What Does Unity Look Like?

Within American culture there has been a shift from what was originally the plan of America, and there have been many shifts since the original purpose of creating America. The Pilgrims came here to seek religious freedoms and the ability to worship God the way that they saw fit instead of bowing to the Church of England.
When they came, they did not come to take over the Natives world, they were happy to share the land, and resources. They were not here to cause violence against other races, they came peacefully and were willing to live alongside those who had come before them.
Jamestown VA was a different story, and that is where the story "legend" of Pocahontas came from. That was not about peace or living alongside anyone. Again many of those who came did not come with the intention of living alongside those who were here first. Those who came over to South America were not peaceful either. Pizarro is probably one of the best examples of a violent take over. captured the king demanded a huge ransom of gold and then killed the chief "king" anyway. (I believe this took place in Peru). many others marched through central America with no intent to share anything, but rather to "spread" catholic thought and claim lands for the countries that sent them.

Needless to say there have been terrible tragedies that have taken place in American history. The Trail of Tears was a terrible and cruel fate for many natives and there is no excuse that can rectify what was done. The reasons behind the enslavement of Africans and other black peoples are all twisted and completely inexcusable. The mutilation and destruction of black communities over the many decades since slavery has been "over".  Also, is completely inexcusable and looking back at the terrible mistakes, and sins that America has been guilty of, it is easy to see why, in today's America why there is no much tension between races and between different communities.

Sadly, today there is almost more division than any other time in American history, and the question must be asked, why is that. I would suggest that it is because of how young Americans have been raised. We have reached a generation that has not lived without the internet. We have a generation who doesn't have to actually search out answers to tough questions... They simply google the answer and do not take the time to ponder what the answer really means. Facts have become a matter of pragmatics, and not something that is a foundation for everything. While I believe that becoming more of a generation that sleep walks through life, I also believe that older generations lived in situation and times that required them to be awake and actively engaging their minds in a more constructive way.

The divisions that we see in our society come from a lack of thinking on our own. We rely heavily on news pages, stations, and shows to tell us what's happening and simply take whatever side of the table we normally sit on as fact instead of looking at what is  said from multiple sides and then analyzing the actual data ourselves. We listen and then assume that the source we're looking at isn't biased and has no other agenda than to give us the straight facts. But what if the sources we assume are unbiased, actually have a agenda to cause division between races, and communities? Why would anyone have that agenda you may ask. Well, I can think of a few reasons, but the main reason I want to focus on here, is that if we became united under one name "Americans" the people would become more powerful than the few who govern them, and would be able to actually have a say in what goes on at the top tiers of the country. If we could still rationally debate something, and come to an understanding as a general population, then the elite few who control much of the country would not be able to control as much in such a dominating fashion.

At this point the question must be asked though... What would being united look like anyway? I believe being united does not mean that we give up what makes us unique, or special, but rather we learn how to incorporate the uniqueness into giving the American people a new flavor or add-on. For example, hispanic people need not give up their culture of family, food, and friendliness in order to become more American, but rather, American people now have some more really cool aspects to them! We learn from the hispanic population about how to love our families more and make more interesting foods, and become kinder, and more friendly towards each, through what hispanic culture brings. Same with all other cultures. Each culture that becomes back of America does not need to boil it down in the melting pot until they match "American culture" but rather add a new flavor to the melting pot, that creates something new the America. Every culture represented in America should feel that they belong here, and have a place within the overarching culture of America... But they should still be proud (first of foremost) to be American! You can be black and proud you're American. You can be white, and proud you're American. You can be Hispanic and proud of being American. You can be Asian and proud to be American. America needs to learn to embrace each culture, and encourage pride in national culture by accepting into it, all the influences from other cultures.

Bottom line that I'm trying to get to is this. I'm proud to be an American. I was born in Colombia, and claim Colombia as my genetic ancestor. I was raised by loving caucasian parents who adopted me. I claim them as my parents proudly. I serve in the American Army and proudly represent to the world That I am an American. But at the same time, I have learned so much from my black brothers, and sisters. I have learned so much from my hispanic brothers and sisters. But all the people have meet, before I see their ethnic background or race. I see them as my brothers and sisters who are American, and who I proudly defend as a soldier of the United (UNITED) States Army. Because I am committed to and willing to learn from them about the flavor and spice they add to our culture from their perspectives and experiences. Unity is when we come together under the red, white and blue flag and work our hardest to raised up everyone equally as brothers and sisters, and stop hating on our difference but rather loving each other for our unique parts to play in our country.

This is a blog post, and an open discussion, please feel free to add your two cents, four cents whatever you want sense to this, I want to hear from ya'll.

Also its almost 1am so I've just been thinking about this a lot and wanted to share what's on my mind. :)

Yours truly,
Duckie

Do We Kneel or Do We Stand?

I have noticed that over the past few weeks there has been a huge amount of discussion that can only be considered a jumble of noise and confused remarks about why NFL players are kneeling during the National Anthem. While I don't feel that I am a subject expert of racial oppression or hatred of the US. I am an expert in patriotism and caring for our fellow men and women around us.

This whole controversy started sometime last year when Colin Kaepernick decided it would be a good idea to kneel during the National Anthem to show support for the black americans who had been "gunned down" in "cold blood" by cops around the country. His idea was that he was advocating for equality when it comes to how people are treated not only by police officers but also by the general public... or at least that is my understanding of what he thought he was doing.

Two thoughts here: 1. It's already a controversial topic about whether the cops had the right to shoot or not, but to add kneeling during arguably the most important moment of any sporting event into the mix was not the brightest idea. 2. Are black people the only race that is really unfairly shot by police? Or do police unfairly shoot all kinds of people? All these are thoughts that have gone through my head as I've tried to make sense of what is going on in our country.

Now, let me preface this by saying, I am a white male who is currently servicing his country in the military. I am required by duty and contract (if not love) to stand and salute the flag of the United States during the national anthem or any movement of the flag. I think that makes it quite clear where I stand, but I'm not finished talking yet.

I understand that there is definitely injustice that has worked its way into the law enforcement system in the country, though it is a great minority of people who are corrupted compared to what the news would have you believe. The amount of good cops out there vastly trumps the numbers of bad cops. That being said, why and what are the agendas that are really behind the news making such a big deal out of these issues of racial injustice? I haven't a clue, but I must ask, what more important issues are they covering up that we don't get any news about?

If you want me to give you a solution on how to fixed the problem of racial injustice, it doesn't start with the cops. It starts with the civilians and the general populace treating each other respectfully and with love, rather than suspicion and hatred. We as a country cannot begin to move forward until we can reconcile that we come from different backgrounds and we are still all equal when we start before God.

Why do we have to make race an issue at all? When I see my friends that are of a different race than me, I don't say "oh hey, that's my black friend Joe over here". I say," hey that's my friend Joe, we play soccer together!" you see, there are other ways of describing yourself than by your skin color or sexuality... in fact those things should not come into play at all when you are building a relationship with someone.

In the military all races are represented and all races are treated as equal. There is not a difference based on race. I have brothers to my right and to my left that are black, Asian, Mexican, and white and I would willingly lay down my life for all of them if I was called to do so. That's what it means to be an soldier, and that's what it means to be an American-- to celebrate our differences and learn from each other, while cultivating rich relationships with each other.

As for the flag, I have watched too many soldiers return home under a flag to ever be able to kneel while the National Anthem is played. It doesn't matter what you think you are protesting... if you kneel during the National Anthem you spit upon the graves of known and unknown soldiers who have perished to give us the amount of freedoms we have today. By kneeling you distract from the soldiers of the past who gave everything and insult the soldiers who are currently protecting you.

The flag does not represent the injustices in the country, it represents the ideology that this country was founded upon. Loyalty, Duty, Responsibility, Selflessness, Honor, Integrity, and Personal Courage. It represents what we as a country strive to be, not what we currently are.

So in short, don't mock the flag because you think it's at fault or the ideals of this country... because they're not. It's us, the people who must make a change  for love and courage rather than hatred and fear. Also, if you want to make a difference then actually find a way to make a difference instead of just changing your facebook pictures or kneeling. Go out there and get your hands dirty trying to bring a better tomorrow into existence.

Why Millennials Won't Come Back to Church (Part 2)

Last Week I wrote a blog addressing the issue the Church is having in retaining Millennials. I realize that my last blog was heavily focused on the Church and how it has misjudged and also ostracized Millennials. The issue is not a one sided issue however, and this week I want to address the Millennials. Millennials are not without fault here, because they do have a responsibility to the church that they attend. Again, similarly to what I said in the last blog, I am not trying to come across as harsh, rude, or arrogant. If I come across that way I apologize and take my words with a grain of salt.


The Millennials and Generation Z

The first question that we need to ask is who exactly are they? According to the general consensus millennials are those who were born between the 80s to the early 90s (1992) Generation Z is what follows that, so anyone born from '93 to 2010. It is a stereotype of these generations that they are more obnoxious than previous generations. We are often viewed as self-absorbed, Self-entitled, disrespectful, and extremely egotistical. Sadly, this does describe some of us quite well. But as any stereotype, it does not fit everyone in the group. There are many who are respectful hard-working and teachable, but overall, we as a generation are one of the most unteachable generations to walk this planet. The reason for this is, not our parents faults, it is not the cultures fault, it is a sin problem that is being more and more glorified by our culture today.

When the Gospel was still acceptable to be proclaimed at school, when the Bible and this country was still considered "Under God", sin in society was somewhat curtailed. However, when the Bible was taken out of schools, we saw a decline in our society. Sin became mainstream, and acceptable. The family unit began to dissolve, and as a consequence of that, parenting became less and less involved until parents often fear to offend their children, and would rather be friends when their children than parent them. This is NOT true of EVERY SINGLE family unit in America, but in a largely secularized world it is sadly more of the norm than we would like to admit. Since there is now a lack of parenting at large, the culture, and those celebrities and artists who support a more deviant or daredevil lifestyle have no one to check them or slow down their rampage. Thus, our culture has declined, and with it the family is slowly, but ever increasingly being destroyed.

Now, the way this affects us Millennials and Generation Z kids, is with a more chillax (90s word) style of parenting, comes a lack of respect and a lack of punishment for being disrespectful. Being unteachable is a trait that is praised now rather than a trait to be looked down upon. All parents wish their children were respectful, but many do not go to the trouble to see to that their children learn how to be respectful. This trend in the secularized United States, has even begun to spill over into conservative Christian circles. Not necessarily because parents aren't parenting but because so many parents find that no amount of correction or admonishment will drown out the destructive voices in music, movies, and popular culture. This has huge and devastating role in why Millennials don't settle down at one church very long, and why they tend to want to be entertained by church instead of taught... Because the culture has taught them, that you need to be entertained 24/7 and never listen to anyone older than yourself.

What do they know?

However, after that long tirade about the decline of Millennials and Gen Z-ers, I want to point out some good things, and good traits that they have. Many of them are still driven to succeed, even if they haven't the slightest idea how to be successful (since they don't want to be taught!) Many of them are passionate, even if it is misguided passion. Many desire to do the right thing, but are scared to death of what the people around would think of them if they actually tried to be different than the culture around them. Many of them are not stupid, many have enormous amounts of potential inside them, even if they don't believe that. When dealing with us, it is a guarantee that anyone older than us, will need patience, because we're just hard to deal with. (for the most part)


Every generation has seemed less impressive than the one before them, and that's not surprising. Every generation is further away from the Garden of Eden, and the culture will regress until Christ returns and cleanses creation through fire. However, that does not mean we should look down on the next generation, rather we should reach down to them and try to help them rise up to be better than we were. Even if they haven't reached that point yet. Never give up on someone, because rejection like that hurts and will cause damage.

All this to say.... Millennials have to learn... We have to learn...

Yes, I said it, WE Millennials and Gen Z-ers have to be willing to learn and be teachable. We are internet gurus according to older generations. Sometimes we assume because we can access the internet we have all the answers and older people don't have anything to offer... Well, I can tell you, we don't have all the answers and it would do us good to listen to those older than us.


Now, having said that... how does all this apply to the situation within the church? While the church has not been perfect in its reception of Millennials, Millennials haven't exactly done their part in working to resolve the conflict. I know that in my years of going through different churches and experiencing different "denominational differences" I had choices to make in regards to what I put up with and what I didn't because no place will be perfect because it is made up of sinners like me. There are four major reasons to consider switching churches, and equally big reasons that people leave churches that are not legitimate reasons to do so.


1. Doctrinal Beliefs differ. The first reason is your convictions and beliefs differ largely from the church that you are attending. If you are a Catholic, you won't agree with a Baptist on major doctrines so you won't go to the same church. That's very obvious, but still needs to be stated.


2. Doctrinal Beliefs differ. The second reason for leaving a church, you have a different stance within a denomination, maybe the church leans toward reformed theology and eschatology, while you lean dispensational. That would cause major conflict between you and that church. That would be a reason to leave, because it is a conscience issue and that changes how you interpret the Gospels as well as the Great Commission.


3. Doctrinal Beliefs differ. The third reason is because your secondary, and less important doctrines differ. Now in my eyes, I would not necessarily leave a church for this reason, because I know that on all the major doctrines we agree and can get along.


4. Major preferences differ. If you have grown up in a independent fundamental church that only uses hymns and spiritual songs, and say, you visit a church that has a full band, this would potentially make you uncomfortable enough that you do not join that church and so move on. That is also a perfectly understandable reason for leaving a church. (However, it would make zero sense why you would join a church you're not comfortable with in the first place.)


These are really the only reasons that you have for leaving a church that are legitimate. However, specifically with millennials, we leave churches for many other reasons that are not legitimate. This is because our culture has taught, and enforced in us the idea that we must be entertained by whatever we are doing. If a professor is not interesting... Why are you taking that class? If that church band isn't cool enough, then you need to leave that church. If the pastor isn't cool enough or teaching things that tickle your ears, you should leave the church, because you are bored.... WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT CHILD?? Yes, I am right in calling you a child because you have not grown enough to be an adult if that's how you view the church and God. If you believe God is here for you, and He is calling you to church to entertain you. You might as well spit in His face and tell Him you don't need His salvation because you're not entertained by it.


I will leave that point where it is, because I do not want to get carried away with a rebuke. I want to encourage you. Be different from your generation, be a thinker, move beyond what stimulates your feelings. Stimulate your mind! Learn to learn, and let someone teach you how to be teachable. Let others wake you from the slumber of social media. Get off the computer, get off the games, and question the things that you see, the things you hear, have a discussion with someone who has seen more of life... I promise you, when you open your heart and your mind to learn from the previous generation you will reap so many benefits from it, that you won't believe that you ever "lived" on snapchat. Mind you, I'm talking to myself here too. I need to become more teachable and I have much to learn, but please... please join me to discover everything that this world (physical and metaphysical) has to offer... and let us learn from the people who have gone before us. I beg you, and... hey, the church is a great place to start, because if the church is doing it's job then they will be the most forgiving of the mistakes that you have made... Don't grow bitter, grow stronger, grow your mind, and grow into the man or women that God has destined you to become.


With Love,

Duckie

Why Millennials Will Not Return to the Church

Introduction

This is more of a clarifying statement than an introduction. I am not trying to tear down any specific church, I am not trying to offend any church leaders or pastors. If I do end up offending someone, I apologize in advance, and I hope you learn to take things with a grain of salt. Otherwise, please listen, and evaluate what I am saying at your own discretion. 

The Problem: Why Can't We Retain Young People (Millennials)?

It has been a not-so-secret problem among more conservative churches that they struggle retaining younger people. They also struggle retaining second generation Christians who have grown up in the Church. I don't think this is surprising, and it's almost to be expected in my opinion. But, I understand that this is a problem. Millennials don't stick around that much after they graduate. In my particular current situation, we have a high school attached to the church, and we struggle to retain students after they graduate. Again, this is an overarching issue among more conservative churches in general. I'm not singling out any one church, or any one denomination either. 

The Doctrine of Preference

Part of the problem is definitely the denominational preferences that are chosen and followed by the more conservative churches. The problem is because Millennials don't relate to it, that does not mean that the preferences are wrong, or that millennials are wrong, it means that Millennials and churches need to have a mutual understanding of where the other parties thinking is.

The Entertainment

A small part of the problem is definitely due to the fact that our culture pushes for us to always be entertained. Christianity, and the church is NOT a means of entertainment. It was never meant to be, and it never should be viewed as such. Millennials need to fight the urge that pushes to be entertained and trade it in for the desire to become wise and more knowledgeable. We are in desperate need for godly, intelligent leaders. 

What is the Gospel?

Let's take a step back and just review what the Gospel is and how it works. How it saves, and how we are sanctified. First of all, the Gospel can be summed up in four statements. 1. God is holy and requires those who stand in his presence to be holy. 2. Man is sinful, and has no means to change his path to hell. 3. Jesus' death and resurrection has ensured that those who believe in Jesus will be saved and pardoned by God because of their faith in Jesus Christ. 4. We as man must accept Christ's sacrifice, and his lordship in our lives. (We're not getting into a Calvinist/Arminian debate about my wording). That is the most basic way to view the Gospel from my understanding. From our perspective, every man, woman, and child has an opportunity to be saved, and needs to be evangelized or told of the good news that they can be saved. It is important that we keep this in mind when we interact with people. (Whether they are saved or not) 

Its Message Has Not Changed

There have been many people who have brought the Gospel to different people. They have brought the Gospel to Jews, Gentiles, Rich, Poor, Old, and Young. Everyone that was ever saved, was somehow told the Gospel, and believed it. The Gospel has not changed, and it will not change, it is always reliant on Christ. 

Its Relevance Has Not Changed

Just because we live in a physical world does not mean, that we are not spiritual beings. Our culture would like to deny our spiritual state, and only focus on our physical desires. However, whatever our culture wants has no bearing on what God has ordained or decided. WE ARE Spiritual beings, and WE ARE in danger of damnation. I don't care what you think, how you think it, or if you identify as a pineapple. If you are human, you are in serious, very real, danger of trying to face down a HOLY God's wrath on your own, unless you run to Jesus Christ. 

Its Method of Communication HAS Changed

This is where I think I may step on some toes. So over the centuries of Christianity, the methods of communication have changed, and desperately, the church needs to stay in touch with how we as humans are CURRENTLY communicating with each other. It's important. There are those in the church who believe that talking to people face to face is the most effective method of communication, maybe they are right, but if no one is communicating that way anymore... exactly how effective will that be? Not very effectively because you'll never talk to anyone. Understand the current trends, and understand how they effectively communication.  Millennials are pros at communicating, but not in the same way that older generations have been. They share their lives, and their beliefs, in very different ways than any other generation, and that needs to be understood and recognized. 

Why Do They Feel Unwelcome?

One of the problems that Churches face with Millennials is because many young people feel very unwelcome, and very judged by those who have been in the church for many years. Why is this the case? And exactly how do you plan on reaching future generations if the older generations do nothing but cast judgment  on the new generations? How can you disciple young people into maturity if they only feel judged, rather than feeling loved? There is a misunderstanding that will take place.  So I will clarify what I mean. There is a difference between rebuking people, and correcting people in love. You will never bring anyone to Christ through disdain, scorn, or rejection. You need to love the young people, and you need learn how to love them, so that they understand that you are loving them. If you're method of showing love is not being understood or not being received, find a new way to display love. You are not to sacrifice doctrine, or the message of the Gospel to show love, but you will show love through a real understanding of what the Gospel means. 

The Church has become the judge

I am the first to admit that I am young, and I do not have the wisdom of older people. But please, inform me how you expect me to become wise if you do nothing but judge me for who I am, or what I stand for? Exactly how am I to mature if you won't even REMOTELY listen to where I have come from or what I believe right now? Please, Give us a chance before you crucify us young people. A lot of times, we're just misinformed, not with malicious intent. 

The Church views them as a joke

As a young person myself, I have the wonderful experience of being taken lightly, and taken as a joke because  few people believe that I actually want to achieve something in my life. I do not say this because I'm salty at you or mad at you, I'm trying to explain how many millennials feel that have good intentions or dreams, and older generations take them as a joke. If you want Millennials to feel welcome around you, support their dreams, and gently steer their dreams towards a Christ-glorifying end. PLEASE.

Conclusion: Listen More Criticize Less

If you want to succeed in your mission to reach the next generation, you need to listen to them. You have no obligation to obey them, but if you listen to them, I can almost guarantee that you will get to have a chance to share your story, and your love for Christ with them... But that only comes if you listen to them, and they feel valued by you. Stay away from judging, stay away from anything that could possibly be God's responsibility. Discernment is not judgement, but there is a fine line between then, and it is important that you find it for yourself. Let compassion be your guide, and let love be in your heart whenever you interact with another human being. They were also created in God's image and if you are a Christian and they are not... You are no better than them. If anything you should understand that more than they should. Listen First, Love Second, and Correct third. Always in that order.

With Love and concern, 

              <3

                    Duckie

PS:  I will be writing a second post in relationship to this. Look for it next week. "Why Millennials Don't Stay in Church"

7 Habits to Cultivate into Your Life Before College

CONGRATS! YOU MADE IT! You finished high school and in the fall you start college!  Some people are super excited to be getting out of the house for the first time, while others fear being away from their parents. Feeling either way is just fine. It's a part of growing up.

Your college experience hinges heavily on you. The things that you choose to get involved in, the classes you take, the major you select, the people you choose to surround yourself with. All of these things hinge on you. Will you enjoy it? depends on you. 

                 but... 

                        no pressure. :P

Having recently graduated college and started Grad studies, I look back at my college experience and I honestly wish people had warned me of certain things. Of course my parents told me to manage my time wisely, but to a senior in high school what in the world does that even mean? I was told to be responsible and do the right things, but while I knew what that looked like in theory... what does that mean in real life? 

    Ugh.... so many questions.... what do I do?!?!  

Well... Here's a list of seven habits you should start incorporating into your lives before you go to college. 

1. Time Management

HA! got you. just kidding. Well, lets start with a question. What is time management and what does it look like? when you go to school you will have classes you must keep track of, and meetings to schedule with advisors, study sessions with friends. All of these things will need to be scheduled. I would advise that you start living on a schedule before you leave. Regardless of your class schedule you should create habits that you can keep throughout your college career. For example, 7:00am Wake up 7:30 breakfast, 8:00 reading (class) etc etc. start living in a structured way so that you will succeed and start building a healthy habit of being organized. It might not be fun to be living on a schedule but it is infinitely more frustrating missing assignments and meetings because you can't keep track of things in a professional manner.

2. Reading for enjoyment

Yup. You read that right. Learn to enjoy reading, because you will have to read stuff in college that is not only dull, but duller than that. No one ever read a math textbook for enjoyment... (some might have, but they are a special breed of person!) If you start getting in the habit of reading intellectually challenging books, you will find reading your textbooks much easier, and more tolerable if you start reading over the summer. Reading is a blessing for the rest of your life, and you should never stop learning.

3. Exercise

This one is important because it is very easy to become a potato wandering around campus. If you don't plan ahead (time management) you will struggle to find time for exercise, but if you are exercising you will think clearer, and have a much more enjoyable time. My freshman year of college I gained 50 pounds, and that wasn't enjoyable at all. 

4. Meaningful friendships

It has been said that you are the sum of your five closest friends. That is most definitely true. Surround yourself with people who want to grow, and want to change the world. befriend those who challenge conventional thinking, and desire to think critically about issues that the world is facing. Befriend the dreamers, and leaders. Don't waste your years of college with those who are happy with being average. You have a greater purpose in you, than average. 

5. Listening

This is one, that I did not take advantage of in my first few years of college. When you are on campus you have access (if it is a small school) to extremely knowledgable professors and teachers. Shut up. Listen to what they have to say, and treasure the moments you have sitting in their offices listening to their wisdom. you don't know half of what you think you know. Be teachable, and let others invest in you.

6. Sleeping

call me boring, but it is true. You need sleep. it is super critical that you don't spend your nights up until three in the morning randomly doing nothing. Literally nothing good happens after midnight on a college campus. be smart, and discipline yourself to sleep as you would if you had to go to work to next day at 7am. being a student is your job for the next few years, so treat it as such. Sleep is extremely important for your overall well being and mental functioning.

7. Living For Christ

Of all the things on this list this is by far the most important aspect of life after high school. Whether you go to a secular college or christian college, you will be surrounded by people who do not want to put Christ first in their lives. You will be in the minority. Do not cave to peer pressure, pursue Christ in all things. In the habits you form, place Christ at the forefront of your thoughts. Be disciplined with your time, So that Christ is always put first. That does not mean skip class to pray in your closet, but it does mean, getting up early enough to spend time with Christ and his Word, before you go to class. Do all things to the glory of God. He created you, and He desires the best for you! So give Him your best and do your best in appreciation for all He has done for you! 

7 Things All Single Guys Need to Learn Before They Get Married

Before you jump to any hasty conclusions, I know that not every guy out there wants to get married, and not every guy out there is ignorant of these qualities. However, I do know, after being married for only a few weeks, there are definitely some characteristics or attributes that I wish I had worked harder on before getting married to Lydia. These are characteristics, that will not only help you in relationships, but will help you in every area of your life. They may be restatements of what you already know, but they are important and I personally feel they are essential to keeping my marriage with Lydia a success. 

7. Listening

This is one thing that we guys are not extremely good at. We may think that we are good listeners, but most likely we're thinking about something else. Something like... "what for dinner? I'm starving."  I can't stress this enough. You have to be able to listen to your wife, because she needs that. She needs your attention, and to know that you really hear every word she says. It makes her feel appreciated. Some girls are also poor listeners so it goes for girls as well; listen to your husband when he speaks. 

6. Commitment

Now, when I say commitment I'm not really not about the obvious. You should know better than to cheat on your wife. The saddest way to destroy a marriage is by cheating on your wife, or her cheating on you with another man physically. However, commitment does not just stop at adultery. As Jesus said, if a man looks at a women lustfully he has committed adultery already in his heart (Matt 5:28). As a husband you and I must have eyes for only our wives. We cannot let our eyes stray to who ever happens down the street. It has been said by many daughters that seeing their father check out other women hurt them as well. You never know how many people you can hurt by not staying faithful and committed to your spouse.  

5. Selflessness (aka. Sacrifice)

This is a big one. This is also something that I struggle with daily. Every single day, there will be something that happens during the course of the day where Lydia will ask me to do something that I don't want to do, simply because I'm busy looking at youtube. pathetic, and selfish of me, and I don't want to be like that, but it is still a struggle. Ephesians chapter 5 is the guide to how husbands should treat their wives.  Paul says, that we are too love our wives, "as Christ loves the church, and gave himself for her"    so he could present her as a spotless and unblemished bride before his Father and ours. This means, we give of ourselves to help her become the women in Christ that God has planned for her to be. In this process, we as well, will become the men of God that He has created us to be. One thing that helps me, when I feel selfish and want to do my thing, and not be sacrificial towards her. I remind myself to pray for her and my sanctification. If her spiritual condition is concern for you, then it will become much easier for you to sacrifice and be selfless towards her. 

4. Compassion

This is probably one of the only things I feel I have a some what decent handle of. I know that compassion is one of my spiritual gifts, and I'm thankful to God for giving it to me, because it really helps in our relationship, if I can be compassionate towards her. She is human and so am I, we make mistakes and we do stupid stuff, but compassion makes these mistakes easier to deal with, and forgiveness comes easier. 

3. Communication
I cannot stress how important communication is in a relationship. Especially since most guys are terrible at communicating how they feel and what they really think about something. Girls and guys communicate differently, but that doesn't mean it's not important. If you can't communicate your relationship will most likely fall apart. Girls thrive on communication, by communication I don't mean gossip, I mean genuinely communicating your feelings and dreams to her. 

2. Discipline 
I am not an organized person at all. Is that a bad thing? I think it's not a good thing. I need to learn to be more disciplined in how I spend my time, and how I spend our money. I've learned that in the past three weeks of marriage, and I can only assume it'll become more important over the course of our marriage. I'm currently in my last semester of school and that is something else I need to be disciplined in. Discipline isn't a easy thing to learn, but it is something that is necessary. to be a leader one needs to be in order and have a disciplined lifestyle. 

1. Leadership
As a husband you must learn to lead. However, by lead I do not mean, as a dictator. Your wife needs godly leadership that takes leadership seriously, but does so with a smile. Given, before you are married you can't really have the same leadership responsibilities that you have once you are married, but you can still look for ways to be a leader, and a godly one at that. 


Given, there are guys who have these qualities mastered before they get married, but I personally didn't have them anywhere near what they should be, and that's why I'm writing this. I hope that this encourages and inspires those of you who are getting married, or are looking to be married at some point. 

Compassion isn't Easy, Hatred isn't Hard

So we're coming to the end of 2014, and there are some things that stand out. First of all, I'm getting married this year and I 'm excited!
Second, Michael Brown was shot and killed, Eric Garner was choked to death, and Two Police officers were gunned down in cold blood as "justice". There have been much heated debates and raging arguments over these events. There has been even more senseless stupidity and hatred than normal, but that's not why I'm writing this. I'm writing this because, even though I didn't know any of them personally, I hurt. I'm broken, and I hurt for them all.

Michael Brown made some bad choices in life, but I'm sure that there were times when he did make the right decisions, I'm sure there were moments when he was kind, and nice to people. Eric Garner, didn't need to die, and there was no reason for that whole situation to begin with. The two cops who got killed for revenge of Brown and Garner, definitely were a huge loss to their communities. I'm not saying that Brown and Garner weren't huge losses either, but their situation was a little bit different. They died after some struggle. However, I'm not here to argue about who was innocent and who wasn't that's not my intention, and I don't have a degree in law so I'll let that be. My reason for writing, is this. All of us who have been watching the news, and posting about it on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram have opinions and everyone has a right to their opinions. However, I don't care whether you are black, white, purple, or green. You are a human, and you have  a choice of whether you decide to hate or show compassion.

If you choose to hate the officers who killed Brown or Garner. You'll waste your energy in hate when you could've been forgiving. If you choose to hate Brown and Garner and champion the cry, "They got what they deserved!"  You also, are wasting your energies. See, hating people never got us anywhere. Hate never fixed anything. Hate is evil and hating each other is a sin. Regardless of the religion you adhere to, or if you are an atheist. You most likely believe that Hate is a negative emotion or energy. Why would you ever choose to surround yourself with negative energy? Is it really worth it?
Don't get me wrong. I understand that hatred looks like the easy way out, and like it will reap the most rewards, but it's a lie. It's not true, you'll go to the grave hating and poisoning yourself. That would be a shame wouldn't it?

The opposite response from hating everyone involved would be compassion. Now, let me caution you, compassion isn't easy, and it's very hard to forgive. But I can tell you it is far more rewarding. I look around at the world today, and hate as engulfed it. Satan has done quite well in blinding and confusing the world into believing that sin and hatred will make a better world. My plea is that you would decide to forgive and move on.

Don't get me wrong, I've had my share of wrong attitudes and wrong responses to everything from Ferguson to NYC and every time I want to curse those involved, I fight it, and I try to stop hating and forgive. I have no reason to lie, I've cried over these lost lives and the lives ruined through these events. I don't know them but I hurt for them, and hurting can turn towards bitterness if you don't admit that you are hurting, but please, please don't go on that road. Admit that you are hurting, and need healing, and work towards compassion and forgiving.

It's almost Christmas, give yourself a gift, and let yourself heal from this year. I know, that I personally couldn't possibly heal from all the hardships and pain I've had in life without the help of my Savior and Lord Jesus Christ. He has given me the faith and grace to help me through the hard times, and I know he is willing and there to help you. No matter what "race" or ethnicity you are. He will and wants to bring comfort to you.

Remember Compassion isn't easy, but it bring healing. Hatred isn't hard, but all it does is poison your soul. refocus on Christ this Christmas and find hope. There's no need to carry around the burdens of sadness on your own.