Ten Tips to Better Communication (Marriage Tips)

There are quite a few things that completely derail a marriage.

Adultery.
Financial stress.
Medical stresses.

But one of the most potent poisons to any marriage is miscommunication.

Sadly it seems that very few people are actually good at communicating with their spouses. Quite a few of our friends have mentioned to my wife and I how much they struggle to communicate with their spouse.

Lydia and I definitely pride ourselves in being able to communicate with each other, but we haven't always been as good at it as we are now.

What follows is ten tips for better communication within your marriage.

10. Never assume your spouse understands what you meant.
This goes for both sexes. Don't assume you read that text right. If it sounds worse than what your wife normally says, then you probably didn't read it correctly.

If you assume that you understand what your spouse is saying and don't bother to clarify what was meant, you will often come to misunderstandings and it will slowly wear you down.

It's much easier to ask what was meant then go through the frustrations of misunderstanding.

9. Never go to bed angry with your spouse.
This is something that my wife and I have never done. We never go to bed angry with each other.

We may be lying in bed angry at each other for a bit... but we never fall asleep angry.

 If you let anger smolder, it will burn you and your spouse.

Anger is destructive to anything it touches and can easily destroy a marriage. If you are angry or upset about something that your spouse did then talk to them and try to figure out a solution so that it does not keep irritating you. Chances are that they didn't even realize that it was that frustrating. Also, forgive. Remember that you are on the same team and determine whether what is irritating you is worth giving up peace with your spouse over.

8. Never assume you know more than your spouse
This can be a tricky issue because obviously you will know more than your spouse in certain subjects. The balance comes by not lording your expertise over them, rather share the knowledge with them and likewise they will share their specialty with you.

That way both of you learn and become the wiser for it. If you go into marriage assuming that you're the smarter one, you will insult and damage the confidence of your spouse. Anyone with a superiority complex will end up lonely and broken.

7. Do not withhold sex or other intimate behaviors as punishment.
If you are frustrated with your spouse do not... let me repeat, do not withhold sex or other forms of showing affection from your spouse. You are not the parent and they are not the child. You are equals and punishing them because you are mad at them is not appropriate in a marriage.

Be an adult and talk out your differences and come to a conclusion that is agreeable to both people. Now if your spouse is tired from having a really long day and doesn't want to have sex... Then be kind and understanding and let them relax and rest. They had a rough day and need a break. Maybe even make dinner for them or do something to demonstrate that you care about their efforts. Communicating kindness is just as important as communicating a disagreement or misunderstanding.

6. Always assume the best of what your spouse is telling you.
Speaking from personal experience, I have many times assumed the worst and it has made everything very gloomy and dismal. Many times Lydia had no idea that what she said was misunderstood by me and I would just hold on to it, and let it bother me for hours. Finally when I couldn't hold it anymore I would ask her why she was mad at me or whatever I had assumed. Many times she would stare at me with a blank look because she never meant what I had come up with... In short, ask for clarification before you assume she's attacking you... which leads right into the next point.

5. Accept criticism, even if you don't like it.
Part of marriage is growing as a person.

The only way that you grow is if you are challenged to grow. Growth comes from discomfort and learning to overcome difficulties. The number one person who will be challenging you is most likely going to be your spouse. They aren't always going to sugar coat what they are saying to you and you need to be an adult about it, hear the truth that they are saying, and maybe do some introspection and see if you need to work on something.

A willingness to grow is a mature response to criticism.

4. Believe your spouse when they say they love you. 
"I love you bb" said Lydia,
"yay!  are you sure?" Said the insecure Dave.
"Yes I do bb..." said Lydia, what she didn't say was that it hurt every time he didn't believe her.
Why didn't he believe her? She told him that every day, but for some reason he just didn't seem to believe her. After a few months it was beginning to wear on her.

If your spouse tells you they love you, believe them. It's important for them to know that you trust them and believe what they say. If this basic communication isn't intact, chances are there are other issues in the relationship as well.

3. Never settle an argument when you are angry. 
No one ever settled a disagreement angry.

They may have yelled louder and got their point across better, but in the end they didn't win.

If your spouse isn't winning, then you aren't winning either.

Marriage is a team sport, and if you aren't unified as a team, then you will lose every time.

If you are not getting along about something to the point both of you are angry at each other, take a step back and just cool off before you try to come to an agreement about it.

2. Be willing to work with your spouse. 
Teams that win a lot put in hours upon hours of work to succeed when they get into a hard contest.

When it comes down to the wire, the team that is better prepared will come out on top. When it comes to marriage, both husbands and wives not only need to be working on growing themselves, they also need to put time in working together to become a stronger team. The more time you put in together the less miscommunications you'll have and the more you will enjoy each other.

1. Adopt the mindset that you hold the keys to your spouse's soul. 

Being married is an honor and a privilege.

It is also a huge responsibility.

Why is it a huge responsibility?
 Because you are entrusted with your spouse's heart and soul.
You are the keeper of your spouse and responsible for their well-being.
What do leaders look like? Gentle yet firm, kind but honest. They love their own and they protect their own. That is your responsibility in marriage, to defend that sacred bond, and do whatever it takes keep that bond.

Communication is key to understanding each other in a marriage. If you want to take care of your spouse (and in turn yourself) take the time to understand them better than they understand themselves. 

Evangelicals For Life: The Highlights

I have heard of the March for Life for many years now. However, I had never gone to Washington D.C. so participate or witness it. To be quite honest I was blown away. For the past few years there has been a evangelical conference that takes place called Evangelicals for Life. This is really what we went to DC to experience. I would say that the purpose of Evangelicals for Life  is to educate and encourage the people who are willing to listen, and desire to grow in their understanding of the Pro-Life Movement.

Needless to say, there were some highlights for the weekend that really stood out. I was very impressed by the speakers who made appearances. With a lineup such as, Matt Chandler, Russell Moore, Jeffrey Daly, Todd Wagner, and Eugene Cho you could expect greatness and powerful messages all around. They definitely did not disappoint. In fact they rose to the occasion and delivered so much, that it wouldn't be possible to capture it all in one blog so I will have to stick with the highlights. 

Highlight - 1: Dr. Russell Moore - The Blessing for the Children

Russell Moore - Human Dignity and The Gospel
The Framework for a Lasting Mission

One of the first to speak at this event was Russell Moore. Russell Moore is the President of the Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention, he has authored many books and has written for many different publications. When Russell Moore took the stage I wasn't sure what to expect because I have never heard him speak. However his reputation went before him and he brought a powerful message about the value that Jesus placed and continues to place on children. Dr. Moore explained how Jesus' was frustrated with his disciples when they turned the children away. He emphasized, that in the jewish culture, children were viewed as a nuisance when adults were talking, and similarly we as a country, treat the unborn as a nuisance. However, they are not. They are special, and valued as individuals created by God. Our children deserve to be invested in, and taught. They deserve attention and love. Children are a blessing from God and we must treat them as such. 

Highlight - 2: Pastor Matt Chandler - The Church as Community

One of the speaker I was anxious to see in person was Pastor Matt Chandler from the Village Church in Highland TX. Throughout the many series of sermons that I have listened to and learned from him.

Matt Chandler:
Pro-Life Issues and the Millennial:
Swimming Against the Culture

I naturally had high expectations from him. I was not disappointed. He spoke about the community, and how the church needs to understand that change starts with building relationships. Chandler emphasized the importance of getting out into our neighborhoods and actually looking for opportunities to build friendships and serve others.  One of the most profound things Matt said was, "God is crazy about some good things... not just against bad things."  There are so many people who focus on the things that God hates, the sins that alienate us from Him. We really do need to spend more time focusing on the good attributes that we need to cultivate in our lives.
Matt declared,  "We must as Evangelicals be a community of life that believes and declares... That God is the Author and Sustainer of all life from the womb to the tomb." We must choose as humans where to spend our energies and many make the mistake to spend all their time on focusing on the things that we shouldn't do, and are bad at, rather than focusing on what we've been instructed TO do, and what we have been gifted to do.
We must also seek the welfare of the city.

Episode 1: An Introduction into My Listening (Music)

If you follow me at all on Facebook I mentioned about a week ago that I was considering starting a series of blogs going over songs that I enjoy, and explaining in depth why I enjoy them, and why I believe they are so beautifully executed. This will range all over the map as far as genre is concerned so don't be afraid or weirded out by something in hip hop all the way to something in Christian Contemporary Music.
In my post on facebook I informed everyone that I am a musician. I play multiple instruments and enjoy many of them I might add. This makes listening to songs very interesting and exciting for me because I can usually break a song down in my head and listen to it, as though it was individual tracks. This allows me to pick apart songs, and put them back together to really enjoy the genius of whoever wrote/orchestrated the song.
I have decided that I will start this series and will at least be releases a new blog every week on this series until I run out of music.. That could be awhile.
I hope you guys enjoy this series, and if you have certain songs you think I should check out and analyze I would love to do that. (However, make sure they are appropriate.)

Until next time,
          Duckie