship instead of a dating relationship. There was a blog that was written as to why, and don't get me wrong, there were good reasons for what was said, but I think they were a little bit misguided. I wanted to give my opinion of what courtship is and what I believe dating is, and a solution to the problem.

Courtship
            Many people especially in conservative circles always want to point out that dating isn't the way to go and that they courtship rather go the route of the courtship. They say, it is more centered on Christ and there are a lot more boundaries and rules set up to help the couple succeed. However, none of that really has to do with a courtship. Traditionally what a courtship is, is a young man, goes to his parents are informs them, " I am financially independent and I'm ready to find a wife... Here's a girl that I would be interested in courting." His parents, (along with him) go to the girls parents are discuss the possibility of a courtship. Then the young man and young women get to know each other in the family setting, never on their own, always under the supervision of parents. If the courtship is a success then the couple will get married. If it does not succeed them the couple goes their own separate ways.

           I will be blunt and to the point. I believe that courtships are dead, or at least a dying breed. Not because people don't want to do courtship, but because there is rarely the amount of time for parents to supervise their grown children in a relationship setting like this. I also, don't think that it is really the best way to go about a relationship prior to marriage. I know that it takes time to be yourself in front of someone else's parents... It's not easy to be everything that you would be behind closed doors with just that special someone. If they only get to see you, in these more public settings, yes there will not be a lot of opportunity to fall into physical temptation, but you won't get to see the real person that you really need to see in order to make a decision for marriage. That is what I think, and you can take it or leave it.  (noticed that boundaries are not even mentioned as part of a courtship.)

Dating
          At this point in time, everyone knows what dating is, and how it works. There is constructive dating and then there's the dating game... or destructive dating if you will. Dating is very casual in nature, a boy asks out a girl and they go on dates. They go watch movies, or mini golfing, or any number of things.
          Obviously there are any number of things that more conservative christians can point out as  major problems with this, and for the most part I would agree with them. There is not a lot of dating couples that look for accountability for their physical boundaries, and there is not necessarily a lot of focus on spiritual development or growth. That does not mean that there are exceptions to this rules, it just means it's much easier to fall into sin.

          At this point I want to offer a solution to those who don't want to do a courtship, but want to have a safe, well accounted-for relationship prior to marriage.  I want to suggest what I call Covenantal Dating.

         Covenantal Dating is different from courtship, and it is different from todays use of dating. In covenantal dating you write out what you want your boundaries to be (physically, emotionally, and spiritually). You have someone in authority over you, such as a parent, or pastor keep you accountable throughout your relationship for those boundaries.  This will keep falling into temptation further away. Also, as a Christian, these boundaries should make it much easier to focus your energies on  a Christ centered relationship. Personally, I believe that this is the best option for Christians that are living in the world today. In the world today, few people have time to invest in a traditional courtship, and many people do not really like the idea of "traditional" dating.


Conclusion
         Christians need to understand that dating should not be treated as a game, and that it is really to prepare you for marriage, just as a courtship is. However, I believe that it is very important that you spend time with that special person one on one before you get married because you won't see the same side of people when they are in a group.  I know that it is very hard to keep your physical boundaries unless you write them out. I know this from experience. If you decide to use the covenantal dating system it is worth the fight to avoid temptation, and it will make your relationship down the road much smoother. Always, no matter what you decide to do, keep Christ at the center of your relationship with your significant other. At no point, should they get between you and God. Christ is first, they are second, you are third. That is how God created, marriages to be.

3 Big Ways to Help Your Fiance Plan a Wedding

One of my friends recently came to me asking if I had any advice to give on wedding planning. After thinking about it for a few days I've come to the decision to write a blog about it. Some people will probably just sniff at this blog, but I'm sure that brides and brides to be will appreciated it if their man spends a little time to read this.

1. Support her decisions and encourage her.

Our Wedding Turned Out Pretty Well :)

This is her biggest dream in life. She has dreamed of becoming a bride for at least 21 years of her life. This day is for her, 
and to celebrate your union for her.
The wedding night is for you. 
When she's picking out the cake or the color of ties you'll wear, just go along with it. You'll be satisfied in the end result, so just let her enjoy herself. 

There will be times when she gets depressed by all the things she has to get done, just relax and smile. Be someone she can  de-stress and relax with. Whenever she gets stressed encourage her and tell her how good she's doing. I promise it'll help you. 




2. Be there to consult with, but don't give your opinion unless asked.

My wife kind of glared at me when I wrote this one, but it's very true. Like I said previously, don't give your opinion unless it's asked of you. If she asks your opinion, you are a lucky guy! She just let you into her dream of a wedding so don't take it lightly. 

3. Be supportive of her family. 

Let me share a short story. There were somethings that happened with my wedding and the events around it that caused both of our families a bit of stress. In one of my unthinking moments I made a comment about how frustrating I found my mother in-law. again, unthinkingly I made this comment to my groomsmen who then took it to a new level of loudly screeching whenever she was mentioned. Needless to say, I regret what I said, but also greatly misjudged her in a moment of frustration. On another note, guys, your mother in-law will most likely to a huge amount of work to put this wedding together. Don't take it lightly, thank her for her trouble, and effort. 
Your  bride, being a girl, will be way more attached to her family than you, as a guy are. Don't take this lightly either. Respect that she'll miss them when she starts a new life with you. Respect her struggles; She'll still wonder if she's ready to be married to you. xD



In the end, just stay calm and respect her and her family. That is really the best thing that you can do. If she gives you something to be in charge of take care of it early and have it ready and organized. She will appreciate your effort to make everything easy. When you're planning a wedding, don't forget to stay in love. A lot of time you can lose track of spending meaningful time together. Make sure that you take breaks from planning and just do something fun. Keep it light, and if you hit problems, smile and work through them together. 

I'm a gamer so I couldn't resist. 

PS. I'm going to start trying to have a new blog out every Wednesday and Saturday. If you want me to write, or address a certain topic, leave a comment of message me somewhere. :)   

7 Things All Single Guys Need to Learn Before They Get Married

Before you jump to any hasty conclusions, I know that not every guy out there wants to get married, and not every guy out there is ignorant of these qualities. However, I do know, after being married for only a few weeks, there are definitely some characteristics or attributes that I wish I had worked harder on before getting married to Lydia. These are characteristics, that will not only help you in relationships, but will help you in every area of your life. They may be restatements of what you already know, but they are important and I personally feel they are essential to keeping my marriage with Lydia a success. 

7. Listening

This is one thing that we guys are not extremely good at. We may think that we are good listeners, but most likely we're thinking about something else. Something like... "what for dinner? I'm starving."  I can't stress this enough. You have to be able to listen to your wife, because she needs that. She needs your attention, and to know that you really hear every word she says. It makes her feel appreciated. Some girls are also poor listeners so it goes for girls as well; listen to your husband when he speaks. 

6. Commitment

Now, when I say commitment I'm not really not about the obvious. You should know better than to cheat on your wife. The saddest way to destroy a marriage is by cheating on your wife, or her cheating on you with another man physically. However, commitment does not just stop at adultery. As Jesus said, if a man looks at a women lustfully he has committed adultery already in his heart (Matt 5:28). As a husband you and I must have eyes for only our wives. We cannot let our eyes stray to who ever happens down the street. It has been said by many daughters that seeing their father check out other women hurt them as well. You never know how many people you can hurt by not staying faithful and committed to your spouse.  

5. Selflessness (aka. Sacrifice)

This is a big one. This is also something that I struggle with daily. Every single day, there will be something that happens during the course of the day where Lydia will ask me to do something that I don't want to do, simply because I'm busy looking at youtube. pathetic, and selfish of me, and I don't want to be like that, but it is still a struggle. Ephesians chapter 5 is the guide to how husbands should treat their wives.  Paul says, that we are too love our wives, "as Christ loves the church, and gave himself for her"    so he could present her as a spotless and unblemished bride before his Father and ours. This means, we give of ourselves to help her become the women in Christ that God has planned for her to be. In this process, we as well, will become the men of God that He has created us to be. One thing that helps me, when I feel selfish and want to do my thing, and not be sacrificial towards her. I remind myself to pray for her and my sanctification. If her spiritual condition is concern for you, then it will become much easier for you to sacrifice and be selfless towards her. 

4. Compassion

This is probably one of the only things I feel I have a some what decent handle of. I know that compassion is one of my spiritual gifts, and I'm thankful to God for giving it to me, because it really helps in our relationship, if I can be compassionate towards her. She is human and so am I, we make mistakes and we do stupid stuff, but compassion makes these mistakes easier to deal with, and forgiveness comes easier. 

3. Communication
I cannot stress how important communication is in a relationship. Especially since most guys are terrible at communicating how they feel and what they really think about something. Girls and guys communicate differently, but that doesn't mean it's not important. If you can't communicate your relationship will most likely fall apart. Girls thrive on communication, by communication I don't mean gossip, I mean genuinely communicating your feelings and dreams to her. 

2. Discipline 
I am not an organized person at all. Is that a bad thing? I think it's not a good thing. I need to learn to be more disciplined in how I spend my time, and how I spend our money. I've learned that in the past three weeks of marriage, and I can only assume it'll become more important over the course of our marriage. I'm currently in my last semester of school and that is something else I need to be disciplined in. Discipline isn't a easy thing to learn, but it is something that is necessary. to be a leader one needs to be in order and have a disciplined lifestyle. 

1. Leadership
As a husband you must learn to lead. However, by lead I do not mean, as a dictator. Your wife needs godly leadership that takes leadership seriously, but does so with a smile. Given, before you are married you can't really have the same leadership responsibilities that you have once you are married, but you can still look for ways to be a leader, and a godly one at that. 


Given, there are guys who have these qualities mastered before they get married, but I personally didn't have them anywhere near what they should be, and that's why I'm writing this. I hope that this encourages and inspires those of you who are getting married, or are looking to be married at some point. 

7 Things Every Christian Guy Should Know Before He Has Sex

Now I know what you're thinking, "How could you use the words 'christian'and 'sex' in the same title?" Well, because sex is important to Christianity. I believe that in the church today there is a lack of sex education going on, and I believe that the church really needs to step up and address the real life issues that happen within marriage for Newly-weds in the church. 

I've been married for about three weeks now, and obviously, my wife and I have had sex. It's part of marriage as God designed and, not gonna lie, it is enjoyable. However, going into marriage I had a lot of misconceptions about what sex would be like, and also how I would deepen my relationship with my wife, through sex, and how it would effect other areas of our relationship. This blog, hopefully will help young men who are going into marriage, prepare for marriage and understand what exactly you are getting into.

7. You will not become one overnight.  
When I was growing up and through my college experience I kept hearing the phrase "you will become one with your wife" and I always thought that was referring to sex, and how you would suddenly understand everything about her, and you would know her deepest secrets. Well, let me tell you, we didn't become one, and we're still different people and I still don't understand everything about my wife, but I do know her better now. in retrospect I see, how misplaced these ideas are, and how foolish it is to think that you will get to that point immediately overnight. 
6. You don't have sex constantly.
You don't and really, that's a good thing. You can't physically have sex all the time, and I'm pretty sure you realize that. Plus, she cannot have sex all the time either. No one could physically take that. Yet, before marriage you think, well, "we're gonna be having sex every 5 minutes on the honeymoon and it's gonna be great!" Nope. 
5. You don't want it constantly.
On top of the fact that you don't have sex all the time, you also don't want to have sex all the time. If you simply married someone because you thought it was the only way you'd get to sleep with them, than you should never have started the dating process. When you are married, if you've had a good relationship prior to marriage. You will have other things that you enjoy doing together, and you will continue to do them. I personally, don't want to have sex all the time, and my wife is fine with that. I would rather talk to her, and actively do something with her, rather than lay in bed all day having sex. If you truly love your wife, you probably won't be having sex all day. 
4. It's not about her pleasing you. 
I know that a lot of guys love their fiances and want to make them happy. However, in our culture, we have this idea that when it comes to sex, its about the girl pleasing the guy, and in marriage the wife should submit to the husband and simply let him have his way with her all the time. This also includes making her do things for you, that aren't really appropriate. You will find, if you really love your wife, like Ephesians tells you too. Sex, as well as other areas of your life will become more about you pleasing her, and making her happy. This is not just doing the dishes for her, and trying to express yourself more. This also includes in the bedroom. As her husband, it is important that you put her needs above your own. Sex isn't about you, it's about glorifying God with your body by giving it to your spouse.  
3. It's not like the movies make it seem.
Like I mentioned, our culture gives us plenty of images, videos, and movies to tell us what sex is supposed to look like or be like. I can tell you right now. If you want sex to be like a movie, then you're gonna be disappointed. It's nothing like a movie, for example, it's fun. It's smiles, and giggles. Not some steamy sex scene... and seriously, thank God it's not. Because it's so much more enjoyable when you're not trying to impress her, or show off. If you act like yourself, (the person she married you for) you will have a great time, and sex will be fun. 
2. Sex helps improve other areas of your marriage.
Believe it or not, sex does help with other areas of your marriage. For example, in my situation, it has helped me become more vocal and share what I'm thinking with my wife. It helps me understand her more, and give us a way to just be completely transparent with each other. To be frank, when you've seen someone standing in front of you completely naked, you have seen everything about them. Their beauty, their blemishes, and their whole body. You see who they really are, and if you can share that with them physically, it really helps in sharing that emotionally, and mentally.  
1. Experiencing Sex is not the pinnacle of your existence.
I hate to disappoint you, but the pinnacle of marriage is not having sex. I know a lot of guys who really want to have sex, because sex is the pinnacle of their imagination. That's really sad. The pinnacle of your existence as a husband is when a young person, or someone looks at you and says, "I want to be like you when I get married, because I saw Christ in how you treat your wife." 

Guys, even in sex, you're goal is not to finish last. It's still has Paul said, to finish the race, and get the prize, the crown of eternal life. Sex is an intimate act between and husband and a wife to take part in for the glory of God

Husbands, on a final note, love your wives as Christ loves the church and gave himself for her. (Ephesians 5) protect her, care for her, and cherish her. If you must, die for her. But before you sign out and die for her. Make sure you live every moment of your life and your existence to glorify God by the way that you love her.