To the Broken Hearts

The other day I was walking through my school cafeteria and I saw one of my friends sitting alone at a table doing homework. Her friends had left to go there separate ways and so I sat down just to see how she was doing. She said she was fine and everything was good. We talked for a while and then went our separate ways. I went back to work washing dishes, but I couldn't get her off my mind. She was single now, and it wasn't by her choice. However, I know she's a strong girl and will be fine, but it still bothered me, what with Valentine's Day coming up and all. Because of this chance encounter I decided to write this blog in hopes to encourage those who may find themselves alone this Valentine's day. 

                                                     A Letter To You

Valentine's day is right around the corner and some of us find ourselves alone this year. I am very blessed that I am married to a wonderful wife. However, it wasn't always that way. I remember many Valentine's days gone by that were rather miserable. I was alone and wishing that I wasn't. I wasn't satisfied where I was and I just wanted someone to show that they loved me. I know the feeling. I know the feeling of being broken up with weeks before this holiday and it hard, and it sucks,

but don't feel that it is going to last that way forever. I promise you, you won't be alone for long. God has a plan for you. It's very cliche to say such things, but it's true. I know it's true because I stood where you stand, feeling a little lost and maybe a little unloved, but I now stand with a wonderful wife, and she is more than I could've imagined. God has blessed me, and I am sure that he will bless you in that way too. you are still young and have plenty of life to live. Don't be afraid, don't be sad, God will give you more than you've asked. He will give you the perfect man that will love and cherish you for who you are. He will lead you and help you grow in faith. I know this is a long step of faith sometimes, but don't give up God still has you in his hand, and will care for you and your broken heart. 

Some people are hurt more than others through break ups, but everyone gets hurt. Also, some people do remain single and are happy with it. Maybe that's not the boat that you are in, and that's totally fine. If you are single and hurting, please don't try to run from your pain, or try to hide it. Deal with it in a healthy way and fall into the arms of Grace and Comfort that will always be there for you. You don't need that rebound guy, all you need is Christ. His love and kindness will last you a lifetime.

 

Open Letter to Myself

I am sitting in a room, where there is no time or space, just enough room for reflection. I hear the door open and I start with surprise as my old self walks in. He sits down in front of me in the chair across the table and looks at me with a long slow glance. He smirks and looks away shaking his head. I feel uncomfortable... Was this really me? 






He looks at me again out from underneath his hoody. His eye are dull, dead, and look slightly malicious. He shifts his weight in his chair and looks away again. I begin to realize with dismay that this WAS really me, this is what I was like years ago. He looks at me for a moment and in a sharp cutting voice says to me; "You know, I can still see you today."   I look startled, "What do you mean?"  He rolls is eyes and glares at me, "I see what you've done, and how you've change and I think it sucks." he almost snarls at me and I feel even more uncomfortable. "Remember how it use to be? When you were still a cool guy?" I look

at him, trying to remember what he could be remembering. He smirks darkly and rolls up his sleeve to reveal scars on his wrists. "Remember these? Do you remember how frustrated you were when you did this to yourself? do you remember those feelings of failure?" He smiles, "Those were the days... When you were still a man." He snaps a look at me, to see how I'm taking it. He smiles, as he realizes that his knife hit me in the heart. 

I look at the ground. "What do you want?"   He turns and looks me in the eyes, and in a dull and cold voice says, "I want you back the way you were."  I look at him, not sure what I'm looking at but realizing how much his words are hurting me. 

He stands up and begins pacing. "Let me paint a picture for you. Remember when you were a player? when you could get girls, and have fun?  HA! Now you're married and stuck with one girl for the rest of your life. You're an idiot, who would ever want that boring a life?  Why would you sign your life away like that?" He continues to pace, and I continue to wonder if he's right. 
"remember those nights? when you would stand in the shower and just let your arms bleed? Look at you now! You're in college for Church Ministries! You really think God wants to use some useless scarred up piece of crap? You're no good for that, you'll lead those kids to Hell before they believe in God." I feel ashamed and sink even further into my chair. I think to myself "how could I expect God to use someone used up like me?".  I guess he's right, I guess I really don't know what I'm doing with my life. 

He turns and with each word I feel like someone punched me in the stomach. "You think you're an artist, and a musician, but don't you remember how much your songs have hurt your family?  Remember?  'As I climb to the top, this I must decide, pain in life or blissful suicide, I know you don't want me I know you don't care, I know you just wish I would die here.'  Remember when you wrote that? Man, you really hurt your mom's feelings. Again I sink further into darkness. I really am a terrible useless person...

"And on top of that you're a Christian now." He smiles darkly and points a figure at me. "Now you have to live by his rules and standards, you have no freedom, and you're just as useless now as ever. All you have is a crutch. A stupid god-crutch. Even if there really is a god, you think he'd care about a worthless piece of crap like you? He doesn't have time for you!" 

I begin to cry, feeling that all my life has been a waste of time. I have accomplished anything, I have nothing to show for my life. All I do is play video games and talk about doing something more. I suck as a husband and a friend. I think to myself, "I guess that's why I have none." The sadness is becoming more and more real, maybe I should just give up now...





"No, you're not finished yet."   






We both start, me and myself I turn and look towards the door, the old me, follows my gaze and turns pale. My eyes fill with tears, and I find myself running towards the man standing in the door, he reaches out to me with nail scarred hands and the gentlest eyes throughout eternity. "My Child, you're safe, and you are loved."  He turns to my old self, and suddenly all gentleness is gone from his gaze. "You, what exactly are you doing here? Do you not see that this is my child that you are tormenting? What right do you think you have to do such a thing, be gone!"  I hold on to Jesus as he begins to shoo my old self away. I suddenly find myself speaking. "Wait!"  Jesus turns and looks at me, as does my old self. Jesus puts on arm around me, and already knowing what I'm going to say, he tells me "Go ahead." 

I stand in front of my savior with him supporting me as I raise my eyes and stare back at my old self. He suddenly looks less menacing and scary. I take a deep breathe and say; "You're right I can't play around with other girls anymore, or break their hearts for fun, but really... What fun is that? you say that I had freedom before Christ, I didn't even know what true freedom was until I came to Christ. You are trying to stay in bondage, why should I want that?  You're right I signed my life away, I chose to give it to Lydia, to love and cherish, and protect her. She is my bride and I will do for her whatever I can do. I will love her until I die and I will never look for anyone else because I have chosen her. Yeah, I still sin and I still fall but that doesn't mean that Christ has given up on me. Do you see him? He's here and he loves me." I begin to gain confidence as Jesus' power flows into me. "I remember every scar I remember putting them there and I remember who I was, but only as a past. I will never return to that darkness, because I have seen a light that is so much greater than any darkness. I remember but the bad songs I've written but I also know by heart the good ones too. The ones that made my mom smile, the ones that blessed her. Even if no one else ever hears them, they were worth writing. As for my major. God called me to do ministry, obviously he knows I'm broken, but I guess he has a purpose for me. He is building me into the person that I will become and not something I used to be. No, Christ is not my crutch he's way more than that. He is my life, and I chose him over you because he loves me, while you hate me, he wants the best for me, while you just want to see me fall.  Now, know that I will never listen to you again, I will not have an audience with you, and I will not entertain you. You are over, and done. So in the name of Jesus Christ, be gone from here and don't come back. I don't need you, and I don't want you. even if I lose all earthly things, all I have is Christ and He is enough for me. 

So saying, I turn my back on myself and turn to Christ. "Jesus, take me and help me become the man you would have me to be."  He smiles, "Come, my child, let me show you the future."  

3 Big Ways to Help Your Fiance Plan a Wedding

One of my friends recently came to me asking if I had any advice to give on wedding planning. After thinking about it for a few days I've come to the decision to write a blog about it. Some people will probably just sniff at this blog, but I'm sure that brides and brides to be will appreciated it if their man spends a little time to read this.

1. Support her decisions and encourage her.

Our Wedding Turned Out Pretty Well :)

This is her biggest dream in life. She has dreamed of becoming a bride for at least 21 years of her life. This day is for her, 
and to celebrate your union for her.
The wedding night is for you. 
When she's picking out the cake or the color of ties you'll wear, just go along with it. You'll be satisfied in the end result, so just let her enjoy herself. 

There will be times when she gets depressed by all the things she has to get done, just relax and smile. Be someone she can  de-stress and relax with. Whenever she gets stressed encourage her and tell her how good she's doing. I promise it'll help you. 




2. Be there to consult with, but don't give your opinion unless asked.

My wife kind of glared at me when I wrote this one, but it's very true. Like I said previously, don't give your opinion unless it's asked of you. If she asks your opinion, you are a lucky guy! She just let you into her dream of a wedding so don't take it lightly. 

3. Be supportive of her family. 

Let me share a short story. There were somethings that happened with my wedding and the events around it that caused both of our families a bit of stress. In one of my unthinking moments I made a comment about how frustrating I found my mother in-law. again, unthinkingly I made this comment to my groomsmen who then took it to a new level of loudly screeching whenever she was mentioned. Needless to say, I regret what I said, but also greatly misjudged her in a moment of frustration. On another note, guys, your mother in-law will most likely to a huge amount of work to put this wedding together. Don't take it lightly, thank her for her trouble, and effort. 
Your  bride, being a girl, will be way more attached to her family than you, as a guy are. Don't take this lightly either. Respect that she'll miss them when she starts a new life with you. Respect her struggles; She'll still wonder if she's ready to be married to you. xD



In the end, just stay calm and respect her and her family. That is really the best thing that you can do. If she gives you something to be in charge of take care of it early and have it ready and organized. She will appreciate your effort to make everything easy. When you're planning a wedding, don't forget to stay in love. A lot of time you can lose track of spending meaningful time together. Make sure that you take breaks from planning and just do something fun. Keep it light, and if you hit problems, smile and work through them together. 

I'm a gamer so I couldn't resist. 

PS. I'm going to start trying to have a new blog out every Wednesday and Saturday. If you want me to write, or address a certain topic, leave a comment of message me somewhere. :)   

7 Things All Single Guys Need to Learn Before They Get Married

Before you jump to any hasty conclusions, I know that not every guy out there wants to get married, and not every guy out there is ignorant of these qualities. However, I do know, after being married for only a few weeks, there are definitely some characteristics or attributes that I wish I had worked harder on before getting married to Lydia. These are characteristics, that will not only help you in relationships, but will help you in every area of your life. They may be restatements of what you already know, but they are important and I personally feel they are essential to keeping my marriage with Lydia a success. 

7. Listening

This is one thing that we guys are not extremely good at. We may think that we are good listeners, but most likely we're thinking about something else. Something like... "what for dinner? I'm starving."  I can't stress this enough. You have to be able to listen to your wife, because she needs that. She needs your attention, and to know that you really hear every word she says. It makes her feel appreciated. Some girls are also poor listeners so it goes for girls as well; listen to your husband when he speaks. 

6. Commitment

Now, when I say commitment I'm not really not about the obvious. You should know better than to cheat on your wife. The saddest way to destroy a marriage is by cheating on your wife, or her cheating on you with another man physically. However, commitment does not just stop at adultery. As Jesus said, if a man looks at a women lustfully he has committed adultery already in his heart (Matt 5:28). As a husband you and I must have eyes for only our wives. We cannot let our eyes stray to who ever happens down the street. It has been said by many daughters that seeing their father check out other women hurt them as well. You never know how many people you can hurt by not staying faithful and committed to your spouse.  

5. Selflessness (aka. Sacrifice)

This is a big one. This is also something that I struggle with daily. Every single day, there will be something that happens during the course of the day where Lydia will ask me to do something that I don't want to do, simply because I'm busy looking at youtube. pathetic, and selfish of me, and I don't want to be like that, but it is still a struggle. Ephesians chapter 5 is the guide to how husbands should treat their wives.  Paul says, that we are too love our wives, "as Christ loves the church, and gave himself for her"    so he could present her as a spotless and unblemished bride before his Father and ours. This means, we give of ourselves to help her become the women in Christ that God has planned for her to be. In this process, we as well, will become the men of God that He has created us to be. One thing that helps me, when I feel selfish and want to do my thing, and not be sacrificial towards her. I remind myself to pray for her and my sanctification. If her spiritual condition is concern for you, then it will become much easier for you to sacrifice and be selfless towards her. 

4. Compassion

This is probably one of the only things I feel I have a some what decent handle of. I know that compassion is one of my spiritual gifts, and I'm thankful to God for giving it to me, because it really helps in our relationship, if I can be compassionate towards her. She is human and so am I, we make mistakes and we do stupid stuff, but compassion makes these mistakes easier to deal with, and forgiveness comes easier. 

3. Communication
I cannot stress how important communication is in a relationship. Especially since most guys are terrible at communicating how they feel and what they really think about something. Girls and guys communicate differently, but that doesn't mean it's not important. If you can't communicate your relationship will most likely fall apart. Girls thrive on communication, by communication I don't mean gossip, I mean genuinely communicating your feelings and dreams to her. 

2. Discipline 
I am not an organized person at all. Is that a bad thing? I think it's not a good thing. I need to learn to be more disciplined in how I spend my time, and how I spend our money. I've learned that in the past three weeks of marriage, and I can only assume it'll become more important over the course of our marriage. I'm currently in my last semester of school and that is something else I need to be disciplined in. Discipline isn't a easy thing to learn, but it is something that is necessary. to be a leader one needs to be in order and have a disciplined lifestyle. 

1. Leadership
As a husband you must learn to lead. However, by lead I do not mean, as a dictator. Your wife needs godly leadership that takes leadership seriously, but does so with a smile. Given, before you are married you can't really have the same leadership responsibilities that you have once you are married, but you can still look for ways to be a leader, and a godly one at that. 


Given, there are guys who have these qualities mastered before they get married, but I personally didn't have them anywhere near what they should be, and that's why I'm writing this. I hope that this encourages and inspires those of you who are getting married, or are looking to be married at some point. 

7 Things Every Christian Guy Should Know Before He Has Sex

Now I know what you're thinking, "How could you use the words 'christian'and 'sex' in the same title?" Well, because sex is important to Christianity. I believe that in the church today there is a lack of sex education going on, and I believe that the church really needs to step up and address the real life issues that happen within marriage for Newly-weds in the church. 

I've been married for about three weeks now, and obviously, my wife and I have had sex. It's part of marriage as God designed and, not gonna lie, it is enjoyable. However, going into marriage I had a lot of misconceptions about what sex would be like, and also how I would deepen my relationship with my wife, through sex, and how it would effect other areas of our relationship. This blog, hopefully will help young men who are going into marriage, prepare for marriage and understand what exactly you are getting into.

7. You will not become one overnight.  
When I was growing up and through my college experience I kept hearing the phrase "you will become one with your wife" and I always thought that was referring to sex, and how you would suddenly understand everything about her, and you would know her deepest secrets. Well, let me tell you, we didn't become one, and we're still different people and I still don't understand everything about my wife, but I do know her better now. in retrospect I see, how misplaced these ideas are, and how foolish it is to think that you will get to that point immediately overnight. 
6. You don't have sex constantly.
You don't and really, that's a good thing. You can't physically have sex all the time, and I'm pretty sure you realize that. Plus, she cannot have sex all the time either. No one could physically take that. Yet, before marriage you think, well, "we're gonna be having sex every 5 minutes on the honeymoon and it's gonna be great!" Nope. 
5. You don't want it constantly.
On top of the fact that you don't have sex all the time, you also don't want to have sex all the time. If you simply married someone because you thought it was the only way you'd get to sleep with them, than you should never have started the dating process. When you are married, if you've had a good relationship prior to marriage. You will have other things that you enjoy doing together, and you will continue to do them. I personally, don't want to have sex all the time, and my wife is fine with that. I would rather talk to her, and actively do something with her, rather than lay in bed all day having sex. If you truly love your wife, you probably won't be having sex all day. 
4. It's not about her pleasing you. 
I know that a lot of guys love their fiances and want to make them happy. However, in our culture, we have this idea that when it comes to sex, its about the girl pleasing the guy, and in marriage the wife should submit to the husband and simply let him have his way with her all the time. This also includes making her do things for you, that aren't really appropriate. You will find, if you really love your wife, like Ephesians tells you too. Sex, as well as other areas of your life will become more about you pleasing her, and making her happy. This is not just doing the dishes for her, and trying to express yourself more. This also includes in the bedroom. As her husband, it is important that you put her needs above your own. Sex isn't about you, it's about glorifying God with your body by giving it to your spouse.  
3. It's not like the movies make it seem.
Like I mentioned, our culture gives us plenty of images, videos, and movies to tell us what sex is supposed to look like or be like. I can tell you right now. If you want sex to be like a movie, then you're gonna be disappointed. It's nothing like a movie, for example, it's fun. It's smiles, and giggles. Not some steamy sex scene... and seriously, thank God it's not. Because it's so much more enjoyable when you're not trying to impress her, or show off. If you act like yourself, (the person she married you for) you will have a great time, and sex will be fun. 
2. Sex helps improve other areas of your marriage.
Believe it or not, sex does help with other areas of your marriage. For example, in my situation, it has helped me become more vocal and share what I'm thinking with my wife. It helps me understand her more, and give us a way to just be completely transparent with each other. To be frank, when you've seen someone standing in front of you completely naked, you have seen everything about them. Their beauty, their blemishes, and their whole body. You see who they really are, and if you can share that with them physically, it really helps in sharing that emotionally, and mentally.  
1. Experiencing Sex is not the pinnacle of your existence.
I hate to disappoint you, but the pinnacle of marriage is not having sex. I know a lot of guys who really want to have sex, because sex is the pinnacle of their imagination. That's really sad. The pinnacle of your existence as a husband is when a young person, or someone looks at you and says, "I want to be like you when I get married, because I saw Christ in how you treat your wife." 

Guys, even in sex, you're goal is not to finish last. It's still has Paul said, to finish the race, and get the prize, the crown of eternal life. Sex is an intimate act between and husband and a wife to take part in for the glory of God

Husbands, on a final note, love your wives as Christ loves the church and gave himself for her. (Ephesians 5) protect her, care for her, and cherish her. If you must, die for her. But before you sign out and die for her. Make sure you live every moment of your life and your existence to glorify God by the way that you love her. 

Compassion isn't Easy, Hatred isn't Hard

So we're coming to the end of 2014, and there are some things that stand out. First of all, I'm getting married this year and I 'm excited!
Second, Michael Brown was shot and killed, Eric Garner was choked to death, and Two Police officers were gunned down in cold blood as "justice". There have been much heated debates and raging arguments over these events. There has been even more senseless stupidity and hatred than normal, but that's not why I'm writing this. I'm writing this because, even though I didn't know any of them personally, I hurt. I'm broken, and I hurt for them all.

Michael Brown made some bad choices in life, but I'm sure that there were times when he did make the right decisions, I'm sure there were moments when he was kind, and nice to people. Eric Garner, didn't need to die, and there was no reason for that whole situation to begin with. The two cops who got killed for revenge of Brown and Garner, definitely were a huge loss to their communities. I'm not saying that Brown and Garner weren't huge losses either, but their situation was a little bit different. They died after some struggle. However, I'm not here to argue about who was innocent and who wasn't that's not my intention, and I don't have a degree in law so I'll let that be. My reason for writing, is this. All of us who have been watching the news, and posting about it on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram have opinions and everyone has a right to their opinions. However, I don't care whether you are black, white, purple, or green. You are a human, and you have  a choice of whether you decide to hate or show compassion.

If you choose to hate the officers who killed Brown or Garner. You'll waste your energy in hate when you could've been forgiving. If you choose to hate Brown and Garner and champion the cry, "They got what they deserved!"  You also, are wasting your energies. See, hating people never got us anywhere. Hate never fixed anything. Hate is evil and hating each other is a sin. Regardless of the religion you adhere to, or if you are an atheist. You most likely believe that Hate is a negative emotion or energy. Why would you ever choose to surround yourself with negative energy? Is it really worth it?
Don't get me wrong. I understand that hatred looks like the easy way out, and like it will reap the most rewards, but it's a lie. It's not true, you'll go to the grave hating and poisoning yourself. That would be a shame wouldn't it?

The opposite response from hating everyone involved would be compassion. Now, let me caution you, compassion isn't easy, and it's very hard to forgive. But I can tell you it is far more rewarding. I look around at the world today, and hate as engulfed it. Satan has done quite well in blinding and confusing the world into believing that sin and hatred will make a better world. My plea is that you would decide to forgive and move on.

Don't get me wrong, I've had my share of wrong attitudes and wrong responses to everything from Ferguson to NYC and every time I want to curse those involved, I fight it, and I try to stop hating and forgive. I have no reason to lie, I've cried over these lost lives and the lives ruined through these events. I don't know them but I hurt for them, and hurting can turn towards bitterness if you don't admit that you are hurting, but please, please don't go on that road. Admit that you are hurting, and need healing, and work towards compassion and forgiving.

It's almost Christmas, give yourself a gift, and let yourself heal from this year. I know, that I personally couldn't possibly heal from all the hardships and pain I've had in life without the help of my Savior and Lord Jesus Christ. He has given me the faith and grace to help me through the hard times, and I know he is willing and there to help you. No matter what "race" or ethnicity you are. He will and wants to bring comfort to you.

Remember Compassion isn't easy, but it bring healing. Hatred isn't hard, but all it does is poison your soul. refocus on Christ this Christmas and find hope. There's no need to carry around the burdens of sadness on your own.