Do We Kneel or Do We Stand?

I have noticed that over the past few weeks there has been a huge amount of discussion that can only be considered a jumble of noise and confused remarks about why NFL players are kneeling during the National Anthem. While I don't feel that I am a subject expert of racial oppression or hatred of the US. I am an expert in patriotism and caring for our fellow men and women around us.

This whole controversy started sometime last year when Colin Kaepernick decided it would be a good idea to kneel during the National Anthem to show support for the black americans who had been "gunned down" in "cold blood" by cops around the country. His idea was that he was advocating for equality when it comes to how people are treated not only by police officers but also by the general public... or at least that is my understanding of what he thought he was doing.

Two thoughts here: 1. It's already a controversial topic about whether the cops had the right to shoot or not, but to add kneeling during arguably the most important moment of any sporting event into the mix was not the brightest idea. 2. Are black people the only race that is really unfairly shot by police? Or do police unfairly shoot all kinds of people? All these are thoughts that have gone through my head as I've tried to make sense of what is going on in our country.

Now, let me preface this by saying, I am a white male who is currently servicing his country in the military. I am required by duty and contract (if not love) to stand and salute the flag of the United States during the national anthem or any movement of the flag. I think that makes it quite clear where I stand, but I'm not finished talking yet.

I understand that there is definitely injustice that has worked its way into the law enforcement system in the country, though it is a great minority of people who are corrupted compared to what the news would have you believe. The amount of good cops out there vastly trumps the numbers of bad cops. That being said, why and what are the agendas that are really behind the news making such a big deal out of these issues of racial injustice? I haven't a clue, but I must ask, what more important issues are they covering up that we don't get any news about?

If you want me to give you a solution on how to fixed the problem of racial injustice, it doesn't start with the cops. It starts with the civilians and the general populace treating each other respectfully and with love, rather than suspicion and hatred. We as a country cannot begin to move forward until we can reconcile that we come from different backgrounds and we are still all equal when we start before God.

Why do we have to make race an issue at all? When I see my friends that are of a different race than me, I don't say "oh hey, that's my black friend Joe over here". I say," hey that's my friend Joe, we play soccer together!" you see, there are other ways of describing yourself than by your skin color or sexuality... in fact those things should not come into play at all when you are building a relationship with someone.

In the military all races are represented and all races are treated as equal. There is not a difference based on race. I have brothers to my right and to my left that are black, Asian, Mexican, and white and I would willingly lay down my life for all of them if I was called to do so. That's what it means to be an soldier, and that's what it means to be an American-- to celebrate our differences and learn from each other, while cultivating rich relationships with each other.

As for the flag, I have watched too many soldiers return home under a flag to ever be able to kneel while the National Anthem is played. It doesn't matter what you think you are protesting... if you kneel during the National Anthem you spit upon the graves of known and unknown soldiers who have perished to give us the amount of freedoms we have today. By kneeling you distract from the soldiers of the past who gave everything and insult the soldiers who are currently protecting you.

The flag does not represent the injustices in the country, it represents the ideology that this country was founded upon. Loyalty, Duty, Responsibility, Selflessness, Honor, Integrity, and Personal Courage. It represents what we as a country strive to be, not what we currently are.

So in short, don't mock the flag because you think it's at fault or the ideals of this country... because they're not. It's us, the people who must make a change  for love and courage rather than hatred and fear. Also, if you want to make a difference then actually find a way to make a difference instead of just changing your facebook pictures or kneeling. Go out there and get your hands dirty trying to bring a better tomorrow into existence.

Why Millennials Will Not Return to the Church

Introduction

This is more of a clarifying statement than an introduction. I am not trying to tear down any specific church, I am not trying to offend any church leaders or pastors. If I do end up offending someone, I apologize in advance, and I hope you learn to take things with a grain of salt. Otherwise, please listen, and evaluate what I am saying at your own discretion. 

The Problem: Why Can't We Retain Young People (Millennials)?

It has been a not-so-secret problem among more conservative churches that they struggle retaining younger people. They also struggle retaining second generation Christians who have grown up in the Church. I don't think this is surprising, and it's almost to be expected in my opinion. But, I understand that this is a problem. Millennials don't stick around that much after they graduate. In my particular current situation, we have a high school attached to the church, and we struggle to retain students after they graduate. Again, this is an overarching issue among more conservative churches in general. I'm not singling out any one church, or any one denomination either. 

The Doctrine of Preference

Part of the problem is definitely the denominational preferences that are chosen and followed by the more conservative churches. The problem is because Millennials don't relate to it, that does not mean that the preferences are wrong, or that millennials are wrong, it means that Millennials and churches need to have a mutual understanding of where the other parties thinking is.

The Entertainment

A small part of the problem is definitely due to the fact that our culture pushes for us to always be entertained. Christianity, and the church is NOT a means of entertainment. It was never meant to be, and it never should be viewed as such. Millennials need to fight the urge that pushes to be entertained and trade it in for the desire to become wise and more knowledgeable. We are in desperate need for godly, intelligent leaders. 

What is the Gospel?

Let's take a step back and just review what the Gospel is and how it works. How it saves, and how we are sanctified. First of all, the Gospel can be summed up in four statements. 1. God is holy and requires those who stand in his presence to be holy. 2. Man is sinful, and has no means to change his path to hell. 3. Jesus' death and resurrection has ensured that those who believe in Jesus will be saved and pardoned by God because of their faith in Jesus Christ. 4. We as man must accept Christ's sacrifice, and his lordship in our lives. (We're not getting into a Calvinist/Arminian debate about my wording). That is the most basic way to view the Gospel from my understanding. From our perspective, every man, woman, and child has an opportunity to be saved, and needs to be evangelized or told of the good news that they can be saved. It is important that we keep this in mind when we interact with people. (Whether they are saved or not) 

Its Message Has Not Changed

There have been many people who have brought the Gospel to different people. They have brought the Gospel to Jews, Gentiles, Rich, Poor, Old, and Young. Everyone that was ever saved, was somehow told the Gospel, and believed it. The Gospel has not changed, and it will not change, it is always reliant on Christ. 

Its Relevance Has Not Changed

Just because we live in a physical world does not mean, that we are not spiritual beings. Our culture would like to deny our spiritual state, and only focus on our physical desires. However, whatever our culture wants has no bearing on what God has ordained or decided. WE ARE Spiritual beings, and WE ARE in danger of damnation. I don't care what you think, how you think it, or if you identify as a pineapple. If you are human, you are in serious, very real, danger of trying to face down a HOLY God's wrath on your own, unless you run to Jesus Christ. 

Its Method of Communication HAS Changed

This is where I think I may step on some toes. So over the centuries of Christianity, the methods of communication have changed, and desperately, the church needs to stay in touch with how we as humans are CURRENTLY communicating with each other. It's important. There are those in the church who believe that talking to people face to face is the most effective method of communication, maybe they are right, but if no one is communicating that way anymore... exactly how effective will that be? Not very effectively because you'll never talk to anyone. Understand the current trends, and understand how they effectively communication.  Millennials are pros at communicating, but not in the same way that older generations have been. They share their lives, and their beliefs, in very different ways than any other generation, and that needs to be understood and recognized. 

Why Do They Feel Unwelcome?

One of the problems that Churches face with Millennials is because many young people feel very unwelcome, and very judged by those who have been in the church for many years. Why is this the case? And exactly how do you plan on reaching future generations if the older generations do nothing but cast judgment  on the new generations? How can you disciple young people into maturity if they only feel judged, rather than feeling loved? There is a misunderstanding that will take place.  So I will clarify what I mean. There is a difference between rebuking people, and correcting people in love. You will never bring anyone to Christ through disdain, scorn, or rejection. You need to love the young people, and you need learn how to love them, so that they understand that you are loving them. If you're method of showing love is not being understood or not being received, find a new way to display love. You are not to sacrifice doctrine, or the message of the Gospel to show love, but you will show love through a real understanding of what the Gospel means. 

The Church has become the judge

I am the first to admit that I am young, and I do not have the wisdom of older people. But please, inform me how you expect me to become wise if you do nothing but judge me for who I am, or what I stand for? Exactly how am I to mature if you won't even REMOTELY listen to where I have come from or what I believe right now? Please, Give us a chance before you crucify us young people. A lot of times, we're just misinformed, not with malicious intent. 

The Church views them as a joke

As a young person myself, I have the wonderful experience of being taken lightly, and taken as a joke because  few people believe that I actually want to achieve something in my life. I do not say this because I'm salty at you or mad at you, I'm trying to explain how many millennials feel that have good intentions or dreams, and older generations take them as a joke. If you want Millennials to feel welcome around you, support their dreams, and gently steer their dreams towards a Christ-glorifying end. PLEASE.

Conclusion: Listen More Criticize Less

If you want to succeed in your mission to reach the next generation, you need to listen to them. You have no obligation to obey them, but if you listen to them, I can almost guarantee that you will get to have a chance to share your story, and your love for Christ with them... But that only comes if you listen to them, and they feel valued by you. Stay away from judging, stay away from anything that could possibly be God's responsibility. Discernment is not judgement, but there is a fine line between then, and it is important that you find it for yourself. Let compassion be your guide, and let love be in your heart whenever you interact with another human being. They were also created in God's image and if you are a Christian and they are not... You are no better than them. If anything you should understand that more than they should. Listen First, Love Second, and Correct third. Always in that order.

With Love and concern, 

              <3

                    Duckie

PS:  I will be writing a second post in relationship to this. Look for it next week. "Why Millennials Don't Stay in Church"

The Definitions of Worldview vs Mindset (Part 2)

In the last blog post, I talked about what Worldview is. I also explained why it is very important to have a consistent worldview across all areas of life. If your worldview cannot accommodate everything, then you can either rethink your entire existence, or you can assimilate new things into your current worldview, and modify those things that are necessary to change.

The second portion of this series is going to be focusing on Mindset. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines Mindset as; A particular way of thinking; a person's attitude or set of opinions on something. Now going from this definition of what a mindset is, we can probably envision what that might look like. A lot people probably associate mindset with motivational pictures, and posts, and pump you up memes.  While this is a good physical representation of a positive mindset, there is a whole lot more that goes into creating a mindset than just looking at positive things.

There are really two types of mindsets that you can accept/achieve. The first is a negative mindset, and the second is a positive mindset... Crazy right? Now, for me a positive mindset is a creative mindset, and always asks how can I? Everyone's mindset with be slightly different than anyone else's mindset, but you can still tell if it is a positive or negative mindset. A positive mindset will continue to grow, and develop, whereas a negative one will remain small, and the same. A positive mindset will strive to learn, and understanding continually more about the world around you, while a negative one will be closed to anything new, and stay ignorant of reality. some people think if abstract ideas, and jumbled thoughts that are smooth and easily understood by themselves, while others have very organized thoughts, and can simply and quickly solve problems, both are fine, and neither one or the other are wrong. My point in say that is everyone's mindset is going to vary, and just because your mindset doesn't match someone else's doesn't mean yours is inferior, or that theirs is.

7 Encouraging Thoughts for the Conservative Church

First of all, I have nothing against the Independent Fundamental Churches, I have nothing against Southern Baptist Churches, and I have nothing against Non-Denominational churches. As long as you preach the true Gospel, and disciple those in the congregation with truth and love, I am willing to support and encourage you. However, I do believe there are some areas that these churches could definitely work on. I do not claim to be an authority on the church or how to lead a church. I am only a seminary student who has observed a few things. I am willing to be rebuked and take my words back if I have offended or compromised the Gospel.  Here is a list of seven things I believe conservative Churches need to be encouraged in.


1. Encourage Congregations to Actively Pursue Community
From personal experience I have found it very hard to have active relationships within a church. Given, I do not expect families to bend over backwards to hangout with other families, but it would be nice to see. There are many churches who primarily focus on community and do a whole number of activities and they build strong friendships, and have wonderful times together. However, I have found in these settings certain theological depth can be lost, and growth is stunted when the social is overemphasized. However, this does not excuse more doctrinally sound churches from their lack of apparent community. I believe from the Acts 4:23 church we see a very strong emphasis on community and doctrine. There is definitely a balance, but encourage congregations to be more active in pursuing these wonderful blessings known as friendships with fellow believers.

2. Encourage Congregations to Strive For Excellence in All Things
I know that this can be a very touchy subject in many circles, and yes, I admit it is a touchy subject to me as well. If you YouTube "Terrible Singing" you are bound to come across an offertory gone horribly wrong. Why? Because we sometimes let people stand up and sing or do something that they have been actually been gifted in. Example, I would prefer to never stand up and sing an offertory because I know there are people who can sing much better than I, at the current church I attend. I do not wish to compromise the music by not achieving excellence. Those who have been gifted with teaching let them teach, (As long as they have sound doctrine, and have been decently trained in the faith!) Those who are artists let them paint, and display their works of God's beauty in a specific place or avenue. Those who can listen and empathize, let them do so, and encourage those who need someone to talk to. As Paul would say, each part of the body has a place, but there is no reason for a hand to try to be an ear.

3. Encourage Congregations to Memorize Scripture
I cannot stress enough the importance of memorizing Scripture and being completely saturated with knowledge of the Bible. The beginning of knowledge is the fear of the Lord, and it God is your basis, knowing more of the Bible will only increase your growth. Many conservative churches do very well with memorizing Scripture so I heartily applaud you for that!

4. Encourage Critical Thinking And Healthy Questioning
This can be a scary one, because sometimes we might not know the answers. That doesn't mean you don't question things anyway. Everyone has been a teenager (or will be one!) Teens question things! It is super important that we do not smother their search for answers and truth, but rather encourage them in their pursuit of what is truth. Even as adults we have questions, and we desire answers. What is the true meaning of God's will? How does Christ's deity and humanity work together? What is the role of spiritual gifts? All these are good questions, and need to be asked, thought through, and resolved. Encourage congregations to be intellectually strong.

5. Encourage Disciplined Lifestyle
There is so much apathy in 1st world countries (specifically talking about America). Disciplined people are far and few between. I have to admit, I am not as disciplined as I want to be, but I will continue working at it, until I reach perfection. This discipline does not end at one compartment of life, but rather transcends all areas of life. If you call yourself disciplined and are only disciplined in one area, you are a hypocrite. Strive to be disciplined in every area, and not only will you grow as a person, but your life will inspire others to do the same as well.

6. Encourage Empathy, Compassion, and Service to Others
Many Americans whether in the church or outside the church are self-absorbed. Many forget compassion, empathy and service, simply because it is not convenient to practice such attributes. Let me remind you: Christ Jesus did not have to save you from anything. It was not convenient for Him to give up his crown and glory to suffer and die for you. He is our example, step up, and serve those around you. Even if... heaven forbid... you miss the first ten minutes of that football game.

7. Encourage Discussions on Controversial Topics  
Lets face it, in today's world there are many controversial things going on. Whether it is an Orange politician raging at someone for something, or someone sexually identifying as a toaster. There are many controversial topics out there, and for the most part the church has been silent. Whether it is out of fear, or out of embarrassment that we must talk about sexuality, and other topics in the public square... Let's face it, if you don't talk to your children about it, someone else will, and the results could very well be devastating. Don't shy away from the "scary" topics, discuss them, and teach others to think through them with a christian worldview and positivity for God's design.


Again, I do not claim to know more than the next person, and I do not wish to offend anyone.. However, I feel that these areas need work, and to those out there who are striving already for these I applaud your efforts and I pray to God that He gives you the strength to push through and achieve greatness for the Kingdom of God.

What is Success?

Well, I guess I already asked the question... What. IS. SUCCESS?
Many would define success as winning, whether it is in sports or in a contest of some sort. While they are not wrong, there is a much deeper and richer definition to success. I asked a few people to give me a short definition of success.

 "To achieve fulfillment in faith and self, and through that to inspire and challenge others."

"Success is being able to wake up each and everyday here in the USA. Living in the greatest country on earth, and knowing you with God's will control your destiny."

"Success is being able to glorify God while reaching a set goal."

"Find out what is important to you, setting goals to reach those things, and surrounding yourself with resources and people to get you there. Be determined, work hard, and arrive where you want to be."

One thing that you will notice with these definitions is that they vary... As does success in our lives. For some of us, success is getting  out of bed to face another day even though we suffer from severe depression, for some, it is reaching a new personal record in fitness or in sports. however, for all of us, success is closely tied to self-improvement.

We hardly call it success when we've eaten 50 chicken nuggets by ourselves, sitting on the couch binge watching netflix, or falling into a mud puddle... We simply don't view such things as a success. Why? because they do not improve our current state of being. now, if you enjoy falling in mud puddles, then be my guest and contradict me, but for the vast majority that is not a success. here are three things to help you think through what success is.

1. Success is Personal
Success is not necessarily something that can be measured by anyone but yourself. Only you know, if you gave everything you had. If you are on a diet, only you know if you stuck to it. Only you know, if your heart was in it.
Don't try to set a standard for your success by someone else's standard. Given, in business there are cooperate, and financial standards for success, but when you are working on yourself, use the Bible as your standard, and push yourself to be the best version of you that you can be. This includes, spiritual, mental, and physical discipline.

2. Success is Contagious
Success can be contagious. If you are successful you will attract two types of people, those who are already successful and those who are hungry to be successful. You will find as you grow in your journey of personal development and success building that Success is not something that can be taught, it must be caught. YOU CANNOT TEACH SOMEONE TO BE SUCCESSFUL. why? well... look at number one. It is a personal decision to become someone who strives for success.

On a side note, if you are someone who is working hard to be successful, do not be so self-centered as not exclude others from that success. Help others become successful as well.    

3. Success is Hard
There is nothing easy about success. You will be mocked for trying to excel. In our country, and culture being sub par is often the status quo. Anything different from the status quo will be difficult. that doesn't mean you should strive for it, it simply means, you must push that much harder to become successful. We have no place in this world for those who are happy to be nothing. Enough people have chosen that path already. Step up, and take your place among the legends of humanity. Those who bowed to none but God, and as a result changed the world. Jesus was successful, and it cost him EVERYTHING. ..



Oh, by the way... Christ is our example for how we are supposed to live.


   Think about it.


             Colossians 3:23-24

The Death of Courtship, or Christ in Dating?

Introduction
             A While ago one of my friends on Facebook posted something about wanted to have a courtship instead of a dating relationship. There was a blog that was written as to why, and don't get me wrong, there were good reasons for what was said, but I think they were a little bit misguided. I wanted to give my opinion of what courtship is and what I believe dating is, and a solution to the problem.

Courtship
            Many people especially in conservative circles always want to point out that dating isn't the way to go and that they courtship rather go the route of the courtship. They say, it is more centered on Christ and there are a lot more boundaries and rules set up to help the couple succeed. However, none of that really has to do with a courtship. Traditionally what a courtship is, is a young man, goes to his parents are informs them, " I am financially independent and I'm ready to find a wife... Here's a girl that I would be interested in courting." His parents, (along with him) go to the girls parents are discuss the possibility of a courtship. Then the young man and young women get to know each other in the family setting, never on their own, always under the supervision of parents. If the courtship is a success then the couple will get married. If it does not succeed them the couple goes their own separate ways.

           I will be blunt and to the point. I believe that courtships are dead, or at least a dying breed. Not because people don't want to do courtship, but because there is rarely the amount of time for parents to supervise their grown children in a relationship setting like this. I also, don't think that it is really the best way to go about a relationship prior to marriage. I know that it takes time to be yourself in front of someone else's parents... It's not easy to be everything that you would be behind closed doors with just that special someone. If they only get to see you, in these more public settings, yes there will not be a lot of opportunity to fall into physical temptation, but you won't get to see the real person that you really need to see in order to make a decision for marriage. That is what I think, and you can take it or leave it.  (noticed that boundaries are not even mentioned as part of a courtship.)

Dating
          At this point in time, everyone knows what dating is, and how it works. There is constructive dating and then there's the dating game... or destructive dating if you will. Dating is very casual in nature, a boy asks out a girl and they go on dates. They go watch movies, or mini golfing, or any number of things.
          Obviously there are any number of things that more conservative christians can point out as  major problems with this, and for the most part I would agree with them. There is not a lot of dating couples that look for accountability for their physical boundaries, and there is not necessarily a lot of focus on spiritual development or growth. That does not mean that there are exceptions to this rules, it just means it's much easier to fall into sin.

          At this point I want to offer a solution to those who don't want to do a courtship, but want to have a safe, well accounted-for relationship prior to marriage.  I want to suggest what I call Covenantal Dating.

         Covenantal Dating is different from courtship, and it is different from todays use of dating. In covenantal dating you write out what you want your boundaries to be (physically, emotionally, and spiritually). You have someone in authority over you, such as a parent, or pastor keep you accountable throughout your relationship for those boundaries.  This will keep falling into temptation further away. Also, as a Christian, these boundaries should make it much easier to focus your energies on  a Christ centered relationship. Personally, I believe that this is the best option for Christians that are living in the world today. In the world today, few people have time to invest in a traditional courtship, and many people do not really like the idea of "traditional" dating.


Conclusion
         Christians need to understand that dating should not be treated as a game, and that it is really to prepare you for marriage, just as a courtship is. However, I believe that it is very important that you spend time with that special person one on one before you get married because you won't see the same side of people when they are in a group.  I know that it is very hard to keep your physical boundaries unless you write them out. I know this from experience. If you decide to use the covenantal dating system it is worth the fight to avoid temptation, and it will make your relationship down the road much smoother. Always, no matter what you decide to do, keep Christ at the center of your relationship with your significant other. At no point, should they get between you and God. Christ is first, they are second, you are third. That is how God created, marriages to be.

The Songs That Made Me Who I Am

Everyone has songs that greatly influence them. Whether its an up beat dance song, or a slow love ballad there are songs that we love so much that we never want to stop listening to them. For me, the songs that touch my heart are songs that reflect something about myself, or my situation. Throughout my life there have been different songs at different points in my life that either held me together or tore me apart. I am a musician so music is extremely influential on me, thus causing great changes in me by what I listen to. This post is going to be really long so make sure that you have time before you get started! This is me letting all of you into my life, and seeing how music effects me, and how it brings me down or builds me up. Some of you are Christians, so I will not be shocked if some of the songs that I have in here really shock or offend you. That is not what this is about. This is about the real journey that I've taken through my life in the music that I have listened too. 

Music really started impacting me when I was fourteen. Sure, I listened to it before that, but it wasn't until then that I actually let it guide me, or really effect my person. Interestingly this is the time period when I started listening to hardcore, and metal. KEEP IN MIND: not all the songs in this will be metal, but there will be some, so don't freak out. Are you ready to dive in? Well... let's go!

                                            1.        "Say Goodbye" Skillet

When I was fourteen/fifteen I began to get depressed and feel down about life. Incidentally I also got my first girlfriend around this time. Sadly, that didn't last very long and we broke up. However, being that this was my first girlfriend, so I was devastated. This first song, I thought at the time it would help me deal with the feelings from this broken up relationship. 

                                         2.  "The Last Night"  Skillet

This song really had a huge impact on me for the negative. It was meant to be an encouraging song and I'm sure for some people it has been. However for me it helped me focus my attentions on the negatives in my life, and in my mind. I was battling serious depression for medical reasons, and because I was struggling in school and other areas of my life. When I started cutting this song was always there to remind me that I had hope somewhere in my soul. 

                  

                                     3. "Keep Holding On" Avril Lavigne 

This song was a bright spot for me through the rest of my high school years, and yes many people would say it's a girly song. Sorry, I still like it and I still listen to it. The message for this song is straight forward; keep holding on, don't give up. through this time of depression and hurt I really needed something to keep me going and this song got me through a lot before I turned to God. 

          

                                         4. "Falling Inside The Black" Skillet

This song describes me. Correction, this song does a really good job of describing who I was, and how dark my mind, and life had become. I was broken, hurting, and felt completely unloved. (This wasn't true, and hardly ever is true.) But I kept forcing it into my mind that I could never be anything good, and I could never do anything right. I let my mind become darkness and I continue to spill my own blood, through my scars and cutting as well as in my thoughts. I wanted to kill myself but was too afraid of what would happen if I died. I chose this video for two reasons: 1. Because Tokyo Ghoul is a really good challenging Anime, and 2. because it is a very sober and sadistic video and is accurate to the way I was feeling at the time. 

                                           5. "Open Wounds" Skillet

This song really demands an explanation because it would be misleading just to say that this song applies. Well, as previously mentioned I was very depressed, and I forced myself to believe that my parents hated me, and just wanted to make me miserable. This was probably one of the biggest and most damaging lies I ever told myself. Sadly, I wasn't the only one hurt by it. My parents who through this time, were working their hardest to protect me (from myself) and help me get better, were broken-hearted because of my mistreatment of them. The phrase "My Self-destruction is all your fault!" is exactly how I Was feeling, and how I lashed out towards them. I blamed them for my cutting and suicidal thoughts, I told them that they hated me and I simply refused to live in a decent and respect way. I kept cutting and kept digging my grave deeper and deeper. Jesus was still just a word to me. He wasn't a savior.

                                      6. "Stand in the Rain"  Superchic[k] 

Man, I played myself so well. There are two different messages that I found in this song. I know that this song was written for a girl, but I still applied the meaning to me. Satan wanted me to think that I was a victim and was being tormented if you will. In this song I found comfort and reassurance that I could indeed stand in the rain and succeed one day, but I thought I could with my own two feet. I never paid attention to the end of the chorus where they say, "And one day what's lost can be found."  I never thought it was me that was lost, and needed finding. 

        

                                      7. Relentless Intolerance 

This song in very important to me as and my musical development if you will. This was the first metal song that I ever heard. The first time I heard it I just fell in love because at the time it sounded angry and I was angry at the world, so I was like "Yeah! Angry music!" >:D    Years later, I look at this song and this band extremely differently. Demon hunter is a Christian Band and this song is about never compromising your faith no matter what the world thinks of the Gospel. You stick to the truth of the unchanging Gospel and you hold on to it and stand firm. 

The reason that I placed this song here is because it being the first metal song I ever heard. 

                                        8. "Unanswered" Suicide Silence

This song, is a musical masterpiece, and complete blasphemy. I'm ashamed to say that I used to "scream" this song, and mean every word of it. I didn't believe in God, in fact I was furious with Him for making me so sick, and hurt. I couldn't understand the fact that even letting me live was a gift, and way more than I deserved. I remember many times I would pray and ask God, "why are you doing this to me? Why do you hate me so much?" Every time I felt like he would never answer because he wasn't even there. This song, shows how pitiful and how dark my depraved mind had become at this point in my life. I share this because it's true, and what I went through. I am not by any means glorifying this song, or saying to support it, but I'm simply saying that this is where I was at one in my life, and thank God that he saved me, and changed me. 

                                           9. "Aimless" Bethany Dillon

Once I began to blatantly defy God in my heart and mind, my life,and existence began to lose purpose and value. I wasn't angry at God anymore, I wasn't anything anymore. I simply was a dead guy walking around. I was completely aimless. The first time I heard this song, I cried. It captured how helpless I felt, and how much I wanted to be found. I just couldn't bring myself to stop fighting against God. I would rather wander around in futility, rather than admit that I was wrong. 

                                      10. "Numb" Linkin Park

                 This song needs little explanation. So, That is my only explanation. 

                                     

This is where a change began to happen in my life. My thoughts began to extend to other people around me. I began to function again. I wasn't saved, and I would never admit to anyone at the time that God was working in my life. However, in retrospect it was God who helped me slowly return to life again. I began to be healed in the medical side of life, and my mental state became slowly more positive. The rest of the songs in this blog address things I was thinking about, and how I got over the obstacles that I had set up for myself. They are my struggles, as well as my way of getting through them. 

                                     1. "Leave Out All The Rest" Linkin Park

This song jolted me out of my selfish pathetic mind. I remember when I first heard it, I was startled by the message that it sent. "I dreamed I was missing, and you were so scared, 'cause no one would listen, 'cause no one else cared." I was scared. What if I died and no one cared? What if my life had been completely useless? I vowed after hearing this song, that I wouldn't let my life go to waste anymore. I needed to change, but I still wanted to be remembered for who I am, and that they would be impressed with me. I didn't want to share the glory with God. 

                                   2. "So Afraid" Bebo Norman

Since, I was still being selfish, but slowly becoming more aware of the other people around me, I began to worry, and be scared that I would be alone. I was so afraid finding myself alone. I was almost paranoid about it. I didn't want to lose any of the "friends" I had. I treated a lot of them terribly, because I was so scared and insecure. One of them was and is my brother. He watched as I fell into depression, and he watched as I found everyone around me. He was hurting for me, and he wanted to help me, but I just pushed him as far away as I could. To this day I hurt for how I treated him. I wish I had allowed him close to me, but I was too scared that if he or anyone else knew what I was really struggling with they would turn and run. I wanted help but I didn't know how to ask or accept it. 

                                        3. "The Price of Beauty" Suicide Silence

As I began to drift away from the depression, and the dark lifestyle, I began to hate my scars from my cutting. I hated them. I wanted them gone because they reminded me of my failures and my screw ups. This song is graphic and pretty unpleasant. The only reason it is here, is because I would listen to it and wish someone would cut all my scars away and replace my skin with clean skin and a fresh slate. I didn't want to be caught in this anymore but I felt like I couldn't move on unless my scars disappeared. Over time however, I grew to like my scars and be grateful for them. They show were I came from, and today I thank God for the constant reminder of where I came from. My parents asked me many times if I wanted to get a treatment done to hide them, so I wouldn't think about it. But I decided I wanted to see them as a reminder of God's grace to me. 

God looks at me today and see's something beautiful because of the price that he paid on the cross for my sins. As this song says, "The price of beauty was more than you thought." Even if the band didn't mean it like this, I took it to mean, that Jesus' blood paid for my beauty and for that I could never fathom how much it cost. 

                                     4. "He's My Son" Mark Schultz

At this point, I had been saved, and God had begun to show me his love and grace. I began to think about what had happened in the past years. When I heard this song, I listened to it a million times. I would sit in silence listening to this song. I knew that my parents had gone through this so many times what with different doctors, and different medicines. It gave me a different perspective of my illness and how it possibly effected them. They went through so much heartache and pain to heal me. In my life, there will never be a way that I could possibly repaid them for their sacrifices and love. Besides God, They are the only reason that I am still here today. 

                                         5. "Redemption" August Burns Red

Now, to go into my conversion experience a little bit. It was a dark and stormy night... no, I'm not lying it was. I was in the shower, and I was struggling with what was going on around me and in me. There was so much pressure built up in me that I decided that I would either kill myself or surrender my life to Christ, because I simply couldn't keep living life the way that I had been. I found myself on the floor of the shower praying and asking God to save me as the warm water ran over me. I didn't feel a sudden weight fall off my shoulders, but I did feel calm. I felt peace for the first time, in a very long time. I knew that I had been redeemed. 

                                         6. "Everything You Ever Wanted" Hawk Nelson

After I was saved, I still had issues, and I wasn't healthy yet. I was doing better than I had been, but I was still far from where I should be. There were many times when depression came back but I fought my way through it. This song kind of demonstrates how I felt, and what I was doing. I was trying to be perfect, honest, and everything I hadn't been in the previous years. I wanted to make it up to my family for being so difficult, but I knew no matter what I did I wouldn't be able to make up for it. 

       

                                      7. "Saviour" Black Veil Brides

This song goes back a few years, as time progressed, I began to develop some more worthwhile traits. Compassion, and empathy being some of the traits that really stuck with me. This song, though not a Christian song, did influence me, because I wanted to help people, who had gone through similar things that I had. I didn't want to be a savior because I knew that only Jesus could be an effective savior. However, I also continued to want a savior for my heart, I had given my soul to Christ but I still was holding on to my heart, it was very hard for me to release that.  

                                     8. "I Have Been There" Mark Schultz

This song played a big role of me surrendering my heart to Christ. I didn't want to give it up to someone who didn't understand what I had been through. I heard this song for the first years before it actually meant anything to me. I was in my second semester of college before I had truly understood that Christ would meant me where I was at. To this day this song still gives me some amount of comfort, with it's reminder that God hears everything, and sees everything, and when he was here on earth he experienced everything. He had been where I was. 

                                 9. "Creatures" Motionless in White (disturbing)

While I was in began listening to darker metal again, and some of the messages that they sent got to me. This song for example, "Creatures" kind of bothered me, because they question a lot of significant topics. (especially as a church ministries major!) I began to question why people actually believe in Christ, and the Gospel. I began to question almost everything in life, and the reasons for doing what we do. In this song, they make it very graphic, how darkness can take over someone's life, and I know that was me at some point in my life. The line "I'm drowning in a ocean of tears that I've cried." described my life, for three years of the darkest part of my life. But my life didn't end there. I realized that this songs message ends there. But my life's message didn't end there. Because Christ reached down and took me out of it. 

                                       10. "Not Afraid" Eminem

This song was kind of my rally to stand up and move on. I was finally willing to let my past go. I didn't need to live in the past, I didn't need to let myself go down that road. The past was done, and it was over. To this day, I haven't cut myself again, and I have the tools be strong and focus my attention to help others get out of the darkness of depression. 

This final section of songs are all songs that still greatly impacted me, but not exactly in the same way as all the previous ones. All of the previous songs have to do with depression, or with getting out of depression. Now that depression isn't a huge problem, Satan had to find other ways to harass me and bother me. These songs, either help me conquer the fears, or help stand firm when my mind tried to talk me out of being a Christian. However, I threw in one song that had a huge impact because of its connection to the girl that I am now married to. 

                                     1. "Undying" Chelsea Grin

This song happened through my path shortly after I got married to Lydia. Marriage was not and continues to not be what I expected it to be, but sometimes, things go wrong, and it's my fault for being stupid. This song describes a love affair that is far from healthy. I heard this song, and listened to the lyrics, and then promptly vowed that I would never treat Lydia like that. Sometimes, the best way for me to understand something is tell it to me in the most negative way possible and then I won't ever do it. That's the case with this song. This song describes someone who is addicted to another person (demon)'s attention. They'll do anything for them, and they don't really care what they're asked to do. There have been times in marriage where I don't talk. I'm a quiet person but that is one of my flaws. I need to talk more, and communicate to my wife what's going on in my head. whether it makes any sense at all this song helped me open up to her, and begin to share myself with her more. Because I don't want her to be starving for my attention, or in need of my leadership because I'm not leading her. My life is to give everything I have to her, and for her, just as Christ did for us. 

                                       2. "Break The Cycle" For Today

If ever there was a song that just inspired me to continue in ministry it was this song. This song is so powerful. It's about breaking the cycle of self-destruction in today's culture. The youth of today and hurting and those of us called to ministry need to stand up and help them. There are times when I wonder if it's really worth it to continue down this path. Every time I heard the message of this song, and I'm refreshed to continue. 

                                       3. "Clockwork" Chelsea Grin

Last semester, (fall 2014) I had some serious struggles again. I kept looking back at my past. It's something that does come back and haunt me, because of certain things that happened. There are many things I regret and many other things that I wish I could go back and change but I can't, and this song just helped me realize that in a very literally way. "It's just like clockwork, let me kiss my youth goodbye, all I wanted was to turn back time." We can't turn the clock back and do it again, we can only make the most of the rest of the time we've been given. I would suggest looking up the lyrics to this song as you watch  because they are very powerful. God has given us each a lifespan, and a chance to impact the world for eternity. Don't waste it.       

       

                                        4. "Nightmares" Chelsea Grin

Since last semester I've had many nights that I couldn't sleep because I was scared to death that I wouldn't wake up the next morning. Call me crazy but it's true. I have no reasonable cause for this, but it still happens. I have had many dreams like this, where darkness descends on me again and I return to the place I was years ago, and I always wake up terrified because I never want to go back there. I can feel my past continue to chase me, but I must continue forward, and not let it catch up. There is no benefit from living in the past. I can learn from the past, but I cannot live there. That's really what this song has taught me.      

                                      5. "Fearless" For Today

God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power. He don't need to fear any form of evil. In response to the previous song, the nightmares, don't need to hold us captive in fear, because our God is greater and more powerful than any force in the physical universe. "If we stand and fight, we are not alone." God will fight for his children, he will defend us, and we can have absolute certainty that he will. This song always encourages me, and ever since it's release I have found comfort in God's message through it. 

                                     6. "Shadows" David Crowder Band

This song really speaks for it's self. However, there is one story that I want to relay. I was riding in my mom's car in New Jersey a while back, and this song came on. I just felt a calmness come over me, and I knew that all the shadows that had haunted me, and scared me where nothing more than that, shadows. The light would come out and drive them away. God can use any number of things to get our attention, for me it happens to be music. 

                                       7. "Foundation" For Today

Now, for a more serious video. This song really made me think. What do I stand for, and how much am I willing to pay to stand for it? In other words, will I die for Christ if I have to? That question is becoming more and more important as ISIS becomes a more serious threat globally.  Christians in Egypt have already given their answers and paid the price with martyrdom. Am I ready to die for my faith? Yes, I believe I am. 

These are the songs that shaped me, and continue to help me through tough times, and also songs I simply enjoy listening too. Some of them have had a negative influence on me, but all of them influenced me in some way or other.

Do You Want to Leave a Legacy?

Well?  Do you?
                            Do you want to leave a legacy?
                                                                 Do you want to be remembered when you're gone?


Personally I'm terrified of leaving behind a world that I never impacted. What if I never helped anyone, or impacted anyone? What if there was someone somewhere that did look up to me, and I never helped them. Often my motivation is selfish, I want to be recognized  for my works or my personality. There is a song that I always hear in my head when I begin to ask myself about the legacy I'm leaving. "I dreamed I was missing, and you were so

scared, but no one would listen, cause no one else cared." the song goes on to say, "When my time comes forget the wrongs that I've done, help me leave behind some reasons to be missed." Well, when I'm gone will I be remembered for the good things I've done or will I be remembered for the mean, crude, and hurtful things that I've said? It haunts me for a few reasons. I don't want people to remember me for being rude, or hurtful, but there is a far greater reason. 




When I stand before God at the Great Throne of Judgment, will he say "well done my good and faithful servant" or will he shake his head and say, "You were given so much,and you wasted it."  I always picture a huge tv screen where God will quickly watch through your life and see if there is anything worthy honoring. I already know there will be many times and

many incidents that I will regret and feel ashamed of anyone, especially God looking at it and me. I know that Christ has forgiven me for my sins, but it will still hurt, and be       humiliating. I don't want to lead a life that lets God done, or saddens him. My life should inspire others to look towards Christ, and see Him. 




So, do you want to be remembered when you're gone? If so, keep reading. There are three tips for leaving a legacy. 



1 Live Every Moment Like You Won't Get Another One
No, I'm not talking about Yolo. I'm not saying go out partying all the time and living it up. If you really believed you'd be standing before God the next day, I think we would all be a little more sober. You will get opportunities to impact the world, and the lives of others. What if you had one more encounter with your parents, or a loved one? Wouldn't you want that time to be meaningful? Live every moment like you won't get another moment to cherish. 
2. Treat Everyone Like Eternity Is Tomorrow
This point really matters to those who are in Christ. We were all given the chance to live our lives the way we want. But as Christians our first goal in life should be to share the hope of Christ with those who are lost and have strayed from home. We all belong to God since he is our creator and will have to give an account of how we lived our lives. Sadly, many of his creations have chosen to walk away from the love of their creator and live life for themselves. Brothers and Sisters, please don't let the people you know, die without having impacted them for Christ. 
3. Live for Something Bigger than Yourself
This applies to everyone. Anyone who lives for selfish motives wastes the life given to them. Our human nature has fallen and is completely depraved and there is no good in us, without God's grace. Since I am a Christian, I want and strive to live my life for Christ, and his kingdom. There are many times that I fail, and many times that I live for myself, and I always feel ashamed when I realize my sin. I don't want to live for myself, I want to live for something bigger, and I think there's a part of us, that always wants to live for more than ourselves. 



God, please help me to live for you, help me to impact the world in a positive way for you. Let your lost children see you and come to know you. Let them find the joy that those of us who have accepted you enjoy. Please don't let me waste my life on selfishness, but rather, let me impact others for you, so that when I leave this place, people remember me as the man who lived his life like Christ. Hide me, and let you be seen clearly. 
                                                                           

Open Letter to Myself

I am sitting in a room, where there is no time or space, just enough room for reflection. I hear the door open and I start with surprise as my old self walks in. He sits down in front of me in the chair across the table and looks at me with a long slow glance. He smirks and looks away shaking his head. I feel uncomfortable... Was this really me? 






He looks at me again out from underneath his hoody. His eye are dull, dead, and look slightly malicious. He shifts his weight in his chair and looks away again. I begin to realize with dismay that this WAS really me, this is what I was like years ago. He looks at me for a moment and in a sharp cutting voice says to me; "You know, I can still see you today."   I look startled, "What do you mean?"  He rolls is eyes and glares at me, "I see what you've done, and how you've change and I think it sucks." he almost snarls at me and I feel even more uncomfortable. "Remember how it use to be? When you were still a cool guy?" I look

at him, trying to remember what he could be remembering. He smirks darkly and rolls up his sleeve to reveal scars on his wrists. "Remember these? Do you remember how frustrated you were when you did this to yourself? do you remember those feelings of failure?" He smiles, "Those were the days... When you were still a man." He snaps a look at me, to see how I'm taking it. He smiles, as he realizes that his knife hit me in the heart. 

I look at the ground. "What do you want?"   He turns and looks me in the eyes, and in a dull and cold voice says, "I want you back the way you were."  I look at him, not sure what I'm looking at but realizing how much his words are hurting me. 

He stands up and begins pacing. "Let me paint a picture for you. Remember when you were a player? when you could get girls, and have fun?  HA! Now you're married and stuck with one girl for the rest of your life. You're an idiot, who would ever want that boring a life?  Why would you sign your life away like that?" He continues to pace, and I continue to wonder if he's right. 
"remember those nights? when you would stand in the shower and just let your arms bleed? Look at you now! You're in college for Church Ministries! You really think God wants to use some useless scarred up piece of crap? You're no good for that, you'll lead those kids to Hell before they believe in God." I feel ashamed and sink even further into my chair. I think to myself "how could I expect God to use someone used up like me?".  I guess he's right, I guess I really don't know what I'm doing with my life. 

He turns and with each word I feel like someone punched me in the stomach. "You think you're an artist, and a musician, but don't you remember how much your songs have hurt your family?  Remember?  'As I climb to the top, this I must decide, pain in life or blissful suicide, I know you don't want me I know you don't care, I know you just wish I would die here.'  Remember when you wrote that? Man, you really hurt your mom's feelings. Again I sink further into darkness. I really am a terrible useless person...

"And on top of that you're a Christian now." He smiles darkly and points a figure at me. "Now you have to live by his rules and standards, you have no freedom, and you're just as useless now as ever. All you have is a crutch. A stupid god-crutch. Even if there really is a god, you think he'd care about a worthless piece of crap like you? He doesn't have time for you!" 

I begin to cry, feeling that all my life has been a waste of time. I have accomplished anything, I have nothing to show for my life. All I do is play video games and talk about doing something more. I suck as a husband and a friend. I think to myself, "I guess that's why I have none." The sadness is becoming more and more real, maybe I should just give up now...





"No, you're not finished yet."   






We both start, me and myself I turn and look towards the door, the old me, follows my gaze and turns pale. My eyes fill with tears, and I find myself running towards the man standing in the door, he reaches out to me with nail scarred hands and the gentlest eyes throughout eternity. "My Child, you're safe, and you are loved."  He turns to my old self, and suddenly all gentleness is gone from his gaze. "You, what exactly are you doing here? Do you not see that this is my child that you are tormenting? What right do you think you have to do such a thing, be gone!"  I hold on to Jesus as he begins to shoo my old self away. I suddenly find myself speaking. "Wait!"  Jesus turns and looks at me, as does my old self. Jesus puts on arm around me, and already knowing what I'm going to say, he tells me "Go ahead." 

I stand in front of my savior with him supporting me as I raise my eyes and stare back at my old self. He suddenly looks less menacing and scary. I take a deep breathe and say; "You're right I can't play around with other girls anymore, or break their hearts for fun, but really... What fun is that? you say that I had freedom before Christ, I didn't even know what true freedom was until I came to Christ. You are trying to stay in bondage, why should I want that?  You're right I signed my life away, I chose to give it to Lydia, to love and cherish, and protect her. She is my bride and I will do for her whatever I can do. I will love her until I die and I will never look for anyone else because I have chosen her. Yeah, I still sin and I still fall but that doesn't mean that Christ has given up on me. Do you see him? He's here and he loves me." I begin to gain confidence as Jesus' power flows into me. "I remember every scar I remember putting them there and I remember who I was, but only as a past. I will never return to that darkness, because I have seen a light that is so much greater than any darkness. I remember but the bad songs I've written but I also know by heart the good ones too. The ones that made my mom smile, the ones that blessed her. Even if no one else ever hears them, they were worth writing. As for my major. God called me to do ministry, obviously he knows I'm broken, but I guess he has a purpose for me. He is building me into the person that I will become and not something I used to be. No, Christ is not my crutch he's way more than that. He is my life, and I chose him over you because he loves me, while you hate me, he wants the best for me, while you just want to see me fall.  Now, know that I will never listen to you again, I will not have an audience with you, and I will not entertain you. You are over, and done. So in the name of Jesus Christ, be gone from here and don't come back. I don't need you, and I don't want you. even if I lose all earthly things, all I have is Christ and He is enough for me. 

So saying, I turn my back on myself and turn to Christ. "Jesus, take me and help me become the man you would have me to be."  He smiles, "Come, my child, let me show you the future."  

3 Big Ways to Help Your Fiance Plan a Wedding

One of my friends recently came to me asking if I had any advice to give on wedding planning. After thinking about it for a few days I've come to the decision to write a blog about it. Some people will probably just sniff at this blog, but I'm sure that brides and brides to be will appreciated it if their man spends a little time to read this.

1. Support her decisions and encourage her.

Our Wedding Turned Out Pretty Well :)

This is her biggest dream in life. She has dreamed of becoming a bride for at least 21 years of her life. This day is for her, 
and to celebrate your union for her.
The wedding night is for you. 
When she's picking out the cake or the color of ties you'll wear, just go along with it. You'll be satisfied in the end result, so just let her enjoy herself. 

There will be times when she gets depressed by all the things she has to get done, just relax and smile. Be someone she can  de-stress and relax with. Whenever she gets stressed encourage her and tell her how good she's doing. I promise it'll help you. 




2. Be there to consult with, but don't give your opinion unless asked.

My wife kind of glared at me when I wrote this one, but it's very true. Like I said previously, don't give your opinion unless it's asked of you. If she asks your opinion, you are a lucky guy! She just let you into her dream of a wedding so don't take it lightly. 

3. Be supportive of her family. 

Let me share a short story. There were somethings that happened with my wedding and the events around it that caused both of our families a bit of stress. In one of my unthinking moments I made a comment about how frustrating I found my mother in-law. again, unthinkingly I made this comment to my groomsmen who then took it to a new level of loudly screeching whenever she was mentioned. Needless to say, I regret what I said, but also greatly misjudged her in a moment of frustration. On another note, guys, your mother in-law will most likely to a huge amount of work to put this wedding together. Don't take it lightly, thank her for her trouble, and effort. 
Your  bride, being a girl, will be way more attached to her family than you, as a guy are. Don't take this lightly either. Respect that she'll miss them when she starts a new life with you. Respect her struggles; She'll still wonder if she's ready to be married to you. xD



In the end, just stay calm and respect her and her family. That is really the best thing that you can do. If she gives you something to be in charge of take care of it early and have it ready and organized. She will appreciate your effort to make everything easy. When you're planning a wedding, don't forget to stay in love. A lot of time you can lose track of spending meaningful time together. Make sure that you take breaks from planning and just do something fun. Keep it light, and if you hit problems, smile and work through them together. 

I'm a gamer so I couldn't resist. 

PS. I'm going to start trying to have a new blog out every Wednesday and Saturday. If you want me to write, or address a certain topic, leave a comment of message me somewhere. :)